This is what I was seriously thinking regarding Stars' intentions. It was one of those days where it seemed that the infamous 'Doom Switch' had been flipped and the level of dooming was turned to 'obviously fucking with you'.
I fired up my standard 7 tables of 10+1 and 4 tables 6.50 MTT's (Only one monitor sadly)and got in the mindset to play my best. I would say 80% of the time where I got myself in a situation where I was ready to double up(after outplaying...calling obv donk stuff when i hit the flop hard.. calling easy shortstack allins with solid holdings...) the turn and river would find a way to conspire against my efforts and punish me for playing well. KK's AA's and QQ's alike on 45J type flops would get called by mid pp's only to see themselves getting hit in the gut when villain after countless villain would hit their 3rd 9, 8, or 7 come the turn or river...almost always during crucial points in the SNg or MMt. All types of other fun spooky stuff was happening to me in rapid and frequent succession through the 3 sessions I played. I was going nuts... yelling and thinking 'of course' like 100+ times during the night until my will was completely broken.
I’m sure u hate hearing bad beat stories as much as I hate telling them so im gonna stop there but move on to my next topic...Mental toughness and perspective.
I usually don’t deal too much with tilt and mental anguish in regards to poker but sometimes (usually twice a month) I have a day where I really question the legitimacy of online poker...My game...and the prospect of making poker a bigger part of my life. Although my aforementioned session only resulted im me losing maybe 10 BI over 40 games...
The fact that I knew I should be CRUSHING these tables combined with seemingly obvious fuck jobs delivered with flippant regularity by the software during bubbles and critical moments hit me emotionally in a way that I think I have never felt before (I seem to have a short memory when it comes to recalling and appreciating/remembering winning and losing sessions) The frustration made me wonder how in the world I was going to handle taking poker seriously when days like this are not only possible but expected. blah blah blah... I know I should be thinking of poker as one large session etc.. etc..
but sometimes days like these throw you into a realm of uncertainty.
Im sorry my first post turned into a "I hate variance" rant but I really do...