Log in with your TwoRags.com account. Click here to register. Email: Password: Remember log-in information

I knock on the door of that apartment Timex and Sirwatts are staying in. They got here yesterday and decided to stay in the same apartment building as me for the duration of the Aussie Millions and a few weeks afterwards, giving me access to people to challenge to 2am games of Madden when the mood strikes me, which is often.

When we arrive at the casino they inform me they need cash for the buy in before they’re able to get money off Gary Benson via transfer. I’ve brought $10,000 with me today (just in case) and wind up loaning them over $4000 of it. Hopefully things don’t go very wrong. I get my tournament receipt and walk over to my table which is currently playing three handed as I’m a couple minutes late. I’ve drawn seat four. Sitting on my direct right in seat three is none other than notorious and prolific online cheat, Josh ‘JJprodigy’ Fields.

I’d wound up sitting next to him during a preliminary event at last years Aussie Millions. I had a fairly long and cordial chat with him where I told him that I didn’t approve of his actions (obviously) but that if he goes straight, plays it modest, attempts reparations, and never gets in the slightest out of line ever again he just might find acceptance at some point in the future. As many know, after he left the Aussie Millions he went straight back to multi accounting, then leading up to the PCA and Aussie Millions this year yet again attempted to issue an online apology. My opinion this year is that he can go fuck himself.

When I sit down I say nothing and sit there playing quietly with my body language angled away from him. At some point he turns to me and asks a question I barely listen to. I glare at him briefly then answer “I don’t know man” coldly, then turn in my seat so my back is literally facing him and continue playing sitting sideways in my chair. At some point someone throws a tiny balled up piece of paper at him.

By the time the table gets seven handed the line up is myself, JJprodigy, Sorel Mizzi, Eric Assadourian, Grant Levy, and two guys I’m less familiar with. Grant and Sorel are getting it all in preflop blind. I’m mostly card dead and unable to take advantage of the loose play outside getting involved in a few small pots which I lose nearly unanimously. The first major pot I play I see a flop from the BB with 4c5c in a multi way raised pot. The flop comes A 6 3 with a club and I check-shove over a continuation bet and get called by A9 which holds. I double rebuy then shortly thereafter look down at AA when Sorel open shoves blind. I hold over his rags and double up to nearly 6000 in chips. Those are the only pots of interest I play the entire rebuy period, and when it’s over I take the double addon and increase my stack to nearly 9000, putting me in for $6150 total.

When we return to play I sit tight for a while before playing a considerable pot with Sorel:
My stack: ~9200, Sorel: ~13,000, Eric: ~5,000 blinds 50/100, I hold 7h6h on the button
Preflop: Sorel raises to 275 UTG, folds to me on the button, I call, Eric calls in the SB, BB folds.
Flop: Qh 4c 3h
Eric checks, Sorel bets 550, I call, Eric folds.
Turn: Th
Sorel thinks for quite a while then bets 1375. I consider my options and although I would raise against many opponents I think that the stacks, the texture, and my image are such that there is basically no way Sorel pays off against me with a worse hand so I call intending to call a river bet even if another heart hits and cram over a bet otherwise.
River: Kd
Sorel checks, I think for a bit then fire 3250, Sorel tanks for a while then reluctantly folds.

The line up on the table makes accumulating chips pretty difficult, though it’s certainly interesting play to watch. It’s not until the next level that I get involved again:
My stack: ~10,000, Grant: ~16,000, Sorel: ~11,000, blinds 75/150 I hold 5s5d in the BB.
Preflop: Two folds, Grant raises to 525 in MP1, 1 fold, Sorel calls on the HJ, folds to me in the BB, I call.
Flop: Jc 7c 5c
I check, Grant bets 1250, Sorel folds, I grab the majority of my chips (about 9000) and throw them in leaving a few hundred behind, Grant tanks and calls.
Turn: 5h
I throw my last few hundred in and Grant calls. I say politely “I’ve got the nizzles son” and table my quads. Grant shows JsTs and starts berating himself for his flop call. I take out my note sheets and start writing and he asks me to let him have it in the blog for his call.

Just an orbit or so later I’m involved again:
My stack: ~20,000, Eric: ~10,000, blinds 75/150 I hold 9h9d on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to me on the CO, I raise to 400, Eric reraises to 1100 on the button, both blinds fold. I know I certainly can’t four bet for value against Eric because he doesn’t get it in nearly as light as an online player and we’re too deep. I also know I can’t fold since Eric is in fact capable of 3 betting light or other weird hands here. I’m stuck calling, the lesser of three evils. I call.
Flop: 7d Qc 7h
I check, Eric thinks briefly and checks behind.
Turn: 9c
I bet 1700, Eric quickly raises to 4000. I look over at his stack and realize that if he’s bluffing there’s no way he’ll put the rest in on the river if I flat this, so I’m better off hoping he was slow playing on the flop and cram. I move in and Eric tables AsKs face up and folds. It’s not long before Eric and I get tangled up again:
My stack: ~25,000, Eric: ~7,000, HJ: ~20,000, UTG: ~4,000, blinds 75/150 I hold JdTd in the SB.
Preflop: UTG raises to 350, folds to HJ who is a loose/weak player who calls, folds to me in the SB, I call (I’m clearly never calling here if HJ doesn’t call), Eric calls in the BB.
Flop: Tc 6s 8s
I check, Eric checks, UTG checks, HJ bets 750, I call, Eric shoves, UTG folds, HJ folds. Eric is the type of player to defend a huge range of hands from the BB in this spot, so everything from draws to combination hands to two pair are in his range here. “There’s a lot of draws out there Eric, I call.” Eric tables 6To and I need to suck out.
Turn: 2
River: Q

I gain a few chips back shortly thereafter when I donk into a weak player on the turn when a flush scare card hits (holding ace high) and am mostly inactive due to how aggressive the table has become. There’s an Australian player in seat 9 who I’ve played with numerous times and is incredibly loose with spastic bluff tendencies that I soon get involved in a pot with:
My stack: ~15,000, MP1: ~16,000, MP2: ~13,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold AcQs on the button.
Preflop: Folds to MP1 who is the really spastic player, MP1 raises to 900, MP2 calls, folds to me on the button, I raise to 3600 (happy to get it in preflop vs MP1), folds back to MP1, MP1 calls, MP2 folds.
Flop: 8s 8h Js
MP1 checks, I check behind because he’ll check shove as a bluff at too high a frequency and it’ll be a really gross and annoying spot.
Turn: 5s
MP1 leads 3000, I move all in (this is probably for value against his range) and he folds after little thought. Just a few hands later I’m involved again:
My stack: ~27,000, BB: ~16,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold Ac8c in MP1.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 800, folds to the BB, BB calls. BB is a loose player who is not very good post flop.
Flop: Kd Jd 2s
BB checks, I bet 1200, BB calls.
Turn: 7s
BB checks, I check.
River: Kc
BB bets 3000. I’m pretty confident this player isn’t good enough to value bet many jacks ehre, and certainly not for such a large bet of 3000. I feel like the entirely of his range is trips or better and missed draw, of which there are numerous on this board. I make the call with ace high and get shown KQ. D’oh.

I lose a small pot when I raise 44 and a loose player shoves 12 BB’s over my raise and I call then lose to his 88.

Through the 200/400 and 300/600 levels I only play a few pots and manage to mostly maintain my stack by taking down my fair share of blinds and antes. It’s not until the 400/800 level that I get involved again:
My stack: ~25,000, UTG: ~25,000, blinds 400/800 with 100 ante, I hold 9s9c on the CO on a 7 handed table.
Preflop: UTG raises to 2500, folds to me on the CO, I call, three folds.
Flop: 7 6 5 rainbow
UTG bets 5500, I call.
Turn: 6
UTG checks, I check back.
River: K
Fuck. UTG seems to think about making a bet, stares over at me, then checks. I obviously check back. UTG tables AJo and I drag the pot.

By the 600/1200 level we’re playing on the bubble and things have tightened up considerably. My table is six handed and we’re one off the money when my next hand comes up.
My stack: 24,100, CO: ~80,000, blinds 600/1200 with 100 ante. I hold 8d8c on the HJ.
Preflop: UTG folds, I move all in for 24,100, the CO goes into the tank for quite a while then calls, the rest fold. I table 88 and he shows AK. A large crowd gathers hoping that I’ll bust. I shrug and say nothing, totally apathetic to the results.
Flop: 3 4 6 rainbow
Turn: 6
River: J
“That’s cool” I say calmly then start stacking up my new chips. The very next hand I get involved again:
My stack: ~50,000, Chufty: ~60,000 blinds 800/1600 with 200 ante. I hold AsTs UTG 6 handed.
Preflop: I raise to 4000, folds to online player ‘Chufty’ on the button, Chufty calls, both blinds fold.
Flop: A T A rainbow
Worst. Flop. Ever. I think over my bet briefly then fire 5500. Chufty calls.
Turn: J
I check, Chufty checks behind.
River: 7
I count out 13,500 then fire it into the pot. Chufty goes into the tank for a long time and a considerable crowd gathers since we’re hand for hand and play at other tables has stopped. After a very long consideration he folds. A few minutes later we enter the money and I’ve got 62,000 going into it, slightly above average.

My table breaks and I find myself in a new seat with the line up on my right being Sorel Mizzi, Chufty, and StevoL. The players on my left are considerably weaker than those three, meaning I’ve landed the dream seat on this table. I pick up small pots to stay above water as players slip off and we near the final table. Eventually Sorel gets moved to the other table, putting Chufty directly next to me. We eventually get involved in a blind vs blind pot.
My stack: ~ 60,000, Chufty: ~140,000, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante, I hold 8c4c in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to Chufty in the SB, Chufty completes, I check.
Flop: 7h 8h 9d
Chufty bets 3000, I call.
Turn: Ad
Chufty thinks for a bit then fires 5500. Seems like a weird card for him to try and value town me with a nine, and I don’t imagine he has an ace all that often here. Meanwhile I think there’s a large number of draws he can fire multiple barrels with on this board, particularly blind vs blind. I call.
River: 8d
Chufty checks, I bet 12,500 he thinks it over and calls. I table my hand and he flashes an ace then asks me what the hell I called the turn for since “You only beat a bluff.” For some reason I go into a polite rambling on my thought process, the end it with “Well that and I’m just a massive calling station.”

At one point I watch Stevo lose a considerable pot when he gets A8o in vs A7o pre flop blind vs blind. The A7o ends up making runner runner straight after Stevo flopped top two, and watching it happen gave me a more sickened emotional reaction than any beat I’d took. Stevo manages to get his stack back up around 15 BB’s before a pot comes up between the two of us while there are 10 left in the tournament:
My stack: ~90,000, Stevo: ~30,000, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante, I hold 9s9c at a 5 handed table on the button.
Prefop: Stevo open shoves, CO folds, I reshove, both blinds fold. Stevo shows AQo and we’re off to the races.
Flop: 6 4 3
Turn: 4
River: 3
God I run good against Stevo live. We shake hands and everyone stops to count up their chips. My 120,900 chips puts me in fourth place, but I’m essentially tied for second. The final table isn’t what I was hoping for given that it contains Sorel Mizzi, Chufty, Rkrouk, MonsterDong, and a 25/50 NL grinder. The other three I’m less familiar with though.

I give Stevo a ride home and we sit out on my porch discussing the tournament and smoking a small joint. I get to bed around 5am.

I wake up at 2pm. I grab a protein bar then head over to the gym and work out for the next hour. I get home, take a shower, then change into a suit. I leave my house at 3:28pm with the final table starting at 4pm. It’s a roughly 10-15 minute drive to the casino.

Or so I thought. The streets into the city are absolutely jammed with stand still traffic. I’ve never seen anything like it or close to. What the fuck could everyone possibly need to get into Southbank at 3:30pm on a fucking Friday for? At 3:55pm I’m still stuck in traffic only half way there and I’m screaming obscenities and punch my steering wheel four times. The woman in the car next to me look at me like I’m crazy. Jarred calls and asks why I’m not there yet. My response is along the lines of
“I’M STUCK IN FUCKING TRAFFIC ON THE MIDDLE OF ST. KILDA FUCKING ROAD I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHERE THE FUCK COULD ALL THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES BE GOING AT THIS TIME ON FUCKING FRIDAY DID THEY ALL SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDE TO JUST HAVE A FUCKING PICNIC GOD DAMN IT!!!”

I get parked at the Eureka parking center across the street from Crown and sprint the whole way down the Crown complex to the poker room. I arrive in the poker room at 4:30pm a half hour late in a suit dripping in sweat. I’m all apologies and explanations to Timex and all curse words at the table. I grab a few Kleenex to dry myself off then settle into the table and calm myself down. Luckily I’m the kind of cold person who turns his emotions on and off like a light switch, and once I’m seated I feel nothing. Besides, it turns out I’ve only missed an orbit, thanks to the pace of live poker.

I pick up a couple small pots and get my stack back over what it started at for the day. About 20 minutes into my play at the table I get involved in my first serious pot:
My stack: ~125k, HJ: ~80,000 blinds, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante. I hold KdKc UTG+1.
Preflop: UTG folds, I raise to 5000, folds to the HJ, HJ raises to 15,000, it folds back to me. The HJ is one of the unknown players on the table, a guy of perhaps 55 who I’m told isn’t particularly good. Flatting seems like the clear play here since cramming will often get him to fold AK/JJ. I call.
Flop: 6s Qd 9s
I check, HJ bets 25,000, I move all in and HJ thinks for a about 5-10 seconds then says call and tables AcAs. I table my kings and mumble “Standuuuuuurd” to myself and roll my eyes.
Turn: 5s
River: 4c
I pass off the majority of my stack, but remind myself to stay cool. I’m involved the very next hand.
My stack: ~45,000, MP2: ~170k, Sorel: ~120k, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante. I hold 9s9c UTG.
Preflop: I raise to 5000, folds to MP2, MP2 calls, folds to Sorel in the SB, Sorel calls, BB folds.
Flop: 6c 7c 8h
Sorel thinks then leads 14,400, I shove for 24,100 more than his bet, MP2 folds, Sorel makes the call and tables 55. The player between us remarks that he folded a 4.
Turn: 7h
River: 4d
I don’t react but the crowd seems pretty disgusted. I shake Sorels hand and tell him good luck then loudly remark to the crowd “Guess I should’ve been an hour late!”

I grab some of the boys from the rail and we hit the bar and start downing drinks. We keep this up until we walk over to Transport but realize it’s much too crowded and too old a crowd to enjoy. Numerous friends tell us they’re heading over to the club ‘Eve’ so we make our way over. A group of about 10 of us meet up and we start cranking down red bulls, vodka redbull, and liquid cocaine.

Myself, Andy McLeod, Sirwatts, and Timex hit the dance floor and start tearing it up. The evening starts to become a blur. Conversations happen, I dance with various guys and girls, and I’m laughing my ass off but I can’t seem to remember what at. Apparently I picked up some girls shoe she’d left by the dance floor and danced around waiving it in the air for 15 minutes. I have no memory of this. The final table was a bad beat, but it made for a damn good night.