As anyone who has ever read this blog before knows, I can be a reckless person. The other day’s decision to write and post the Devilfish story was a continuation of that reckless streak, and upon being more sober and reflecting upon my writing of that story it’s a decision I regret. Seeing as I was not there for the events described in the story and was relating them as told by another there was no way to vouch for the validity or accuracy of what was described, and so my writing it was clearly irresponsible.

I spoke to Devilfish today and as was to be expected, he was not pleased with me. He made it clear in no uncertain terms that not only was the story inaccurate, but that he has never paid a woman for sex before and that if you apply logic to the situation then the story does not add up at all. Points that he made include that why would he bother inviting a girl back to the room and potentially hanging around for the month if he has another coming the very next day, and why would he risk giving away his room key to a woman he barely knows when he no doubt keeps a considerable amount of cash present in the room.

I can say for certain that from now on anything that shows up in this blog in terms of a story will be something I was there first hand to witness and I will be deleting the one in question. My time can be better spent writing some constructive and productive.

June 8th, Las Vegas: I wake up in the Vegas house a little before 11am. I jump in the shower then throw on a suit and eat breakfast. A number of guys in the house are playing the $2,500 six max event today and we car pool over to the Rio once everyone is ready.

This year at the WSOP the registration booth has been very efficient and today is no different. It is a far cry from two and three years ago when showing up 15 minutes before an event started was a death sentence to your first hour of play because they were trying to get everyone bought in at just a few windows in the Amazon room. Things really started turning around last year and have continued to improve through to this one and so far this year I have yet to wait more than maybe 10 to 15 minutes in line to get into a tournament.

I arrive at my table and find mostly unknowns though one familiar looking face. I glance around the room and realize that there are quite a few tables with a high amount of good players, though I seem fortunate enough to not have a table packed with them. We start play with 7,500 in chips and 25/50 blinds. I am involved in a decent sized pot in one of the first few orbits:
Effective stacks: ~7,500, blinds 25/50, I hold KcKs in the SB.
Preflop: UTG raises to 150, HJ calls, folds to me in the SB, I reraise to 600, BB folds, UTG folds, HJ calls. HJ is a fairly loose guy who I also attempt a bluff on a previous hand in a fairly hopeless way.
Flop: Ac 8c 6c
I check, HJ bets 600, I call.
Turn: 7c
I check, HJ bets 800, I call.
River: 3c
I check (something I never do and really don’t like looking at it now even though I thought he was kind of spewy) and he checks behind. I table the nut flush and take the pot.

My stack drains very slowly over the next few levels. For a tournament that lends itself to deep stacked heads up situations and multi level thinking I find myself in zero thinking situations. Most of the hands I get into have me raising preflop then getting a good board to fire a C-bet on but that misses me, then getting called or raised and having to give up the pot. Not too long into the day I get moved tables and find myself at a much tougher table with online player ‘Threatnasty’ and live pro Nam Le on my direct left. I’m soon in a hand against Threat:
My stack: 6475, Threat: ~10,000, blinds 100/200, I hold TsTh in the SB five handed.
Preflop: UTG folds, CO raises to 600, Threat reraises to 1650 on the button, I shove for 6475 in the SB, BB folds, UTG folds, Threat tanks for a while then elects to fold.

Again after the hand I find my stack dwindling hand after hand. My opens get three bet in situations where I have to fold and almost all of the hands where I get to the flop go the other way. By the time I get involved in a major pot again I’ve lost nearly 2000 in chips in just small pots:
My stack: 4675, CO: ~9,000, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante, I hold AKo in the BB five handed.
Preflop: UTG raises to 525, CO reraises to 1500, button folds, SB folds, I shove for 4675, UTG folds, CO surprisingly folds.

Just an orbit later I find myself involved again, this time against Nam Le:
My stack: 6,800, Nam: ~6,150, blinds 100/200 with a 25 ante, I hold AQo on the button.
Preflop: Folds to me on the button, I raise to 550, Nam throws all his yellow ‘1000’ chips into the pot, practically putting him all in, the BB folds, I shove, Nam obviously calls and then much to my relief tables AcJc.
Flop: A J 3 rainbow
Ah crap.
Turn: 7
River: 2

I am left with only about 600 chips and a couple hands later I toss it in the pot when I find a king and lose the hand to bust out. I wish everyone luck then walk away from the table and wander through the halls of the Rio. I run into ‘Charder30’ and ‘AvrilSharapova’ and we decide since we’re all bust we might as well get something to eat.

Charder drives us over to a well regarded Thai restaurant in the area. We spend dinner discussing what happened in our six max tournament and telling about our various adventures during the series. None of us have done particularly well in the tournaments yet though they’re both very talented so that will likely change for the two of them. After the meal Charder drives me home and drops me off.

I set up my laptop in the living room and spend the next few hours writing. At some point Watts comes into the room and I suggest we go to the gym nearby and get a membership. He drives us over to the fitness center down the street from us and we’re referred to a young dude there who will go through the sign up process with us. We sit down at the desk and start filling out the paperwork. I start talking to him
“How’s your day going dude?” I ask.
“Honestly man, I’m pretty much having the absolute worst day of my life.”
“Seriously?” says Watts.
“I’m sorry to hear that, what happened?” I pry
“Well first I found out from my bank that someone stole my identity and got access to all my information.”
“Ah shit.”
“And then that they managed to completely drain my bank account; took everything I had. I just moved here a few months ago and not sure what I’m going to do about rent now.”
Watts and I are both at a lack for comforting words, mostly muttering condolences.
“And then the girl I had been seeing for the last few months calls me up and ends it.”
“Jesus dude you run so bad!”
“Yea, it’s not been a good one.”
I lean in slightly and lower my voice “That really is one of the worst days I’ve ever heard dude. After I work out I’m gonna go home and blaze and it sounds like that’s something you could use so if it’s your scene, the invitation is open.”
He glances around and states loudly “Nah I don’t do that stuff” then leans in and in a hushed voice says “But between you and me I totally do. I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t have any money for that sort of thing.”
“Oh hell no dude fuck that shit, this is gratis. Consider it some karma coming around.”
“Thanks man.”
“No problem. I’m gonna work out for about 90 minutes or something, when you get out of here?”
“Ten” he says. I look at the clock; it’s nearly midnight. Christ this guy’s day sucks.
“Alright well I’ll let you know when I’m finished and bailing out.”
“Ya know thanks for the offer, but I think I’m gonna get out of here soon and probably just go home and sleep. I just want this day to be over. Some other time.”
“Cool man, better luck tomorrow.”

Watts and I hit the weight room for the next hour and a half and unleash our frustration over failing at the WSOP so much on our bodies. When we’re finished we walk downstairs and find the guy who was having the worst day after has gone home; hopefully things look up for him tomorrow. Does offering people drugs to make their day better count as charity?

June 7th, Los Angeles: I wake up around 10am in the hotel bed next to Andrew. I wasn’t even close to drunk last night but I still feel less than stellar. I lie in bed for a moment and try to collect myself for a moment; I need to get out of this city.

I take a shower and get dressed. I am wearing the same suit and shirt as last night, but I have lost the tie. Andrew wakes up and goes into the bathroom to do the same. I tell him I’m going to go down to the lobby and book and flight.

Down in the lobby I run into a number of guys from last night who tell me about how Ron Jeremy ended up in their room early morning and whipped out his cock in the bathroom to show the girls that were hanging with them. I go over to the one of the computers by the front desk and look up flights to Vegas. I find one leaving in a couple hours and debate whether I can make it. A few of the other guys say they are just about to go to the airport so I book it.

Four of us take a cab to the airport and discuss how our various nights turned out. Andrew and I lament our failure to get into the after party because it sounds like it was absurdly epic, especially since it got broken up by the police. We roulette for the cab ride; I do not lose.

At the airport I say goodbye to Andrew and tell him he should really come visit me in Vegas. He says he’ll consider it. I go through security and sit down in the terminal. I get a text from the girls I met in front of Caesar’s yesterday asking if I’m back in Vegas yet. I tell them I’ll be there in 90 minutes. They say they’re hanging at the pool at the Riviera and I should join them. I say I’ll see them there soon.

The flight back to Las Vegas is uneventful. When we arrive I get off the plane and walk straight to the taxi line. There is no wait; Vegas was not like this in previous years. In the cab I tell the driver to take me to Fashion Show Mall so I can buy a swim suit. In the mall I find the most heterosexual looking swimsuit I can then take it to the counter and flirt with the woman at the cashier.

I take a cab to the hotel. I walk over to the pool then find the nearest bathroom on the casino floor. I go into a bathroom stall, change into my swimming suit, and throw the rest of my clothes in the bag they gave me at the mall. I walk through the casino floor in my shorts while holding my two bags then walk out into the pool and the hot sun of the Vegas desert. I glance around and see the girls waving to me. I walk over and say “Hi girls, you’re both looking quite nice today” and jump down in the recliner they’ve left open for me between the two of them. Gina looks very attractive in her bikini; she is quite tan.

I spend a decent amount of time talking to both girls and getting to know them. Luckily both have an excellent sense of humor. The friend remarks that she would like to know where some people across the pool were getting their giant martinis so I quickly go ask them. Apparently they are available within the casino. We immediately leave our recliners and walk through the casino in our bathing suits to find where they are vended. The friend kindly buys us all massive martinis with as many extra shots allowed. I have not eaten today.

We return to the pool and have a race to see who can finish their martini first. God there is so much tequila at the bottom. I go in the pool alone with Gina and flirt with her while the friend is talking to some loud, drunken Irish guys. I tell Gina I badly will need to get food and talk her into Korean BBQ since it is only a block away and everyone loves that shit. We get out of the pool, dry off, and then walk back to the hotel room.

Up in the room we sit down on the same bed. The friend goes into the bathroom to get changed
“Ah well she’s in the bathroom now then” I remark then lean in and start kissing Gina. She pulls me down into the bed and starts making out with me hard. Eventually the friend comes back out and I go in to get changed as well. When I’m finished we take the elevator down to the lobby and walk out the casino. She is holding my hand.

I severely over order at the restaurant, but there are worse problems to be had in a Korean BBQ joint. The friend says she’s going out clubbing tonight, probably to The Bank. Gina says she’s not sure she wants to go out yet. Please God no clubbing.

We walk back to the hotel after dinner. Once back in the room again the friend goes into the bathroom, this time to shower and get ready to go out, and Gina and I are on each other instantly. She is moving way faster than me and starts ripping to get both of our bottoms off. She asks about a condom; there is one in my wallet. We feverishly have sex on the bed while the friend is a few meters away in the bathroom. After quite a while the friend opens the door a crack and calls out “Is it safe to come out!?”
I pull out and we each grab a blanket to wrap around ourselves. The friend steps into the hotel room
“Uh heeeeey there, how was the shower?” I ask
“…It wasn’t as much fun as you two had.”
“Yea probably not…we’ll uhh, we’ll go get a shower.”

We continue having sex in the shower, which I suppose always lends itself to logistical creativity. Afterward we step out and start drying each other off. I pick up her legs and set her on the sink and keep going. We destroy the entire sink; almost everything is knocked down and there is a constant clatter of noise mixed with the moaning. This goes on for a while until we decide to check in on the friend who is heading out. I glance around the room then say “I apologize for destroying your bathroom, though honestly it was worth it.” We wrap some towels around ourselves and go back into the hotel room then crawl into the bed. The friend says she’s heading out to the club and we say we might meet her. When she exits we go back at it on the bed for quite a lot of time until I finish. We lay there exhausted for a few minutes, then start talking about music, which prompts her to fire up her laptop and play a number of bands we agree on. She has really good taste in music, which appears to very much be her passion. While talking we debate our options for the evening and both agree we’d like to see The Hangover over at Palms.

We get dressed and take a cab over to Palms. For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie; go do so immediately. It is hilarious and we are both dying from pretty much start to finish. Getting to enjoy it in Vegas is particularly fitting. After the film I ask her if she wants to come back to the house and hang out for a bit instead of the club scene and she agrees. Thank you God.

I grab us a cab in front of the hotel and discuss drug use during the ride. She used to be a big stoner and does not give a fuck if I get blazed, and is considering joining me. Sweet. At the house we can’t decide where to hang out, but she’d mentioned that she’s kind of a hippie at heart so I suggest I go get a blanket and some pillows and lay them down outside. She likes the idea a lot. I bring out the computer for music, strawberries for food, vitamin water to drink and then go inside and quickly roll a joint. I lit it up outside and she elects to join me. While smoking she tells me how she used to deal pot in high school and tried a number of different drugs. I ask her to describe her experiences with all of them (not that I’m considering trying more, but I love drug stories.) When we cash the joint I give her a water then start feeding her the strawberries which leads to making out with strawberries in our mouths. This is disrupted when Sirwatts and SEABEAST come home so I call them outside and introduce everyone. They can tell by the look I give them that some shit is about to go down and quickly excuse themselves to bed. I go back to kissing Gina and again things progress very quickly. Minutes later we are having sex on the blanket on the grass and I am curious what Watts will say to me tomorrow if he happens to glance out his window. My knees are getting smashed into the ground but I really don’t care. After half an hour or so it hurts badly enough that I ask to move things inside.

As we’re getting dressed her friend calls and says that she’s accidentally locked herself out of the room and security won’t let her in. Gina tells her that she’ll call a cab and come back for her. We look up a cab company and the dispatch tells her it will be about 20 minutes to get one to the house. When she hangs up she immediately wants to go into the bedroom. It takes me a few minutes to even get into it because I am fucking exhausted. Eventually I return to life and we keep having sex on the bed until the cab company calls while I am mid thrust. I decide I might as well keep going while she’s talking to the driver. When she hangs up she scrambles to get her clothes on though I bother only with underwear. I walk her to the door, open it for her, kiss her hard, and tell her to look me up next time she’s in Vegas since her flight is in the morning.

Inside the house I return to the kitchen and look for some healthy munchies. There is vitamin D milk in the fridge. I suppose I should sleep pretty soon; I have an event tomorrow.

June 6th, Las Vegas: I wake up in the Vegas house and immediately feel like I ate too much Korean food last night. I’m going to Los Angeles today for the Playboy mansion party, and I am told we should be dressing in all black. Apparently the kid coming with me, Andrew, has booked a hotel room with two beds and since I plan on leaving the next day I don’t even bother packing anything besides my laptop. I throw on my dark grey suit, my black shirt with French cuffs, then eat breakfast and call a cab.

I take a ride into the Strip and get dropped off at the Forum Shops at Caesar’s. I walk outside the hotel and see a cute brown haired girl walking my way with her friend. As she walks by me I tap her on the shoulder and say
“Hi, I know this is very forward of me but I saw you as I was walking down the strip and thought you were really cute and wanted to stop and say hi.”
Both girls immediately react very positively and we start talking about what they’re doing in Vegas, what I’m doing in Vegas, and how the hell it is I’m going to the Playboy mansion in Los Angeles tonight. I tell them I’ll be back tomorrow and ask what they’re doing that day
“Hanging out with you!” says the brunette, whose name is Gina (name changed.) I tell them to put their number in my phone and the friend quickly pulls out her card and tells me to add the cell number on there and that that’ll reach both of them. I add it and call her so she has my number, then I excuse myself and keep walking.

I walk over to the Fashion Show Mall across from Treasure Island and take a brief walk around. I go into Saks Fifth Avenue where I am greeted by Martin, who I’ve gone through for clothes in previous years and still remembers me. They are having a sale on suits and we start looking around for something black with pinstripes. We find the perfect one and he tells me we’ll do the alterations today but he won’t put the sale through until tomorrow when it goes further on mark down. I also pick out a couple of ties, including a dark one to go with my suit for the evening. I ask him to show me how to do the double Windsor knot because mine is rusty. He teaches me to tie one very well.

I take a cab over to the airport. I have no luggage to check in so I’m through security very quickly. I buy a copy of GQ at the magazine store and during my flight and learn that Christian Bale will always come off super intense in an interview even when he clearly wants not to.

We arrive without incident in Los Angeles and I walk out of the airport without having to worry about baggage claim. I take the $60 cab ride to the Roosevelt hotel in Hollywood. I guess people weren’t lying about this place being totally sprawled out. In the lobby I ask for the room of Andrew Voshage, the kid who won the contest run by www.rakebacknation.com to get the other ticket on the trip with me. Andrew comes down stairs and we hit it off immediately; he’s just a super chill and normal Midwest guy who is real easy to kick it with. We put my bag in his room and I find out there is only the single bed. Meh, I’ll just try very hard to wind up in someone else’s.

We go downstairs to the café to get some food. A guy Andrew met in his previous days in LA calls and tells him they’re going to meet us. Andrew warns me that the guy he’ll be bringing with him is the single biggest douchebag in the world. I don’t fully comprehend what he means by that until the two guys show up. The douchebag in question (I think his name was Brad?) is a very out of shape man in his late 30’s with a face that is comfortably less than chiseled. I attempt to be polite and nice and he is immediately casually condescending. This leads into constant bragging. At his pinnacle he reaches down and pulls out his iphone, which contains a picture of a hot blonde girl
“See her” he says “I kicked her out of bed on Thursday, ya know? She’ll be coming back for more though…”
He trails off for a moment and lowers his iphone
“Because she wants a ride in the car!” then raises his iphone again to show me a picture of a silver Ferrari. He is 100% serious about all of this. I am flabbergasted at the lack of social intuition.
“Nice ride dude” I reply after a moment with a gleam in my eye. I allow him to continue
“Yea this will be my sixth trip to the mansion, so you know it’s no big deal. I pretty much run the show over there. I can go into the house…” he pauses for a moment then points at me “You can’t…but I can just walk in there whenever I want.”
“Cool man, you’re the boss-man over there huh?”
“Yes I am”
“Well then I appreciate your showing us around tonight, good to have a man of experience running the show.”
He is satisfied with my gratitude and returns to eating his fries.

Eventually the two guys leave. Andrew and I immediately go berserk over the biggest douchebag in the world interaction.
“I told you dude! He’s the worst ever” he says
“I mean Jesus, I thought you were serious but good fucking God that dude is unreal”
“And get this, his friend told me that the girl in the picture is in fact an escort and Playboy girl madam who found him so intolerable she left without fucking him on Thursday.”
“So epic. So predictable.”

After we finish our food we go into the front of the hotel and meet up with a number of other 2+2’ers including ‘Wandigo’ and ‘Bkice’. We wait around for quite a while as the Absolute Poker people wait for two people who are missing. They never show and we take the huge ass Hummer limo with a group of about eight:


(And one with just Andrew and I because he’s the shit)


We start slamming down the bottles of liquor and juice in the cooler. Some guy in the front asks anyone if they want some free weed “You sir are truly a king among men, to give away something as precious as weed” I tell him. We finish all the bottles. ‘Bkice’ suggest I bust out a “Gray Poupon” on someone and I immediately agree. I roll down the window and watch LA go by as I patiently await my opportunity. Finally we pull up to some 30ish looking dude in a sports car.
“EXCUSE ME SIR!” I yell in an absurd British accent, causing him to look up
“DO YOU HAVE ANY GRAY POUPON!?” then I start slowly sliding down and putting the window up laughing “HA HA HA HA HA!” loudly in the same slow absurd accent. The car bursts into enormous laughter and I am rolling on the ground.


“Jesus he’s so pissed! That guy is so angry!” they are all yelling.
“What the fuck for?” I ask “I’d be dying if someone did that to me. That shit doesn’t happen every day. I mean shit, when was the last time nailed you with a Gray Poupon?”

We continue on our long journey until we finally arrive at the gates of the mansion. They drive us to the front of the Mansion and allow us to bypass the line because apparently Absolute Poker has sprung for a cabana. The hostess lady escorts us over and I am immediately attempting to chat her up. In the cabana she explains that we’ll have two servers and bottle service all night. Both service girls are really hot. I immediately turn to Andrew
“We need to go get girls, right now!”
“Easy there man, let’s grab a drink first.”
“Alright but let’s make this very quick, as far as I’m concerned this is the Super Bowl of pick up and I’m not gonna waste a single second. I mean look at this fucking place.” We glance around the room; it is absolutely packed with hot girls dressed in either lingerie or nothing




And those hot girls, they’ve brought Oompa Loompa’s with them.


We quickly make our drinks and immediately after I walk onto the party floor and approach the first two hot girls I see
“Hi girls, how’s it going tonight?”
“Good! You?” they say enthusiastically
“Going quite well for me, where’s your girls boys tonight?”
“We haven’t met many yet”
“Well I’ve got a ton of awesome guys you should come meet in the cabana, I can promise you they’re considerably more outgoing and direct than I am too.”

I walk the two girls into the cabana and introduce them around. I start chatting up the tall brunette one. She says she’s from New York City and her name is Lisa (name changed.) I tell her I’m coming to New York in July. She suggests a helicopter ride. I tell her it’s a date and to put her number in my phone. She does so. Eventually the two girls excuse themselves to go wander around the party.

Andrew and I decide to wander around the party just taking in the sights. He also needs to use the bathroom. There is even a cute girl who has to man the port-o-poties and I start talking to her about how her night is going. It is immediately clear that she is used to being ignored at these parties and I guess considering she’s dressed plainly next to a bunch of naked women that’s not shocking. I ask her if any guys ever bring her drinks. She says very rarely. I tell her we got a bunch of bottles some quasi legitimate poker site bought us and I’ll bring her one. She asks for a screwdriver.

I walk back towards the cabana with Andrew. In the moving crowd I pass a girl in blue lingerie and say
“Blue is really your color, you look gorgeous tonight.”
“Thanks, I like your accent!” she says back
“Then we’ll have to talk later.”
“K!”
The crowd keeps moving and we’re separated. Andrew and I reenter the cabana and find out the bottles of Cristal are about to be opened. I decide to take a brief break from hitting on women to drink some of the pretentious alcohol. “I don’t know, it tastes pretty good to me Miles” I loudly state to see if anyone can catch a Sideways reference.

As I’m drinking a glass the girl in the blue lingerie walks past our cabana. I quickly walk over to her and say “Hey I’m supposed to talk to you.” We hit it off immediately and I invite her and her friend in pink lingerie into our cabana. I introduce them around and Andrew starts wingmaning with the girl in pink.


Turns out the girl in blue and I have a considerable amount in common and she has a really easy going sense of humor. We take the two of them out onto the dance floor and we start grinding. After a while we see actor Crispin Glover hanging at a table and we go over to ask for a picture. He briefly poses for us then immediately goes back to chatting up his blonde.


We look over at a cabana that is packed with people behind a rope and many camera men. Peering inside we catch a brief glimpse of Hugh Hefner, though gaining access to him so I could say something totally absurd (I’d hoped to tell him I think he’s a homosexual looking for the best possible cover up to stay in the closet) is unfortunately impossible

While looking in the cabana she remarks “Don’t you think it’s gross how much older he is than his girlfriends?” She had told me she’s 23 earlier. “Well you wouldn’t like me then, at 24 I’m a lecherous old man next to you. Stay away from me.” I playfully push her away from me.

We return to the cabana and the lingerie clad girls we are hanging with tell us they’re going to go off and look around the party and be back later. I made sure to get the girl in blue’s number. I tell Andrew it’s time to go looking for more girls. I pour a drink for the girl working the port-o-poties and we walk to the bathrooms. I give her the drink and tell her it’ll cost a kiss on the cheek. She’s completely shocked I remembered and quickly kisses me then tells me I’ll be getting a ton of them tonight because I’m so sweet. “We’re certainly gonna try” I tell her.

Andrew and I wander back through the party. We hit on some girls; not very much happens. I walk past a woman holding a pink umbrella sitting down
“Nice parasol” I say to her
“Thanks but it’s actually an umbrella”
“Yes I noticed, and quite pink”
I start chatting up Brandi “like the alcohol”, who tells me she is a stripper in Las Vegas. I tell her that’s something we have in common and we get into the business of my work. I keep teasing her.
“Do you know why men wear ties to parties Brandi like the alcohol?” I ask
“No why’s that?”
I hold up my tie to her and say “Hold this”. She does. “Now pull in” I say. She does, and as she inevitably drags me close I lean in and start making out with her. It’s the called “The tie trick” and I developed it while out half drunk one night in Madison. It’s why I wear ties on the weekend now.

Brandi and I make out for quite a while, with her jamming her tongue down my throat. I tell her to put her number in my phone. I tell her I’m entering her name “Brandi like the alcohol. Okay, now for more” then lean in and start making out with her again. “See ya around, call ya soon!”

I go back towards the cabana and pour myself another drink. I walk back onto the floor and start chatting to two girls near the dance floor. They engage me, but also tell me they are lesbians.
“I call bullshit! Make out right now!” I half yell at them. They immediately start hardcore making out and groping each other. “Boo yah!” I exclaim while watching. I start dancing with both of them and they grind me for a while until some random Euro trash guy shows up and pulls one of them off. Fucking Euro trash ruining my fun. At some point the song ends and I tell my girl I’ll take her and her girlfriend to the cabana, and they ditch the Euro.

In the cabana I start asking a shit ton of questions about their relationship. Eventually we get on the subject of sex. I ask if they ever get a guy involved. They say sometimes they do, but they’re almost always unsatisfactory and too brief
“Oh that shit wouldn’t happen with me, I can handle all that shit. I go forever!”
“That’s what all the guys say!”
“Fuck that shit! I am the fucking man for that job!” The alcohol is starting to take hold.

Eventually I lose track of the lesbians in the sea of nudity and booze that is the party. I go walk around the outside area and chat up random women. I wind up making out with two of them (I can’t remember how that shit happened, probably the tie trick) and collect three numbers, including a girl I chatted up for 30 seconds. The truth is; random numbers you collect during drunken moments at parties are pretty much pointless. No way that girl ever remembers you, and certainly not after a 30 second interaction. I walk over to the dance floor and pass Tom Green on my way. On the dance floor I start grinding with some random girl and then suddenly Snoop Dogg jumps on stage and starts rapping his ass off.


I try to get girls to dance with me during the performance but they are all so totally zoned in on Snoop that I get shot down almost every time. That’s what I get for trying to compete with a pimp like that.

At some point I wind up back in the cabana. The girls in lingerie come by and say they were looking for us. We start rebuilding the attraction with them and I quickly remember how easy it was to get along with her. I am flirting heavily. I ask her if she knows why guys wear ties at parties. We are lightly kissing seconds later. Someone suggests we all go to the grotto. I don’t have any swim suit but the girl in blue lingerie wants to go so I’m fucking going. Besides, this could be my only chance to swim in the Playboy mansion grotto, so passing it up seems like a terrible idea. As we’re walking towards it Snoop Dogg is walking through the crowd and the girl in blue says she really wants a picture with him. I immediately step right in front of his entourage and loudly say
“HEY SNOOP! My girl is a huge fan dude, can you take a picture with her?”
“Yea sure man” he replies.
I try to put my arm around him in the picture, and his enormous bodyguard behind me immediately pushes my arm off.



The group walks into the cave like area that is the grotto and many of us strip down to our underwear and jump in. The grotto is filled with men in underwear, girls in underwear, and just flat out naked girls. Someone says a couple is having sex in the corner. I don’t bother checking because I’m too busy hitting it off with the girl in blue.






Meanwhile, somewhere else in the party, 2+2’er Wandigo was busy being the fucking man:


After hanging out in the grotto for a long time security comes and tells us we all have to leave as the party is over. I have trouble finding all the pieces of my clothing on the mats, and it takes a while to get fully dressed. Outside the cave the four of us have to line up to wait for a ride in the shuttle. I’m talking to the girl in blue the entire time and we’re finding out that we have a ton in common. She is shivering. I give her my jacket and tell her to not even try to refuse it. We’re both fitness nuts and discuss how we’d love to have a first date where we went for a run instead of the normal cliché things. I tell her if she makes her way to Vegas we’ll have that run and I’ll cook dinner afterward. She tells me she’ll seriously consider coming. Boo yah.

It takes half an hour to get to the shuttles. When we board I sit down next to the girl in blue and we spend the whole ride home talking. I feel pretty sober. We are getting on very well. Behind me Andrew has really hit it off with her friend in pink, and she seems really into him. The girl in blue tells me she is absolutely shocked that she kissed me at the party, that she never does things like that.

When we get off the shuttle at the parking lot the two of us couples stand around talking. They say they need to be getting home, that it’s an hour drive. We invite them to the hotel. They decline because of the long drive. I can tell that the girl in blue is pretty conservative but it really seems like the one in pink wants to jump Andrew. Each couple kisses a few more times and then they leave.

On the corner we run into another guy from the party. We discuss how we’re going to get home. Andrew is texting with the girl in pink. He says they’re willing to give us a ride to the hotel. Sweet.

They pick us up in their SUV and drive us half an hour over to the hotel, in what I think was in the opposite direction of what they were going, which is very nice of them. At the hotel they again decline Andrew’s invitation to hang out for a while. We say our goodbyes and the three of us get out of the car.

In the lobby we hear about the after party going on up in a suite, but apparently nobody else is being allowed in. Andrew and I decide to go get a hamburger at the café next door instead (end result of that after party was numerous guys getting action and Wandigo winding up with Ron Jeremy in his hotel room.)


After we finish our food we go back to Andrew’s room. It’s past 4am and we’re both exhausted. There’s no rooms left downstairs and I ask if he cares if I crash on the other side of the huge bed. He does not. We strip down and get into bed, lying back to back. I went to the Playboy mansion and wind up sleeping next to a man; I think the gay guy from Friday was right about me.

June 5th, Las Vegas: I wake up in the upstairs room of the Vegas house. I take shower, eat breakfast, and then set up my laptop on the table in the living room. I hook in my monitor as well but after doing so I realize it alters the resolution on the laptop and makes things more uncomfortable then it does convenient so I just go back to the single screen.

I fire up table after table of online tournaments and register for most anything I can get my hands on. During my grind I chat to a number of friends and invite them over to smoke a joint then go out and meet girls. I play about 30 tournaments over the course of the day and wind up winning a small one on Stars, the 30 double rebuy add on, for just under $3,000, which at least gives me some profit for the day; a rarity when at the WSOP.

By the time my grind finishes my friends Shawn Green from Cardplayer and ‘Letmelive’ on 2+2 have shown up, and house mate Joel Dodds has agreed to go out with us. ‘Letmelive’ brought over his own peach flavored blunt, which the two of us step outside and take some hits from. I let him do most of the smoking because attempting to talk to girls while in a state of weed induced paranoia rarely works well (and Lord knows I’ve tried) and tell him he is a hero for having brought the weed to the party.

Shawn drives us over to Town Square and we go into the chilled out beer drinking establishment Yardhouse. We grab some drinks then sit down at a table. I glance around the place and see two cute looking girls in a booth with no guys. I walk over to the booth with my beer, sit down next to one of them, and tell them they have to keep me company because my group is turning me into a third wheel. They initially seem reserved but I just keep talking and start turning things around. I realize they are much older than I had thought; at least in their 30’s. They do not seem thrilled about the age difference. I hang out with them for like 30 minutes and although the interaction is mostly positive I don’t really click with either and eventually excuse myself.

I meet back up with the guys and we decide to bail out. I approach a table with two girls at it on our way out, but they tell me they have boyfriends. I exit immediately. We go back to the parking lot, get into Shawn’s car, and drive over to the Rio to meet up with some people who are apparently at a birthday party at NDFuego’s.

We wait in line at the club for a while and are told there is going to be a cover for us; I hope this shit is good. We go inside the club and meet up with a group of people that Shawn knows. I glance around the club and it is fairly empty and the dance floor is nearly devoid of people; fuck. Most of the girls I see are with other guys. I take a walk around the club and spot two hot women at a bar and they are ordering drinks. I walk up with ‘LetmeLive’ and say
“Well as long as you girls are getting drinks why don’t you buy me one?”
They do not buy either of us a drink, though don’t totally blow us out. We hang around chatting a bit but then they mention they are married. We politely excuse ourselves.

We go back to the booth and hang around and drink for a while. I see a few hot girls on the dance floor and go over and tell one she should dance with me. It’s so damn loud she can’t even hear me and just looks confused, then turns back around. Fucking clubs.

I return to the table and continue drinking. There are no more women around the place I see that I can reasonably approach. Many people in the table area are dancing and grinding, including the birthday girl. I stand up for a moment and she grabs me and we start dancing. She is dancing with another dude who I am told is gay. Said gay rumor is confirmed when he starts heavily hitting on me. Then he reaches down and gropes my crotch and licks his lips at me. Having been a theatre major I am accustomed to homosexuals, so I don’t lose my shit and calmly say
“Sorry dude, I’m as straight as they come. Nothing down there for you” then I point to the birthday girl “Only for her.”
“Sorry! I am so Sorry!” he says “I’m just so drunk is all! I even have a boyfriend; I’m not usually like this. I’m Sorry!” he continues then he grabs my crotch again and starts making kissing faces at me. Damn, this gay dude is drunk as hell.

This sequence continues for the next 20 minutes or so of dancing and grinding. The gay guy gropes me in the area of 10 times, and each time I stay chill and tell him I’m straight. Then he apologizes profusely and winds up grabbing me again. Eventually the birthday girl gets annoyed and lectures him. He suggests that he fuck the both of us. I decline his offer. Then he asks if I’m sure I’m not gay.
“Look dude I’m gonna clarify to you once and for all that I’m straight”
I throw my arm around the birthday girl and start making out with her very hard. She is quite receptive. She pins me against the wall separating our table from the dance floor and we make out for quite a while. I hear someone yell “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” behind us. She seems pretty drunk. I’m fairly sure the gay guy gropes me again at some point; it’s all pretty blurry and loud and with lots of tongue in my mouth so who can really tell?

Eventually the birthday girl says she’s leaving and wants me to take down her number. I do so. I hang around with Shawn and ‘Letmelive’ for a while exchanging “What the fuck” faces at the whole sequence for a while. We decide to leave.

Walking out of the club I make eye contact with a cute Asian girl in a group of about eight of them. She stares back. I say hi. She says hi back. I walk up to her and say
“You know you can’t just look at me like that and expect me not to come say hello”
She is a little shocked but clearly pleased. A few sentences later she says
“You need to take your shirt off”
“Then you need to be the one to take it off” I retort.
She starts unbuttoning my shirt and I throw my arm around her. I am told I need to give the girl getting married a kiss. I can tell she’s a little uncomfortable with it so I tell her
“We’ll keep it PC and go for a kiss on the cheek” and she relaxes. The other Asian girl is groping my now opened shirt chest throughout all of this. The group says they want to leave, so I tell the girl I have my arm around to put her number in my phone. She says she doesn’t have one but that I can take down her hotel room number. I do so immediately and say I’ll call her in an hour. Vegas is a strange place.

We leave the Rio and I talk everyone into going for Korean BBQ. We drive down to my favorite joint in the strip mall just past the Wynn and I order way too much food. An hour into the meal I call the Bellagio and ask for the room number I was given and give the girls first name. They tell me I have to have the last name. I attempt to talk my way out of it and fail miserably. One of Shawn’s platonic female friends is hanging out with us for dinner and says she’ll try as well in a few minutes. When she does she faces the same rejection. You win this time, Bellagio hotel.

Shawn drives us home and I stumble exhausted into the Vegas house. I have clearly eaten too much Korean food. I need to sleep immediately.