I haven't felt so indifferent about poker in a really long time. I don't really know why, but nothing has really been going right on a consistent basis since like March. I basically just hit a small score midweek and then slowly bleed it back down on Sunday to where I was before over and over. I'd probably be fine with that, since that's just the way things go, but there are a few reasons why I feel so sick about it all this time around.

1) I put in so much more volume than almost anyone playing exclusively at my stakes (at least I think I do), which essentially means that I should have a good enough sample size to determine whether or not I'm even remotely good at this game.

2) I sit on the couch and own people while my roommate watches me and giggles when I call out their exact hand, or say something to the effect of "I'm about to own this guy" and then do. I know for sure that I've improved so much over the last year and I'm just not getting the results.

3) I actually need to make money for the first time in a while. It's been about a year since I've actually needed to make money. I've won enough (combining live poker and online) to pay for whatever I needed to and still be comfortable with my online roll. Beyond that, I can distinctly remember multiple times in which I needed some money and just saying "Yeah I'm gonna need some cash soon. I better win a tourney." and then go ahead and do just that. I don't specifically need money tomorrow the way I did the last time I said the above, but whatever. I'd way rather just win something now and get this shit out of the way.

4) I haven't actually won a tourney with >200 runners since April. Part of this is due to my switching from playing almost exclusively mtt's to more sng's than anything. The amount of deep runs I've made in big fields in the last 6 months without booking a win makes me sick to my stomach. Even in the 90 man's I've made so many 2nd places.

Fuck this blog sounds retarded and whiny and emo.

I'm going to a Girl Talk concert Wednesday, and am fucking jacked up for it big time. My school (see: the student body) won a contest in which we stuff a ballot box, and the winner will get a free concert. The only problem being that the school is a bunch of idiots who decide that they would like to have it in the smallest venue possible instead of in the arena that could easily hold anyone that wants to go; instead 700 people had to wait in line only for half of them to be disappointed. Meanwhile, there were 60 extra tickets reserved for the student union for some reason, even though they had no more to do with getting the concert than anyone else.

Anyway, I'm going to get stupidly hammered for it and then hopefully by Thursday afternoon I'll be ready to play again. I have some schoolwork due like 2 weeks from now, so I'll probably just get a headstart on that.

-grady

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