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Tonight I went out with friends to celebrate a totally pointless 6 weeks of life. We got very drunk and this is what happened:

Watts/Stevepa/JohnnyVincent and I go to dinner tonight at Buzios and pay our bill with $340 in vouchers plus additional money for tip.

We order much wine at Buzios and I begin to get drunk. I attempt to convince Johnny Vincent to come out tonight, but he refuses unless he can find his favorite magical powder. I tell him booze is good enough and more civil, he tells me he’s to tired. I call him a pussy.

We go to Coyote Ugly at New York New York. I get increasingly wasted, a 40 year old woman tells me I am a fine piece of ass while trying to dance with me. I tell her I am 22 and have a girlfriend. I enter a meaningful conversation with a bartender about her married life and how her husband feels about her working here getting hit on all the time. She tells me my cigar smoke is disgusting. I ask if she’d rather be talking to some [censored] who’s trying to sleep with her.

I become super friendly with some black dude named Jerrod who works in real estate and tells me he’s going to take me to a Raiders game. I tell him numerous times that he better not be [censored] messing with me, and he promises he isn’t since I hooked him up with a cigar and him and his wife up with a drink and we got wasted. Go Raiders unless they are playing the Packers.

We go to the MGM grand. I am absurdly drunk and we run into Aaronbeen and Kush. I call up the operator for some such reason, then attempt to smooth talk her into coming out with us. She more or less agrees. I tell Sirwatts that we are going to the front desk to find the operator ‘Vanessa’ and that he is going to be “Tony” who talked to her on the phone. Watts begrudgingly accepts.

On the way to the front desk I see a promotional Dodge Viper on top of some slot machines. I attempt to leap onto the top of the slot machines but am so wasted I fall over onto the floor yelling “FUUUUCKING VIPER!!!” after pulling open the door of the car and falling backwards, sprawled out everywhere having thrown over a slots chair.

Watts and I arrive at the front desk. We demand this so called “Vanessa” who according to the woman at the front desk, does not exist. I tell her to stop lying to me. She says there is no such Vanessa. Watts and I withdraw.

On the way back towards our party Watts and I run across a bridal party. I stop and attempt to explain to them what a fine catch Sirwatts is. Watts looks at me with contempt, as do the girls. At some point I attempt to grab Sirwatts and throw him over my shoulder, but instead end up tackling him in the middle of the casino. I then run off from Watts laughing hysterically at all the stupidity and stumble about in a drunken stupor. This would be the last impression Watts ever has of me for the discernable future. I attempt to find my way back to the party but everyone appears to be gone.

After completely failing to find my friends I wander over to the front of the Mirage asking people who work at the hotel “Damn it man! Where are the taxis in this ungodly place!?” They point me in the right direction. I collapse into a Taxi and tell him to take me to the Korean BBQ, then change my mind to just go to the Rio and desperately try not to pass out in the cab.

I get back to my room and write a fairly mediocre trip report.