EdmondDantes says

I think Shane's comments are on the mark. He's a solid writer albeit with a different overall tone to his writing than yours. As for your questions 1-4, I'd offer the following:

1) Emphasis in dialog is fine; my sense is Shane would be most concerned about your own usage in the general text of your posts.

2) Writing on the fly is fine; guys like Hunter Thompson "wrote" a lot of their work by commenting into voice recorders and transcribing later; there's a balance between keeping things timely and still keeping your work to some minimum standard of writing; like anything, once you're a bit more conscious of it (i.e. editing), I think your on-the-fly posts will improve.

3) re: per se. You're not the only guy that misuses Latin references. "Et al." means "and others" but is often used where someone intended to use "etc.". "I.e." means "that is" but is often used where "e.g." which means "for example" was a better choice. Consider picking up a copy of The Elements of Style by Strunk & White. It's a great little handbook that sorts out common mistakes like these.

4) I think your Gonzo style is a big part of your identity and moving toward more stiff, traditional prose would be a mistake. That said, many of the things Shane suggested--economy of words, using the right word, paying attention to formatting so the reader has an easier time of time, linking to references as I've done here--can be incorporated into your pieces without hurting the crazed, biting satirical style.

Edmond

03/07/08

CBorders says

I started watching you play the 50/50 after I busted out of the $109...That royal flush hand was sick. When it got to the final two tables, I noticed you open shoved on the button two or three orbits in a row. Right after that the guy two to your right said if you try to steal his blind again he's going to call. When someone says something like that, what do you do?

03/07/08

Anonymous says

I think Dante's 4) covers it. I wasn't trying to imply that my style or my process is better than Bond's, rather to enumerate the things I do during my own writing process that might help Bond during his. (I've never been tasked with offering writing advice before, so it was a good exercise for me more than anything).

As for the whole "writing on the fly" thing, I will quote Truman Capote, who said of Jack Kerouac, "That's not writing, it's typing."

03/07/08

EdmondDantes says

Yeah, I didn't really take Shane's comment as trying to force Bond into a more traditional mold. More that he was giving good thoughts on making Bond's posts even more readable and easy to publish. I think they're good suggestions.

I like the Capote quote. Have to respect the thoughts of someone who managed to churn out both In Cold Blood and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

03/07/08

Swami54 says

Congrats on the recent scores. You're a much better writer than most but if your stuff gets published then I suppose you have to work on some things :)

03/08/08

harlem (Anonymous) says

I think you're way better than most. Rock on!

03/08/08

lakeoffire says

Keep up the good work!

03/09/08

moon7777 says

Your doing a good job writing , and I don't see a lot of other people writing as well, so just keep up the good work and it will pay off..

03/09/08

moon7777 says

Your doing a good job writing , and I don't see a lot of other people writing as well, so just keep up the good work and it will pay off..

03/09/08

burningyen says

I agree with everything Shane says. A little more attention to detail ("capitol," "going into affect," "sometiems," etc.) would make reading your blog a smoother experience for those of your readers who notice that sort of thing. I still enjoy reading your stuff, anyway.

03/10/08

Anonymous says

It's great that you want to improve your blog and your writing. Your blog is written better than 95% of the blogs out there. It's obvious that most bloggers don't know grammar or don't care.

I also really enjoy the balance of content in your blog, especially the hand descriptions. Great work!

- schneid

03/14/08

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I’ve been talking to a few players I respect lately who, for various reasons; be it playing an enormous volume that wore them out or running bad have started questioning how much they want to keep playing the game. One of them, SCTrojans, (who is one of the top players online and best tournament poker minds anywhere) told me he’s thinking of retiring fully except perhaps a few of the WSOP events. I can see how running bad or playing enormous volume can lead to burn out, but full on retirement? When you’ve got knowledge and talent like his, it almost seems like a waste. More equity for me!

I’ve never really thought about quitting and I hate taking vacations. The last time I took a full on vacation from poker I was 20 years old. I ended up playing 12 year olds on a cruise ship at $5 NL. The kids were thrilled to find out they were playing with a real professional who’d played the guys they’d seen on TV, but I sure as hell couldn’t justify taking 12 years old money. Conversely, I felt if I lost they would perhaps find the experienced cheapened. I decided to win a little then donate just about everything back to the nicest kid. I left up 50 cents and slept fine that night.

Taking a break seems especially distant when you’re running as incredible as I am. Not only that, but I really feel like I’m playing excellent poker. I won the UB $120 bounty today for $5,400 and got 2nd in the Stars nightly 50/50 for a bit under $7,500. I had a few other cashes and close calls, but that was it for final tables on the night. Yesterday I took 3rd in the Absolute $30 rebuys for about $2,000 and made a very deep run in the Stars Wednesday $320 but ended up busting at the final 3 tables for about $1,300. There were some really interesting hands from the day I’d like to put here. Some are only for my egos sake, and others might make good discussion.

The first hand comes from the final table of the UB $120 Bounty. The villain in question is ‘BluffmagCV’ better known as Chris Vaughn, the infamous Bluff editor of the Imper1um scandal. I had a feeling he knew who I was since he played extremely aggressive and stationy towards me, seemingly taking every opportunity to do something out of spite. I’m guessing this is a result of my calling him a ‘douchebag extraordinaire’ in the ‘Imper1um Investigation’ article and saying he ‘100% deserved to get fired from Bluff’ in NVG. Seeing as the ‘Imper1um Investigation’ became so widespread and popular that Imp put it on his own website, I’m guessing he read my comments.

During our play I had only 3 bet him once before, a shove with AK for about 16 BB’s. He had been open raising an absolute ton and I knew he was anticipating a 3 bet from me. I was also fully anticipating his 4 bet. Then the following happened:

Hand #51440597-44 at Thu801pm20KBounty-Final (No Limit tournament Hold'em)
Started at 07/Mar/08 00:38:54

basebaldy is at seat 2 with 51780.
muckthenuts is at seat 3 with 156500.
ateddybear is at seat 5 with 73880.
Dallas3333 is at seat 6 with 33575.
BluffMagCV is at seat 9 with 129265.
The button is at seat 9.

basebaldy posts ante (200).
muckthenuts posts ante (200).
ateddybear posts ante (200).
Dallas3333 posts ante (200).
BluffMagCV posts ante (200).
muckthenuts posts the small blind of 1200.
ateddybear posts the big blind of 2400.

basebaldy: -- --
muckthenuts: 9d As
ateddybear: -- --
Dallas3333: -- --
BluffMagCV: -- --

Pre-flop:

Dallas3333 folds. BluffMagCV raises to 7025.
basebaldy folds. muckthenuts re-raises to 21200.
ateddybear folds. BluffMagCV goes all-in for 129065.
muckthenuts calls.

Tournament all-in showdown -- players show:

muckthenuts shows 9d As.
BluffMagCV shows 8d Jd.


Flop (board: Kc 8s Tc):
(no action in this round)
Turn (board: Kc 8s Tc 6d):
(no action in this round)
River (board: Kc 8s Tc 6d Ah):
(no action in this round)
Showdown:

muckthenuts has 9d As Kc Tc Ah: a pair of aces.
BluffMagCV has 8d Jd Kc 8s Ah: a pair of eights.


Hand #51440597-44 Summary:

No rake is taken for this hand.
muckthenuts wins 261530 with a pair of aces.

It took me less than two seconds to call him. Thank God for that river. For what it’s worth, that pre flop call is incredibly awful 99.99% of the time. This was merely a result of how the game was going and the way he was playing against me the whole final table.

The second hand comes from the Full Tilt 30 rebuys tournament. We were fairly deep and the player on my right, Jcamby, is a top 5 ranked P5’er with a ton of success. He plays a pretty aggressive game and I felt like I’d finally found the perfect spot to make a play I’ve been waiting for months to pull:

Full Tilt Poker $22,000 Guarantee (Rebuy) No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t400/t800 Blinds + t100 - 8 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Hero (SB): t27048
BB: t27955
UTG: t23193
UTG+1: t10544
MP1: t63423
MP2: t35322
CO: t25241
BTN: t33800

Pre Flop: Hero is SB with Q T
4 folds, CO raises to t2400, BTN raises to t6400, Hero raises to t26948 all in, 2 folds.

Unfortunately I later made a 3 bet with AK in late position in that tournament and the guy behind me cold 4 bet jammed. I was getting better than 2 to 1 on the call and despite not being an overly active player given the positions, my image, and the pot odds, I was forced to call. He had me in horrible shape with AA and I lost. I busted the next hand with AJs to 88.

The last hand is nothing but a fun hand from my second place finish in the 50/50. It’s pretty self-explanatory and totally awesome. The villain in the hand had AsQs, since it’s not listed in the HH:

Poker Stars $50+$5 No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t600/t1200 Blinds - 9 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Hero (UTG+1): t37065
UTG+2: t11579
MP1: t46566
MP2: t14911
CO: t26896
BTN: t20557
SB: t32527
BB: t63690
UTG: t10525

Pre Flop: Hero is UTG+1 with A K
1 fold, Hero raises to t3600, 2 folds, MP2 calls t3600, 3 folds, BB calls t2400

Flop: (t12525) A J K (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t9000, MP2 raises to t11186 all in, BB folds, Hero calls t2186

Turn: (t34897) T (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: (t34897) Q (2 players - 1 is all in)

I can’t even remember the last time I made a royal flush online. Glad I was able to make something of it.

Meanwhile, Full Tilt shot me another email and said a supervisor would like to call me about the potential project. I’m highly anticipating talking with them and hopefully their interested in the whole of the content. Odds I say something really stupid and dealing breaking: 3 to 1.

I was glancing through NVG in 2+2 today, apparently in the mood to destroy my brain cells. For those who don’t know, NVG is mostly a cesspool of morons discussing which pro they think has the worst hair cut or how much it would cost to sleep with Brandi Hawbacker. There was an actual worthwhile thread today though about Shaniac’s latest blog entry and I went and looked over his entry. I’ve glanced over Shane’s blog before but never in great detail. I met Shane during the Aussie Millions and he’s a very nice guy, despite his somewhat controversial image for being an integrity watch dog in an online world mostly run amok by stoned 19 year olds with questionable morals. Not that I have anything against 19 year olds or stoned people. I shot Shaniac a PM on 2+2 and asked him if he would be willing to give me some constructive criticism about my writing, especially considering what I’m going to undertake. Here’s his message back to me:

A few things I noticed in no particular order:

1) Make sure you are always using the right word, and if you're not sure about the meaning or usage of a word, find a simpler word. In fact, going with the simpler will usually make the writing better. Maybe not the best example, but you used "censure" (which means to harshly criticize) when you meant "censor."

2) Less is more. If you can express the same thought in 5 words as opposed to 50 words, it's generally preferable. Concise writing has a better chance of succeeding and keeping your audience's attention than overcomplicated sentences and sentiments do.

My father once showed me an instructional video on writing in which an entire paragraph was displayed on the screen. An invisible hand took an eraser to the paragraph, removing and adding words (editing the statement) until all that was left was one word, which expressed the same thing as the formerly long paragraph.

Almost my entire process consists of editing and revising, and I think that applies to most of the good writers I know. Also, I am fairly discriminating with my choice of details. Usually, there is a lot of stuff that I'd like to include in my entry, but I leave it out in order to help the writing flow better. Learning how to compromise and sacrifice is a big part of my process.

3) Pay attention to your "template" a little bit more, especially the size of your paragraphs, which are often dauntingly long and should be broken down into two or three segments.

Also, it's a minor point, but to avoid making the page look jumbled I think you should make sure to put a space between your writing and the presentation of the stacks:

If this:

"The player in this hand was well known online player ‘yellowsub’. In my analysis I’ll be paraphrasing a post djk123 made in the thread, so he also deserves some credit. The tournament is the Full tilt $500+50 Sunday Million. We are without reads.
MP2: 4908
Hero: 4940
Hero holds Ah Qh on the CO."

Looked like this:

"The player in this hand was well known online player ‘yellowsub’. In my analysis I’ll be paraphrasing a post djk123 made in the thread, so he also deserves some credit. The tournament is the Full tilt $500+50 Sunday Million. We are without reads.

MP2: 4908
Hero: 4940
Hero holds Ah Qh on the CO."

it would make the whole thing a lot easier to read.

4) Avoid the temptation to capitalize or misspell words (like "VASTLY" or like "pleeeeeaaaaase") when trying to add emphasis. The power of the words should speak for itself. Italics are OK occasionally. An exclamation point used sparingly is OK (not great), but a series of exclamation points (!!!!!) is a mortal sin.

Also, not a huge deal, but I'd brush up on correct comma usage. I spotted a couple mistakes, mostly related to dependent/independent clause. Not a big deal, but I think prefect punctuation is very useful in the process of clarifying your thoughts.

Obviously, it doesn't matter much when you're posting on the internet, or in a variety of written situations these days, but I think that good, old-fashioned punctuation and grammar (not that you can't use slang and be creative, etc.) does a lot to add credibility and longevity to your writing.

5) This sentence sums up some of the problems with your writing:

"Not quite as much as Anton Chigurh would prefer I bet, but losing a $12,000 flip still feels pretty terrible. I didn’t per say ‘lose’ $12,000, which of course would be much worse, but it seems similar."

First of all, "per say" is "per se," from the Latin phrase that translates to "by itself." Getting that wrong reflects badly on you as an author. Secondly, the word "bet" in this sentence sort of confuses your point: What's going on, a bet? A coinflip? I also don't know what you mean when you say "Anton Chigurfh would prefer" in this context, but if you were going to write those words out, you would need to insert a comma between "prefer" and "I." Also, as a blogger, you might want to put Anton Chigurh as a hyperlink, because I'm not sure the reference would be common enough knowledge.

If I were your editor and had to re-write the sentence, it would look something like:

"Probably not as much as you would have lost against Anton Sigurgh, but $12K still seems like a lot. Although I didn't exactly 'lose twelve thousand dollars,' which would be much worse, it feels similar."

I took out "of course" and some other superfluous words, I switched "feels" and "seems," and I tried to convey the same sentiment in a clearer, more straightforward way. (Of course, you might think I failed miserably and that my version sucks.)

In any case, the volume of your output is impressive, as is your willingness and ability to discuss and analyze strategic elements of the game. I could never do what you're doing, so take my criticisms with a grain of salt.

In general, my advice would be to flirt/experiment with the idea of expressing these same deep concepts, but more efficiently and by using fewer examples and less words. Make sure they are as tight as possible--that will give your writing more room to breath and ultimately give you a stronger ability to express yourself.

I hope these comments were helpful, and I'd be happy to offer more (or to **** off) depending on how you liked 'em.

Shane

PS: This is a great resource http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html

I really appreciate Shane taking his time to help me improve my work, and I told him if there’s ever anything else to add I’d appreciate his thoughts. I told him the only thing I disagreed with was using example hands, since I think they are perhaps the best way of outlining a concept in a more applicable manner when it comes to strategy talk.

There were a few things though I forgot to ask him about, so I’ll direct him to this entry later. I’d also like the reader’s thoughts so by all means make some comments if you have any ways for me to improve.

1. Shane mentions not using things like ‘VASTLY’ or ‘pleeeeeeease’ for emphasis, but what about for someone’s dialogue? I’ve always liked writing dialogue as close as possible to how I heard it, and that means huge capitol letters and long run on words. Thoughts on keeping those in only during dialogue writing?

2. I’ve always been very bad at going over my work and editing it. The truth is I normally just throw things together on the fly, especially when traveling. Somtiems I’m so excited to get things up on the forums and give people the story of how it all happened that I don’t even reread it once before posting. How much time do quality writers spend revising what they’ve written?

3. Wow, I look fucking stupid when I get per se wrong huh?

4. I’m looking to find a balance between my personal, exaggerated, over the top style and traditionally constructed and quality writing. Any thoughts on finding a balance?

All right that’s all for tonight. I just went back and edited this blog entry. My God does that make a difference in quality.