I woke up on Saturday after three hours of strange sleep. I didn’t feel hung over per say, but I wasn’t feeling great either. Despite being so drunk I could remember very little of the previous night at ‘Eve’ I at least had the good sense to drink a considerable amount of water at the end of the night. I hung out on the computer for a bit then Chris came over to the apartment to meet up for the drunken kickball classic. We went down to the apartment Watts and Timex are staying in, and were regaled with stories from the previous night that only Timex can remember.

We got to Albert Park half an hour late with a new soccer ball and two slabs of beer in tow. All in all we got 16 participants, all running around in the middle of the park in the searing heat chugging booze constantly, the only rule having been that a beer in hand or within close proximity was mandatory at all times. I was a captain opposing Watts. The game resulted in 21 to 16 loss, several fall downs, one dislocated finger, and a shit ton of laughs.

After the game someone came up with a challenge that I, Atimos, and Timex all accepted. We were told to sprint to a tree about 50 meters away, run around it, then come back and chug a beer. When “GO!” was yelled Timex and I sprinted in front of Atimos who by the time we were racing back towards the start was considerably behind. Timex and I cracked open our beers and attempted to start chugging. Timex got considerably through his then fell to the ground spitting up the beer in a manner that looked like a mix of vomiting and laughing. I attempted to drink the beer but didn’t get as deep because I was still breathing heavily and the thing tasted beyond awful. Atimos got back to the line and paused for a moment to catch his breath before cracking open his beer and downing it, crushing us both in a massive come from behind win.

After the game we all stumbled over to the St. Kilda beer garden and continued the drinking. My three hours of sleep started to catch up with me and I lost the party drive. I decided to head back to the apartment where many of us met up and smoked a joint that Zach and Ethan were cool enough to provide, seeing as most of Melbourne had gone dry. Most of the group headed off in their separate directions, with Watts, Timex, and Atimos staying around to go out and meet some girls I knew at a club. We’d met them at the Teppenyaki restaurant in Crown when I remarked to the chef that “You got stuck with the wrong room dude, the other’s full of girls.” He asked if we wanted to meet them, and seeing as it was a group that consisted of 14 men and zero women we most certainly did. He went to the next room, asked the girls if they wanted to meet some men, and then waved me over. Lloyd and I went into the room, and five minutes later had convinced them to meet us for drinks later in the night. That lead them to inviting us out to ‘Motel’ on Saturday for one of the girls birthdays.

Unfortunately by the time we set out Atimos was off his face drunk, which was going to cause more mayhem than I knew at the time. I’d called the clubs owner earlier and asked if it’d be cool if I brought some friends down to his place tonight. He said it would be so long as I didn’t bring too many guys and waited to call him until 12:30.

When we got into the taxi the driver immediately began talking crazy shit. He pointed at some girls on the sidewalk and said something like “Hey, take a look at those pussies” in some strange accent I couldn’t place. Atimos in all his drunken enthusiasm went nuts for it and started encouraging the cab driver to keep talking, which he was happy to accommodate. He asked us what we were up to tonight, and when we told him we were going to the club ‘Motel’ he told us “All you need to do to get the sluts in that place is walk up to them and say ‘Hey sluts, I have a big dick!’” Atimos thought this to be the greatest idea ever and started yelling “HEY SLUTS!” out the window at people when we drove past or were at intersections. At some point the taxi driver goes on a rant about Laura Bush, which prompts Atimos and Timex to ask simultaneously, “Is she a slut?!” By the end of the cab ride Atimos was so completely out of control yelling “HEY SLUTS! I HAVE A BIG DICK!” that even the cab driver seemed weirded out, and he was a fucking weirdo to begin with.

By the time we go to the club the night was careening out of control. As I approached the bouncer to discuss our gaining entry Atimos began approaching random woman and yelling “Hey sluts! I have a big dick!” They were not pleased with this approach. Meanwhile the bouncer told me that he wouldn’t be letting any more guys in. I dropped the owners name and asked if I was on the list, which I was not. I attempted to call the owner but he didn’t pick up. About that time three of the girls we were meeting came outside and I explained the situation to them. Immediately afterwards Atimos began intensely questioning them
“Hey what if a guy came up to you in a club and said ‘HEY SLUTS! I HAVE A BIG DICK!’?”
“That wouldn’t work” they replied coldly.
“Atimos had a lot during the kickball game today girls, he’s had a big one is all” I elaborated. They did not seem calmed by my explanation. Atimos was still quizzing them about being sluts and his big dick.

Eventually the girls took us back to the door but the bouncer still refused us entry. I felt incredibly stupid at that moment, particularly since I’d told them that I know the owner. I told them not to worry about it and the four of us guys walked off and found a cab to take us to ‘Stalactites’ in the city. We parted ways and I went over to ‘Amber’ to meet the girl I’m seeing, so it ended up being a pretty damn good night.

On Sunday I relaxed and walked around awkwardly on legs that burned with soreness in revenge for my not having stretched before the kickball game. On Monday morning I threw on a suit and made my way down to the Crown for the main event of the Aussie Millions.

Unfortunately, I have since lost the sheet of paper I used to record the hands that day. However, I remember a few of the key ones which I’ll go over.

At the start of my day my table was seven handed with Australian players Grant Levy, Jason Grey, and Max aka ‘SoStandard’ online. The first major pot came up against two of them:
My stack: ~24,000, Max: ~20,000, Jason Gray: ~22,000, blinds 50/100. I held KdKc on the HJ, we were 7 handed.
Preflop: Max raised to 300 UTG, 1 fold, I reraised to 1100, it folded to Jason in the SB, Jason called, BB folds, Max called.
Flop: 4d 9c 9h
Jason checked, Max checked, and I checked behind as Jason’s flat call pre flop was very suspicious and I realized that if I bet the flop and got checkraised I would absolutely hate my life.
Turn: 6d
Jason checked, Max checked, I bet 2200, Jason called, Max thought for a bit and called.
River: 2d
Jason checked, Max checked, and I thought it over and fired 4200 for value, Jason called, Max folded. I tabled my KK and Jason showed me his AA.

As the day progressed I found myself often three betting the late position open raises of Max. He probably thought I was fucking with him, but the two times I’d three bet him before our major pot I had KK and AK. The third time I did it things got more involved.
My stack: ~26,000, Max: ~20,000, blinds were 150/300 with a 25 ante. I held AdKc in the SB.
Preflop: It folded to Max on the CO, Max raised to 900, button folded, I raised to 3000, BB folded, Max thought it over and called.
Flop: Tc 8d 2c
I bet 3500, Max called.
Turn: 5c
I checked, Max bet 3000. I thought about perhaps check shoving, but I thought Max’s range for betting here was hands that were either huge or quite weak and that I had a clean 15 outs and would just wind up spewing most of the time I check shoved and he called, so I called.
River: 5d
I checked and Max checked behind then tabled 8h7h. Fuck me for not having shoved the turn.

The very next hand I was involved again against a very weak and recreational player who limped quite often:
My stack: ~16,500, CO: ~24,000, blinds 150/300 with a 25 ante. I held KcQc on the button.
Preflop: It folded around to the CO, the CO limped for 300, I raised to 1200, both blinds folded, the CO called.
Flop: 9c 3d 2h
The CO checked, I bet 1300, the CO called.
Turn: 8h
The CO checked and I checked behind.
River: As
The CO checked, I bet 3500, the CO called and showed me A4o.

After that things went from bad to worse. I lost nearly every small pot I played and eventually wound up getting moved tables. I put a nice suck out on a guy when I made an in position go and go that turned into calling his stop and go and having 6 outs with my overcards. Unfortunately, I continued to lose every pot I entered after that and I found myself consistently short stacked and much too flop dead to accumulate chips. Eventually I found a decent spot against the very aggressive Australian player Emad Thatou, who with a decent sized stack open raises many pots.
My stack: ~7900, Emad: ~40,000, UTG+1: ~35,000, blinds 200/400 with a 50 ante. I held 8d8c on the button on an 8 handed table.
Preflop: Emad raised to 1100, UTG+1 called, it folded to me on the button, I shoved about 7900, it folded back to Emad, Emad folded, UTG+1 thought briefly and called with KQo.
Flop: A J 4
Turn: T
I tapped the table, wished everyone luck, and quietly walked off. I have yet to get out of the first day in the Aussie Millions main event alive.

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