Went to the bar last night to watch a band. They were okay. One of my roommates was sitting with a bunch of her girl friends, so obviously I start hitting on all of them because I'm a pig. Some girl shows up and claims to have met me before through a mutual friend, but I don't believe her, but talk to her for a while anyway. It was briefly after this conversation that I remember posting the following from my phone:

Heavy girl just proposed a threesome. Prob not going to do it but I am drunk so omgwho knows LOL. There also a funny looking asian here and I am without yellow belt.

Seems pretty standard I feel. Anyways, I left the bar a little while later and kind of felt like going for a jog, despite being 20 beers deep. I just jogged home from the bar and called it a night. Got home and sat on the couch, cracked a beer, and wrote out this gem for some reason (warning- [ ] regard for the english language):

well i didn't do either asian has a boyfriend and i said dude i don't care, i have all kinds of boy friends, doesn't mean i can't hook up with asians. so she said is that why you're here? and i said ummm, you've never been a white skinny kid who hasn't hooked up with an asian before, right? and she said no i'm a girl. and i said no you're an asian girl. and she said man what's wrong with you i've lived in nova scotia my entire life and i said yeah but you're still asian. look. eyes. and then i did the thing where you use your index fingers to make yourself look asian but besides the stretchy eyes you're still white and she said that i was funny and pretty. and i said uhhh pretty is a term to describe girls and then i ran out of beer and because i'm an alcoholic i prioritized more beer instead of banging an asian but i'd probably do so again because i'm an alcoholic, but she had a boyfriend so it was the right move (results oriented victory). so anyway, i went for beer and then came back and some dude was talking to her and i said hey man you binked my seat but he said well my girlfriend wants me to sit beside her for now and i said oh. and then i thought hmmm drunk fat threesome girl? butnahhh. and then i texted my friend mike but he didn't answer so i didn't know if i should bang this tubby girl in a threesome but then i talked to her again and she said yeah i asked the dude if he wanted a threesome with you and me and he declined and i got mad because i just assumed that the threesome was mff and not mmf so i got mad at her. you don't know how badly i don't want a mmf threesome with a fat girl. she was really cool tho, i'd hang out with her if we were just having a beer or seeing a comedian or w/e, but once she brought up threesome i lol'ed because i had no intention of banging her. i'd have to be blind to bone this girl, but if i was blind then i prob wouldn't have gone to the pub since it's stupid and almost requires sight.

Indeed.

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