Celina left this morning for Macau. She’ll be there for a week, and then spend about 10 days visiting friends in Kuala Lumpur. After that she’ll be going to APPT Manila for roughly another week, meaning she’ll be gone about three and a half weeks in total. It seems unlikely I’ll attend APPT Manila, as it’s a nearly 13 hour plane trip and a low buy in tournament that would take several days of my time, making it a financially –EV trip. I’ve also been told by just about everyone that Manila is a hole and I’m just plain sick of traveling, so I’m sitting this one out and returning to the internet.

As a result, my friend Stevo and I have decided to make a massive volume PLB (points leader board) bet for the month of November. The bet itself isn’t anything giant, loser buys dinner at winners choice restaurant, but we’ll be making a number of wagers on other volume related accomplishments including most final tables, most wins, and most final table bubbles. With no girlfriend, no legitimate social life, and no other responsibilities I think we’re going to see a pretty epic month of volume.

I’ll be up at 7am every day and probably playing until around 6pm. I’ll get to sleep around 10pm. I’m going to purchase a new monitor to make this all more comfortable and I imagine I’ll be playing about 15 tables at a time for as long as possible every day across eight or nine different sites.

The rest of my time will be spent dieting and exercising. I’ve been off my ultra strict diet for about two weeks now, something that ends tonight. I had one last enjoyable meal (I ordered Indian obviously) and starting tomorrow I won’t be enjoying anything in the way of food for a solid two months. I’ll be in the gym five days a week instead of my current three and the other two days I’ll be using a jump rope on my balcony to continue burning calories. The roughly two months I devoted to this kind of thing previous to going off my diet got me in respectable shape, which hasn’t been reversed much at all since my lapse so I hope to springboard straight back into progress.

Essentially my life will be operating like a robot for a month. I imagine I’ll be doing quite a bit of writing and of course, video game playing. If people in Melbourne I know want to swing by and visit these days that’d be great, I’ll be hanging and grilling on my porch pretty often and human interaction will be healthy after so much workaholism. I imagine this sort of living seems pretty disgusting to most, but I’m honestly very excited for it. I love having a strict routine to keep my diet and exercise in line, and I haven’t been able to put in a truly great month of online volume in a very long time.

My goal for the month, outside beating the living shit of Stevo, is to make $100,000 USD. If the AUD holds at its current level that’ll be a month worth slight more than $150,000. With the economy the way it is I’ve become increasingly paranoid about a potential down turn in online pokers popularity (though in all honesty it seems extremely unlikely to be anything major) so I’m eager to generate as much money as fast as possible. I’m also considering turning the ‘Things it took me a while to learn’ series into a book on tournament strategy and adding a ton of content. I’m not really sure; I’ve got some time to think about it all. Were I to ever actually bother writing a proper book I’d prefer something more humorous or autobiographical (such as the Around the World blog) but the articles have laid such a solid blue print for a book that it seems like the easiest route. I don’t particularly care about the financial success of the book, so long as people found it useful and I felt like I’d put something of quality together with my time. We’ll see.

As more and more online players gain live success and fame they’ll likely encounter the business side of poker. Unfortunately, the sponsorship game can be an awkward and complicated social shoot out with many potential pit falls. Having spent the last several months on the live circuit and interacting with many people on the business side of poker I’d like to use that experience to drop some knowledge on those for whom this will soon be an issue. I imagine a lot of people are expecting an entirely sarcastic and subversive post, and there will be plenty of that, but I’d also like to seriously talk about what I’ve ‘seen in this scene’ and how to use it. If you have half a brain you should be able to tell the two apart.

Do: Win a televised major donkament. Obviously right? Clearly this is easier said than done, but it is the fastest and most direct route to sponsorship. It should be noted however, that these days outside of winning the WSOP ME there is no tournament which garners enough attention in order for your deal to be automatic. In fact, the past two WSOP ME champions have had their sponsorships fall through. Jamie Gold lost his deal with Bodog by being Jamie Gold and Jerry Yang was not signed on to Full Tilt (whose brand he wore at the final table) as a result of he and his family feeling he should no longer gamble his own money on buy ins and Full Tilt not being willing to accommodate such a large investment at the time of his win (according to his agent anyway.)

Don’t: Be white and North American. The poker market is completely saturated with white North Americans and the North American market has the least potential for growth, especially with the current economy. I’ve also been told that ratings for poker TV in North America have been declining (take a look at how many WSOP events ESPN opted to film this year) so the need for further sponsored players to represent this market is at an all time low. That’s not to say attaining a deal being a white North American is impossible, it’s just that it requires much larger results than a European, Latin American, or Asian counterpart. Being North American and nonwhite can be advantageous, especially if your ethnicity is that of a country where poker has been recently introduced and there are no locals that have developed skills in the game worth sponsoring. This applies much more so to Latin America and Asia than Europe currently but as an Asian you face the difficulty that you are not easily promoted in countries outside your own ethnicity due to the ‘blood culture’ mentality that exists in many countries in the region.

Do: Be an attractive girl. Or even semi attractive. Or even barely sorta kinda maybe in dim lighting and were I 12 drinks into the night attractive. Even after five years of popularity the game is still fairly devoid of females who both play well and are attractive, resulting in the sponsoring of many female players who have essentially no clue about the game but whose attractiveness still makes them a much better option than the vast majority of male players. The only problem for females is that this is a male dominated industry that is quite comfortable with casual chauvinism and those girls who truly can play the game well (hi Celina and Annette!) will be assumed to have gained their popularity unfairly or through less than reputable means from some of their peers.

Do: Start a blog. The poker sites want to see you promote yourself and create your own fan club. The poker sites are mostly happy with any form of self promotion as long as it’s not disruptive, and starting a blog is the kind of self promotion you can engage in without feeling like you’re selling your soul. As I’ve found personally it can also be very cathartic at the end of a stressful day of poker and allow you an appropriate forum for which to spread hate on those you feel have earned your scorn. Warning, if you have the audacity to put your true thoughts and feelings in your blog you run the risk of being publicly crucified a la David Benefield. In general, keeping it too real in a blog runs the risk of being hated on by people who have no idea of what their talking about.

Do: Go play a ton of live poker. For the most part sites don’t really care about online accomplishments unless you have incredibly sick Menloesque results or consistently play nose bleed games and win. This is because most online players appeal is to other online players, and the sites don’t need to recruit the business of those they already have. Also, few people in the live arena are impressed by online results, irrelevant to their consistency or scale. Most will assume you are in procession of a ‘lucky account’ or these days, a superuser. They will tell you that your online results don’t prove anything because all anyone does online is call and give you bad beats, and were you to play live the live players would see all your tells and own your soul in ways that would make the devil reconsider is soul owning policies.

Don’t: Shoot your mouth off about the quality of the product of the online company you are employed by a la Roy Winston or Bond18. It won’t make you friends and your self righteousness is not welcome.

Do: Feel free to have loose morals. Sorel Mizzi had a highly public cheating scandal and has a considerable Betfair sponsorship. Brian Townsend and Matthew Vengrin have both encountered cheating scandals (one validated, one quelled) and both maintain Full Tilt sponsorship. Pokerstars sponsored player Ivan Tan once remarked to me over dinner, in front of Pokerstars staff, “Yea you could play on Celina’s account all the time and nobody would have any idea it’s you!” in 100% seriousness. Having quality ethics makes you a liability and is a great way to be left out of the cold despite doing everything else right, a la Shane Schleger.

Don’t: Suck up to those who are in control of sponsorships or other sponsored players in hopes of currying favor. These people get dozens of emails a week with hilariously absurd content describing why the sender is worthy of sponsorship. When they enter poker rooms they are consistently approached by clueless hustlers who feel they have something to offer and must politely decline while retardation is being spewed directly at their brains. For these people, every interaction with someone they don’t know well must be greeted with the suspicion of a potential conversational angle shoot, and kissing ass makes you look like you may be doing just that. Just be yourself and talk to them like you would anyone else. If you have actual business dealings your real personality is going to shine through eventually, so you might as well be real from the start.

Don’t: Make any drug use highly public or notorious. Yes I know Matusow has a reputation/arrest record as a wacky crack head but it’s okay because he got famous in 2004. Overall the sites are extremely averse to being associated with any form of drug use, and that includes every online players favorite, marijuana. The sites already have to fight off anti gambling legislation, and they certainly don’t want to couple that with being seen as encouraging drug use or being comfortable associating with drug users. When expanding to other markets the sites attempt to present themselves as more or less wholesome entertainment so having a team full of addicts isn’t on their sponsorship agenda. It’s still okay to take drugs (not that you would have ever stopped) you just need to shut up about it if you want to do business.

Don’t: Waste your time on the major sites if you’re under 21. They don’t want to be seen as promoting ‘under age gambling’ in the U.S. so they’re not going to sponsor you (yes I know Stinger88 got sponsored at age 20 and I’m still amazed by it.) European sites may be more open to the idea, though I’m not sure as I have far less experience and information pertaining to them. I’ve talked to many younger players about this issue and what often happens when they make a televised final table is a site asks them to wear a patch and often offer a buy in or package to a future tournament as compensation, which is fine if that’s what you feel it’s worth. However, they may also ask you to wear the patch during interviews and media events by making claims that when you turn 21 you will be in line for a sponsorship. DON’T FALL FOR THIS HANDSHAKE/VERBAL SHIT. Nothing is real in the business world until it’s in paper, and there are numerous players who have had this not come to fruition as a result of failing at this aspect. Which brings us to the next point…

Don’t: Ever wear a fucking patch/brand unless you’re being compensated and have it in writing. This applies to poker sites and anyone else who asks you to wear something for them. Either get the money in your hand before you put that shit on or have the arrangement in paper in terms you understand. Don’t wear things for free trying to create good favor. Get paid for what you have to offer. If you have difficulty being a dick about this sort of thing get yourself an agent and get a competent one who you trust, which again brings us to the next point…

Maybe: Get an agent. Whether having an agent is right for you or not depends on a number of things. If you’re not good at being stern about what you want, having an agent may very well be right for you. If you’re not sure what you have to offer is worth and have minimal experience in these kinds of situations an agent may be right for you. When it comes to doing a one time deal for something like wearing a patch at the final table of a result having an agent is clearly less relevant so long as you know what things are worth. However, many agents may tell you that the only way to get a patch deal for a certain televised table is to go through them. I’m not quite sure about the validity of this, but my instinct is that their being lying pieces of shit, but who knows? If anyone has stories or methods about going around agents for one time deals with sites for televised stuff please post that information in this thread. There are some very good and reputable agents out there, and the best to find out whose best for you is to talk to friends who’ve been through this experience and talk to numerous agents and feel them out.

Don’t: Feel entitled. You’re not, nobody is anymore. If WSOP ME champions aren’t getting deals, then what the hell have you done that you think is so important and sponsorship worthy? Sites don’t want to work with ego maniacs and divas that make absurd demands and act like they’re more than a guy/girl who plays a fucking card game for a living. Online players as a whole have trouble transitioning to the live arena socially because we tend to carry an “I know better than you” attitude about the game (author is guilty as charged.) Whether you do know better about this game or not is irrelevant, and your knowledge won’t impress people in the business world. They want to see a positive and outgoing attitude and a willingness to treat random players with respect and enthusiasm, not elitism and condescension.

Don’t: Berate, whine, complain, or lose your temper. It looks immature and ridiculous and doesn’t exactly make you marketable. Sure there are exceptions like Hellmuth whose entire shtick is to blow up at people (authenticity debatable) but overall this kind of behavior is a great way to sabotage your sponsorship potential. If the game stresses you out a ton and you feel yourself about to blow up walk away from the table, go somewhere more private like outside or the bathroom and freak out on a wall Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire style if you really have to. That or grow up.

Don’t: House edge gamble heavily or be a broke ass. The sites want to avoid the image that poker is ‘gambling’ in the scary degenerate sense of the word. Poker is a skill game which happens to have some recreational wagering involved! If it’s well known that you’re constantly in the pit or often broke it tends to reflect poorly on the industry as a whole. Note; there are exceptions to the pit rule for a few certain ‘super ballas’, such as Phil Ivey, whose gambling of absurd sums only grows his legend.

Do: Join a training site. As I said before, the sites like anything you do that serves as self promotion in a healthy/reasonable way. Joining a training site is a great way to grow your profile while giving back to the community (and collect a paycheck!) If talking about and teaching poker is the kind of thing you’re into then hooking up with a training site is the savvy thing to do, especially since some of them have a solid working relationship with the poker sites themselves.

Do: Drop all the shit and play the game. It totally amazes me that a post like this can actually be relevant and useful. When people talk to me about what how their trying to grab a sponsorship deal I just want to shout at them “WHY DON’T YOU JUST PLAY THE FUCKING GAME AS WELL AS YOU KNOW HOW AND CUT THE SHIT?!” Anybody play cause they enjoy it anymore?

I’ve written many times before that I think online poker is superior to live. After spending the last six months experiencing a high volume of both, I feel like I’ve finally accumulated enough information in order to present a thorough list on why online poker is greater than live poker. Let’s break it down issue by issue.

1. Earning power:
a. Online poker: Sure it takes a considerable amount of work to reach the point where you’re a comfortably profitable online player, but once you do so the money is considerable. How considerable? If you’re good enough to reach 50% ROI at mid-high stakes MTT’s online and can put in $2500 worth of buy ins a day six days a week you stand to expect to make $7,500 a week (obviously expectation is not actually earn.) That’s enough money to call up your lawyer and ask “What’s happening you broke mother fucker?!”

b. Live poker: Because you can’t put enough volume in at live poker to find a true expectation over your life time, I can only assume that the old adage “The house always wins” applies and we’re all losing money at live poker to the casino all the time. Except Timex of course.

2. Retardation:
a. Online poker: Because you play online poker in the safety and comfort of your own home there is a very low probability that you will encounter someone spewing retardation directly into your brain on a daily basis. Make sure to avoid leaving the TV on Fox News to add further protection.

b. Live poker: Retardation lurks everywhere in live poker, mostly as a result of the retards that surround you at the table. They will tell you how you misplayed your hand and discuss ways in which to better your play. Your only defense is to smash your fingers into your ears and scream “BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA I DON’T LISTEN TO RETARDATION I CAN’T HEAR YOU BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAAH!!!!!” as loud as possible. In the event that you fail to do so your brain will experience symptoms similar to gangrene. If you are unfamiliar with those symptoms here is the appropriate Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangrene. Yea, you don’t want that shit in your brain.

3. Health:
a. Online poker: Health risks in online poker are vastly different to those associated with live poker. While habitual fat assery is common in both, online poker has a number of unique concerns. The most common injury is a bladder burst, caused by hours upon hours sitting in tournaments with no synchronized breaks and no appropriate near by waste receptacle. To prevent this common risk consider investing in a quality thermos, such as the ones offered at www.thermos.com. There’s even a ‘Barbie’ thermos, known by online poker players as the ‘R. Kelly model’. Carpel tunnel is also common amongst poker players, but recently doctors studying the condition stated that people who spend the majority of the work day at the computer should warm up their muscles through thorough masturbation prior to use.

b. Live poker: Though live poker has the similar high risk of fat assery, there is the added risk of scum baggery. You may get jumped in your hotel hall way a la Greg Raymer, or perhaps smashed in the head at knife point a la James Potter, or perhaps robbed at gun point twice outside the Rio a la the wife of Michael Mizrachi, or have your heart shatter like a dumped 12 year old girl when busting the WSOP main event 2008 a la Jean Robert Bellande. There’s also the brain gangrene stuff.

4. The smell:
a. Online poker: My apartment smells like a mix of BBQ, bananas, the yellow lemon stuff I spray where the dog pees, and a dash of smug satisfaction.

b. Live poker: Smells like BO, weird Venetian perfume stuff, cigarette drenched jackets, and fear.

5. The commute:
a. Online poker: The roughly three second walk from my bed to my computer. $100 says it can be done in two.

b. Live poker: At best, a decent drive into the casino. At worst, 30 hours straight in airports and planes that will constantly cause money transportation problems. Enjoy customs detention you terrorist funding drug dealers.

6. The chicks:
a. Online poker: Has the girls of the internet. More porn than you can shake a stick at.

b. Live poker: Has real women, who expect to be paid for things.

7. Strategy:
a. Online poker: Requires in depth knowledge of range percentages, patterns of thinking and non thinking players, comprehending poker tracker statistics, a complete understanding of ranges, a balance of aggression, the ability to manipulate bubbles, the ability to three and 4 bet light, stack sizes, position, and a highly developed multi tasking ability.

b. Live poker: Requires the ability to tell when a player on the table is actually, somehow, above level one thinking.

8. Top pro:
a. Online poker: Has Patrick Antonius, you know, God.

b. Live poker: Has Barry Greenstein, who come to think of it, has probably bagged more chicks than Antonius. Well played Greenstein.

9. The hang outs:
a. Online poker: Has the forums, where you can learn the game, make friends the world over, and go from universally beloved to feverishly ostracized pariah in the event of the slightest infraction. Other popular hang outs include Pokerstars, Full Tilt, and several far less credible poker sites.

b. Live poker: Has the player parties, with the guy to girl ratio at a figure so high three NASA mathematicians died trying to figure it out. It also has several live poker rooms across the world, home of rakes so big they require gigantic boxes under the table for the drop.

10. The chairs:
a. Online poker: I’m sitting in a chilled out plush leather recliner that has wheels, which affords me the option of spending my entirely driving around the apartment, were I so inclined. If I was balla I would go and buy one of those massage things you drape over it, but I’m not. Actually no wait, I really should do that.

b. Live poker: For just $2 a minute (that’s a $120 hourly) the masseuses at the WSOP will massage out the aches and pains the live poker chairs will inevitably incur.


Know something that should be added to this list dudes? Put it here.

Because I completely lack originality and wit, I’ve titled my birthday blog entry with the most cliché yet applicable of the classic Hollywood one-liners. I turn 24 tomorrow, the 17th, and while that is still very young for the real world, it’s surprisingly old in poker, especially when we’re talking online poker.

People talk about having a mid life crisis, but were you paranoid enough you could justify a mid 20’s crisis, were you so inclined. Turning 24 is just about the time you realize nobody you know is in school behaving appallingly anymore. Everyone around you is starting to act grown up; considering what they’ll do for a career, considering getting into a serious relationship, considering putting down the beer and the joint and picking up a tie. Nobody wants to get trashed and spend all night watching Chappelle’s show on DVD and playing Xbox. They’ve got things to do. Hell, I’ve got things to do.

I remember when I was a kid and my birthday would come around. I remember wishing I had enough money to buy all the video games and game systems they had out there. Now I’ve got enough money to buy whatever system and games I want, and even own a Wii and Xbox360 with quite a few sick titles. The irony though, is I never seem to have the time to play them. I’m lucky if I sneak in a solid 30 minutes of Xbox a day, and there’s an increasingly short list of people who have interest in joining me for that sort of thing. What I don’t remember is when I became such a workaholic that I stopped having the time to enjoy the things I was working so hard to make the money for.

That’s not to say I’m writing a blog entry advising people not to work their asses off. Especially with our current economic meltdown having a healthy work ethic is more important than ever. Just make sure you don’t lose yourself in the work, and remember why you’re doing it. Don’t wake up 40 one day with a healthy bank account and minimal memories of the past 20 years.

All age induced nostalgia aside though, I recently returned from my trip to the APPT in New Zealand. I didn’t bother blogging either of the events I played because little particularly interesting happened in either as far as results go. I busted about five hours into the main after being card dead all day then getting it in with 15 outs twice and blanking out. The high rollers was a deeper stacked tournament with more play but we only got 17 guys at about $5500 USD an entry, and I busted 7th after getting it in with a big draw against a set and not getting there. There were a few interesting hands from the high rollers which I’ll likely write about when I’m in a more strategy inclined mood.

The Pokernews Cup is currently going on in Melbourne, with the 6 max event being today. I lasted four hands. I raised QdTd UTG to 150 with a 5000 start bank. The button (who was about 70 years old) flat called, and Tony Hachem called in the BB. The flop came Qc 5d 3d and Tony checked. I bet 300 and the old guy made it 800. Tony flat called and I decided not to shove because the old guys range is roughly AQ, over pairs, and sets, and only one of those hands might fold if I cram. I call and the turn brings Kd. Tony checks and I make the ‘live gay bet’ and lead 1200 into the old guy. He tank folds and Hachem moves in. I snap call, he shows me Ad4d and I remark to the table that “This was easily worth taking the day off the internet for” as the river peels off and Hachem and I share a laugh at my futility together.

The day before I had a casual birthday get together, which was about a dozen poker players meeting me at the Belgian Beer Café in the afternoon where I got pretty fucked up. After going to dinner we stumbled into the Crown poker room and registered for the $550 bounty event. Despite being wasted and people continually buying me drinks I held up pretty well at the table and actually played fairly nity. As drunk as I clearly was, the table still refused to give me action unless they thought they had the nuts, a testament to the complete incapability of live players to make adjustments (sure I wasn’t playing all that loose and crazy, but If I saw anyone at the table who was as wasted as I was I’d imagine their ranges to be massive.)

After busting getting it in with A9 vs 99 for 13 BB’s I got to enjoy the romantic advances of Mark Vos on the new Pokernews interview girl, Gloria. The drunken Vos stared at her and blurted “Would you like to have sex with me?”
“Oh….no…….no Mark” she replied coolly. Points for honesty though, and there’s still few people on this planet I’d rather get wasted with than Mark Vos.

After the Cup is over I’ll be returning to a heavy dose of online poker while I watch the world crumble around me. At one point last week the AUD fell to about 65 cents on the dollar, and considering I had almost my entire bankroll online I suddenly found myself making a six figure gain in net worth not doing a fucking thing. People around the world pull their hair out as they slip further and further into debt while my peers and I get richer by the moment. It’s a very strange feeling, but it makes me appreciate what I have.

While gambling has historically been close to recession proof, I think that poker isn’t quite the same as classical gambling makes it a bit more vulnerable. I’m not a gloom and doom kind of guy and I doubt the online poker economy will see a major change in traffic or easy money. That said you can never be so sure, so I imagine I’ll spend the next couple of months grinding 10 hour days trying to pack as much equity into my day as possible, wondering when I’ll ever play Xbox again.

Today seems like an odd choice for which to write a positive minded blog entry. I had a truly awful day.

I woke up at 6am to catch an 8:15am flight. I normally wake up at 9am. There was bad traffic on the way to the airport and I was afraid we’d be late and miss the flight, though I was pretty sure we’d be okay. When we arrived they informed us that the flight was two hours delayed.

As always when I’ve under slept I felt horribly sick to my stomach and couldn’t eat very well in the morning. Our flight didn’t actually leave until 11:15am and as a result of Celina and me checking in separately online they had seated us apart. I asked the guy next to me if he wouldn’t mind swapping his aisle seat for Celina’s window and he declined on account of wanting to stay in the aisle seat. I went over and asked the lady next to Celina to move and after some consideration she agreed. I thanked her excessively.


The flight on United Arab Emirates was pleasant enough for the first 80% or so. Then they took away my head phones mid movie as we began our descent, forcing me to watch the rest of ‘Recount’ in silence, unable to understand why everyone in the movie hated Katherine Harris so much.

Then the plane experienced considerable turbulence, which caused me a rare bout of air sickness. I turned ghastly pale and my body felt like I was on fire. I unbuttoned my shirt down to a level that’d make Antonio Banderas think I was overdoing it then started sweating profusely as I dry heaved into the air sickness bag. I never actually vomited, though I doubt anyone else on the plane knew that from the sounds I was making.

Our descent turned out to be a rouse, as about 50 meters from the ground we suddenly pulled up and rapidly gained altitude. The captain came on the loud speaker and informed us that given the extremely wet and windy weather conditions it was too dangerous to land the plane. We’d have to hover over the airport and try again in about 10 minutes, and if we couldn’t land in the next 30-40 we’d have to reroute to Christchurch. On the second attempt the pilot managed to give us a surprisingly smooth landing.

I exited the plane as quickly as possible and after we went through customs made our way to the taxi line. We got a taxi immediately but the drive into town ended up taking 90 minutes as a result of a crash on the freeway. The ride is supposed to take 25.

When we arrived at the hotel Celina realized she’d forgot her make up at home. That meant we needed to go walk about in the rain for about 45 minutes searching for a place that had the appropriate accessories, which we never found.

I finally arrived in the poker room around 8pm, half an hour late to get into the media/celebrity event which Lee Nelson hosted. So yes, it has been a rough day. But now that it’s all done and over, I’m in the mood to spread some love around the poker world. Especially since my last entry has people thinking I’m a massive hater.

It’s worth noting though, that my frequent shots at Hellmuth are more than a simple professional envy. Sure, there’s that. Sure I’m jealous that a guy who behaves like an idiot and plays with hilariously awful leaks has made more money from this game than I ever will. Sure it’s appalling to watch him receive special treatment and have penalties taken away just because ESPN is worried about ratings. Sure he makes himself a massive target for criticism with his constant declarations about being the best in the world and in the history of the game when he’s too retarded to figure out how to play QQ to an open raise. But what really makes Hellmuth the epicentre of my scorn is his attitude and treatment of people.

There’s a popular Hellmuth story that everyone knows at Crown Casino in Melbourne. Back in the earlier days of the Aussie Millions (I believe it was 2004, though I could be wrong about the year and it’s not terribly relevant) Phil came down to play in the tournament. They had a players party one night and a popular poker room floor man by the name of Franky, who’s just about the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, was given the task of escorting Phil up to the party since he didn’t know his way. On the way up the escalator Franky turned to Phil and said
“Man it must be so exciting to travel around the world and play so much poker in Vegas.”
Phil glanced down at Frank and retorted sternly
“Franky, don’t talk to me, just take me to the party” then never said another word. And just in case you think I got an exaggerated version, it was Franky who told it to me.

But enough of the negative vibes, let’s get some love flowing. I’ve already written one entry a while ago about those I know in the poker world and why they are awesome, which you can find here: http://tworags.com/blog/bond18/post/2279/the_people_i_know_

Now let’s talk about some people I’ve gotten to know better recently and why they are so fucking cool.

Lee Nelson: I could write pages about why Lee Nelson kicks ass, so I’ll try and sum things up neatly here. First of all, he’s a flat out excellent tournament player, with the results to prove it (not that results prove anything!) He’s a guy in his mid 60’s who while retired and looking for a hobby picked up poker and made up his mind to get as good at it as possible. He’s written three books on poker, one of which I consider to be one of the best pieces of poker literature in the game, ‘Kill Everyone’. He has all the people reading and ‘feel’ skills of a great live player, but thinks about the game much closer to an online player. He’s the only predominately live playing poker player I’ve ever seen who seems more at home discussing strategy with online kids than with other live players, yet has a sense of humour and enthusiasm few of them can match. His game is grounded in math, but knows when to break it. It’s no secret that Lee has done a lot for me, including getting me involved in these seminars, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to write him a suck up paragraph just to return the favour.

Grant Levy: For those who don’t know Grant, he’s the guy who won the APPT Grand Final in Sydney last year, making him the first Australian to win a million dollars (AUD) on Australian soil. It immediately launched him into poker stardom in the region and landed him an instant major sponsorship deal with Stars. On top of this, Grant has had some massive results online, both previous to and after his win. All that said, Grant is one of those guys whose ego hasn’t changed in the slightest since his string of success, and although he aspires to be a great poker player, he talks and acts like a guy who knows he’s not the perfect player. He knows where he needs to improve and shows the drive to keep increasing his knowledge, and my guess is that time will prove Grant to be no one hit wonder.

Shane ‘Shaniac’ Schleger: Shane is poker’s Elliot Ness (go ahead, google him), a guy with the utmost respect for the game and a genuine passion for protecting its ethics. He’s an outspoken guy on the forums who I learn something from just about every time he stops in to make a post. He’s perhaps poker’s best blogger (it’s a coin toss between him and Dr. Pauly in my opinion) when he’s motivated enough to update the damn thing, and he also crushes both live and online poker. Sure, he told JJprodigy to go kill himself, but who hasn’t thrown around a “Hey, why don’t you go kill yourself” in their day? At least on the internet anyway. I keep those comments for people in positions of authority myself, but were I to tell one and only one notorious online cheat that he ought to end his own life it’d be JJ too, so who am I to judge? Oh shit, there’s still Teltscher. I guess that’s two coin tosses this paragraph.

Dani ‘Ansky’ Stern: I mean, he’s just the sickest of the sick. I’ve learned as much from Ansky’s strategy posts as I have from just about anyone’s. He plays the biggest cash games and crushes. He’s the guy every single 2+2’er would swap with in the 10k live tournament. He makes awesome Pokersavvy videos. He plays 500/1000 heads up against Durrrr (baaaaaaaaaaaaaaalla!) What’s not to like?

Jeffrey Haas: I kind of hope Jeffrey never reads this because he’s a guy whose in a position which makes it inevitable that people will constantly suck up to him and I don’t want him to think I’m doing that. Jeffrey is cool, both for what he does and just as a person. And what exactly is it this guy 95% of you have never heard of did that’s so cool? HE BROUGHT POKER TO FUCKING ASIA. He’s the president of the APPT and although there’s a lot of credit to be given for its success to a number of people I’ve gotten to know recently, Jeffrey is at the top of the pyramid and the guy with final say. If there comes a time five years from now when players from all over Asia are making the online games as soft as ever this is the guy you thank. And five years after that when all the Asian players have taken over poker this is the guy you burn at the stake. The over/under on the total amount of hours of sleep Jeffrey gets in a week is 15.

Gazillion: For those of you who don’t know him, Gazillion was the 2+2 poster who brought my ‘TJ Cookier and the UB Scandal’ comic strip to life with his incredible photoshopping skills. His real name is Mike, though I haven’t a clue about his last name. We’ve never met but spoken on AIM a ton of times. Gazillion manages to be on of the extremely few regular posters in ‘News, Views, and Gossip’ who doesn’t just spew retardation onto the forums. A quick glance at his body of work, found here: http://www.pokerroad.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8 and you’ll know why he was the best man for my job. He also handles my constant insults about his being English with all class. Now if only that pommie, tea sucking, red coat wearing, probably bad teeth having, inexplicably soccer enjoying, drunken British bastard would finish my fucking comic.

Celina Lin: Yea, she’s my girlfriend, so it’s obvious I love her for reasons outside of poker. But this is a poker blog, so let’s keep it on topic. A bit under a year ago Celina cashed in the APPT Macau tournament and when the Pokerstars people found out she was trilingual and born in China they decided to live up to their name sake and make themselves a poker star. Since then Celina has been on the cover of poker magazines, featured in non poker literature, done press conferences, and dealt with people who consider themselves ‘fans’ of hers. What impresses me is that throughout it all Celina has never lost sight of reality. She doesn’t consider herself a big deal even though others treat her as such, and her behaviour hasn’t changed in the slightest. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried at the start that all the attention and praise might change my girlfriend, but a year into it I now know that’s just not how she is. She’s not just sitting back and acting like she’s hot shit either, she knows she still has a ton to learn and every time she busts from a tournament on a questionable hand comes to me and says “Tony, will you help me get better at poker?” If only I knew how to stop two outers.

Okay, that’s enough pleasantries for one evening. It’s quite late and I’ve had a long day. For those wondering about the seminar, it’s $750 New Zealand (ball park $500 USD) for one day. We include a workbook that’s nearly 200 pages long for you to take home that has content from every instructor. At the end we run a tournament where we interact with the players and give them feedback about how they play. The winner of the tournament gets a seat into the APPT New Zealand main event. It lasts around eight hours long I believe. Sorry I don’t have more thorough information, but this is my first go at this.