May 10th, Madison: I wake up in the apartment in the early afternoon. I make a quick run to the bathroom then jump back into bed, which wakes Martina up. Her hands start wandering, things escalate, and we start our day off way more right than those smug bastards in the breakfast cereal commercials.

(Mega random tangent moment because it’s my blog and I get to do whatever the hell I want: I’m writing in a Barnes and Noble right now and they have a rack of “Customer Favorites” magazines. One of them is People magazine and the cover is a picture of a smiling Bristol Palin, daughter of mentally handicapped Alaska governor Sarah Palin. In the photo she is in a red graduation gown with a beaming smile on her face, holding up her rather adorable looking new baby. The title reads “Gov. Sarah Plain’s daughter talks about her life with baby Tripp. ‘If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex,’ says Bristol. ‘Trust me. Nobody’.” In my last entry I used the word juxtaposition, which I now again find an appropriate term since young Bristol in the picture looks cheery as fuck holding up her baby, while the quotation beneath implies that the consequences of sex, which I’ll assume are said baby and not her boyfriends inadequacies at pleasing her, are the worst thing ever and so awful that she needs to be on the cover of People deriding the misery that is sex, though apparently only specifically for girls. Bristol has now become a major spokeswoman for teenage abstinence and for anyone reading this that is either a teenager or can remember what it’s like to be one, then you know telling teenagers not to have sex is as hopeless as having Bristol’s mother point out Africa on a map, which she was not aware was a continent during the time of the election, a story reported on Fox News of all places. More disturbing than the idea of these people procreating is their irresponsible attempt to prevent teenage sex with the ever powerful tool that is celibacy. While I agree that 14 year olds probably shouldn’t be going at it, many of them will anyway and the best way to stave off unwanted pregnancies is through education on preventative measures, the importance of their use, and making contraception available without it being a terrifying and embarrassing ordeal to obtain. Failure to do so will force me to make more obscure comparisons at the pointless idea of encouraging teenage abstinence, like say telling a convicted bank robber to “Please not steal the valuable contents of this vault that I will leave open while I put this blind fold over my face and listen to my Ipod on full volume for the next few hours.” Best part about all of this; Bristol origionally claimed abstinence wouldn’t work, then flip flopped on the issue after what I assume was a very slow realization that she could garner attention by supporting it. We now return you to our regularly scheduled self indulgence.)

We take a shower and get dressed. I fire up my laptop and start registering for tournaments then take a walk over to Subway and grab what will be breakfast for now and lunch for later. When we get back to the apartment my tournaments have started and I finish registering for every tournament I figure I can fit on my single 15 inch laptop screen for the next five and a half hours, which will result in roughly 10 hours of play on average. Several hours into my day I find myself heads up with thinking regular Voff Voff Voff in the Full Tilt 30k guarantee $129 knockout tournament. We play one fairly interesting hand heads up that I’d like to use to discuss a value betting concept (I don’t have the exact hand history available to me, but I remember enough details to draw out the concept):

The blinds are 15k/30k. We both have over 1 million in chips. I hold J2o on the button, in the small blind.
Preflop: I complete, Voff checks in the BB.
Flop: J 9 6 with a flush draw
Voff checks, I bet 42k, Voff calls.
Turn: A, not completing the flush
Voff checks. Now, many players would check behind here since they expect the ace to kind of kill their action if they barrel, plus they have the bottom kicker with the jack. However, Voff almost never has an ace here, and because he’s a smart thinking regular he’s aware that it’s very rare I have an ace since I wouldn’t limp too many of them on the button. He also knows that despite these conditions that’s kind of a scare card, and since I’m an aggressive player I might attempt to barrel it pretty frequently in order to push him off a weak pair when I have either air or some kind of draw. He also may think that many times I have limped an ace I might check back the turn since my double barrel will appear strong and I may think I have a better chance of getting value by checking back the turn and representing a missed draw if the river blanks. With conditions like these, I believe you should make the thin value bet on the turn, and you should overall be looking for situations against thinking opponents where they will expect you to bluff fairly frequently and have the balls to call down light, as Voff does. I bet something like 96k, and Voff calls.
River: X
Voff checks and I check behind, since I think it’s really unlikely he pays off three streets with third or fourth pair and sometimes I’ll wind up value betting myself when he has a J with a better kicker, which he will basically never fold. Voff turns up a pair of 9’s and I drag a respectable pot.

I wind up winning the tournament for $9,200 in a tough heads up match against Voff. As the day progresses Martina hangs out rolling blunts and smoking by the window, though I don’t participate as I do not mix work with any kind of substances, however she does blow weed smoke in my face once for her amusement. We watch a number of movies and Family Guy DVD’s, and Martina finds watching me play very fascinating, especially when I have 17 miniaturized tables going on my laptop. Late in the evening I also run deep in the Tilt 25k guarantee 30 rebuys, and three handed I take the chip lead. Unfortunately, I get it all in on the flop with top and bottom against the top and bottom of RoothlusJr who also has a backdoor flush draw, which winds up getting there for most of the chips in play. I finish third for $4,800 and have no complaints about how my first day of online play in over a week went.

Naturally, Martina has a blunt waiting for me upon finishing work for the day so we quickly light it up and enjoy its grape flavoring and THC delivering. This works us up an appetite so I make us some food in the kitchen at a rather slow place.

When we finish eating Martina drags me over towards the bed and starts unbuttoning my shirt. I start kissing her and things keep going. Having already gone once earlier the day combined with the marijuana causes me to be rather desensitized and I pound away for an hour before eventually giving up on getting there again. Whatever, she seems to have enjoyed herself so I have no complaints and figure I’ve had a very productive day at this point. I lie in bed exhausted for a while and she says she has to get home because she has work in morning. She messages her ex-boyfriend for a ride, then gets dressed and waits around for his call. He arrives 10 minutes later and she kisses me goodbye then laments that she has to leave me to go hang out with him. I’m too tired to come up with a witty return, and just lie back in bed and tell her I’ll see her soon. I fall asleep nearly immediately after the door closes.

May 9th, Milwaukee: I wake up in my hotel bed feeling surprisingly good at 10:45am; water is some kind of miracle drug. I quickly take a shower, get dressed, and pack up my shit. I find that my phone is basically dead so I have no way to contact my parents about exactly when they’ll be arriving. God I hate this phone.

I checkout downstairs and ask the woman behind the desk if there’s a phone I can use. She directs me to one on the wall and I attempt to call my mom’s cell phone since I somehow remember the number off the top of my head. She does not pick up and so I sit around in the lobby for a while confused. I try again 20 minutes later and she picks up and lets me know they’ll be there soon.

When they arrive I hand my mom the two bottles of Australian wine I got her with my right hand but clutch a bouquet of pink roses in my left hand and say “The wine is for you but you can’t have these, they’re for grandma, so don’t steal them. Happy Mother’s Day.” She seems appreciative of the thought even though wine is a cliché gift, but I’m never around to ask about what she’d prefer so I think it’s a respectable gift plus nobody ever really minds getting some good Pinot.

Over at my cousin’s house I get to catch up with family I haven’t seen in years, plus actually eat something since I haven’t had a proper meal since breakfast yesterday. As always my family treats the subject of my occupation with a mix of encouraging curiosity and unsure hesitance, and I do my best to explain how things have evolved for me professionally without getting too technical or esoteric. One thing I’ve recently noticed about talking to people outside of the poker world that I knew in my life in Wisconsin is that while they used to discuss poker with an attitude that said “Well that’s a quaint idea that you’ll pursue that, but one day you’ll get a job like everyone else” they now seem to have accepted that this is my job and I just might not be some crazy gambler with two pennies in one hand and a dream in the other. It’s very cool that people have started to come around, and honestly can’t blame anyone for the reservations they had about this a few years ago considering the public perception of gambling.

We drive back to Madison in the mid afternoon and upon arriving my dad and I go play a brief tennis match. The conditions aren’t great so we give up after an hour. I want more exercise so I take a car over to the gym and lift weights for another hour. Sunday is an awesome night to work out, especially on a holiday. The gym is almost totally empty and I’m able to get to all my machines without any wait, though on the flip side there are no girls to attempt chatting up, though I rarely bother most of the time anyway. I have yet to figure out any especially clever way of meeting women at the gym, and it’s one of the few places where I feel like I’d genuinely be kind of bothering a girl if I started talking to her. That said I like the idea of meeting girls at the gym since I know we already have an interest in fitness in common, which would be a great because I’d honestly much rather ask a girl to go for a run and a coffee than to go get slammed at some bar and further destroy my body. However, while at the gym Martina messages that she’d really like to see me tonight, so I guess no pick up attempts will be necessary.

I drive home and call up the apartment place I previously stayed at and book a room. I plan on working tomorrow so I pack up some movies and Family Guy DVD’s to watch while hanging out. I know Martina will want to smoke so before I go check in I make a run to the grocery store and pick up healthy munchies; raspberries, strawberries, cashews, skim milk, and vitamin water. There is something amusing in the juxtaposition of being both a health nut and a guy who consistently smokes and drinks, though I imagine when I get back to Australia those habits will fade off considerably. In the two months leading up to my trip I believe I had about three beers in total, if that.

I get to the apartment building which is locked at the front. I have to call in from the hallway phone and the Hispanic lady on the other side seems very confused as to why I’m checking in at 11pm and have some kind of strange accent. She gives me the key to my room and I head upstairs then throw the food in the fridge. Martina arrives a few minutes later and immediately whips out her piece. She packs a bowl and we start playing our shotgun game. As soon as the bowl is cashed we jump each other on the bed and go at it for a while. When we finish I feel totally dehydrated and leap up from the bed
“Holy shit yes, we have vitamin water! Ding ding ding, I am on top of this shit today! I’ll get the fruit and nuts too and bring them to bed. Wanna watch Family Guy?”
“Sure”
“Sweeeeeeeeet. They say marijuana ruins your memory yet I am totally prepared for this moment. Fuck those scientists and their tests, I got raspberries here fools, I planned this shit, I bet they didn’t remember the raspberries.”
“You’re ridiculous” she teases
“Oh I’m aware.”

I pop in a season of Family Guy and bring the munchies over to the bed. I sit up feeding her the berries and laughing really, really hard at the show, which is hysterical under normal conditions but absurdly hilarious at this moment.

May 8th, Milwaukee: I wake up in the hotel in the early afternoon. I throw on a pair of boxer shorts and do 30 minutes of running around my hotel room doing boxing training. I’d have gone for a run but it seems I didn’t bring athletic shorts with me, and Milwaukee really isn’t the best city to go for a run with just boxers on. When I finish I walk over to a local café and eat breakfast.

I spend the majority of my afternoon doing writing and working on videos for Pokersavvyplus. I have promised three different subscribers a hand history review, and I’m getting one for youngunAK done today (it would turn out to not have any audio thanks to Camtasia not being synced to my microphone right, and that wasn’t even the only time that happened.) I have started falling considerably behind in my writing, something I promised myself wouldn’t happen this time around, but it seems to have anyway. I have made plans with Jenson to meet up and go to the soft opening of a restaurant Cagle and Rufio are starting work at, which will apparently have free food and drink, the latter half of t hat combination being particularly alluring (and dangerous) for me. I message Vera to see if she’d like to join me, but says she has very full on Mother’s Day tomorrow so she declines. I message another girl named Nicole (name changed) that had been hoping to meet up since I got back but she too declines due to Mother’s Day. I message a third girl, Melanie (name changed) and she agrees to meet me there at eight. Third time’s the charm.

Jenson tells me he’s picking up another friend at 6:30pm in a building a block from my hotel, so a little beforehand I walk over and take a seat in the lobby. Jenson arrives a few minutes later and calls up to his friend in the building. We go upstairs and meet his friend Allison (name not remembered very well), who seems like a cool and witty girl. We drive over to the restaurant and they debate on where to park instead of paying the $5 to park in front of the restaurant. It’s cold as balls out and I haven’t brought a jacket, so I tell them to just park in front and I’ll pay. What a balla I am.

Inside the hallway leading up to the restaurant there is tables with booze upon booze at them. I walk up to the cute girl dispensing the beer and say
“Listen, I know the rule about liquor before beer and beer before liquor, but where does wine fit into that? Considering how much alcohol you have in front of you I assume you’re the expert, so help me out here.”
“Hmm, I think you should probably drink the wine first.”
“Gotchya, well then I’ll be back for you later.”

I go over to the table with all the wine. The table is full of bottles, which either have a label of “cheap”, “medium”, or “expensive” on them. When I get to the front of the line I say to the guy dispensing them
“So does everyone look at those labels and immediately demand the most expensive one? Tell you what, I’m really here to just fix the whole sobriety thing and I’m not too concerned with having any class, so just gimme the glass you feel like giving me.”
“I’m gonna need to see some ID first” he says
“Sure thing” I say, then add as I’m taking it out “Is that request the result of my rather random and elaborate speech in an attempt to get the glass of wine?”
“Nah, we’re just carding everyone. Here, have a glass of the cheap stuff”
“Thanks very much” I say earnestly then I immediately start downing my wine.

Inside the restaurant I grab one of the very few tables available and set our stuff down in order to permanently claim it. We find Cagle and he hands us three suspiciously pink drinks. They are very strong and taste awful. We see some people drinking rather delicious looking malty cocktails so I head off to the bar to find some. The bartender goes into the back to find me a few of them, which I precariously carry over to our table. I down mine immediately then grab a glass of wine and go over to the buffet. It turns out to have very, very little actual food in it, and I fit what I can on my plate and bring it to the table. Seeing as I have barely eaten all day, there is little food here, and there is a limitless supply of alcohol, I have reservations about where this night is going. I go and seek out Cagle
“Yo Cagle is that buffet all they got?”
“Yea man that’s it for food.”
“Can I order some food off the menu or anything, cause I mean there’s not a ton over there.”
“It is all free Tony” he says to me condescendingly as he walks off to deliver some drinks. Fucking Cagle, doesn’t he know this all booze and no food business is going to get me killed?

The night continues predictably. Melanie messages to say she won’t be coming. I continue drinking heavily. A few hours into the evening Vera calls me and I go outside to chat to her to escape the noise inside. I warn her at the beginning of the conversation that “I am not entirely sober” and she just giggles at me. I attempt to convince her to come out for a mere one drink and she declines but is very amused by my rambling conversation. I go back inside and continue on with the wine and cocktails. At some point my friends suggest we go hang out in the bar next door. While walking down the hallway to it I somehow end up in a conversation with a girl and chat her up for like five minutes. It goes nowhere.

We get a table inside the bar and I get some beers. Shit is starting to get very blurry. I go up to the bar and wind up chatting up two women; one is a pretty 29 year old and the other a looking pretty good for her age 43 year old. I have no idea how the conversation started, but they seem at least moderately interested and/or entertained by me. I ramble on with them for quite a long time and then excuse myself to the bathroom. When I get back they are gone, as are my friends. I look at my phone, I had been chatting to them for like an hour or something and my friends have gone home. I am beginning to notice how really drunk I am.

I go outside and get a cab. During the ride I am on the phone with Martina until I am dropped off at my hotel (though I can’t actually remember anything between leaving the bar and arriving at the hotel.) Back in my room I get on my computer and have many conversations that I will no doubt later regret. I drink many glasses of water to prevent a potential hangover, then brush my teeth and lie down in bed. I set an alarm to allow myself some time to clean myself up before my parents pick me up for Mother's Day. I get in bed and pass out almost instantly.

May 7th, Milwaukee: I wake up to sound of Jenson slamming the door to his bedroom. Ah shit, he’s pissed. I look at the clock, it reads slightly past 8am. Guess I’d better go out and sooth this situation over.

I go out to the living room and find Jenson on the couch with a less than pleased look on his face.
“So yea, you’re a bit pissed at me about this huh?”
“Yea dude.”
“Dude I am really sorry, I had no idea I was even going to end up in Milwaukee yesterday. I’ll have all the sheets, blanked, and pillow cases professionally cleaned this morning and it it’ll all be taken care of.”
“Yea okay thanks. I just really was not expecting to come home to two naked people in my bed.”
“Yea, my bad. These things happen. Anyway, it’ll all be sorted and won’t happen again.”
“Okay then, well I gotta go to work.”
“Alright man, have a good one. See you tonight.”

I return to the bed and we lay there trying to fall back asleep for a while. Eventually we both realize it’s hopeless and decide to get some breakfast and see a movie instead. We get dressed and walk over to a nice breakfast place on Downer Street. The weather is perfect so we sit outside in the sun. I order an omelet that ends up being big enough to feed Somalia. Ah, for American portions again. We discuss what movie to see and decide since none of us have seen Wolverine and it won’t be hard to find a theatre playing it that’s what we’ll see, even though the reviews have been pretty mediocre.

We drive to Mayfair mall to catch an 11:30am showing of the film. Much like the critics said the film is full of absurd plot holes and very little on the side of sensible character development, but then I never really expected too much in terms of depth from a popcorn movie. It’s got Hugh Jackman ripped as shit running around threatening to stab people with his claws and occasionally calling someone Bub so I’m mostly happy, plus they finally introduced Gambit to the series, who is by far the coolest of the X-men in my opinion though it was strange that the actor playing him decided to use a drawling Southern accent about half the time and no accent the other half.


When the movie finishes we drive back to the North East side and park in front of Jenson’s apartment. It turns out we’ve accidentally locked ourselves out as I’ve forgotten that I gave Jenson his key back this morning so we’re stranded in the heat with neither of us having showered. I suggest we walk over to Whole Foods where my friend Derek is almost certainly working and asking if we can borrow his apartment for a quick shower. During our walk I’m walking past some young bearded guy who stops dead in his tracks and says
“Tony!”
I look at him closely. Behind the beard, glasses, and hat is my old friend Joel Porter. Throughout middle and high school we hung out all the time, but I haven’t seen him in what must be three years now.
“Jesus Christ! Joel! What the fuck dude I can barely tell it’s you.”
“Yea, I’ve got a bit of a new look going.”
We stand around catching up for a bit and then I explain my predicament to him. He offers his shower and I tell him I’ll buy him and his roommate Bill (another childhood friend) lunch afterward and then we’ll kick it for the rest of the day since Martina has to go back to Madison. He takes us up to his apartment, which conveniently turns out to be in the same building and on the same floor as Jenson’s. I say hello to Bill and catch up with him for a while before Joel hands us a couple towels and shows us into the bathroom.

In the shower Martina and I naturally start washing each other, which leads to making out, which leads to my picking her up and supporting her with my arms underneath so we can have sex without physically banging into anything. I also remember to shampoo and condition (yes it was a shampoo and conditioner in one.)

We dry off and put our clothes back on. I reenter the living room and discuss with Joel and Bill what we should do over the course of our day. They say they are for sure going to the new Star Trek movie tonight, which everyone including Martina says is very awesome, so I tell them I am very down for it. We decide to start by having lunch at a nearby café, then going into the city and having a cigar at Uhle’s, then returning to the North East side to catch the movie, and finally going out to a party at a friend’s place tonight. Martina joins us in the living room and says she needs to head out, so we walk her over to her car and I kiss her goodbye
“Let’s do this again soon” I say
“Absolutely” she returns.

Joel, Bill and I walk over to a nearby restaurant I used to spend my life at during college and order lunch. We have roughly 10 years of catching up to do between the three of us, though as is the case with most college students their stories are a more natural progression of finishing school, thinking over career options, and having a long term girlfriend. I guess we’ve come a long way since the days of having bottle rocket wars in the park near Joel’s house or staying up until 3am watching a special on strippers on HBO, though on second thought if only discussing my maturity level I’d say I haven’t grown at all because that stuff sounds like an ass load of fun right fucking now. Note to self; purchase bottle rockets and hire strippers to shoot them. Sweet, now we’re taking things to the next level.

After lunch we drive down to Uhle’s and I endure the inevitable barrage of shit talking from Tamara and Trish behind the desk, especially when I have the audacity to suggest a cigar to Joel. As a result of Joel’s girlfriend Alex having just got off work we are forced to make a very quick exit, so we smoke our cigars while walking through the streets of downtown Milwaukee, which if you’ve been there you’d know that is a very strange sight.

When we reach Alex on the North East side we immediately depart for the movie. I have lost my latest pair of crappy aviator sunglasses, but there is a pair in the car. Alex says she never wears them anymore so I offer to give her the $10 she paid for them on the spot. She tells me I can just have them. I tell her if we go out for drinks she won’t be paying for any of hers and jam the sunglasses in my shirt.

The theatre we’re seeing the movie at is a very grand looking old school place right off of North Street, and prior to the movie starting there is a man playing an organ at right hand side of the stage. As the curtains go up he slowly sinks down into the stage and everyone applauds. As for the movie itself, well it kicks more ass than a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Captain Kirk either hits on or punches half the characters in the film and it’s visually stunning throughout. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and for a popcorn movie there isn’t much in the way of glaring or disturbing plot holes.

After the film I’m dropped off at Jenson’s apartment as the three of them have decided not to come to the party. Upstairs Jenson tells me he would prefer if I get a hotel room given the events of last night so I pack up my shit and walk over to the party a few blocks away. It’s not a full blown college party type thing, more a get together of 20 or so friends with mild drinking and smoking. As always there are quite a few people there I haven’t seen in years so we do the whole catch up thing and I do my best to explain what in the hell it is I do. I use the computer to book a hotel and when things start dying down a friend who lives in the area gives me a ride over and drops me off.

May 6th, Madison: I wake up around noon in my bed. I go downstairs and ask my dad if he’d like to play some tennis, which he obviously does. I grab a small breakfast and throw on some gym clothes, and then we walk over to the courts in the park near our house.

During the match I notice that I’m feeling considerably more tired and sluggish than anticipated, and my dad is crushing me game after game. I guess I got much less sleep than I thought because I’ve got zero hustle and just feel like falling asleep. Eventually I ask my dad if we can just play another time and we walk home. I go upstairs to my bed and pass out for a while.

I wake up again around 5pm. I text a girl I knew from back in high school named Martina (name changed) about catching up in the evening. I’m absolutely starving so I suggest she meet me at a local wine bar and tapas restaurant, Eno Vino. Martina used to have a crush on me back in high school when she was a freshman and I was a senior, though I stayed away due to the age difference. She was rather forward for a 14 year old girl, occasionally stopping me in the hallways to suck my finger or say something like “When I turn 18 you’d better fuck me for my birthday present.” I would often steal a line from Quagmire’s book and shoot back with “Sweet statutory!” Having not seen her for so many years I’m uncertain as to what mentality she comes into are meeting today with though.

I walk over to the restaurant and order myself a glass of wine. Martina messages to say she’ll be late, which is fine because it’s a gorgeous day out and I’ve brought my Ipod. I go sit outside and put my feet up in another chair and down a glass of wine while I listen to Kings of Leon. During my second glass of wine the Ipod runs out of batteries, though it turns out to be a good thing because a moment later an attractive blonde woman in her late 20’s steps outside from the restaurant and remarks in my direction
“It’s too nice to be cooped up inside.”
This time I have my wits about me and don’t fuck up a girl opening me
“You’re right; it’s a bit dark in there for a day like today. Better to sit out and enjoy it.”
“Do you work around here?” she asks
“Oh no, hell I don’t even live around here anymore.”
“Really? Where do you live?”
We go on to discuss Australia, which leads into what I do for a living, which leads into a discussion of Las Vegas, which leads to her telling me she was recently there and hanging out with the Maloof brothers (who own the Palms casino) and then takes out her business card and tells me to make sure I add her on Facebook so I can look over the pictures of her trip. A friend of hers joins her outside and my involvement in the conversation tapers off, and not long after Martina shows up. I walk over and greet her with a hug then we walk inside. She’s looking damn good at 20.

Inside the restaurant I ask for a table for two and they fortunately give us a booth. Quick note on date situations in restaurants or bars with tables; always try to get a booth so you can sit next to the girl instead of across from her. This is because in order to advance things in a date way and not a friend’s way you need to be able to playfully touch the girl, and you can’t do that from across the table where any touching is a giant and noticeable gesture. Being in the booth will also allow you to gauge how you’re doing from her body language as well, as if she’s interested and enjoying herself she’ll angle body and her legs towards you (often making contact and not pulling back) whereas if you sit across the table from her she’s naturally forced to face you full on but there are fewer indicators to read interest level off of.

Catching up with Martina is a real pleasure. She’s a really fun and easy going girl with a great sense of humor and a wit that can keep up in conversation very well. She’s always been an outgoing girl who is quick to compliment, and today is no different as she tells me how cute I’m looking these days. She offers so many compliments in fact that I feel a little bad for not being able to keep up, though I do my best. We discuss the people we used to know, our old teachers, our respective failed attempts at a relationship and then the clincher, she mentions that in her spare time she occasionally slings a bit of grass to make ends meet
“Holy crap! You must love that show Weeds!” I say
“You know it.”
“Too bad it got all emo and about her issues and lost its focus on the antics of the brother and Kevin Nealon. Those guys kill me. So…can you get me some weed?”
“Of course! I don’t have any at the moment but I know plenty of people who do. Let me send a couple texts.”
“Sweeeeeeeeeet” I say like Peter Griffen.

After dinner we go over to the apartment I’ve rented to chill out for a bit and meet a friend of hers who just broke up with her boyfriend and feels the need to vent. The three of us hang around and let her friend, Andrea, unload her issues while we smile and nod and I say stuff like
“No, your boyfriend didn’t stop sleeping with you cause you’re ugly, he just got bored” every now and then. Eventually she wears herself out and we drive her over to her apartment and drop her off. Then we go to Martina’s place of work to meet someone who has some weed and she (since when do so many girls deal?) sells me a small bag. I thank her very kindly and ask for her number just in case anyone else in the Wisconsin area needs to get hooked up.

When we leave Martina drives us over to her apartment, which she shares with an ex-boyfriend that she broke up with several months ago but is still obsessed with her, plus her mother and sister. The ex is gone but the mother and sister are there, and I spend some time politely chatting with the mother, who seems very nice. Martina takes me into her room and pulls out a piece and says I should sample the weed I just got
“What the hell? Right here in your room with your mom and sister outside?”
“Oh it’s cool, my mom is totally aware and used to it. I put her and my sister up here for free, so she doesn’t mind at all.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, now smoke this!”
“Yessum”

I take the piece and smoke the bowl of what turns out to be pretty respectable stuff. Martina says she needs to drive to Milwaukee tonight to hang out with an ex-boyfriend that she is still platonic friends with and offers me a ride if I need to go over there. I was planning on going tomorrow so I decide to just take the ride. We stop over at my house and I grab a few things before we start the roughly 90 minute drive to Milwaukee.

In the car our conversation is very flirtatious and humorous, though I suppose most things would be funny considering how baked I am. The ex-boyfriend in Milwaukee does me a favor by being an annoying nag and texting Martina half a dozen times about where she is and why she hasn’t arrived yet. She complains about what a harassing dick he is and says that she is having much more fun hanging out with me. I tell her that she should keep doing it then, that we’ll grab some food in Milwaukee as I seem to have developed an appetite again and then we’ll hang with my friends at their apartment. She tells me she’d like that.

When we arrive in Milwaukee we go to a Mexican place on the North East side near the University. I make sure to get a booth again and she is being very touchy-feely and flirty. She mentions how much she loves playing X-box360 and I go absolutely ape shit, almost as ape shit as when she then mentions she’s dated two girls before
“Holy fucking shit that is the most awesome thing ever!!!” I practically yell between laughs
“Wow, that’s definitely the best reaction I’ve ever got to telling anyone that!”
“What? What the fuck?! That’s one of the coolest things ever to hear from a girl. Please, do elaborate, preferably in considerable detail.”

She tells me all about her two girlfriends, and how the ex she lives with was very uncomfortable with it all. I’ve spoken to a number of guys lately who say they find the idea of a girlfriend having ex-girlfriends uncomfortable, and even a number of guys who said they’re interested in a threesome but not with a girl who was their full blown girlfriend, that sharing her even with another girl was somehow uncomfortable. In my book that shit does not compute, but I suppose to each their own really.

We leave the restaurant and drive over to my friend Jenson’s apartment. I have to call him to get the key from him as he’s over at his girlfriends, though fortunately her place is only a block away. When I go grab the keys from him I say
“I’ve got a girl with me by the way”
“You son of a bitch” he says dryly. I assume that he is joking.

I walk back to the apartment and let us in. When we get upstairs we find that Rufio is not around, and nor is his Xbox
“Well let’s just roll up a joint then” she says
“You don’t have to twist my arm.”

I take out the bag and grind up some of the weed on the counter the best I can. I take out the rolling papers I got when we stopped off at a convenience store and use a business card someone gave me to construct a filter. When it’s all said and done the joint appears to be semi respectable but nowhere close to hall of fame. I take it over to the couch and sit next to her, then offer it to her to hit first. She lights it up and takes a drag, then hands it over to me. I do the same and then hand it back to her. We are sitting very close. As she takes her drag I say
“Shotgun me”
She leans over and I start kissing her while she blows weed smoke down my throat. I eventually pull back from making out and exhale. She hands the joint back to me and I take a hit and do the same to her. We go back and forth taking hits and trading make out shotguns for the rest of the joint. When it’s finished I take it to the sink, drench it in water, and then toss it out. I go sit back down next to her on the couch and ask “Where were we?” before leaning in to kiss her. We start making out hard when suddenly the lock on the door starts jiggling. I pull off her and am seated next to her with a stupid grin on my face when Rufio walks through the door with a girl on his arm. We both start laughing really hard and have a stilted conversation
“Oh hey man, what’s up?” I ask
“Oh shit dude…I…I didn’t know you were here.”
“Yea…yea kinda wound up here last minute. Didn’t even know I was coming. Ya know?”
“Yea…yea of course. So anyway we were just heading out.”
*Much laughter*
“Okay dude, great, see you later buddy.”
“See ya.”

We instantly go back to making out and soon clothes start coming off. Eventually we’re both naked and dry humping and I say “I’m getting a condom now; let’s take this in the bedroom.” Luckily I had the good sense to place one in my wallet before the date so there is no awkward condom search pause. I go into the bedroom and we start having extremely enthusiastic sex on the bed. Sex on weed is always a very lucid sensation, but it also dulls the hell out of my sensitivity. She talks a fair bit during, and while I normally have difficulty shutting up I find sex is one of the few times I have little to say. Either way I decide to try and keep up a little and when she’s getting close I start yelling “GET THERE! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEET THEEEEEEEEEEERE!” like I’m calling for a draw right before she orgasms underneath me. Due to the deluded sensitivity it takes over an hour of energetic screwing before I can finish, and we then lay there exhausted and sweaty for a while trying to collect ourselves.

“God, I am really blazed here” I eventually say
“Yea, me too.”
“Catching up with you definitely doesn’t suck Maritna, at least not as much as I thought it would.”

I open up my computer and turn on some music. We lie around cuddling and talking for quite some time before dozing off.