Look How Far I Have Come!
It has been a crazy ride. One year ago I was in college cramming my ass off because I got off to a slow start and wanted to graduate on time. It is a long story, but I think I can sum it up in a few sentences. I was immature, I was not ready for college, therefore I almost failed out freshman year. I learned a lot of lessons in college, most of them not about academics. A majority of the lessons I learned was how to learn from my mistakes, take responsibility for my actions, and simply be a man. It took until about this time last year for me to really figure out who I was.
In March of 2007 I was coming off of my 22nd birthday, I was living with a bunch of people whom I disliked (including myself) because of their morals, personalties and just the way they lived their lives. I was trying to deal with a full class schedule as well as working tons of hours every Friday-Sunday, just to get by I was getting pretty down. I looked at who I was hanging around and who I was becoming and I was not happy with the direction I was going. I decided to make a few changes, I stopped drinking almost all together, I never missed a class, and I started playing poker again. I also had to think of what I was going to do after college.
I found twoplustwo.com and randomly made a post in the Brick and Mortar forum about what it takes to deal in A.C. The responses scared me a bit because it didn't seem easy, but I had made up my mind I was going to be a dealer. This week I finally feel like I am almost there.
No More Average!
I am going on my third week at the Showboat and I am getting pretty comfortable. Where I am at isn't good enough though, good isn't enough I want greatness for once. My whole life I have always been average (if I was ever above average it was because my competition was so far below average it made me look good). I was an All-State baseball player in high school. I hit .467 and was on base 67% of my at bats, (those are basically like running at 12ptBB/100 through 100k hands for you guys who don't know much about baseball) but I played in a league where the competition was weak. When I got to college I was average. I was also a good hockey goalie (that is me in my avatar) but the competition I played against was tough and I just couldn't stand out really so I moved to playing forward and then defense for my last three years in college and played basically average. I am sick of being average.
When I started playing poker I was the first (besides foulky) of the group of people that we played with during the poker boom that really wanted to improve my game and get better. I read books and thought about my game all the time. I did get better and I started winning a lot. Then I found twoplustwo and I and I started getting even better, but the more I play the more I realize that I am just another average poker play that can probably win a little but will never amount to much. Poker is a little different than the sports (I am small, therefore I have a certain ceiling I can reach before people catch up) because I really do feel like I have some serious potential, but I am just sick of putting all this work in and I have had two losing months in a row. There is one thing that I feel I can be better than average at though...dealing poker.
I see the best dealers in A.C. and I don't see them having that much of a leg up on me. I constantly have my supervisors telling me how good I am and that I am first on the list to move up to part time, (benefits me!!!!) I am always getting pointers because I know they know I want to learn and I want to be the best. I am sick of being average but this time I think I found my calling (for now). Dealing is clearly not something I want to do forever, but for now I think it is something I need to do to prove to myself I can do whatever it is I want to in life.
All Potential, No Real Drive
My entire life has been essentially a disappointment. I stopped after the last sentence and thought about all the times my teachers, professors, coaches, so many people in my life have said these same words, "He has so much potential, if he just put his mind to it..." Well I am putting my mind to something, lets hope it makes me a lot of money. Lets get one thing straight though, I have NO regrets. What has happened in my life is what has made me who I am now. I am proud of who I have become, but that doesn't mean I can't want myself to be better. I don't just want to be better, I want to be the best at whatever I do and I plan to work to get to that point.
On a lighter note, I am an idiot! I thought that we were not allowed to work at two Harrah's owned properties at a time. I was mistaken, we are allowed to work temp jobs at other Harrah's properties (like the first tournament job I had). Basically, I missed out on 10 straight days of work with a majority of those days working at both Harrah's and the Caesars WSOP Circuit event. I am missing out on a lot of money.
I also missed out on a lot of money at work this past week. In the morning, to be fair, we draw cards for the seating assignments. I draw table 19 which is a great draw because its in the string that our 5/5 NL game is in (our biggest and best tipping game). I was asked by my supervisor to help another dealer set up all the chips for the 11am tournament. I go over and set up like 50 stacks. I then go to my table (at this point I think I pulled table 20). I sit at table 20 and totally screw up my supervisors system, (she thinks she's missing a dealer) not only that I put myself at the farthest table from where the 5/5 game is going to be. I never make it there. Then yesterday, I draw the worst card cause I am far from the 5/5 game. I am about to hit it and my table breaks. I get moved to the farthest spot from it again. I am about to hit it, my table breaks and I get moved far from it again. I never hit it this weekend. That is a guaranteed $40-$50 an hour at that table and I missed out on it two days in a row. Nothing I can do really, I made a silly mistake and just got unlucky seems to be the trend in my life lately.
This blog was a little off topic from my normal theme, but I have just had a lot of things on my mind. I have been thinking a lot about how unfair life really is, but the only way to have it go in your favor is to put the work in. I am going to, lets hope life gives back a little bit.