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At TwoRags.com, we're committed to providing accurate information to the
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The Zpaceman Venetian Story (Ghostwritten by Bond18)
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By Bond18
on 09/12/2025
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read Bond18's complete blog
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For some reason I was browsing pocket fives today. I encountered a thread which described Ram Vaswani slow rolling Action Jeff in London. Moderately famous online player Zpaceman came on and commented with the story posted below. After having read the Zpaceman story I felt inspired. The story was so completely over the top and absurd that I was left wanting more, more detail, more eloquence, a completeness to the story if you will. I decided that someone really ought to ghost write and elaborate on that story. So hey, why not me? I present to you, written in first person, The Zpaceman Venetian Story, ghostwritten by Bond18. Enjoy.
Here’s the original:
something could have happened at the table too.
i remember playing at the venetian in the summer, broken down to 3 tables i get moved to UTG at a new table and raise the first hand i'm dealt. it folds around to the button and this big fat older guy with terrible dress sense and the biggest stack at the table grumbles to himself then puts out a massive reraise - more than half my stack. i reluctantly folded AQ. later that orbit i'm in the BB with TT and he raises the button, i reraise, he grumbles to himself again and shoves all-in.
both times it really got under my skin the way he didnt even look at me, or give me any respect and just shoved me off my hands. a couple of orbits later he'd lost some of his chips to others at the table and i'd gained a few chips here and there. our stacks were nearly even. he's on the button again and raises my BB like he's done every fkn time. I peek at my cards and see AA.
it was part acting, but i just blew my top with him and started to rant "you've raised my blind every time, you re-raised my UTG the first hand i came to the table, you're giving me no respect, who do you think you are!!!? anyway i'm sick of this! no respect!" and I quickly stacked my chips all on top of each other real strong really smashing down on the stack and slammed the single stack into the pot
he insta-called with AQ and i totally crippled him, but i was so hot from his behaviour (including his continued lack of respect to insta-call me with AQ) that i couldn't stop ranting at him. i bust him 2 hands later and berated him all the way to the rail, telling him to enjoy his vacation and stop trying to play with the pros, blah, blah, blah.
in hindsight it was wrong, it was classless, but i just hated the guy for everything he'd done to me, his image, his mannerisms, etc...
knowing AJ's rep it would be easy to see how he might have irritated ram in a similar manner.
And here is my elaborated story:
…As I settle into my new table I scan my new set of adversaries. The table is not unlike most Las Vegas tournament line ups, a number of tourists, a couple younger semi professional looking types, and of course the occasional world class hot shot, a position at this table that was vacant up until my arrival. I peer down at my first hand and am elated to find a hand befitting a player of my excellence, AQ UTG. I make a standard 3X raise and watch as the table folds around to the button.
The seat in question is occupied by a copulate and grotesque looking man wearing shorts and an “I heart NASCAR” T-shirt. He looks disheveled and disorganized, with the massive stack in front of him sitting in moderate disarray. Clearly he had not spent the same 3 hours I had that morning perfectly everything aesthetic detail of my appearance.
From spending 30 minutes arranging every follicle of hair to laying out a number of clothing combinations on the bed and creating a list of the pros and cons to each, I certainly had it going on today. After thorough consideration I had settled with a teal button up shirt from Prada, with designer faded jeans to match. I elected to go with a pair of brown Gucci loafers, resulting in a Euro trash ensemble that my idol Patrick Bateman could truly appreciate. But I digress from the action.
The aforementioned oaf on the button sits in contemplation, then lets out a queer grunt like noise and slams a mass of chips onto the table, totaling over half my stack. The blinds fold and I stare at him only briefly, but then am forced to look away. My god, how could anyone be so apathetic about their appearance?! And who does he think he is reraising me? I take a last longing look at my AQ, and reluctantly fold. This offense shall not be forgotten.
Only moments later I find myself again in engaged with the oaf. He enters the pot raising on the button, and sitting with TT in the BB I quickly and proudly 3 bet him. Again the man begins grumbling, then slides his entire stack into the middle! Of course I am forced to fold, as no player on the button would ever risk his entire stack verse a BB reraise with a hand worse than TT, but I must say I am very nearly at the end of my patience with this nuisance. This man is clearly attempting to get under my skin and has taken some offense to my presence, perhaps the half bottle of cologne I showered with has become bothersome to him? Who knows, but now, it’s personal. Nobody shows me that lack of respect and gets away with it!
A few orbits later my Machiavellian plot finally comes to fruition. Sitting with AA in the BB it folds to the oaf on the button who but of course, raises my BB again. Now it was time to lay the trap with a ploy no poker player would ever see coming, acting!
“You sir! You’ve raised my blind every single god damn round! Do you think I’m going to just sit here and let you get away with this travesty!? Well no way, no FUCKING way! Do you know who I am you fat ass piece of crap?!”
”No, I don’t”
”Well you fucking ought to! My face doesn’t look familiar? No? On the cover of cardrunners perhaps!? HUH? THAT’S RIGHT! THIS IS Z FUCKING SPACEMAN YOU’RE FUCKING WITH!! I’M THE MOST AWESOME FUCKING POKER PLAYER SINCE STU UNGAR! I’M SO FUCKING AWESOME THAT I MASTURBATE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR TO MYSELF EVERY NIGHT! NOBODY DISRESPECTS ME LIKE THAT! I’M ALL FUCKING IN!!!”
And with that I smash my entire stack of chips into the middle. Of course, after the vicious verbal ass kicking I gave my opponent, he couldn’t call fast enough with his AQ.
“HA! I tricked you! I knew you’d fall for it! Behold, I have pocket aces!! HAHAHA take that you stupid fat fuck! I have bested you!”
“Sir, I don’t see how your shouting or insults are necessary, I was just playing my cards.”
“Playing your cards!? That’s not all you were doing, you were showing me a lack of respect! NOBODY DISRESPECTS ZPACEMAN AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! NOT YOU, NOT YOURTIMEISUP, NOT ANYONE!”
The dealer fails to produce two miraculous queens for my opponent and he’s now crippled, sitting with a disappointed and defeated look on his face. A few hands later, I completed my decimation of him and knocked him out completely. As he was heading to the rail I gave him a parting shot.
“Hey Fatty now you’ve got some time to go get a gym membership! Enjoy your vacation and stop messing with the pro’s, and remember NOBODY DISRESPECTS ZPACEMAN! DON’T WASTE MY MOTHER FUCKING TIME!!!”
So ended my encounter with the oaf. Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have to tell stories for now, I’ve got a hot date with my mirror.
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