An early omen

The tone for the day was set shortly after I met LakeofFire for breakfast at the Radisson in downtown Fresno. I was nursing a cup of bad coffee and shaking off yet another 16-hour shift of bussing tables and running chips at Club One when an angry troll jumped from behind a plant and shrieked something about the breakfast buffet. Lake’s traveled with me enough to know that mornings, for me, are edgy times and moved to diffuse the situation.

“Just turn away, Ed. I’ll handle this.”

He muttered something to the creature in guttural dialect and threatened it with a spoon, and it immediately slunk back to its cave. The beast reappeared twice more in the next twenty minutes, first to threaten me with scalding water and second to extort me with a toll receipt for safe passage. Both times Lake stepped in, first to glare it down, and second to convince me to pay the tribute and move on.

“Fresno’s an incestuous place,” he reminded me. “No telling which local authority calls this thing kin and we’ve no time for an overnight stay in the local lockup. Tonight’s the Free FM 97.1 Free-roll at the Commerce Casino. Remember?”






The allegations include…

Ah, yes. Repeat readers may recall our shameful involvement in the Dec 07 version of this sordid event. That one left the Commerce’s magnificent tournament room in shambles with Conway and Whitman listeners/erstwhile poker players looting TVs and furniture when the event spun wildly out of control. It took several days of round-the-clock work by the maintenance staff to restore the luster of the room, and several more of impassioned lobbying to keep hosts David Mosikian and John Griffo from inside front cover placement in the Casino’s banned book.

Earlier in the week, Mosikian had emailed me with an elegant invite.

“Dude, they dropped the charges AND the lawsuit! We’re doing the freeroll again!”

I was game, of course—Griffo and Mosikian go through life like merry fugitives, expecting to get caught and punished but committed to having fun in the meantime. That said, I presumed they were smart enough to realize the immediate civil and criminal ramifications of another on-air melee and had taken steps to minimize their exposure. I pressed them for details on how they planned to avoid another fiasco.

Griffo assured me that security would be a non-issue. They had recruited more Leykettes girls, reinforced them with a trio of hotties from Knob Creek bourbon and expanded the buffet to leave even the most rowdy participant comatose. In addition, he pointed out that the 97.1 FreeFM guys would deliver Danny Bonaduce , whose own shenanigans would likely establish a floor for bad behavior. This is a man, he noted, who as a child lived with David Cassidy and Susan Dey on a used school bus, and as an adult, engaged in fisticuffs with a transvestite, a Survivor contestant and Donny Osmond as a matter of public record. Griffo was confident even the most abhorrent acts by tournament participants would look tame by comparison.

Mosikian chimed in. “We figure if we stuff the listeners at the buffet and dull their senses with single batch bourbon, they’ll be too sluggish to cart off the ATMs again. Plus, Conway insisted the girls have all been properly trained in crowd control and showed me a DVD of one of them as proof. Besides, it looks like those welts and paper cuts you got from the flying chips and cards healed without a scar. Quit being such a wuss. You’re coming.”

These were the same savvy marketers that came up with the “Let’s just toss Asian models with fistfuls of cash into the pai gow pit” Chinese New Year celebration documented here two months ago. I was no match for the tag team—Griffo’s reasoned arguments and Mosikian’s breezy confidence brought me around. I marked the event on my calendar and posted Lake. Hence, his concern now that we avoid being unnecessarily detained in Fresno.


The Free FM Freeroll

Lake and I spent the day at Club One and headed south around 3p or so. The run down to Commerce went without incident and I pulled into the valet lot around 7p, plenty of time before the 8p start. I pitched my keys to the attendant, hustled up to the second floor and reviewed the situation for the 2R team. I liked what I saw. Lake had rolled in separately with one of my partners and was getting hammered in the Arena sports bar. I texted him and a couple other 2R writers with entry details.

“Meet me in the tournament room ASAP. This is a sick setup!”

As promised, the buffet for tournament participants was expanded to include chilled crab and shrimp, a variety of Asian dishes including dim sum, carved roast beef and a complete dessert setup. Last time, the Commerce set the buffet up in the tournament room, but this time they moved the whole setup out to the 2nd floor patio overlooking the pool area and main entrance to the casino.

Predictably, I found Mosikian parked near the bar.

“Dude! Glad you could make it!”

I complimented him on the spread.

“There wasn’t room in the tournament room for everything we wanted to put out. “ he confided. “And, out here, if we had to, we could just hose the whole place down at the end of the night. By the way, I put you at the featured table.”

His hospitality was a welcome change from the cheap buffets and brush offs I’m used to at other casinos, and Lake and I each filled a plate. As I ate, I watched Commerce restaurant staffers scurrying around like chip runners in a charity re-buy, bringing out endless platters of first class food. Gotta give these guys credit, they know how to spread a feast.

Uh, can I get a "to go" box?













After a couple of trips back to the shrimp stack, I waddled from the patio to the tournament room to find my seat. Griffo’s crowd management plan was obviously working. I felt more inclined to take a nap than play poker.


The stage thus set…

The Free FM broadcast setup was the same as last time with hosts Conway and Bonaduce up on the stage at the front of the room. Earlier in the week, the station announced that Whitten was leaving the show, but Conway and his production staff moved on without a hitch. As for Bonaduce, when I last saw him, he was face down in a puddle of his own blood, murdered by the “Miniature Killer” on CSI. I’m happy to report that he is alive, well and an entertaining radio personality. He’s now got his own show, The Danny Bonaduce Show, weekdays from 2-3p on 97.1 Free FM and shared his own twisted views on life.

Well, I was pretty wasted so I really don't remember...



Through the course of the show, he and Conway fielded calls about being involuntarily tossed from a casino and interviewed the Leykette girls on what they did for a living when fully-clothed. Bonaduce offered up candid insights on his own drunken and debauched behavior and responded to a listener inquiry about how he avoided becoming a pornstar when his career soured in the 90s. Other topics included how strip clubs fare in a recession and careful assessment of the Leykette girls calendar in the context of the station’s sexual harassment policy.

Ok, let's review. If her jeans sit low on her hips, we're in a recession...



At one point, Bonaduce pitched the concept of a threesome with his girlfriend and, Gina, one of the Free FM staffers. Now if I tried to set up a threesome with my wife in the privacy of our home, I’d likely spend the next three weeks eating takeout food in the garage. Not so, Bonaduce. He had his girlfriend and Gina intrigued on stage, in public, and can reference a recorded on-air transcript for confirmation.

Danny Partridge, salesman.



Overall, all the topics covered by Conway and Bonaduce were a refreshing change from the election year drivel to which we’ve been subjected by most talk radio hosts. Public intoxication, gambling, strip clubs and lewd behavior? These were the real issues on the minds of the electorate and Conway and Bonaduce were courageous enough to confront each of them head on. If you’d like to hear their platform or Bonaduce’s artful pitch for his ménage-a-trois, you can hear the podcasts here.


Dodgeball!

Enough on talk radio; we were here for poker. The tournament structure was 1000 starting chips and 25/50 blinds—the rough equivalent of playing dodge ball at point blank range—but it was free and the Commerce added a prize pool of six thousand dollars and iTunes gift cards so no one was complaining. In fact, Mosikian spent most of the night playing Godfather to the endless stream of sycophants anxious to get invited back to the next event. It was pretty nauseating to witness, but I’d probably do the same in a similar position.

“Hey [your name here], nice to see you! Glad you could make it. What? Of course, there’ll be spot for you next time. Always. Hey, I meant to ask you…what’s the price for some new rims for the Lexus? What? No, I couldn’t. That wouldn’t be right. Well, ok…if you insist. I’ll drop the car off Monday…”

The “featured” table was really a collection of riff-raff handpicked by Mosikian and appeared to comprise players to whom he was related or owed money. Early in the tournament, the Knob Creek girls hovered by our table, seduced by the notion of “featured” players. They were struggling to hold an absurd amount of swag so I offered to find a good home for some items.

“A Knob Creek flask? Well, as it turns out, I AM a bourbon drinker. This will come in handy on those long nights editing the home page. How about one of those t-shirts? What, I have to choose? Ok, how about one of those pens…”

Tools of the trade



Ok, one for the fellas fighting overseas...




The hands

As you might guess given the structure, there’s not much skill involved in one of these freeroll tournaments. It’s kind of like being a carpenter with a Fisher-Price toolbox. You can make some noise and have some fun, but it’s probably not something you can count on for rent money. In any event, I had a few hands worth noting.

With the blinds at 25/50, I raised with AKs and took the pot. Ok, that sounded better on tape.

I called in position with 55. Bet at 832 board and took it. Edmond the Courageous.

I called in position with 55 again. I called a small flop bet and folded to sizable turn bet. Edmond the Timid.

Sitting with 1000 chips and the blinds at 50/100, I pushed with JJ, got two callers and was unanimously criticized by the table for overplaying a premium hand. Uh, ok.

After some skilled play I’d prefer not to discuss, I was sitting with 1475 in chips, and in a massive hand, a set of fours cleared four players from our table. Clarification: a massive hand, in which I was not involved.

With about 2000 chips, I called in position yet again with 55 and hit middle set on a 549 board. Checked to me, I bet 350 into a 650 pot and took the pot. So you guys call everyone else with bottom pair, gutter draw…but not me…

In the spirit of the night, I donked off half my stack on some piece of trash hand, and shortly after the blinds jumped to 200/400 with a 25 ante, I moved in with A4o for my last 1200 chips. I was insta-called by two hands including 97s by the big blind.

A9x. Fine. Turn J. River 9. Bah.

I was out.


You again?

After I busted, I had some time to look around. I have to give the Commerce guys credit—they know how to lure them in. Through radio spots and an email campaign, they had about 3000 applicants for 450 tournament seats. I counted another 70 or so alternates for a total of 520 participants. Even better for the home team, the players seemed to roll over into cash games as soon as they busted from the tournament.

Nice crowd for a Thursday



A typical Thursday night at the Commerce will feature 8-12 baby NL games (1/1 blinds $40 max buy-in) running. Tonight as the tournament broke down, I counted 20. That’s more low stakes NL games than most Vegas poker rooms have TABLES. 180 players committed to low stakes NL—frightening…but impressive!

Hanging around the snack bar, I ran into both the #1 and #2 finishers (Paul Hsu and Michael Friedman, respectively) at the prior 97.1 Freeroll. I re-introduced myself to Michael (the #2 finisher), who seemed genuinely flattered that I picked him from the crowd.

“Wow. How did you recognize me?”

He clearly didn’t understand how the blog editing process works.

“I stared at your picture repeatedly one weekend. Your mug still haunts me.”

He commented that he exited the tournament when his AA fell to AKo, all-in pre-flop, and was surprisingly nonchalant about the nasty beat. “It happens,” he said. “But this is a cool event. I’ll be back.”

As luck would have it, I saw Paul Hsu (the winnah last time) loitering nearby and reunited him and Michael for a photo op.

At least one guy recognized us!




I later asked Mosikian if he conned them into attending using the pretext of a sponsor’s exemption, but he insisted they returned on their own initiative. What? Hsu had never been to Commerce prior to the last event and now he was a cash game regular. And Friedman was laughing off a gross 15 to 1 beat and vowing to return. It was clear that this freeroll concept has merit.

I stopped by the Leykettes girls and picked up a poster/calendar to replace the other one I’d worn out and grabbed some gratuitous photos for the 2R staff.

If it’s only guys in the office, there’s no sexual harassment problem, right?



Hmmm…is it a puppy?




Killing time, I wandered downstairs to the main poker room. I noticed that it was kind of a quiet Thursday overall, but still, Commerce had sixteen 4/8 games going. SIXTEEN. This, of course, filled me with lust—if we had two 4/8s going at my regular room, we’d be beside ourselves. I cleared my mind of the vengeful thoughts and went back upstairs to check on the tournament progress.


The field narrows

10:00p…11 tables left.
10:40p…4 tables left.

Funny. I liked the structure a lot better when I was out and waiting for the tournament to end.

As the field wound down, I spent some time with the floor staff chatting about local food joints. We agreed that the best local steakhouse is Dal Rae, an old school place in Pico Rivera, and for pizza, Bollini's Pizzeria in Monterey Park. Mosikian rattled off his favorites for burgers (Ari’s), tacos (Taco Village) and chili dogs (who knows?) but honestly I didn’t give much credence to his recommendations. I’m sure he’s got an open tab at all those places and looking for any way possible to close them out.

Suddenly, without warning, the bubble broke at 11p. The tournament paid to 27 places with $50 to the first few money spots. I didn’t even know they were close—no tense, drawn out bubble battle here, just a few nudges and “Hey, wait…I think we’re in the money…”. Of course, big cheer erupted when all 27 realized they just locked in $10/hour and a free meal for the night’s work. Not only that, they were now within striking distance of some decent money. First place $1700; second place $1100. Even an untrained observer like me could tell that was real dough for these cretins.

At 11:40p, there were still two tables but barely. Finally, at eleven players, one player moved in with A4o but survived when he hit his flush at the river. Still short, he moved in on the next hand with Q9s and was called by the big blind with Ax. The flop brought an ace and a roar from the other players. He turned a Q and rivered his 9 which brought a howl of protest until the spectators pointed out that the 9 gave the other player a flush. Final table!

They broke for ten minutes and, I overheard the winner recapping the hand for a friend. “He hit his queen, but then I rivered a straight!” Or a flush maybe, hon. What’s not to love about freeroll players?

Final table!



Your first time? Seriously? I had no idea...




As they were seating the final table, one of the railbirds came up to me.

“Hey, man…those girls that were with the radio show were talking about you. One of them thought you were her type!”

O rly?

“Did it occur to you to mention that to me before they left the building?”

Come on now. I’m happily married, but did he even stop to think my wife might like some confirmation that her husband still has curb appeal? Pretty thoughtless, if you asked me.


Ya basta with the ocho!

The final table got going shortly after midnight and dragged a little bit. There was no tension really, but there was a fair bit of showboating by all the final-tablers. It was the first, and perhaps last, final table appearance for most and they wanted to enjoy the moment. As for the play, it had all the drama, enthusiasm and civility of a frat house food fight.

Two of the final group mirrored the antics of Humberto Brenes involving their card protectors in even minor decisions. From your living room, watching Brenes rant on ESPN gets tiresome. At 1a when you’re sweating the end of a live tournament so you can get a few pics of the winner and get the hell out of there, watching someone mimick Brenes leaves you homicidal.

One player insisted that I get a shot of his card protector/savior, Ocho. Against my better judgment and taste, I’m presenting it here.

Next time, consider using a live pitbull




Uh, kings are good…

Paul Hsu, again the winner last time, was sweating one of the final table participants. He’s a good guy and we laughed about some of the awkward moves we saw. In fairness, the final table stack sizes (about 6x the BB) didn’t leave much room for decision-making. It was shove or be shoved upon, and hope your hand would prevail—Darwinism…with outs.

The event finally spun down to last two players, and despite a 2 to 1 chip disadvantage, Mike Kilker, a 21-year-old aspiring pro, looked good to take the title. The chip leader, Ted Hampton, was a likable, 40-ish guy who seemed to be playing in his first live event and just happy to have something for his kids to brag about. Hsu and I both liked Kilker’s chances.

Heads up



Through aggressive raising, Kilker took a chip lead but gave it back when his Ax didn’t hold against Hampton’s Jx. Now struggling for chips, Kilker button-shoved J5o. Oops. Hampton turned over pocket kings and it was over. Silly me, thinking the poker god assigned to the Commerce was something other than a sadist. Kilker picked up his $1100 and Hampton pocketed $1700 and the title.

Runner-up: Mike Kilker



The Winnah: Ted Hampton




Conclusion

I’ll be honest. At the start of the evening, if anyone had offered the action, I’d have bet my bankroll that Griffo and Mosikian would finish the evening in Men's Central facing multiple charges of moral turpitude and hocking their watches to make bail. But watching the crowd and listening to general feedback, I’d have to concede their freeroll event was, once again, a massive crowd pleaser.

The rail at most tournaments is lined with grim and tired faces and bad beat stories are thick in the air like flies around picnic trash. On the rail at the Commerce/97.1 Free FM Freeroll, people were laughing as they busted out—fat and happy, literally and figuratively—and it was clear that every one of the railbirds was looking forward to the next one. As for me, I’d be back, of course. I had unfinished business...

“Ok, take your time and focus. Which one was it?”





Edmond

On Tuesday, I rolled down to the Commerce around 2:30p and hunted down shaundeeb for a lunch at the Arena Bar and Grill, Commerce’s sports bar. I'd never met SFD and braced myself for a conversation without punctuation, but he surprised me with complete sentences and cogent thought. A few minutes into lunch, LakeofFire showed up and then David Mosikian, Player Relations god for the Commerce, wandered over and, as I found out later, picked up the tab. I wish I had known; I’d have ordered a couple of extra entrees to go.

After lunch, I signed up for the $1,000 NL event (Event #19). I didn’t look like they were going to get that many entrants, but by the start there were well over 25 tables going. The official count was 268 entrants with a $72k first prize.

Like many of the prelims, the structure was pretty quick—one hour levels, but 3000 chips and 25/50 blinds to start. I never really got anything going throughout the tournament. I definitely had some decent hands AA (3 times), KK and flopped trips and two pair (twice) but never could get paid off I finished about 50th when I shoved UTG with KQo with <10BB. KQo < ATs…nice playing with you guys.

High points on the day…

- Men the Master two seats to my left at my first table. He got down within a chip or two of the felt when he shoved with top pair, bad kicker, 3rd nut flush draw on the turn. He immediately doubled back up when a guy called his push with K high and redoubled when he insta-called an all-in with A2s. Deeb put it succinctly in the text message. “lol asians” No caps or punctuation, of course.

- Dinner in the Eden restaurant with SFD, SirWatts, grafyx and Lake. Grilled salmon…tasty…and good for you!

- LakeofFire flaming out in typical spectacular fashion, zooming up to several thousand BBs within the first two hours and then blowing it all before the dinner break. I thought he’d dusted the stack off on two hands, but as he corrected me, he had way too many chips to do it in just two hands. Three then, whatever.

- Meeting JP OSU of "I got mugged for 30k in Australia" fame on a break.

- Grinding through 80% of the field and not getting paid despite three pairs of pocket aces, a pair of pocket kings, flopped trips and two pairs ad nauseum because I’m a grey-haired nit and only play the nuts, obv.

- Moving to shaundeeb’s table short and having him mock me with a “Nice stack, sir!” and having him shake his head in disgust when I was shown the rail with my KQo < ATs.

- Other notables in the event: David Pham, Jennifer Tilly, a guy directly to my right supposedly never played a hand of poker before today but “is really good at blackjack.” You’ll be fine, sir. The games require skill sets…

Anyway, I should have some better stuff to talk about next week. Adanthar and nath are allegedly coming out. we're doing some filming with some of the guys on Monday and I have another deal that looks like it might just close later in the week. Plus, deeb's in a room with my credit card on file, unsupervised...

Welcome back, sir!

After the events of Super Bowl Sunday, I had no idea when I’d be allowed out into society at large much less back into a licensed casino. By Wednesday, though, I’d sold the UCLA medical staff on releasing me to the custody of my wife, and by 7p Thursday, she was 40 minutes into a yoga class and I was leaving my car with the valet at the Commerce Casino. Obviously, the Commerce doesn’t subscribe to weekly updates of the Las Vegas blacklist or doesn’t consider my behavior as documented in the Mirage security report abnormal—the valet greeted me with a friendly “Welcome back, sir! Leave it up front?” Why yes, thank you.

I was back at the Commerce with the simple goal of tracking down Thayer (reportedly playing the $1500 event) and perhaps redeeming my shocking exit from a single table satellite the prior week. As it turned out, I was sidetracked from my task by the buffet, Asian hotties, a frenzied mob and an unruly pride of paper mache lions. The events as transpired are still hazy but fortunately I had my digital camera and convinced the Commerce staff that my use of same was of journalistic significance. I’ll do the best I can to recap the events and provide photo verification where possible.


A guy’s gotta eat, right?

First, the buffet. This year, the food voucher you receive with an LAPC entry is good for the buffet, either in the Eden Restaurant (at the bottom of the stairs from the tournament area) or the Las Vegas Buffet (between the California games and main poker rooms). This buffet is the real deal—prime rib, fried chicken, a variety of vegetables, breads and salad and an assortment of desserts. I wasn’t playing and didn’t have a voucher, but when John Griffo, the Commerce’s shameless yet talented Casino Development Manager, saw me loitering in the lobby, he waved me over and told me to take a run at it gratis. I accommodated him, of course—I’m not one to refuse hospitality—and figure the typical tournament player can easily pull $20-$25 of value from the set-up.




Uh, dude, you had me at “Asian models…”

As I was finishing my feast, Griffo mentioned that I might want to check out the Chinese New Year celebration around 8p or so. “We’re having some Asian models hand out cash and stuff.” and casually mentioned something about an authentic lion dance. “You might like it.” Well, yes, that I might.

In my opinion, this is the kind of bold thinking that affirms the Commerce’s market leadership. It’s not just about giving back to your customer base. It’s about employing BABES to give CASH back. I can just imagine the marketing meeting with everyone brainstorming about how best to welcome the Year of the Rat.

“Hey, I’m just thinking out loud here, but what about hiring some attractive Asian girls and having them hand out cash and gifts in the pai gow section?”

“Hmmm…that might work. Anybody willing to champion this?”

Cue Griffo stepping forward as the courageous volunteer.

The Year of the Rat? More like the Night of the Weasel…


New Year’s done right

For those that aren’t familiar with the Chinese New Year, it’s the most important of the traditional Chinese holidays. I’m not sure how our Asian friends calibrate the year-end (this year it fell on Feb 7th), but according to myth, a man-eating beast appeared every 12 months to prey on humans. This creature was sensitive to loud noises and the color red, and, consequently, the traditional celebration includes fireworks and other cacophony to scare the beast back into hiding.

This year, the Commerce put their own twist on the celebration. First, they’d send five Asian stunners in tiaras and evening gowns through the California games (pai gow, pan, baccarat et al.) with cash and other gifts in red envelopes. Then with the crowd worked into a frenzy, they’d have the girls lead a traditional lion dance through the entire first floor and spin the rest of the casino into the mix. A straightforward distribution of value for the customer accomplished through liberal application of noise and women. I liked it.




Feeding time!

Griffo collected the girls in the lobby and handed them fistfuls of red envelopes with a variety of prizes and gifts enclosed. He then set them loose with clear instructions “make sure everyone gets something.” The result was predictable and immediate. With the enthusiasm of piranha on exposed flesh, the patrons swarmed the girls as they moved through the pai gow and baccarat sections. Griffo and his team followed, like a camera crew from Animal Planet, only interrupting the ecosystem to reload the girls with envelopes.









It was like watching untamed animals feeding and I kept a safe distance. Who knows how the species would react if they thought their feast was threatened by an intruder? Fortunately, a team of the Commerce’s finest kept order and by 8:30p the girls were back in the lobby breathless but otherwise unharmed.

“I thought they were going to tear them to shreds!” Griffo commented with a chuckle.

“You tied raw meat to fawns and dropped them in the tiger pit! What did you expect?” I howled.

Griffo shrugged me off and quickly herded the girls into the parking lot to prepare for the second part of the celebration, the lion dance.


The Lion Dance

This is the first time I’d seen a lion dance in person and it apparently involves taunting Asian teenagers encased in paper mache with beautiful women, rattling their nerves with cymbal crashes and then sending them into a crowded room of gamblers to run amok. I observed in anonymity, like Caine with a camera.

Eye contact with the 2nd from the left…nice…



The pride warms up...



"Girls, meet the lions...Lions, girls..."



Beauties and the beast...



After a few preliminaries, the parade started in the California games section, moved through the high stakes poker room and onto the main floor. The reaction of the crowds varied from reverent glee in the Asian section to casual shrugs in the poker room. As the lions split up and ran amok throughout the casino. I noticed a number of Asian patrons “feeding” the lions chips, presumably to garner good fortune throughout the new year. Note to self: If you ever need to rebuild your bankroll, dust off the old marching band drum-kit…find some old newspaper and paste…add paint, fur and glitter…

Griffo reminds the crowd that that the lions and girls are fitted with tracking devices...



Five hotties and a huge lion head...standard...



Where’s the 300/600 mixed game?



Side note:

Just another Thursday night in the high stakes poker section…

8 tables of 10/20 NL
2 tables of 20/40 NL
1 table of 50/100 NL

1 table of 8/16 half kill
6 tables of 9/18 limit
5 tables of 20/40 limit
5 tables of 40/80 limit
2 tables of 60/120 limit
4 tables of 100/200 hold’em
Interest for 300/600 and 400/800 hold’em

1 table of 300/600 mixed
1 table of 400/800 mixed
1 table of 1000/2000 mixed
1 table of 200/Kondition Chinese poker

2 tables of 30/60 Omaha hi/lo 1/3 kill split
1 table of 10/20 pot limit Omaha
Interest for 75/150 Omaha

3 tables of 20/40 stud
2 tables of 30/60 stud
3 tables of 100/200 stud

Pay that little yellow lion no mind…







I’m 21…why do you ask?




We started with five of you, right?

After 15-20 minutes of romping about, the lions were lured back to the parking lot. Griffo inventoried the girls and beasts and satisfied that all were accounted for, allowed a few final shots.





Dude, you know this is the high point of your life, right?




Thayer he is!

After so welcoming in the New Year, I went up to the tournament room to hunt down Thayer in the $1500 event. As it turns out, he was pretty easy to find. The tournament was down to 7 tables, and, of the final 60 or so players, there was only one slightly bored Yankee fan remaining. Had to be him, right? I watched for a bit and introduced myself on a break.



After that I went down and played $5/10 $400 max for about an hour and ended up down about $140 when my AQs hit a Q high flop but came apart on the turn in a multi-way pot. I took that as my cue to head out and checked back in on Thayer. Approaching the bubble, 32 players left with 27 paid and he was settled into a comfortable pattern of blind larceny...



I called it a night, and moved on like Caine …satisfied that my work here was done...

Edmond

Last night I went down to meet up with 2+2er Heisenb3rg who’s in town from Toronto to grind out some limit and check on lakong in the 6-max turbo (busto) and LakeofFire in the single table tournaments (couple of chops). After having a drink with Heisenb3rg, I surveyed the cash game action. Check this out, last night (Wed) around 9p, at least 45 tables of NL and tons of other action!

Main Poker Room



No limit

6+ tables of 1/2 $40 max
7 tables 2/3 $100 max
9 tables 3/5 $200 max
13 tables 5/10 $400 max
8 tables of 10/20 $600+
1 table of 20/40 $2k+
Interest for a 50/100 NL
1 table of 100/200 NL $30k+
1 table of 200/400 NL

Limit

1 table of 1/2
3 tables of 2/4
X tables of 4/8 missed this but I know they’re spreading it
2 tables of 8/16 half kill
4 tables of 9/18
4 tables of 40/80
3 tables of 60/120
3 tables of 100/200
1 table of 200/400
1 table of 400/800
1 table of 300/600 mixed
1 table of 600/1200 mixed

Other games

2 tables of Chinese poker; one 100/Kondition, one 200/Kondition
4 tables of 4/8 stud
Interest for 40/80 stud 8 or better
2 tables 4/8 Omaha hi/lo
2 tables of 30/60 Omaha hi-lo split with 1/3 kill
Interest list for PLO

I probably missed some games but you get the idea. Among the name players I saw: an oddly sober Layne Flack playing Badugi; Eli Elezra, Jennifer Harman and Todd Brunson in what looked to be an 800/1600 mixed game; Jean-Robert Bellande voted off Survivor but welcome in 100/200 NL; and Shawn Sheikhan playing Chinese poker short-handed. In the tournament room, Mel Judah, Shannon Elizabeth and lots of knuckleheads I recognized from other events.


You girls here with anyone else?

I hadn’t planned on playing but as I was wandering around the tournament room, they were seating a $280 sit-n-go and needed a final entrant. An omen, obv. I took the seat. The $280 sit-n-go starts with 1500 chips, 25/25 blinds and 15-minute levels. My tablemates reminded me of my ex—bloated, unthinking and little regard for value. I mentally booked the easy win.



I'd barely settled in and called for a cocktail waitress, when on the 2nd hand of the tournament, I looked down at pocket queens. Now two girls and me flush with cash is an obvious trouble spot, but with one Jack Daniels in me and another on order, I felt up for the challenge. One EP limper to me, I raised 100 and got three callers.

The flop was a nice QJ2.

The players checked to me. The arrival of the 3rd little temptress filled me with lust, and I showed off for the girls by tossing $300 into the pot. One for each of you!

Call. Call. EP limper now shoved. WTF? Sir, I’m not abandoning three hotties at this party and leaving. I call. Call. Crying call. Ok, let’s see them, folks.

EP guy who re-raised me all-in flips up 22.
I present my harem with pride QQ.
Pretender to my left shows KT.
And Crying Caller shows T9.

Sadly, like other similar situations (me lit, multiple women), this ended with me short on cash when an unwelcome third party presented himself—in this case, a river K. Stunned by this pimp, I prepared to head out in shame. But as the winner (Crying Caller) scooped the pot, I realized he had donked off a few chips in the very first hand. I collected a $375 side pot. Taxi fare.

Guy to my right says “Hey, you made money!”
“Well, not exactly.” I responded as I sat back down.
“Oh…yeah…I guess you’re right.”

The blinds were only 25/25 and I still had chips, so like any guy so worked, I struggled to rebuild. Ironically, I built back up to 800 courtesy of JJ which held multi-way but bounced out shortly thereafter when I called a shove on my blind with AQo. AQo < ATs and I was out.

Ok, let me get this right, Edmond…you get it in right with four women and you’re home by 11p with no money? Well, yeah...but I'm going back. The cash games are SICK!

Edmond

Author’s Note

After yesterday’s fiasco in Phoenix, my closest friends quickly determined I was a threat to myself and others and checked me in to UCLA’s psych ward pursuant to section 5150 of the California code. My recollection of the actual events is still sketchy, but the security report said that sometime around 6:50p PST, I flew into an uncontrolled rage at the Mirage Super Bowl party, pelting anyone wearing Giants attire with barbecued chicken wings and soft pretzels and threatening to “rid the world of that surly chimp Coughlin and the entire Manning clan” and to “burn the Meadowlands to the ground.” Apparently, I then pounded my own head against a beer cart until “it [the cart] was no longer suitable for use.”

According to the LVPD report, my friends “reacted quickly and professionally”, secured my hands and feet with waitress garters and party wristbands and wheeled me from the Mirage on a bellman’s cart. The Mirage staff referenced me “lunging toward other guests in the taxi line” and shrieking something about my own ability to “hit a 49-yard field goal in a dome” and that “any idiot who’s played Madden ’04 could beat those crazies with screen passes.” I’ve no recollection of said incident(s), but I can’t in good conscience deny them given the barbecue sauce and mustard stains on my Patriots hat and Bud Light logo bruised into my forehead. That my friends got my through airport security and the 45-minute flight to LA without third-party notification of the FAA is a testament to their diplomatic skills and resourcefulness under duress.

In any event, as of 9 am this morning, the ward staff has determined that supervised visits with immediate family and limited communication with friends might help speed my return to the mainstream. All pens and other sharp objects are still prohibited from my room until further notice and my mouth guard is still in place, but I’ve been cleared to use a fixed keyboard for periods “not to exceed one hour.” Hence, this quick update with a 10-pound cat in my lap and wife chattering in the background.


Super Bowl weekend



As I mentioned in the previous post, every year my friends and I head to Las Vegas for the Super Bowl. In my opinion, Las Vegas is a better play than attending in person—more intensity (see also, LVPD report), better food and easy access to fishy poker tables. My first time in LV for the Super Bowl was in 2001 with a Patriots cheerleader in tow and that worked out well enough to block out the first week of February ad infinitum. That relationship was a predictable bust but the Pats have been steady contenders ever since and my degenerate friends provide just enough blackjack and craps action to warrant invitation for six to attend a party each year. My poker earn has also improved dramatically since 2001. Ergo, we go.

We flew into town Saturday morning and it struck me that the airport was kind of a ghost town given the weekend. The LAX-Las Vegas flight was a third empty, the terminal in LV pretty subdued and the taxi line less than a 5-minute wait. Super Bowl weekend is a popular weekend in Vegas, but as of Saturday morning, Bellagio was offering internet deals on room for Saturday and Sunday night at a discount from their regular weekend rate. It’ll be interesting to see how the retrenchment of the American consumer shows up in the casino year-to-year comp numbers.


The Mirage

We headed for Carnegie Deli at the Mirage to refuel and establish a game plan for the week-end. The offensive coordinators thought the right line was check-in, gym, gambol and steak dinner to establish a rhythm, segue to a post-dinner NL session to wear down the defense and then run out the clock with the Super Bowl party on Sunday. We all agreed the plan made sense and broke on “Pats in a blowout!”



I headed down to the spa to hook up for a quick workout and possible massage. I managed my expectations as I approached the girl at the front desk. Walk-in massage availability on the Saturday of Super Bowl weekend? In prior years, the desk staff would laugh me into the steam room but this year, no problem. Four o’clock ok? Sure, sure. See you then. After my workout/massage, I hunted down my friends who had positioned at a craps table at TI.


”I can’t look!”

I’m not a big gambler by shaundeeb et al. standards, but a little craps session is always good for some laughs. Besides, one of the guys with us who makes mid-high six figures and is eerily comfortable at $10/20 NL, turns into a little old lady with $200+ on a craps table. I figured I’d have some fun forcing him to put his max odds bets down and joined the group. As it was, he didn’t disappoint, turning away from the table like he’d seen his dog run into traffic every time the dice were in the air. Good comedy.

I finished the session up $800 courtesy of once-in-a-lifetime roll by a craps newbie. This 6’4” bruiser had no idea what he was doing but was up 4x on his money with other people howling about his godlike skills throughout his 45-minute roll. He was clearly pleased with his newfound talent and anxious for the dice to find their way to his paw again. I colored up and left before witnessing the certain awkwardness of a 240-lb man sobbing in the presence of total strangers.

We headed back to the Mirage and I re-invested my winnings in two bottles of Dominus for the group. Steak, seafood and good cabernet are an excellent pre-game meal for any NL session so by 10p I was ready to hit the Mirage poker room.


The pokers

The Mirage was full but not packed and we were immediately seated in a $2/5 NL game, usually the biggest NL game in the room.



My friends and I each bought in for the maximum so there was a nice overlay of $250 for each of the other six players. We each managed to pull a few hundred from the game and got on a list for a $115 sit-n-go. I recorded specifics on the hands I played but somehow deleted the files. Here’s what I have from memory.


Hand 1

I’m in the big blind with AKo, four players limped to me and I made it $25 to go. I got two callers including the button. I whiffed the 553 flop but fired $50 into the $100 pot anyway. The button, a young guy with roughly $500 in front, called. Oh nice, float me. Why not?

Turn was an A and I checked, knowing he’d bet into the grey-haired guy scared of the ace. He accommodated me with a $115 bet and I bumped it to $230. He thought for a minute and called. When the river blanked, I shoved the river and immediately kicked myself for not letting him bluff again. He folded, of course, and I stacked a nice pot. I should note that to the delight of my friends, I spilled chips everywhere with the flop check-raise. Whatever, I took the pot.


Hand 2

An orbit or two later I was in the small blind with jacks. One of my friends made in $20 to go and I called. I prefer to re-raise there and narrow the field, but I wasn’t paying close attention and headed to the flop four-way, out-of-position with JJ. Cool.

Fortunately, the flop was a lovely JTx.

I checked my top set and the table checked back to my friend who bet $40. Back to me, I contemplated a slow play but didn’t like that draw-heavy board 4-way. I begged the gods to let my friend have a real hand here and moved $120 into the pot. Bah! He (and everyone else) folded and later told me he had AK.


Hand 3

The last hand I pulled any dough with was A5 in the small blind. Limped to me, I completed and saw a 243 flop. I bet out with my wheel and got one caller. I continued on the blank turn and took the $60-ish pot.


Dude, that’s nasty.

It was shortly after midnight and I was getting bored, so I got up from the table and checked the sit-n-go lists to see if anything was close to seating. They immediately called for a $115 but several guys on the waitlist didn’t show. I waved my friends over.

The Mirage $115 sit-n-go runs with 1500 chips and 15 minute levels and pays two spots. About six of us put on a last longer and we were off. For the most part, the field comprised the usual “some guys knowing what they’re doing but most not” competition. Among others, there was a talkative but likable guy to my right that seemed to know what he was doing, an aggressive guy to his right in hip-hop gear, an Israeli guy who seemed better suited to a kibbutz than a sit-n-go, my friends and a redneck to my left chewing tobacco and spitting at the table.

The Mirage has a rule against chew at the table and I initially thought this dude had some sort of tooth problem, but when he started filling a cup with spit, it all came disgusting clear. When my friend moved in on his late limp with Kx and busted his AA with a KKx flop, I celebrated inside. Dude, take that back to Alabama where it belongs.

That same friend and I ended up chopping the tournament for $475 each (net of dealer tip and not counting the last longer). Some critical hands at the end…

My friend’s K2o > AA.

My K5o short stack push > A8s when the 5 hit the flop.

My A5o > K2o, ATo > A6o and AQo > T6o, in rapid succession to knock out the #3 player (the aggressive player to my right) who had been chip leader throughout.

We chopped around 2:00a and I called it a night.


Good fold!

On Sunday, I got up, met my friends for a quick breakfast (no line at the Café either) and headed off to the poker table to collect a few bets and load up on the Patriots less the points.

The table was uneventful other than one guy who kept betting his good hands hard and flipping them up each time his opponents folded, congratulating them on their “Good fold.” Why on Earth anyone would provide free information and ongoing validation about good decision-making is beyond me, but I mentally thanked him for myself and my buddies. I ended up down $30 courtesy of a bet/min-check raise/fold at the river with AT on a AKxKx three heart board and a pair of pocket kings that held three-way to a Axx flop.

I racked up and hit the gym for an hour or so before the party. I’ll be honest—while watching the pre-game show and Hall-of-Famers offering sycophantic praise to Tom Brady, I began to get a bad feeling about the game. I’m all for confidence in any aspect of life, but for some reason, these Patriots didn’t look as singularly focused and relentless as in years past. I shook it off to pre-game jitters and finished the workout with a quick steam and shower.


And now for the fun…

After the workout, I hunted down my friends. We picked up our entry wristbands and headed over to the party for gluttony and glory. To assist with the former, the Mirage sets up several huge buffet lines and multiple bars in a series of connected ballrooms. For the latter, there are flat screen monitors everywhere you turn and the main ballroom has 15-20 huge projection screens and a fully-synchronized sound system. Just to keep things light, a number of beverage vendors scatter talented cocktail waitresses throughout the event to defend their market share. I picked up turkey sandwich, flagged down a Corona girl and settled in for the Patriots 2008 victory lap…