Central Valley Poker Championships Recap - Part 1

An apology of sorts

I used to pride myself on timely reporting of my poker exploits—the CA State Poker Championships, the Commerce Free-roll, Super Bowl Sunday at the Mirage—but the ownership gig really cuts into my time to relax, pour a few ounces of bourbon and fire up the laptop. Invariably, when I start working on a write-up, someone barges into my office with item requiring immediate executive decision-making:

“The second ice machine is down!”
“Seat 2 in 15/30 is complaining about karaoke!”
“One of the hostesses showed up in short shorts!”

As a good manager, I make it a point to respond quickly to these imperatives with hands on attention and measured responses.

“Send security to SaveMart for ice.”
“Tell that whiner to use his headphones.”
“Let’s have a look.”

Unfortunately, my commitment to customer service distracts from regular blog posting, and I’m forced to look for stretches of free time to piece together an account from memory.

At present, I’m sitting in business class on a United flight to Nice, en route to Monte Carlo, the first stop in a 10-day cash bonfire I’ll be witnessing in Europe while my wife enjoys her summer vacation. The inferno starts at the Hotel de Paris, my first trip to another casino as an owner and as far from Club One, literally or figuratively, as one can get. The conflagration then moves east to the Four Seasons in Florence for a couple of days so, as my wife put it, “We can stay somewhere nice.” The blaze then gets contained at a pre-paid yoga retreat at a Tuscan villa, where my wife will search for inner balance and allegedly, I’ll be able to self-immolate by the pool in peace and quiet.

I’m actually looking forward to the trip to catch up on sleep, eating and writing, all of which used to be part of my daily routine. In the meantime, I’ve got 10 hours to kill between LA and Frankfurt and I intend to unload my CVPC recap, which has been lodged in me like bad British food. I’ve been frustrated by fits and urges without meaningful result, so like a man angered by constipation, I’ve resolved to sit here until I get the damn thing out.

Ok, we'll need a couple of ringers

For those of you who missed the 7-day bender we called the 2008 Central Valley Poker Championships, mark your calendar for the sequel due out in the Summer of ’09. The inaugural series offered remarkable value for your poker and bar dollar, of course, but with a few months to stew on what we did wrong and another nine or so to pressure our vendors for even more promo dollars, CVPC Deuce should be at once entertaining and frightening. I’m hoping the Patriots will take the same approach to the 2008/09 NFL season.

The week started with Adanthar, TT and Shaundeeb all confirming attendance. Nath and SirWatts opted out, for the installation of a new grill and a wedding, respectively. Another less confident host might take offense at the rejection. Missing a trip to Club One in Fresno for a trip to the dentist or a hitching in Canada? That’s like turning down a backstage pass at a strip club to do laundry, but I reminded myself that both are still youngsters and my own superb decision-making took years of trial and error to hone.

With the three confirmations in hand, I caned our staff into a frenzy, pitching the trio as visiting dignitaries with deep poker resumes, proven social skills and vast influence throughout the poker community. I figured that would be more inspiring than the more truthful…”Ok, three geeks who spend most of their day in front of the computer in shorts will be wandering around this week. Encourage them to wear shoes in the casino, and be sure to put a tarp under them when they eat.”

My ruse worked and the staff rushed around most of the week re-training our dealers and hosts, stocking the bar, assembling gift baskets—“What? There’s no mini-bar at the Holiday Inn? That’s not going to work…”—and reminding the hotel staff that the typical HI guest’s work and sleep schedule was the exact opposite of that of our guests. By Thursday, I felt we were ready to accommodate our visitors or, at the very least, distract them from our own shortcomings.

The Holiday Inn in downtown Fresno is attached to our building and changed hands late last year. The property had been closed for several years and the new owner completed an ambitious renovation in June. We’ve got a good relationship with the management and the property is now a standout for this town, but there are still a few spots for improvement. For example, the pool’s renovation is “pending” and we’re keeping a close eye on the progress. Not that we’re nosy neighbors. It’s just that their pool happens to be directly above our security room and leaked during the demolition. I showed up one day and found our staff in ponchos and the security equipment under plastic. That said, the Holiday Inn Fresno is stupid convenient to us, the nicest place in town and home for our guests for the next few days.

Like Motel 6, only better!

Shaun was the first to arrive at Fresno International (so named, I think, a traveler once fled Fresno and ended up in Mexico) with laptop in tow. I contemplated sending a hottie waving a “Shaun %^$&#* Deeb” sign or perhaps a modest sample of the area’s leading cash crop, but my better judgment took over and I picked him up myself in the Club One cruiser.

We made the quick run into downtown Fresno and offloaded him to one of our staffers to check him into the hotel. Leaving Deeb alone in a Club One-comped room in the middle of the Central Valley is like giving him diplomatic immunity and tossing him the keys to Cheech and Chong’s van. We get certain latitude by virtue of our good citizenship and sizable employment, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t concerned given his reported appetite for leafy greens.

“Make sure his smoke alarm is disconnected, and if he leaves, follow him.”

Around four or five o’clock, Barbara Enright and Max Shapiro, a writer for CardPlayer and her significant other, rolled up in a PT Cruiser she’d won in some So Cal tournament.

Us: “Welcome to Club One!”
Her: “What’s this? I thought we were staying at Motel 6!”

We obviously managed her expectations well. I should note that I spend a good portion of any Club One sales pitch managing people’s expectations. I think we’re a quality poker shop, but I’m always leery of a customer base whose frame of reference includes the Commerce, the Bike and Bellagio. That said, what those guys do with facility, we do with people. So far, it’s worked.

Within minutes, we got Barbara and Max checked in and figured we’d see them in the restaurant later. Around 8p, I headed back to the airport to pick up Adanthar (in from NYC) and was heading into town when TT called—he’d just landed. We made a quick U-turn back to the airport and loaded him in the van. By 8:30p, our staff had checked them in and I was leading them on a quick tour of our property before dinner. I gave a thorough overview and laid the ground rules.

“Here’s the bar. The 15/30 kill game is there. And despite what you’ve seen on YouTube, we use chips for bets.”

They nodded in acknowledgment.

Dinner and poker with friends

We spent the next few hours stuffing the entire crew with Asian food and our best red and white wine. I watched for their reactions as they tried each of our menu recommendations and took the grunts and clean plates as compliments to the kitchen. After dinner, Barbara, Su, TT and I all stumbled into to casino to check out the 15/30 kill game, our big game.

As it turns out, we had one 15/30 game going with a nice list, so with the four of us, we put down another. To my immediate left were Su, our head of player relations and a limit specialist, and Barbara, an experienced all-game pro, both of whom could drink most guys stupid and relieve them, laughing, of three racks of white. To my right, TT, a thinking mixed game expert, settled in. Perfect.

I resolved to play solid and prudent poker but my guests would have none of it. Every hand was lesson in verbal inducements and clever angles that would end with one of them scooping the pot with 3rd pair no kicker or a flopped boat. After each little altercation, Barbara would howl “More wine!”, slop some more of my cabernet into everyone’s glass and demand that the dealer initiate another hand.

Like my first car, a ‘71 Buick with alignment problems, my chips veered left, careened off Su’s stack and eventually stalled in Barbara’s rack. The finest of many aggravating hands involved Su and another player chasing my pocket jacks down with inside straight draws and snapping me off for an extra bet when a third jack on the river gave me top set but completed their straights. It was too much—I jumped up and shrieked, “You’re horrible! All of you!” and berated the table until my own floor man pulled me aside and reminded me that these were our guests.

“I call bullshit! These are known thieves and harlots and if vice were here, they’d shut us down for fostering moral turpitude in a licensed facility!”

My tirade was greeted by taunts from the table to reload and I made a mental note to short them all T1000 in Friday’s celebrity event.

Shortly thereafter, I racked up under the guise of getting caught up on some work. I’d sold Barbara and TT hard on our 15/30 kill game. It’s highly predictable game and three-quarters of the table fights over each kill pot. I often read on poker forums that the Bay Area has the best limit games in California. Nonsense. There’s a reason why guys drive down from San Jose and camp out in the Holiday Inn. I later heard that Barbara and TT played the 15/30 short-handed ‘til 6a or so. Ah, vindication.

Next up…CVPC Part 2 – Game Day. In which we entertain the following “celebrities" and come to grips with an adult male shaving our logo into his head.

Jose Canseco - 1988 American League MVP, six-time MLB all-star, aspiring poker player

Ashley Collette – an FHM magazine model, voted one of the "100 Sexiest Women Alive"

Mike & Janet Dages - Fresno City Councilman and his wife, both good friends of Club One Casino

Shaun "shaundeeb" Deeb – Top-5 ranked online tournament player worldwide

Barbara Enright – member, Women in Poker Hall of Fame, the only woman to final table a WSOP main event and winner of the 2008 Legends of Poker Ladies event

Terence Frazier - former major league baseball player and local Fresno entrepreneur

Steve "TT" McLoughlin and Serge "Adanthar" Ravitch – moderators on TwoPlusTwo.com, the world's leading poker website

Matt O'Dette - captain of the Fresno Falcons hockey team

Max Shapiro – writer for CardPlayer magazine

Jason Von Flue – Club One-sponsored mixed martial arts fighter and contestant on Ultimate Fighter 2

Marsha Waggoner – “Lady Poker Extraordinaire”, member of the Women in Poker Hall of Fame and international rep for Crown Casino in Australia