Archive Nov 2008: Bond18

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APPT Sydney TR Part 1, Swingers

I leave Cade’s house in Hawaii at around 6am, heading towards the airport. When I arrive there’s already a line at the Qantas desk and I’m worried the flight will be completely packed with my getting some terrible middle seat. I haven’t slept all night hoping I’ll be able to crash for the majority of my 10 ½ hour flight. When I get to the desk I make small talk with the guy and he asks me if a window seat will be okay
”Uh sure, unless you guys got like an aisle of three open or something like that. I haven’t done the whole sleeping thing yet tonight.”
”Actually it’s rows of a two with a row of four in the middle. Let me check something for you…yep I got a whole row of four I can block off for you so you can lay down.”
”Oh sweet man! Thanks so much you’re a total life saver.”
”Yea, the flights not too booked so this shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll be over at the gate and make sure this gets sorted out in case there’s any issues.”
”Cool, well if anyone tries to take the seat you and I will just throw them off the plane.”
”Exactly.”
Since when did airline employees become so cool?

On the flight I have the entire row to myself and lay out on the wide leather seats. I wind up sleeping for over nine hours of the flight (it still wasn’t very good quality) and spend the rest of it reading Bill Bryson’s ‘A short history of nearly everything.’ Did you know our universe is constantly expanding outwards from us? You didn’t? Well Einstein did you ****ing retard.

When I arrive in Sydney I check into my hotel, grab a shower, then head down to the poker room to try and watch Lee Nelson’s final table in the first event. I get there just a few minutes after he’s busted out and go up to his hotel room to meet him and his wife Pen for dinner. We discuss whether we should play the tournament the next day and what affect it will have if we end up final tabling and have to miss a portion of the seminar (as it is a two day tournament.) We decide we’ll figure it out later in the night.

We go to what is apparently Sydney’s best Japanese restaurant, Yoshi’s. It’s a fairly small place but the food is outstanding. My course dinner comes with a glass of wine with each round of food, and by the fourth glass of wine I know the evening is not going to end subtly. The whole of the dinner winds up being worth around seven drinks and I’m already flying high when we leave the restaurant.

We grab a cab back to the casino and find Eric Assadourian on the casino floor. He’s signed on to do the seminar with us to replace Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib who couldn’t come out for this event. He tells us he wants to meet to do further preparation tomorrow so Lee tells me I probably shouldn’t play. Around the same time I run into Jonno AKA ‘Monster_Dong’ and he tells me everyone is going out and I should come. With no need to get up for the event and already half way to wasted, I quickly agree.

Our party group includes Jonno, Andy McLeod, Julian Powell, DelaneyKid, Jarred Dale, Matt Kirk (he reminds me of Stiffler) and myself. The group is the perfect concoction of youth, alcohol, enthusiasm and dispensable income. We walk over to a huge club in Darling Harbour and pay the ridiculous $70 entry fee. The place is gigantic and has several floors of partying going on. We walk over to the bar, order a round of drinks, and we’re off and running. We’re on the second floor of the club overlooking the dance floor which leads up to a large stage with girls dancing. Someone makes a comment about the hot girls on the stage
“Man I’m about to run up there and dance with them myself” I say
“Heh yea sure you will” says Julian
”No seriously, I’d do it wanna bet?”
”I’d throw down $100 that” says Jarred.
”Yea I’ll take $200 too” say both Andy McLeod and Matt.
“Alright dudes, watch this.”
I turn straight around and start walking downstairs like a man on a mission. I walk stiffly through the crowd and squeeze my way up to the front. There’s a bouncer guarding the entrance to the stage. I lean in to his ear
”Hey man. I’ll give you $100 if I can go up on stage and dance around and **** for like 20 seconds. I’m not drunk or on drugs, I just got a bet going.”
The bouncer at first seems hesitant, then asks me to reiterate that I’d pay him $100 (in retrospect, I vastly overshot on the bribe but **** it.)
He leans into me
“Alright mate, $100 for me and $100 for my friend here and you got yourself a deal. I’ll come drag you off stage after a little bit.”
”You got a deal.”
I hand both bouncers $100 and wait for him to give me the signal. He nods his head and I go around the back then sprint up onto the stage which is now empty. There’s a crowd of 100’s staring at me and I just start yelling
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEEEEEEEA MOTHER ****ERS!!!” and dancing around like a moron then hip thrusting into the air. I lift up my drink and pour it all over my head, yelling the whole time, then start high-fiving everyone in the front row of the crowd. At some point the bouncer comes up from behind, throws his arm around me, and drags me off stage while I yell “NOOOOOOOO!” then say to him calmly as he gets me back stage “Hey man thanks a lot for this.”

I walk back upstairs and everyone is in stitches. They pay me off the bet but I agree to a small deduction because I was supposed to dance with the girls, who were no longer on the stage. There is a group of ‘Jagermeister’ promotional girls standing around in uniforms near us and at some point our group starts chatting to them and McLeod and I are hitting on some blond one (I no longer have any idea how this or many of my conversations that night started.) At some point one of her friends whips out a Polaroid camera and takes numerous pictures of us standing around then making ridiculous faces (they will be posted and soon as I get to a scanner.) They also put temporary tattoos all over our forearms (my partially washed off one is staring at me as I write this.) The blonde girl suggests we drink jagerbombs (****in jagerbombs!) and she, Andy and I walk over to the bar with her and she asks
“So boys are we ordering two drinks or three?”
”Bull****! I’m on to your scam. You can buy me a drink.”
“But I don’t have any money on me.”
“Sucks for us then.”
I don’t order her any drink and continue attempting to hit on her. At some point I need to get back to my friends and should give her a call some time.
“I actually have a boyfriend.”
”Well I don’t want to call your boyfriend, I want to call you.”
”You should call him, that’d be funny” she says sarcastically.
“Yea that’d be fun” I say then walk off without another word.

The group of us heads up to the outdoor third floor area where people are smoking. There is some cute brown haired girl smoking a cigarette and she looks kind of drunk. I walk up to her and say
”You know you shouldn’t smoke, but not for the reasons you think though.”
”Huh?” she asks me somewhat intrigued.
”First of all you have great skin and you’ll ruin it. Second some very strange ass **** can happen when you smoke. Give me your cigarette for a second and I’ll show you something cool.”
She suspiciously hands over her cigarette and I start puffing on it without inhaling.
”Now hold out your hands with your palms down.”
She accommodates
“No no, clinch them into balls so I can’t get in there.”
She does.
“You’re sure it’s tight. Sure I can’t get in there? Alright, watch this.”
I ash the cigarette onto the top of my left hand, lean over towards it and blow at her right hand.
“Now open that hand I blew at.”
She does and there’s a large black smear of ash in her hand.
“OH MY GOD! How did you do that!?”
”Maybe I’ll tell you if you’re nice to me.”
I start chatting to her and she tells me she’s Maltese. I tell her I have a friend in Malta who tells me it’s nice. She tells me I’m lying and trying to impress her. I proceed to tell her all about Assassinato (hi Alex!) She seems pretty interested and we’re flirting back and forth when I turn around for a moment to talk to one of my friends and some random guy friend of hers swoops in and cockblocks me (I really don’t remember how the transition of this happened.)

McLeod and I team up and start going around the floor chatting to various women. We talk to a couple of blonde girls from Sweeden and things go well enough that the one McLeod was talking to tells him to add her on Facebook.

I go up to a girl outside and attempt the cigarette trick on her. When I take the cigarette she looks at me like a ****ing maniac and tells me “Keep it.”
“Your loss” I tell her then walk away back to my friends cigarette in hand
“Why the **** did I take this? I don’t even smoke!” I tell my group. Someone calls me an idiot while Matt tries to pick up some girl. Throughout the night people keep handing me drinks and I’m never without a beverage in my hand (I never even got to buy a round and now feel like a cheap ass, next time boys.) I go over to another girl who is cool with my doing the cigarette trick but I somehow manage to screw up the ending and her hand has nothing on it.
”****!” I yell upon seeing her hand then walk off without another word.

McLeod and I go talk to some girl in red out on the porch. She’s from Wales and tells me she doesn’t like American accents.
“Well I can pull off a convincing Canadian then. I’m from….Toronto perhaps?”
She laughs and the conversation starts getting weird. She tells me she likes being aggressive with men and I say
“You’re going to try and rape me aren’t you?” (I don’t really remember her reaction to this, but she kept chatting to us and seemed to be having fun.)
Things are going fairly well with her and at some point she says she’s going over to the dance floor.
“Can I come with you” I ask. She walks off without another word to me and I stand there momentarily wondering what went wrong.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” asks McLeod.
“What? What do you mean?”
”She said you can come if you want. What are you doing?”
”What!? ****! I didn’t even hear here. It’s too God damn loud in here!”
”Well let’s go to the dance floor and see if we see her.”
We check over in another room but the club is much too big and we fail to locate her. At some point McLeod and I realize we’re getting quite drunk and we should be calling it a night as he intends to play the next day. We tell the other guys we’re going to head back and maneuver our way through the crowd out the door. We make the 10 minute walk over to the casino and upon arriving realize it’s only 1:30am and that we should see what’s happening at the casino bar.

Andy and I start talking to some woman in green at the bar and she responds to my humor pretty well. I have to keep discreetly asking McLeod for his cell phone mid conversation with women so I can try to get their number because mine is out of batteries and I didn’t bring my charger. I ask her for her number and she tells me if I see her again that night she’ll give it to me. She walks away and McLeod laughs at me. We do not see her again.

We go sit down at a table with our drinks, which are at this point water in an attempt to keep the night from spiraling even more out of control than it’s already got and having a horrible hangover. We start talking to some woman at the table next to us. Her response was mediocre (but good enough that I would later write McLeod’s number on a napkin, walk over to her table with her friends, smash it down, and walk away.)

McLeod and I hit the casino floor and talk to a pair of hot Asian chicks. They tell us they’re here to support their boyfriends. We back off. We approach a couple of hot Mediterranean looking women. They tell us we’re very sweet but they’re here with their husbands. When did everybody get married God damn it!?

McLeod and I decide to call it a night and try and chug water up in the hotel room. We turn on the TV and find that the WPT is on. We watch as Jim ‘KrazyKanuck’ worth open raises AK 4 handed with about 30 BB’s effective, gets 3 bet out by a somewhat young Asian guy in the SB then goes into the tank.
“What’s he tanking for?” asks McLeod.
”I don’t know dude. Pretty sure the other guy has to call when he crams. He’s practically slowrolling here.”
”He’s not thinking of folding is he?”
Worth continues to tank, then lifts up his cards and mucks them. McLeod and I both go completely berserk. We start talking about some time McLeod tiny 4 bet me early in the 109 6 max on Full Tilt and I wound up folding queens (either pre or on the flop.) He tells me he probably had air. I tell him he’s a bastard and we eventually pass out.

Authors post note: I woke up the following morning thinking I’d totally struck out and McLeod was the only one who got any real contact information out of a girl. DelanyKid told me he later made out with two chicks that night. Matt told me he thinks we should start going to places that don’t have a $70 entry because it’s mostly chicks boyfriends who pay it and not enough girls there were single. If Julian’s girlfriend is reading this, he totally behaved himself. Everyone showed up in time for the event today and Jarred wound up final tabling it, with Chris Evans as well. Much later in the day McLeod messages Jarred and tells him that he has the number for a girl named Kay in his phone which I apparently got. I remember talking to a Kay but no longer have any idea what she looks like. I guess that just adds more gamble to it.

Bond18's guide to multi accounting

Yes, it's true. I too, am a massive online MTT multiaccounter. I bet you're wondering why I'm bothering to confess to this, perhaps my conscience has finally gotten to me you think? No, not at all, my conscience is as silent as ever, why later this evening I'm even going to go kick puppies for fun, but that's not the point. The point is that I've made enough money from my nefarious enterprises and am soon leaving Australia to retire to Hawaii, living out my days basking in the sun and spending my evenings drunker than Hemmingway. But before I go, I was hoping to impart some knowledge to my fellow multi accounters, who lately have proven themselves to be extraordinary retards who are clearly in need of my help and expertise.



First and foremost, you need to practice misdirection. In order to prevent any suspicion make sure to come out very hard and aggressive against other cheats and multi accounters. No matter how apologetic they are, blast them with insults and threats of violence. You should even exaggerate or make up things if you have to. For example, did you know JJprodigy is a homosexual? Did you know Mr. Casino eats babies in his spare time? Did you know Brian Townsend started the great Chicago fire of 1871? Being impassioned with your hatred towards the exposed multi accounters makes you look like the kind of person who would never stoop to such money grubbing antics. Yes, I know Shakespeare wrote "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" but nobody in poker reads Shakespeare, so don't worry about those cultureless morons.



Second, you need to find a front man. By this I mean you need to find someone who is willing to claim to be winning the tournaments that are won on the other screen names you're playing on, creating another barrier between you and the truth. My mutli accounting peers are complete novices at this, JJprodigy tried to claim it was his grandmother and Mr. Casino said it was the dad of a friend, attempts as pathetic as they are idiotic. The correct way to do this is to hire someone who is believable as a guy who spends his entire life sitting inside on his ass. In my case, I bought the identities of Shaun Deeb and Steve Leonard. I met Deeb at a buffet and offered him a life time's supply of orange soda for the use of his name, and Leonard at a gas station where I offered him as many cigarettes as he cared to smoke for the rest of his days. It's a shame that both will be dead before 30 from a heart attack and cancer respectively, but then their use has expired for me, so I don't really care. After all, I'm a multi accounter, and that means I only look out for number one.



Third, you need to shut off the logical part of your brain. You know, that part that tells you that you could probably make just as much money playing straight given how many dozens of profitable tournaments there are across so many sites. That worthless portion of the brain has been trying to hold we multi accounters back for years, trying to explain that the risk of being caught and our names being forever tarnished and our money confiscated simply isn't worth a marginal increase in edge when we already stand to make more money than doctors and lawyers. Don't listen to its crap, the only true way to attain greatness in poker is to take down Sunday majors, and everyone knows that nobody has ever won a Sunday major without multi accounting.



Lastly, it's best not to out yourself for multi accounting until you're absolutely ready. Doing so preemptively has a way of making you look like a complete fool. When you do out yourself, make sure not to apologize, because nobody will believe you're clearly disingenuous attempt and it will result in even more hatred. It's much better to go out on top, laughing all the way to the bank, just like me. So long fuckers!

Authors note: If you actually thought this was serious then, wow, I suck at sarcasm.

Things it took me a while to learn P.21 Catching bluffs from weak players

The title of this entry into the series must seem odd at first glance. Since when do weak players do all that much bluffing? You’re right to think that they don’t however amongst weak players (particularly live as there are fewer and fewer weak ones online) there is a tendency towards what I call ‘desperation bluffing’. These are bluffs where they’ve gotten to the river without any real plan for the hand, and now have a holding with zero showdown value so they attempt a bluff because they’re out of options. Although most of these players do tend to be weak and passive throughout the hand, they are often willing to attempt one street bluffs, especially if it’s the only way they can win the hand. Let’s take at a couple of forms of the desperation bluff:

1. The missed draw bluff: This is of course very common. You still see this one pretty frequently online and many players are aware of it. The action for this is mostly goes down; flop call, turn check/check, and a river bluff. It can happen when you’re both in position and out of position, but you can expect it a little more when you’re in position because if you have showdown value on the river out of position you’re sometimes value betting instead of checking to attempt to bluff catch (depending on the strength of your hand and how the board has run out.) So to give an example hand of this concept in use:

Your stack: 4000
MP1’s stack: 4000. Blinds 25/50. You hold 9s 9c on the button. MP1 seems on the weak/loose side and has open limped before.
Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 calls for 50, folds to you on the button, you raise to 200, folds back to MP1, MP1 calls.
Flop: Js 8s 5c (Pot 475)
MP1 checks, you bet 350, MP1 calls.
Turn: 5d
MP1 checks, you check behind for pot control (against certain opponents you could bet again her for value, but against many others a check is appropriate.)
River: 2c
MP1 fires out 800, you call.

While you won’t always be good here, it’s pretty obvious that you should call as numerous draws have missed (the flush draw, 67, and 9T.) Against a weak opponent you shouldn’t expect him to be value betting worse often, though his showing up with A8s wouldn’t be crazy.

When you’re out of position on the river whether you should value bet or check to bluff induce depends on a few factors and will partially rely on your hand and pattern reading. If he’s the kind of player who peels the flop with any pair and a huge station on the river you can lean towards value betting. If you aren’t really sure and don’t expect him to pay off multiple streets then check with the intention of snapping a bluff. Now let’s take a look at a second situation you can snap off frequent bluffs.

2. When a player is too weak at value betting to have it bluff: These are fun bluffs to call down because when you catch the player you look like a God damn genius when really the reasoning is quite straight forward. Many weak players are quite bad at value betting for fairly obvious reasons; they aren’t aggressive and their hand reading is very weak. As a result when they have a hand with showdown value that they’re not sure of they tend to check and hope to get to turn cards over. So when a scare card comes that they won’t likely have and you check on it, you sometimes see these players attempt to bluff this card and you know that their range is polarized to big hands and air. A good example hand is from a tournament I recently played at Crown Casino during the Poker News Cup.

The tournament was a $2500 AUD buy in event that wound up being more sitngo than proper tournament. The opponent was a local player who is a very nice guy but excessively loose and weak, and capable of occasional bluffs. He regards me as an aggressive thinking player and expects me to continuation bet a high percentage of the time on the flop.

My stack: ~13000, MP2’s stack: ~21000, BB: ~15000, blinds 100/200. I hold 7d 7c on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to MP2, MP2 calls for 200, HJ folds, I raise to 800, folds to the BB, BB calls, MP2 calls.
Flop: 8 4 3 rainbow (Pot 2500)
BB checks, MP2 checks, I bet 1500, BB folds, MP2 calls.
Turn: A
MP2 checks, I check behind.
River: T
MP2 bets 2500 and my chips are in the pot about a tenth of a second after his. MP2 has 54 and turned a hand with showdown value into a bluff and asks “How do you call?!” in befuddlement when he sees my hand.

The reason this hand is such an instant call is because I know this player isn’t the type to attempt to value bet an 8 against me on the river, especially once the A scare card comes off. I can feel comfortable saying that although it’s unlikely he has one; he’s also basically never value betting a 10 either. Although he could in fact have an ace because he’s so loose, for the most part he’s going to either raise himself pre flop or give up on the flop considering I fired into two players.

There are many situations like this, particularly in live play, where some players simply can’t value bet unless they are very confident in their hands strength. Against these kinds of players you should be willing to call down their river bets in situations where they often have polarized ranges as they simply can’t have huge hands that often.

Ideas for continuation of 'Things it took me a while to learn' series

So I did this thread quite some time ago and attempted to to accommodate a number of the requests. As of lately I'm running a bit low on ideas for how to continue the series and realized that really the best way to get an idea of how to go forward is to ask the readers what they want to see out of the series.

2+2 poster 'Bonsaltron' gave me a great idea to do an article on trends and plays in poker that come in and out or have become irrelevant which I think is a great idea that I'll get cracking on immediately, which was the inspiration to ask people what else they'd like to see covered.

Outside of that, what else do people want to see? Feel free to suggest things outside the medium of immediate strategy.

Thanks, Bond18

Too far gone and coming back

Last night is a blur. I know I told Cade and Kari I’d be taking things easy but it didn’t quite end up that way. At the point I ended up in a karaoke room full of military guys being told to please help chug their Saki (which I did, straight from the bottle) it was clear that the evening would not end well.

There is getting wasted in the fun sense of the word, where you act silly, do some shit you otherwise wouldn’t, and have a more or less harmless evening that you laugh about later with friends. And then there’s getting wasted to the point you’re sprawled out on the floor with the room spinning so fast you’re not sure it’ll ever be still again and begging your friends to make it stop. The nights you clutch the toilet bowl and think to yourself “There can’t possibly be anything left to vomit can there?” The nights that make you wonder how far gone you’ve let things go.

Last night was one of those nights, likely the most messed up I’ve been in my entire life. It was easily the most I’ve ever vomited. I haven’t had anything like it in nearly four years. Most of the time you wake up after one of those nights with a ripping headache, a pain in your stomach, and the mantra of “Ill never drink again.” Thanks to chugging a ton of water and vitamins I woke up at 4:30pm without any real trace of a hangover. I woke up knowing I’d one day drink again, but I can’t say I have any desire to do it again soon.

What I didn’t expect to wake up with was such an enormous sense of clarity. I can’t quite explain it, but somehow while going through the process of purging all the physical misery from my system; I seem to have purged my mental demons as well. I woke up feeling calm, settled, yet somehow motivated. I got a considerable amount of writing done today, including adding another entry to the ‘Things it took me a while to learn’ canon. The entry will appear on Pocketfives first and then be on the blog a couple of days after that. I even played quite a few poker tournaments today, and played patient and well.

I even somehow woke up with a greater sense of confidence (which seems as corny as it is nonsensical.) I used to be a guy so overwhelmingly sure of himself that it felt like I was on a perch I could never be knocked from. As Tucker Max once put it “Having confidence bordering on delusional hubris.” Not the most modest term, but you get the point. The last few weeks I haven’t been anything close to that, and I suppose what last night made clear for me is that pumping myself full of liquid courage isn’t the correct band aid for the mental bruise. Nothing about me has really changed the last few weeks, yet I’ve somehow felt the need to try to prop myself up with a constant stream of the sauce.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the end of my drunken misadventures. Not by a long shot. But I’ve lost my sense of urgency and necessity about them. I feel ready to get back to work, not only in poker but in life. I just proof read this entry, and fuck does it sound pretentious. But whatever, I’m going back to work.
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