I wake up at 9:45am to get ready for the seminar which starts at 10:30. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 4am like normal, so the wake up process is pretty painful. I throw on my casual suit and walk over to the casino after stopping off for a ‘Redbull’ at the corner convenience store.

Because two of our regular seminar contributors were unable to attend (Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib) famous successful Australian live pro and worlds nicest guy Eric Assadourian was scouted by Lee to sub in and replace one of them. A lot of the additional content has fallen down to Lee and me over the course of the roughly 12 hour seminar.

We have about 25 attendees and I chug down my ‘Redbull’ plus a constant stream of water to keep myself alert. I got involved with the seminars after becoming friends with Lee Nelson and his having seen my online articles. We’ve created a nearly 200 page work book for it and it lasts the full day with a winner take all tournament at the end. Most of the players we get in there are beginner to intermediate (and a couple more advanced), and then there’s a number who are really sort of paying for interaction with Lee and Joe and don’t mind learning some poker along the way. I think a guy who attended the seminar said it best as I was taking a piss in a toilet stall
”Yea I went to this great poker seminar today, there was Lee Nelson and Joe Hachem and Eric Assadourian and…yea it was good mate.”

I function as the tournament director for the satellite where we give the winner an entry into the APPT main event and by the last couple of hours I’m really struggling with exhaustion. The seminar has brought in dealers from the NPL and all of them are male except for a young blonde girl who bears a resemblance to Eva Green in ‘Casino Royale’ including an insanely over the top dressed up look with low cut top. She basically brings the room to a stand still when she walks in and guys keep walking up to me and excitedly saying “What’s the deal with the blonde?!” I can not for the fucking life of me figure out what she was doing dealing cards like that and want to ask her “Do you always dress to deal like you fell out of a Bond movie?” Unfortunately at some point she walks off during break and never shows up again.

After the seminar Lee and Pen take me over to the Chinese restaurant to indulge in more of the Peking duck we had the previous night. After that I go down to the registration event and buy into tomorrows $2200 6 max tournament, which looks to be one of the best of the series. By the bar I run into (and obviously have to have a couple beers with) Dom, Gavin Griffen and his enchantingly intoxicated girlfriend Kristen. She tells me that Natalie Portman is a whore. I tell her that she is an angel and that I have a photo with her where my hand is actually making physical contact with the Natalie Portman and I will not tolerate such blasphemy. Kristen is a total fucking riot and Gavin Griffen is as good of combination of player/person as they come. When I get home I try to get to sleep at a normal hour but of course can’t dose off until nearly 4:30am. It’s okay though, as my alarm is set for noon so I should be alright.

I’m ripped awake by searing heat around 9am. It seems the air conditioning is not on in my room and it’s absolutely sauna hot. I walk out into the hall drenched in my own sweat and find Chris awake.
“Jesus man, my room is ridiculous fucking hot. How do I turn the AC on?”
”Sorry mate it seems there’s no vents that flow through the rooms. You’ll just have to leave the door open.”

I open the door and try to return to sleep. It’s too hot. I end up asking Stevo if I can sleep in his slightly better ventilated room while he grinds online. I go lie down and attempt to sleep for a half hour or so but of course fail. I can feel the exhaustion but my body simply won’t go into off mode. I crawl out and decide I’ll go try to get an 11am restaurant at the Thai restaurant and meet up with McLeod.

Naturally the Thai restaurant is closed on Monday’s so I wander over to the hotel lobby and wake McLeod’s ass up on the phone. He tells me he got a solid two hours sleep, his difficulties being worse than mine. I find Lee Nelson in the hotel lobby and hang out with him and Pokerstars blogger Ted for half an hour before McLeod finds his way down. At this point we’re running out of time so simply grab a sandwich before the event. My first live event in months and I’m going to do this shit on nine hours sleep over 48 hours.

I find my way to my table and sit down behind a stack of 8000 chips with the blinds at 25/50. I’ve got online player ‘Harris’ Pavlou on my direct right, but other than that I’m not overly familiar with anyone on the table. I’m involved in my very first hand:
Stacks: 8k, blinds 25/50. I hold JTo on the button.
Preflop: Two folds, I raise to 150, SB folds, BB calls.
Flop: T 2 5 rainbow
BB leads out for 200. He’s an older guy and I’m unfamiliar with his play. I call.
Turn: 8
BB leads 300, I call.
River: 2
The BB checks. I briefly consider value betting but figure there’s simply not that many hands he double leads and calls a river bet with that are worse. I check back and he tables an oddly played AJo.

Unfortunately, the whole of the 25/50 level for me is very card dead. We’re playing with 40 minute levels and it’s not until the blinds have gone up to 50/100 that I get involved again:
Stacks: ~8k, blinds 50/100. I hold AsQc in the SB.
Preflop: Fold, HJ raises to 200, CO calls, button folds, I call, BB folds.
Flop: 6c Qd 2d
I check, HJ bets 450, CO calls, I call.
Turn: Kh
I check, HJ checks, CO bets 1200. I fold.

Harris is playing fairly aggressive on my right and we haven’t played any serious pots in an hour when the next hand comes up:
Stacks: ~8k, blinds 50/100, I hold AhJc in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to Harris on the button, Harris raises to 300, I call, BB calls.
Flop: Kh 6d 2d
I check, BB checks, Harris thinks for a moment before firing 600. I think Harris is going to fire this flop a huge % because the BB is a very weak and straight forward player who calls too much pre but folds often post. I checkraise him to 1600, the BB folds, and Harris folds.

Again I go very card dead for the rest of the level and very little happens for me. On the plus side, I don’t really lose any chips either. It’s not until the blinds increase that I’m involved again, this time against the player who donked AJ into me on the flop and turn:
My stack: ~10k, MP2: ~6k, blinds 100/200, I hold 2d2c in the BB.
Preflop: MP2 raises to 600, folds to me in the BB, I call (not good online but fine live against weaker opponents in my opinion.)
Flop: Qh 9s 6h
I check, MP2 checks.
Turn: 7d
I check, MP2 checks.
River: 6c
I fire 400, MP2 thinks briefly and calls. I table my two pair and he mucks.

My table image stays very tight and a moderately straight forward player has raised my last five BB’s without resistance when the following hand comes up:
My stack: ~9600, button: ~15k, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante. I hold 3h2h in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to the button, button raises to 600, SB folds, I reraise to 1800 (again, super nity image here), button tanks for quite some time and calls.
Flop: Jc 9d 8d
I check with the intention of aborting quicker than a pregnant teenager on this disaster flop. He checks behind me.
Turn: 3d
Hello beautiful, let him have AQ. I check and he checks behind.
River: Th
Fuck AQ. I check again and he checks back.
“Any pair?” I ask.
“No, you?”
”The bottom one.”
I proudly table my 3h2h and he says “Aaah! I knew you were making a move on me! I should have shoved pre.”
Apparently my extremely robotic in hand behavior was no match for this guy, because I got my soul read.

An orbit or so later I raise A8cc on the HJ and the button shoves for 11 BB’s. It folds back to me and I call and get shown his QdJd. The board runs out 9 2 5 Q 3 rainbow and I ship him over 2225 of my chips.

At some point a young New Zealand player was moved to my direct left. He seems to be online and once he gets a hold of some chips he really begins opening it up and three bets me a couple of times. Unfortunately, because I’m so card dead I keep having to fold and overall I have a very nity image leading into the next hand.
My stack: ~11k, MP2: ~20k, I hold JcJd in the BB, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante.
Preflop: MP2 raises to 550, folds to me in the BB. I consider 3 betting but I haven’t made a single 3 bet on the table and I’ve been extremely nity overall. I’m really not sure I can get 55 BB’s in given that he’s technically UTG and my image. I decide to call (which feels very debatable.)
Flop: Q 5 7 rainbow
I check, MP2 bets 600, I call.
Turn: 7
I check, MP2 thinks for a while and bets 1400. I consider that since I’ve given up to him every time pre flop and very often on the flop after I tried continuation betting he may try another barrel on me light since I’ve shown little willingness to call down. I decide to call one more time (again, quite debatable.)
River: Q
I check and he bets 3000. I go into the tank for some time and try to rethink the whole hand. The end conclusion I come to is that every time this guy has turned over his hand after showing consistent or considerable strength he’s had the goods and he can’t expect my being tight resulting in my peeling the flop and turn without something that connects pretty well. After about as long as I think about any live hand I slide my hand towards the muck and feel kind of gross about the hand in general.

For the whole of the 150/300 level I’m card dead and the New Zealand guy starts 3 betting me quite a lot with great effectiveness. It’s not until 200/400 that I get involved again:
My stack: ~6000, HJ: ~7500, I hold AdKh on the CO, blinds 200/400 with 50 ante.
Preflop: MP2 folds, HJ open shoves 7500 (he’s like 55 years old and has been doing this quite a lot, just how many people have read the DJK glorious shove thread is getting disturbing) I reshove, the rest fold. He shows JTo.
Flop: Q 5 A
Turn: J
River: 6

I stay quiet for most of the round but when the blinds go up to 300/600 Australian regular Andrew Scott gets moved on my direct right. It folds to him on the button and he shoves for 6k and I reshove A7o out of the SB. The BB folds and he tables A4o which loses to me when the board runs out A 7 2 9 T.

The very next hand we are four handed and the CO folds. I peek down at 8To and raise to 1500 as I’m stacking up my chips. The New Zealander in the SB 3 bets me for like the sixth time or something to 4500. The BB folds and I announce all in fairly quickly and casually, for 21.5k. He thinks briefly and folds.

Again I go card dead for a very long time and can’t make anything happen. I’m not really getting out of line because the New Zealand guy keeps 3 betting me and a couple of other guys on the table are huge stations. It’s not until the next level that I’m involved again:
My stack: ~21k, button: ~30k, blinds 400/800. I hold Jh8h in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to the button, button raises to 2200, SB folds, I call (he’s raising a ton of buttons, I’ve got tight image that I’ll use to check shove a number of flops on.)
Flop: Td Kh Tc
I check, button checks back.
Turn: 9h
I bet 2700, button calls.
River: 5h
I think briefly then fire 5500, button thinks it over for quite some time and reluctantly calls. I table my flush and take the pot for a stack that’s easily my high point for the day.

I try to open things up a little bit but the New Zealand player on my left continues to pummel me over and over. When the blinds are 500/1000 and with my giving him a walk in the last two blind verse blind confrontations we play a hand together:
My stack: ~31k, BB: ~45k, blinds 500/1000 with 100. I hold Q5o in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 3000 (this looks weird, but basically he seemed stack size aware and knew he couldn’t 3 bet me here light without being close to committed and also the history of two walks) and for the first time in a long time he flat calls.
Flop: A T 2 rainbow
I fire out 4000 and he thinks briefly and raises to 9000. For some reason I just think with our history there is absolutely no way he raises this flop like this to get me in, especially this texture. It’s the perfect flop for an aggressive guy like him to mess with me on and I think if he had a decent ace he’d 3 bet pre to get it in and if he had a weak one he’d flat call the flop. I move all in and he only thinks for a few seconds before folding. At that moment the tournament director comes over to tell us we’re moving.
“Well, as long we’re moving” I say, then table my hand.
“Yea, you were in front.”
”Yea, I thought that might be in the case. Good luck on the other table dude, thanks for making my life hell all day, you played really well.”
“Thanks.”

I find my way over to a new table and the tournament is down to 24 players with 12 paying. My new table has the chip leader sitting on nearly 100,000. I’m second in chips at the new table and the rest of players are unknown to me.

I play one small pot where I accidentally value town myself on the river against the chip leader in a very passively played pot. A few orbits later we get involved again:
My stack: ~31k, SB: ~100k, blinds 500/1000 with 100 ante. I hold AcQc in MP2.
Preflop: I raise to 2500, folds to SB, SB raises to 7000, BB folds, I move all in, SB quickly calls with AA. Shit.
Flop: Q 6 2 rainbow
Turn: 3
River: 4
I shake half the tables hand and wish them luck.

Despite being incredibly sleep deprived I feel pretty happy with the way I played in the tournament and even though I was card dead pretty much all day I never just made boredom raises. After I bust out some friends and I walk over to the ‘Subway’ in the casino and I’m so mentally exhausted I attempt to grab through the plastic case to buy a cookie thinking I can somehow unlatch it. The thing has no latch and is only accessible from the cashier’s side. Chris looks at me like I’m a fucking maniac and asks what I’m doing. I’m really not sure.

I leave Cade’s house in Hawaii at around 6am, heading towards the airport. When I arrive there’s already a line at the Qantas desk and I’m worried the flight will be completely packed with my getting some terrible middle seat. I haven’t slept all night hoping I’ll be able to crash for the majority of my 10 ½ hour flight. When I get to the desk I make small talk with the guy and he asks me if a window seat will be okay
”Uh sure, unless you guys got like an aisle of three open or something like that. I haven’t done the whole sleeping thing yet tonight.”
”Actually it’s rows of a two with a row of four in the middle. Let me check something for you…yep I got a whole row of four I can block off for you so you can lay down.”
”Oh sweet man! Thanks so much you’re a total life saver.”
”Yea, the flights not too booked so this shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll be over at the gate and make sure this gets sorted out in case there’s any issues.”
”Cool, well if anyone tries to take the seat you and I will just throw them off the plane.”
”Exactly.”
Since when did airline employees become so cool?

On the flight I have the entire row to myself and lay out on the wide leather seats. I wind up sleeping for over nine hours of the flight (it still wasn’t very good quality) and spend the rest of it reading Bill Bryson’s ‘A short history of nearly everything.’ Did you know our universe is constantly expanding outwards from us? You didn’t? Well Einstein did you ****ing retard.

When I arrive in Sydney I check into my hotel, grab a shower, then head down to the poker room to try and watch Lee Nelson’s final table in the first event. I get there just a few minutes after he’s busted out and go up to his hotel room to meet him and his wife Pen for dinner. We discuss whether we should play the tournament the next day and what affect it will have if we end up final tabling and have to miss a portion of the seminar (as it is a two day tournament.) We decide we’ll figure it out later in the night.

We go to what is apparently Sydney’s best Japanese restaurant, Yoshi’s. It’s a fairly small place but the food is outstanding. My course dinner comes with a glass of wine with each round of food, and by the fourth glass of wine I know the evening is not going to end subtly. The whole of the dinner winds up being worth around seven drinks and I’m already flying high when we leave the restaurant.

We grab a cab back to the casino and find Eric Assadourian on the casino floor. He’s signed on to do the seminar with us to replace Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib who couldn’t come out for this event. He tells us he wants to meet to do further preparation tomorrow so Lee tells me I probably shouldn’t play. Around the same time I run into Jonno AKA ‘Monster_Dong’ and he tells me everyone is going out and I should come. With no need to get up for the event and already half way to wasted, I quickly agree.

Our party group includes Jonno, Andy McLeod, Julian Powell, DelaneyKid, Jarred Dale, Matt Kirk (he reminds me of Stiffler) and myself. The group is the perfect concoction of youth, alcohol, enthusiasm and dispensable income. We walk over to a huge club in Darling Harbour and pay the ridiculous $70 entry fee. The place is gigantic and has several floors of partying going on. We walk over to the bar, order a round of drinks, and we’re off and running. We’re on the second floor of the club overlooking the dance floor which leads up to a large stage with girls dancing. Someone makes a comment about the hot girls on the stage
“Man I’m about to run up there and dance with them myself” I say
“Heh yea sure you will” says Julian
”No seriously, I’d do it wanna bet?”
”I’d throw down $100 that” says Jarred.
”Yea I’ll take $200 too” say both Andy McLeod and Matt.
“Alright dudes, watch this.”
I turn straight around and start walking downstairs like a man on a mission. I walk stiffly through the crowd and squeeze my way up to the front. There’s a bouncer guarding the entrance to the stage. I lean in to his ear
”Hey man. I’ll give you $100 if I can go up on stage and dance around and **** for like 20 seconds. I’m not drunk or on drugs, I just got a bet going.”
The bouncer at first seems hesitant, then asks me to reiterate that I’d pay him $100 (in retrospect, I vastly overshot on the bribe but **** it.)
He leans into me
“Alright mate, $100 for me and $100 for my friend here and you got yourself a deal. I’ll come drag you off stage after a little bit.”
”You got a deal.”
I hand both bouncers $100 and wait for him to give me the signal. He nods his head and I go around the back then sprint up onto the stage which is now empty. There’s a crowd of 100’s staring at me and I just start yelling
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEEEEEEEA MOTHER ****ERS!!!” and dancing around like a moron then hip thrusting into the air. I lift up my drink and pour it all over my head, yelling the whole time, then start high-fiving everyone in the front row of the crowd. At some point the bouncer comes up from behind, throws his arm around me, and drags me off stage while I yell “NOOOOOOOO!” then say to him calmly as he gets me back stage “Hey man thanks a lot for this.”

I walk back upstairs and everyone is in stitches. They pay me off the bet but I agree to a small deduction because I was supposed to dance with the girls, who were no longer on the stage. There is a group of ‘Jagermeister’ promotional girls standing around in uniforms near us and at some point our group starts chatting to them and McLeod and I are hitting on some blond one (I no longer have any idea how this or many of my conversations that night started.) At some point one of her friends whips out a Polaroid camera and takes numerous pictures of us standing around then making ridiculous faces (they will be posted and soon as I get to a scanner.) They also put temporary tattoos all over our forearms (my partially washed off one is staring at me as I write this.) The blonde girl suggests we drink jagerbombs (****in jagerbombs!) and she, Andy and I walk over to the bar with her and she asks
“So boys are we ordering two drinks or three?”
”Bull****! I’m on to your scam. You can buy me a drink.”
“But I don’t have any money on me.”
“Sucks for us then.”
I don’t order her any drink and continue attempting to hit on her. At some point I need to get back to my friends and should give her a call some time.
“I actually have a boyfriend.”
”Well I don’t want to call your boyfriend, I want to call you.”
”You should call him, that’d be funny” she says sarcastically.
“Yea that’d be fun” I say then walk off without another word.

The group of us heads up to the outdoor third floor area where people are smoking. There is some cute brown haired girl smoking a cigarette and she looks kind of drunk. I walk up to her and say
”You know you shouldn’t smoke, but not for the reasons you think though.”
”Huh?” she asks me somewhat intrigued.
”First of all you have great skin and you’ll ruin it. Second some very strange ass **** can happen when you smoke. Give me your cigarette for a second and I’ll show you something cool.”
She suspiciously hands over her cigarette and I start puffing on it without inhaling.
”Now hold out your hands with your palms down.”
She accommodates
“No no, clinch them into balls so I can’t get in there.”
She does.
“You’re sure it’s tight. Sure I can’t get in there? Alright, watch this.”
I ash the cigarette onto the top of my left hand, lean over towards it and blow at her right hand.
“Now open that hand I blew at.”
She does and there’s a large black smear of ash in her hand.
“OH MY GOD! How did you do that!?”
”Maybe I’ll tell you if you’re nice to me.”
I start chatting to her and she tells me she’s Maltese. I tell her I have a friend in Malta who tells me it’s nice. She tells me I’m lying and trying to impress her. I proceed to tell her all about Assassinato (hi Alex!) She seems pretty interested and we’re flirting back and forth when I turn around for a moment to talk to one of my friends and some random guy friend of hers swoops in and cockblocks me (I really don’t remember how the transition of this happened.)

McLeod and I team up and start going around the floor chatting to various women. We talk to a couple of blonde girls from Sweeden and things go well enough that the one McLeod was talking to tells him to add her on Facebook.

I go up to a girl outside and attempt the cigarette trick on her. When I take the cigarette she looks at me like a ****ing maniac and tells me “Keep it.”
“Your loss” I tell her then walk away back to my friends cigarette in hand
“Why the **** did I take this? I don’t even smoke!” I tell my group. Someone calls me an idiot while Matt tries to pick up some girl. Throughout the night people keep handing me drinks and I’m never without a beverage in my hand (I never even got to buy a round and now feel like a cheap ass, next time boys.) I go over to another girl who is cool with my doing the cigarette trick but I somehow manage to screw up the ending and her hand has nothing on it.
”****!” I yell upon seeing her hand then walk off without another word.

McLeod and I go talk to some girl in red out on the porch. She’s from Wales and tells me she doesn’t like American accents.
“Well I can pull off a convincing Canadian then. I’m from….Toronto perhaps?”
She laughs and the conversation starts getting weird. She tells me she likes being aggressive with men and I say
“You’re going to try and rape me aren’t you?” (I don’t really remember her reaction to this, but she kept chatting to us and seemed to be having fun.)
Things are going fairly well with her and at some point she says she’s going over to the dance floor.
“Can I come with you” I ask. She walks off without another word to me and I stand there momentarily wondering what went wrong.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” asks McLeod.
“What? What do you mean?”
”She said you can come if you want. What are you doing?”
”What!? ****! I didn’t even hear here. It’s too God damn loud in here!”
”Well let’s go to the dance floor and see if we see her.”
We check over in another room but the club is much too big and we fail to locate her. At some point McLeod and I realize we’re getting quite drunk and we should be calling it a night as he intends to play the next day. We tell the other guys we’re going to head back and maneuver our way through the crowd out the door. We make the 10 minute walk over to the casino and upon arriving realize it’s only 1:30am and that we should see what’s happening at the casino bar.

Andy and I start talking to some woman in green at the bar and she responds to my humor pretty well. I have to keep discreetly asking McLeod for his cell phone mid conversation with women so I can try to get their number because mine is out of batteries and I didn’t bring my charger. I ask her for her number and she tells me if I see her again that night she’ll give it to me. She walks away and McLeod laughs at me. We do not see her again.

We go sit down at a table with our drinks, which are at this point water in an attempt to keep the night from spiraling even more out of control than it’s already got and having a horrible hangover. We start talking to some woman at the table next to us. Her response was mediocre (but good enough that I would later write McLeod’s number on a napkin, walk over to her table with her friends, smash it down, and walk away.)

McLeod and I hit the casino floor and talk to a pair of hot Asian chicks. They tell us they’re here to support their boyfriends. We back off. We approach a couple of hot Mediterranean looking women. They tell us we’re very sweet but they’re here with their husbands. When did everybody get married God damn it!?

McLeod and I decide to call it a night and try and chug water up in the hotel room. We turn on the TV and find that the WPT is on. We watch as Jim ‘KrazyKanuck’ worth open raises AK 4 handed with about 30 BB’s effective, gets 3 bet out by a somewhat young Asian guy in the SB then goes into the tank.
“What’s he tanking for?” asks McLeod.
”I don’t know dude. Pretty sure the other guy has to call when he crams. He’s practically slowrolling here.”
”He’s not thinking of folding is he?”
Worth continues to tank, then lifts up his cards and mucks them. McLeod and I both go completely berserk. We start talking about some time McLeod tiny 4 bet me early in the 109 6 max on Full Tilt and I wound up folding queens (either pre or on the flop.) He tells me he probably had air. I tell him he’s a bastard and we eventually pass out.

Authors post note: I woke up the following morning thinking I’d totally struck out and McLeod was the only one who got any real contact information out of a girl. DelanyKid told me he later made out with two chicks that night. Matt told me he thinks we should start going to places that don’t have a $70 entry because it’s mostly chicks boyfriends who pay it and not enough girls there were single. If Julian’s girlfriend is reading this, he totally behaved himself. Everyone showed up in time for the event today and Jarred wound up final tabling it, with Chris Evans as well. Much later in the day McLeod messages Jarred and tells him that he has the number for a girl named Kay in his phone which I apparently got. I remember talking to a Kay but no longer have any idea what she looks like. I guess that just adds more gamble to it.

Yes, it's true. I too, am a massive online MTT multiaccounter. I bet you're wondering why I'm bothering to confess to this, perhaps my conscience has finally gotten to me you think? No, not at all, my conscience is as silent as ever, why later this evening I'm even going to go kick puppies for fun, but that's not the point. The point is that I've made enough money from my nefarious enterprises and am soon leaving Australia to retire to Hawaii, living out my days basking in the sun and spending my evenings drunker than Hemmingway. But before I go, I was hoping to impart some knowledge to my fellow multi accounters, who lately have proven themselves to be extraordinary retards who are clearly in need of my help and expertise.



First and foremost, you need to practice misdirection. In order to prevent any suspicion make sure to come out very hard and aggressive against other cheats and multi accounters. No matter how apologetic they are, blast them with insults and threats of violence. You should even exaggerate or make up things if you have to. For example, did you know JJprodigy is a homosexual? Did you know Mr. Casino eats babies in his spare time? Did you know Brian Townsend started the great Chicago fire of 1871? Being impassioned with your hatred towards the exposed multi accounters makes you look like the kind of person who would never stoop to such money grubbing antics. Yes, I know Shakespeare wrote "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" but nobody in poker reads Shakespeare, so don't worry about those cultureless morons.



Second, you need to find a front man. By this I mean you need to find someone who is willing to claim to be winning the tournaments that are won on the other screen names you're playing on, creating another barrier between you and the truth. My mutli accounting peers are complete novices at this, JJprodigy tried to claim it was his grandmother and Mr. Casino said it was the dad of a friend, attempts as pathetic as they are idiotic. The correct way to do this is to hire someone who is believable as a guy who spends his entire life sitting inside on his ass. In my case, I bought the identities of Shaun Deeb and Steve Leonard. I met Deeb at a buffet and offered him a life time's supply of orange soda for the use of his name, and Leonard at a gas station where I offered him as many cigarettes as he cared to smoke for the rest of his days. It's a shame that both will be dead before 30 from a heart attack and cancer respectively, but then their use has expired for me, so I don't really care. After all, I'm a multi accounter, and that means I only look out for number one.



Third, you need to shut off the logical part of your brain. You know, that part that tells you that you could probably make just as much money playing straight given how many dozens of profitable tournaments there are across so many sites. That worthless portion of the brain has been trying to hold we multi accounters back for years, trying to explain that the risk of being caught and our names being forever tarnished and our money confiscated simply isn't worth a marginal increase in edge when we already stand to make more money than doctors and lawyers. Don't listen to its crap, the only true way to attain greatness in poker is to take down Sunday majors, and everyone knows that nobody has ever won a Sunday major without multi accounting.



Lastly, it's best not to out yourself for multi accounting until you're absolutely ready. Doing so preemptively has a way of making you look like a complete fool. When you do out yourself, make sure not to apologize, because nobody will believe you're clearly disingenuous attempt and it will result in even more hatred. It's much better to go out on top, laughing all the way to the bank, just like me. So long fuckers!

Authors note: If you actually thought this was serious then, wow, I suck at sarcasm.

The title of this entry into the series must seem odd at first glance. Since when do weak players do all that much bluffing? You’re right to think that they don’t however amongst weak players (particularly live as there are fewer and fewer weak ones online) there is a tendency towards what I call ‘desperation bluffing’. These are bluffs where they’ve gotten to the river without any real plan for the hand, and now have a holding with zero showdown value so they attempt a bluff because they’re out of options. Although most of these players do tend to be weak and passive throughout the hand, they are often willing to attempt one street bluffs, especially if it’s the only way they can win the hand. Let’s take at a couple of forms of the desperation bluff:

1. The missed draw bluff: This is of course very common. You still see this one pretty frequently online and many players are aware of it. The action for this is mostly goes down; flop call, turn check/check, and a river bluff. It can happen when you’re both in position and out of position, but you can expect it a little more when you’re in position because if you have showdown value on the river out of position you’re sometimes value betting instead of checking to attempt to bluff catch (depending on the strength of your hand and how the board has run out.) So to give an example hand of this concept in use:

Your stack: 4000
MP1’s stack: 4000. Blinds 25/50. You hold 9s 9c on the button. MP1 seems on the weak/loose side and has open limped before.
Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 calls for 50, folds to you on the button, you raise to 200, folds back to MP1, MP1 calls.
Flop: Js 8s 5c (Pot 475)
MP1 checks, you bet 350, MP1 calls.
Turn: 5d
MP1 checks, you check behind for pot control (against certain opponents you could bet again her for value, but against many others a check is appropriate.)
River: 2c
MP1 fires out 800, you call.

While you won’t always be good here, it’s pretty obvious that you should call as numerous draws have missed (the flush draw, 67, and 9T.) Against a weak opponent you shouldn’t expect him to be value betting worse often, though his showing up with A8s wouldn’t be crazy.

When you’re out of position on the river whether you should value bet or check to bluff induce depends on a few factors and will partially rely on your hand and pattern reading. If he’s the kind of player who peels the flop with any pair and a huge station on the river you can lean towards value betting. If you aren’t really sure and don’t expect him to pay off multiple streets then check with the intention of snapping a bluff. Now let’s take a look at a second situation you can snap off frequent bluffs.

2. When a player is too weak at value betting to have it bluff: These are fun bluffs to call down because when you catch the player you look like a God damn genius when really the reasoning is quite straight forward. Many weak players are quite bad at value betting for fairly obvious reasons; they aren’t aggressive and their hand reading is very weak. As a result when they have a hand with showdown value that they’re not sure of they tend to check and hope to get to turn cards over. So when a scare card comes that they won’t likely have and you check on it, you sometimes see these players attempt to bluff this card and you know that their range is polarized to big hands and air. A good example hand is from a tournament I recently played at Crown Casino during the Poker News Cup.

The tournament was a $2500 AUD buy in event that wound up being more sitngo than proper tournament. The opponent was a local player who is a very nice guy but excessively loose and weak, and capable of occasional bluffs. He regards me as an aggressive thinking player and expects me to continuation bet a high percentage of the time on the flop.

My stack: ~13000, MP2’s stack: ~21000, BB: ~15000, blinds 100/200. I hold 7d 7c on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to MP2, MP2 calls for 200, HJ folds, I raise to 800, folds to the BB, BB calls, MP2 calls.
Flop: 8 4 3 rainbow (Pot 2500)
BB checks, MP2 checks, I bet 1500, BB folds, MP2 calls.
Turn: A
MP2 checks, I check behind.
River: T
MP2 bets 2500 and my chips are in the pot about a tenth of a second after his. MP2 has 54 and turned a hand with showdown value into a bluff and asks “How do you call?!” in befuddlement when he sees my hand.

The reason this hand is such an instant call is because I know this player isn’t the type to attempt to value bet an 8 against me on the river, especially once the A scare card comes off. I can feel comfortable saying that although it’s unlikely he has one; he’s also basically never value betting a 10 either. Although he could in fact have an ace because he’s so loose, for the most part he’s going to either raise himself pre flop or give up on the flop considering I fired into two players.

There are many situations like this, particularly in live play, where some players simply can’t value bet unless they are very confident in their hands strength. Against these kinds of players you should be willing to call down their river bets in situations where they often have polarized ranges as they simply can’t have huge hands that often.

So I did this thread quite some time ago and attempted to to accommodate a number of the requests. As of lately I'm running a bit low on ideas for how to continue the series and realized that really the best way to get an idea of how to go forward is to ask the readers what they want to see out of the series.

2+2 poster 'Bonsaltron' gave me a great idea to do an article on trends and plays in poker that come in and out or have become irrelevant which I think is a great idea that I'll get cracking on immediately, which was the inspiration to ask people what else they'd like to see covered.

Outside of that, what else do people want to see? Feel free to suggest things outside the medium of immediate strategy.

Thanks, Bond18