My whole life I’ve been pretty lucky in regards to health and physical concerns. I’m allergic to nothing; never been seriously ill, fast metabolism, etc. Unfortunately somewhere around my teen years I developed two annoying physical problems:
A. I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep and maintaining a normal sleep schedule.
B. I have an extremely sensitive stomach.

Worst of all, one problem tends to beget the other. If I get under 8 hours of sleep I can count on with about 95% accuracy my being quite sick to my stomach the next morning. I looked it up on WebMD and apparently this is just a consequence for not getting enough sleep for some people. On those days I never know if my next meal will turn my intestines to hell and ruin me for hours. So what tends to happen is on some night where I plan on getting 9 hours of sleep I lie in bed unable to sleep for an hour, then realize I’ll only be getting 8, then realize if I don’t fall asleep very soon I’m going to be sick. Ever tried falling asleep when you’re thinking “man I really got to get to sleep right now”? Yea, good luck with that. Then I inevitably wake up feeling sick for the rest of the day, which if it carries on through the evening makes it even harder to fall asleep. The only ways I’ve found to stop the cycle of insanity is either sleep medication, or having days where I don’t have to wake up for anything. The problem with those days then is that my body tries to catch up by making me sleep a bazillion hours totally ruining my schedule, so next time I need to get to bed at a decent hour my body will think its way to early.

It’s the night before day 2a. I’ve had a quiet evening where I’ve had dinner with friends, watched a good movie, had some food, wrote, taken a sleeping pill, and tried to get to bed early. Unfortunately my schedule got [censored] by our playing until 4am on day 1 and I didn’t wake up until 5pm today. When I finally manage to fall asleep at about 4am my body snaps awake at 8am, my schedule being so [censored] my body thinks that period was a nap and not its proper sleep time. I lie in bed for another 90 minutes praying my mind will click back off, but it’s not happening. [censored] it, I can play on 4 hours sleep, I’m just going to need Pepto-Bismol and Redbull.

I waste time on my computer for a an hour or two then head downstairs to the little shop in the Rio and buy the much needed Pepto. I feel fairly good and awake for 4 hours of sleep. The Pepto does pretty well at making my stomach chill the [censored] out. I’ll just take my annoyance of the situation out on my much short stacked table.

I show up a bit early to the table and have a look around. I had read the list correctly, everyone is quite short and nobody is over 40k. Most of the table is in their 30’s or 40’s as well, with only a couple younger guys. This is very good news. The cards get in the air at 500/1000 blinds with 100 ante and the massacre begins.

For the first 2 hours at the table I find nobody is willing to play with me. At one point I raise J9o and a short stack shoves and I call getting 2 to 1 and beat his 77. That was about the last time anyone screwed with me. My BB got walked about two thirds of the time (seriously) and my open raises were almost never three bet. Eventually another larger stack of maybe 120k gets moved to the table 2 on my right, and he’s a fairly aggressive Euro player. I put my table captain hat on begin making his life miserable with 3 bets. In this period, there is absolutely zero interesting hands. I don’t think I played one hand past a flop, and my C bets were getting an absurd amount of respect. The only other young guy at the table stares at me for a moment then asks
”Where do I know you from dude?”
“I don’t know, have you played a lot of the events?”
”Nah, just got here.”
”Play in Australia ever?”
”Never been there. I don’t know, you seem really familiar though.”
I realize where he knows me from, but I decide not to say anything. It’s to early in the morning to be doing impressions.

About 3 ½ hours into the day I get moved, which is unfortunate because my table was letting me get away with all the murder I’d planned. I arrive at my new table, where the line up goes as follows (and would only change by one player all day) :
Seat 1: Older guy of about 55 or 60. Very very tight weak.
Seat 2: Younger guy of maybe 30ish. Wearing a Ladbrokes qualifier shirt. If the land of Nitdom needed a king, this is their guy.
Seat 3: A tight but at least a little more aggressive English guy of about 35 or 40. He’s a cool guy.
Seat 4: Laggy Asian guy of about 30. He’s not a good sort of LAG though (as you’ll find out) as he often open raises 4 or 5 or even 6X at totally random times and seems tilt capable. I’m 90% sure he wasn’t a famous one either. He is the other big stack on the table with around 250k (I show up with about the same.)
Seat 5: A mid 30’s black dude who according to TheWacoKid is in the music industry and plays not bad. He’s kind of on tilt when I get there and seems unsure of his decisions after apparently blowing off some chips to seat 4.
Seat 6: Me.
Seat 7: A young guy from Melbourne Australia named Tim. When I hear his accent we get talking and hit it off pretty well. Unfortunately for Tim he is playing WAAAAAAY to weak tight, that or the most card dead I’ve ever seen anyone.
Seat 8: A very nice/talkative 50ish guy who is a huge nit.
Seat 9: A 30ish Singaporean guy who got 2nd in the 5k Singapore event to Tony G. He is a little more loose but not necessary loose aggressive.

When I arrive at the table I realize that seat 4 is really playing table captain here and raising a lot of pots. Nobody on the table seems interested in stopping him. That is, nobody until I showed up. A couple rounds in the following hand develops:
Blinds 600/1200 with 200 ante.
My stack: ~250k
Seat 4: ~250k
Seat 5: ~80k
I hold Q5o in the BB.

Preflop: Folds to seat 4 on button, button raises to 5000, SB looks extremely unsure of himself and his decision then calls. I make it 22000, button insta mucks. SB spends more time feeling unsure of himself then folds. I then rip the metaphorical table captain hat off seat 4’s head.

I start raising a [censored] load. Nobody seems interested in stopping me. At some random point I three bet seat 4 again, who calls and check folds to me on the flop. We go on break and I tell people how I’m in the mid to high 200’s and various people insult me for my absurd luck in regards to table draws. When I get back from the break I am absurdly hungry and seat 4 has a box of small cookies. He offers them to me.
“Oh thanks so much man, I am starving.”
”No problem, take all you like.”
”Oh man, you’re my new best friend. I promise, no more pre flop 3 bets.”
“I wish I’d had these cookies an hour ago then.”
The Brit in seat 3 chimes in (who I’d 3 bet once) “I’ll go buy you a box then!”

For about an hour or so everything goes calm. The Singaporean guy in seat 9 massively sucks out the black guy in seat 5 with a totally retarded hand (4 betting all in with AJo vs black guys KK and flopping AJA when black guy was being a huge nit) and eventually seat 5, who has 4 BB’s left, gets knocked out. A new guy gets moved to the table, a quite tight Asian guy of about 30 who has ~150k. Seat 4 and I take turns open raising and crushing the table, and we both move our stacks into the low 300ish area. About an hour in the following hand comes up with seat 4:
Me: ~300k
Seat 4: ~300k
Blinds 800/1600 with 200 ante. I hold Qc Qd on the CO.

Preflop: Folds to seat 4, seat 4 raises to 5000, HJ folds, I tell seat 4 “Sorry man I gotta break my promise this one time. I was good for a while though” and make it 16500 (note: I talk a lot on the tables without interrupting hands or being rude/insulting. I make a real effort to get friendly with everyone at the table. It’s a lot harder for people to pull the trigger on guys they are friendly towards than an anonymous face. Don’t believe me? Try it.) It folds back to seat 4 who calls.
Flop: Qs Js 5d
Seat 4 checks, I bet 21k, he folds. I flip up my QQ and say “hey look man, see I’m honest, it was necessary this time. We’re still friends right?”
He laughs and tells me we’re still friends.

Again for about 20 minutes things are calm and seat 4 and I mop up the table but have no confrontations. With about 10 minutes to go before the dinner break the following hand comes up:
Me: ~320k
Seat 4: ~260k
Blinds 800/1600 with 200 ante. I hold 7s5d on the button.

Preflop: Folds to seat 4 on HJ, he raises to 5000, CO folds, I raise to 16500 and say “alright, sorry man, one more time.” Folds back to seat 4 who calls.
Flop: Tc 9c 7c
Seat 4 checks, I bet 21k, seat 4 insta folds Kd Kh face up. Juuuuuuuuuyah are you serious?

I lost 15k with AKo to the Singaporean who 3 bets me pre flop (his 3 bet range is JJ+ I promise) where I call his reraise and check fold a Q25 flop. We go to dinner soon after and I can’t stop telling people the 75o hand.

We get back from dinner and the table is feeling chatty after having a break. The Brit in seat 3 asks me where he knows me from. Again he tells me I look so familiar but he can’t figure out why. We have the same conversation trying to figure out if it was a pre lim event or the Bellagio but again he wasn’t here.

A little while into the level I am again of course playing absurdly aggressive. I am raising my button/CO with a combined 95% frequency when folded to. My button especially is absurdly easy as Tim will never shoot back in the small and the BB comments every time “one of these days I’m gonna find a hand worth that raise and call you.” That’s a less than intimidating threat when I know his plan is to check-fold most flops. About a half hour into the level, the BB finally gets his wish when the following hand develops:
BB: ~150k
Me: ~310k
Blinds 1000/2000 with 200 300 ante. I hold Kh Qh on the button.

Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 6500, SB folds, BB says “I finaly got a hand worth 6500, I call!.”
Flop: Kc Qc Ks
I want to laugh so bad. I mean jesus, how [censored] good do I run. I keep my face stoic behind my sunglasses and wait for his move. BB says “I’m gonna go ahead and shoot first here” and throws out 15k. I call.
Turn: Ah
BB thinks and checks. I bet 25k. BB considers his options and calls.
River: 5h
BB checks. I think I screwed up here a little and didn’t bet weak enough, as I fired 50k (which is only half pot, but this is live people.) The BB mulls it over and folds, telling me had Ac7c. A bunch of cameras are on us during the hand, and considering I want to keep things nice on the table and the BB giving me credit when I raise I lay my hand down face up next to the KQK on the board.
”Just a full house! Hahaha!”
I grab the cards off the table and pull them up in my hand 5 draw style “I’m keeping these dealer, now lets play 5 draw people.”
The table is in laughter and the BB finds this all very amusing (especially feeling good that he made the right fold.)
“How am I supposed to win when I’m playing a hand vs Tom Cruise?”
Suddenly the light bulb goes off over the Brit in seat 3’s head.
“That’s where I know you from! Top Gun!”
I smash the table with my hand “THAT’S RIGHT! ENGLISH…MAN. I AM DANGEROUS!”
The table is rolling in laughter, the dealer is enjoying the spectacle to much to even keep dealing.
“You can be my wingman any day!” says the Brit.
”[censored]! You be mine!”
Finally the dealer begins sorting up the cards and taking my full house away from me and we keep playing. At this point almost everyone on the table is laughing and joking with each other except the extremely quiet Asian guy in seat 5 with his ipod. His days are numbered.

In the next couple rounds I lose 30 or 40k back when I raise pre flop and get called by the Singaporean. I C bet into him and he min raises me and I have to give up. He had been doing this occasionally, though sometimes he also folded to my C bets. I’m not hitting flops very well. The Asian guy in seat 5 is playing very tight and I am playing very loose aggressive when the following hand comes up:
His stack: ~110k
My stack: ~300k
Blinds 1000/2000 with 300 ante. I am UTG+1 with AA.

Preflop: UTG raises to 7000, I reraise to 21000, folds back to UTG who considers his options and goes all in, I call instantly. “SHiiiiiiiiiiit” says UTG. Wow this feels familiar. UTG flips up………….AcQc. He’s drawing dead by the turn and walks off remorsefully. “I don’t get it, that guy played super tight for hours. What the hell?”
”I guess he just got tired of all your raising Maverick” says the Brit.
”Huh, I tried to tell him I am dangerous, guess he had his Ipod on.”

At this point my stack climbs to a massive 410k. A new dealer comes to the table, a woman of about 35-40. I’m not sure how it gets started, but the Brit says something flirtatious towards her. She playfully shoots him down (though in a manner that expressed some interest.)
”Don’t worry Brit, you’ll get her. The accent always does, I found that out in Australia.”
“Maybe, but I don’t have your slick clothes and glasses Mav.”
”Yea? Okay here you go take em.”
I rip off my jacket and sunglasses and hand them to him. The dealer gets in on the act and tells me to take my shirt and pants off as well. The Brit now continues playfully hitting on dealer. The event was reported on Cardplayer as follows:
“Dunst Helps A Brother Out

Tony Dunst, who is almost always sporting a coat jacket, slacks and a button down, offered up his sharp duds to a smooth-talking british tablemate who was hitting on the dealer. Dunst was joking with the brit, who he described inherently smooth due to his accent, when he offered his shades and jacket up so that the brit might have a better shot wooing the dealer. Dunst is probably in such a good mood due to the fact that he has climbed above $400,000.”
After this little incident I play perhaps the most mind boggling hand of my poker career. It was vs Seat 4 again, and went down as follows:
My stack: ~380k
Seat 4: ~300k
Blinds 1000/2000 with 300 ante. I holds Ad8d UTG+1. (The raise will seem a little loose and small, but I can assure you at this table, it was all that was necessary.)

Preflop: UTG folds, I raise to 6500, folds to seat 4 in BB, BB calls.
Flop: Th 8h 5s
BB checks, I bet 8500, BB calls. I table is still in a joking mood so I say to the dealer “no heart! For the love of god no heart!”
Turn: Jc
BB checks, I check.
River: Ac
BB checks. I figure it’s going to be very hard to get value from him so I bet really tiny, 13k. The BB quickly flips his cards face up towards the muck but not in the muck. I look over, yep I was right, two hearts. NO WAIT. THAT’S THE QUEEN OF HEARTS AND NINE OF HEARTS. I think for sure the BB must have misread his hand.
“You folded a straight???”
The BB replies in the most calm and serious of manner
”That’s right. I folded a straight.”
All over the table, heads ASPLODE. I look over at Tim and seat 8 on my left, and we are all giving each other the most “WTF!?!?!” look I can imagine.

Strangely, after this hand, it seemed like seat 4 refused to fold to me ever again. We played a pot or two before break and he’d either raise and I’d flat call, then he’d check min raise me on the flop. Or I’d raise and he’d call, and raise my C bet. It was pretty annoying and started depleting my stack a little, but not too much. Still, his mentality verse me had clearly changed.

We go on our final break of the night and are told that when we return we’ll be playing to 350 players and calling it quits for the evening. I decide that my table will likely be feeling very tired and just want to make day 3, so I’ll step up the aggression. Unfortunately, I’m also feeling very tired as the running on 4 hours of sleep and Redbull is beginning to catch up to me. When we get back seat 4 is really doing his best to run over the table with a lot of open 4-6X raises. I’m trying to find hands to 3 bet him with or good ones to cold call, but my hands are god awful. He is also assaulting my BB from his button with vigor. Finally about 45 minutes into the level I post my BB and knowing button will raise, I decide if I have anything even slightly playable, I am going after him. The cards are dealt out and I peek down at Kd2d. Good enough damn it. The action goes as follows:
His stack: ~310k
My stack: ~380k
Blinds 1200/2400 with 300 ante. I hold Kd 2d in the BB.

Preflop: Folds to button, button makes it 10k, SB folds, I reraise to 35k. Button calls.
Flop: A Q Q rainbow with a diamond.
Here I make a big mistake. Since he’d been fighting back with min raises a lot and I’d been unable to stop him post flop, betting here is just asking to get min raised. If I want to try and take this pot I should check raise. Unfortunately at this point in time I am very tired and not thinking clearly, and lead out 40k. He quickly pops me to 80k. [censored]. My. Stupidity. I give up the hand and cost myself 75k and the table chip lead.

I manage to rebuild my stack into the mid 300k’s with aggressive open raises. At this point in time if seat 4 folded, it was probably +EV to open raise any 2. The table line up was still the same, Tim on my left nursing a short stack he refused to move in, seat 8 playing ultra tight. Seat’s 1 and 2 are still super nits. The only guy giving me trouble is the Singaporean in seat 9 who sometimes will cold call my raise and raise me on the flop when I C bet. I decide the next time he tries to do that I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine with a check raise and hopefully freak him out since I hadn’t taken that line before. With very little time left in the day (seeing as only like 360 players were left) the following hand comes up:
My stack: ~340k
Singaporean: ~240k
Blinds 1200/2400 with 300 ante. I hold Q4o in MP2.

Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 7500, folds to Singaporean on button, he calls, blinds fold.
Flop: 767 rainbow.
I check, Singaporean bets 15k, I make it 40k, he instantly min reraises me. God damn it. I debate 4 betting all in, but I haven’t had a chance to see what he’s min raising with ALL DAY (and believe me, I had been watching and waiting carefully, but when your at a table that only knocks out 2 guys in like 5 hours you don’t get a lot of showdowns) so I decide not to take that huge risk. I fold.

For the remainder of the day I continue aggressive play without getting in any more trouble, as it begins seeming clear to me that I’m so exhausted that my thought process might not have its full clarity. When everything is said and done with I sit with $292,500, which although still a large stack, isn’t quite the amount of advantage 400k would have given me. I’m not sure how I feel about the two moves I made near the end of the day, I know for sure the lead vs seat 4 was a mistake but given his assault on my BB I’m fine with the pre flop reraise. It’s a lot to think about, but at least I have enough chips to raise hell on the day 3 bubble, when we really fly into the dangerzone.

In all honesty, going into today’s main event, I’m not looking forward to it. In some manner of speaking, I don’t even want to play it. That doesn’t mean I actually wouldn’t, or I’m going to play badly. In fact, I know deep down I’ll play every WSOP ME until the day I die because it’s obviously the most +EV tournament of the entire year, and nothing comes close. It’s also incredibly crowded, noisy, disorganized, long, and miserable.

I head down to the insane Amazon room which is as packed as I can remember it. I’m seated way in the corner on table 153, which will be one of the first to break. My table contains nobody notable except for David Oppenheim, whose a few seats on my right and shouldn’t be a problem, especially since I’m just some unknown donk to him. The rest of the table seems pretty normal for the ME, nervous looking qualifiers and people with to much money who enthusiastically wish everyone “Good luck!! See you guys at the final table! Hehehehe!”

We start with 20k and 50/100 blinds, and at 200 BB’s deep with god awful players I am playing as many pots as possible. I overhear the guy in seat 8 discussing how good Stevepa is and ask if he knows him.
“Yea, I got 2nd to him at the PCA in 2006.” Good to know. The first interesting pot of the day comes up vs Steve’s old friend:

My stack: 18k
His stack: 23k
I hold Jh Js in MP1

Preflop: Folds to hero, I raise to 300, MP2 calls, CO calls, button calls, SB folds, BB calls.

Flop: As Jc 3c
BB checks, I bet 800, folds to CO (seat 8), CO raises to 2400, folds back to me, I deliberate and reraise to 7500. Seat 8 tanks for quite a while now and considers his options. He more or less has no idea who I am or how I play, just that I seem pretty agro. Eventually, he stacks up his chips and pushes them into the middle, I instantly call. He knows he’s screwed and flips up AJo.
Turn: X
River: X
Boo yah, a very early day double up.

I continue to play very LAG and my stack stays around the mid to high 30’s. Eventually the guy in seat 5 (I am in seat 4) shows up an hour late and is roughly 21 and smells AWFUL. He smells like he has been rolling around in [censored] for 2 hours while smoking weed. Numerous people on the table immediately begin to ask “Is there a skunk in here? What’s that smell? It smells exactly like a skunk.” I am a little tired and very infuriated that some stupid [censored] who shows up a hour late didn’t even bother to shower and I spend the rest of my time at the table distracted by his god awful smell and desperately resisting the urge to strangle him and throw him in the trash. At one point where a floor man I’m friendly with comes over and looks at our table (as we’re about to break) I stand up and start chatting to him, loud enough so that I let anyone at the table whose listening hear me.
“Hey man, we’re breaking next right?”
”Yep, you guys will be broken in a few minutes.”
”Oh thank god. The [censored] on my left shows up an hour late and smells so [censored] awful the people at the table think there’s a skunk in the room.”
”You’re kidding.”
”No, it’s so [censored] bad I can barely concentrate. I can’t really sit at the table.”
”Hmm, ya know in one of our meetings we had discussions about this sort of situation, whether one of the floor persons should inform these people they need to go back to their room and freshen up.”
“You might wanna let this one know. His tables will complain, I promise.”

Finally our table breaks and I get moved to a table full of guys mostly in their young 30’s with about 35k in my stack. I get my stack near 40k when a weird hand comes up. The villain in question was a guy I had been cold calling a lot and taking pots from post flop, it seemed like every time he had a hand so did I, and that I caught better post flop. He had yet to get the best of me in a pot and I sucked him out with 5 outs once when I floated bottom pair intending to take it away on the turn or value him if I hit (which I did, in both regards.) The UTG player in this hand is very weak/honest.
Hero: ~40k
MP2: ~30k
UTG: ~25k
Blinds 100/200. I hold 8c 8s in the SB.

Preflop: UTG limps, folds to MP2, MP2 raises to 900, folds to hero in SB, I call, BB folds, UTG calls.

Flop Td 2d Tc
I check, UTG checks, MP2 bets 1100. That’s a tiny little bet into this pot and I’m fairly sure he’d C bet weak like this with over cards. I intend to call once and give up to further action on the turn. I call, UTG folds.
Turn: 5c
Now something really weird happens. The physical button in this hand is kind of between me and the player on my right, making it ambiguous as to who actually is on the button. While i'm staring at MP2 for a few seconds to see if he reacted, he checks out of turn, and from what i can tell, totally honestly. He literally thinks I'm the button. I decide i've likely caught him with overcards and bet 2300. He calls without to much thought. Okay?
River: 3s
Now he sorta looks over and goes "wait, wheres the button?" I inform him i'm the SB. He thinks it over and leads out 1000. What. The. [censored]. Okay, fine, i call. He shows QQ. Masterfully played sir.

This pot knocks me down to the low 30's and i try to play aggressively until i get moved tables. I'm sent to a new table that's again a very soft line up, except there is one online player, Polpolpol, who turns out is from the island of Cyprus. We discuss in depth whos good and bad at poker, mostly online players, and become friendly. I am still new to my table (been there a few rounds) when the following hand comes up:
My stack: ~32k
CO's stack: ~20k
Blinds 200/400 with 50 ante. I hold AsQd in the SB.

Preflop: 4 limps to me including the CO, i raise to 2700, folds around to CO, CO calls. CO is youngish but clearly not an online player. He seems nervous and unsure of himself but also not clueless.
Flop Js 5s 5h
I bet 3400, CO thinks for quite a while, looks over his stack, mulls it over, and calls.
Turn: 4d
I check intending to see him bet most if not all his remaining stack and blow me out. CO thinks over his options. His stack contains two orange 5000's, a few yellow 1000's, some green 25's and a few black 100's. He gathers up all his non orange chips and bets them, roughly 3-4k. This is kind of weird. Why not bet the oranges? Why bet so small? I think it over and decide there is no hand he holds considering preflop/flop action that can call a shove here unless he's bad enough to limp/call JJ. My line will look like a big pair and freak him out, i'm almost certain he'll fold despite having half his stack in. I shove. CO looks totally disgusted and after 5-10 seconds, folds his hand. Polpolpol begins laughing "holy [censored] dude! you just pulled one off!"
"I did?"
"Yea you did?"
I flip up my hand. "Holy [censored]! I totally did."
CO looks like someone ripped his heart out. Polpolpol can't control his laughter, the table freaks in general.

That pot puts my stack to around 40k again. I continue to play aggressive and often c bet, as well as hit hands. I get my stack to around 50k when the following hand comes up vs polpolpol:
Pol: 5400
Me: ~50k
Blinds 200/400 with 50 ante. I hold Ad 3d in the BB.

Preflop: Folds to Pol UTG+2, he considers his options and limps, folds to me in BB, i check feeling very suspecious of him.
Flop: 7d 8d 9h
Well, no getting away now even if he limped aces. I check, Pol bets 600, i make it 4000, he insta shoves, i obv calls. Pol flips up 88 and his set holds putting him around 10k. Fair enough, no harm done.

I continue my absurdly aggressive play and nobody bothers to make a point of stopping me. I continue to rebuild my stack when another hand comes up vs Polpolpol:
Hero: ~50k
Pol: ~10k
Blinds 200/400 with 50 ante. I hold Kh Ks in the BB.

Preflop: Folds to Pol UTG+2, Pol raises to 1200, folds to me in the BB. I call.

Flop: Kd Ts 7d
I check, Pol bets 2000. I grab my stack of yellow 1000's and jam them in the middle. Pol tanks forever. He stares me down hardcore and even tho i'm wearing sunglasses i playfully put my hands over my eyes. He tanks, tries talking to me but i won't respond. He mutters out loud "i've seen you do this twice now with a bluff or semi bluff. Do you know how weak you look?" He tanks some more, and finally, slides his chips into the middle. "Top set" i announce. "Shiiiiiiiiiiiit" he flips over his Tc8c and is totally destroyed. Turn/river don't bring his running quads and we shake hands as he walks off.

With Pol gone my table is totally devoid of a player aggressive enough to shoot back. I go beserk. Unfortuately a little while after he's gone our table gets broken up. I mutter to myself about how unlucky this is, that i can't possibly get a table softer than that.
WRONG.

I show up at my new table. The mean age was probably 50. It was just incredible, a bunch of middle aged and old nits and a few very nervous 30 something online qualifiers. Everyone is playing INCREDIBLY weak tight and i absolutely go to town. I was playing roughly 40/35 poker and showing all my good hands just so people might think i was just running hot. I was also friendly and talkative and got everyone on my side of the table to like/respect me so nobody felt like giving me any trouble. My stack goes from 65k to 100k without a meaningful showdown, or having to turn over to weak of a hand. It feels amazing. I feel like an all star major leager who's brought in to play 12 year olds at wiffle ball, it was just way to easy. Everyone at the table seems really nice, but they were missing really really basic stuff. The guy on my right's open raise is to 5000 at 300/600 because he's scared to play post flop. Nobody knows what a resteal is. I would randomly 3 bet people with ATC when i felt like taking a pot and am never opposed. I raise the button/CO with around 95% consistency and am only 3 bet once, though often called and check folded to on the flop.

With about 2 or 3 minutes left in the day i have worked my stack up to an almost exact 100k at 400/800 blinds. The player in seat 1 (i am seat 9) is a very old super nit whos blind i have been destroying for hours. The following hand develops between the two of us:
His stack: 65-70k
My stack: ~100k
Blinds 400/800 100 ante. I hold A A in the SB, he is UTG.

Preflop: UTG raises to 4000, folds to me, i raise to 12000, BB folds. It's back to UTG who takes a second to think. Now the oddest thing happens, that at the time, i was completely unaware of. A 30ish player in MP who was the only semi aggressive player on the table assumes that UTG will stall out the remainder of the tournament clock and immediately tells the dealer to clock him. This apparantly annoys UTG hardcore who grabs all his orange 5000's and throws them into the middle, making it 49000. I sit there stunned for a moment, i can't beleive my luck. I calmly announce all in. UTG calls immediately. The entire table wonders if we both have AA, considering how tight this guy is i kinda expect him to fold AA here. I show my AA and UTG mutters "[censored]" and flips up AKo. I can't beleive my [censored] luck. Like 85 BB's with AKo 2 minutes before it ends from a super nit? I pinch myself forcfully to see if i am dreaming, but fail to wake up drenched in my own tears as normal. Looks like this is real.
Flop: K T 4
Oh come on dude, no way. That would be to sick.
Turn: J
No please. No win for him, no chop pot. It's my turn damn it!
River: 5

Boo yah!!! The entire table is floored. I am stunned, a MASSIVE pot is shipped my way. I shake hands with UTG who politely wishes me luck. The table CAN'T BELEIVE he put so much money in with AK. MP2 informs me that he called the clock on him and jokingly says i should thank him for that pot. I ask the dealer if i can tip MP2. The dealer is also stunned.

After this we play one more hand which the aggro player raises and i let him take with Q4o (3 betting would have commited his stack, and i don't think he would have minded getting chips or going home, he seemd pretty smart) and we wrap up the day. Allow me to give you some interesting end of the day statistics:

Starting stack: $20,000
Ending stack: $168,900
Sets flopped: 5
Aces dealt: 2
Kings dealt: 3
Queens dealt: 2 or 3
Jacks dealt: 2
Suck outs i took: 0

It was very possibly the smoothest day of poker in my entire life. Truly, it was the perfect game.

When you’re going to bed at 6am planning to play a 2pm tournament you know your not getting enough sleep, you so you anticipate not having your full focus the next day. Not that I regret any of tonight whatsoever, seeing as we had a victory party for Mlagoo then hit up the Korean BBQ place at 5:30am afterwards. It’s the kind of night you’ll always remember, witnessing a person on, for what is probably up to that point, the very best night of their life. When I hit the bed I’m praying I won’t wake up feeling to exhausted to play, as that will no doubt totally [censored] my schedule.
I come to 5 minutes before my wake up call at 1:40pm, continuing my body’s weird trend of knowing a few minutes before the call despite the call time often changing. I’m actually feeling not to bad, so I get dressed, change some money at the desk, and head to the Bellagio, get registered, and seated about 90 seconds late. I order a red bull to really wake my body up and get myself ready for another run.
For the first couple rounds I pick up small and medium pots by hitting flops. I was hitting quite well, but I also realized with live I NEED TO SLOW PLAY MORE. Because I am so used to online I end up fast playing way too much with big hands, and live players are making to many folds for this to be profitable. One annoying part of live, is that in many situations, playing worse (more obvious) is in fact the best play. A few rounds into the tournament Iweargoggles is moved to my table, or as he says it “it’s destiny.” We joke back and forth about how we’re going to slow roll each other, a round or so after which the following hand develops:
25/50 blinds, 9 handed. Both of us have somewhere around 5 to 6k. I am in MP2 with QhJd.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 150, folds to goggles on button, goggles calls, blinds fold.
Flop: Q T 4
I bet 225, goggles calls.
Turn: 6
I check, goggles bets 450, and I briefly think about it and call.
River: T
I check, goggles bets 1125. I think it over a bit. The river is not a great card for me, but I can see a few things that missed the river, plus he’s a cash player who has plenty of practice floating people. In the end, my thought process goes something like “its goggles, he’s pulling some [censored]” and call. “You must win” he says and I flip up my QJ to take the pot.

After that hand our table is broken up and I show up to my new table with a comfy 8k. Seated 2 on my left is Shannon Elizabeth, hidden by her hat and glasses. I say hello to the table and upon picking up some hands start raising frequently as well as 3 betting, as I find quality hands in the blinds vs LP raises. None of my big hands get a lot of action, but I am steadily growing my stack. At one point I stack a short stack with 88 that holds up over his 44 and climb to around 9-10k.

The table is moderately chatty, as is Shannon, and I regale the table with the story of how I saw Shannon play in the hand where two guys tried to out retard each other with their god awful folds. The table seems entertained, as does Shannon, who seems as nice as she did last time. A hand comes up at 50/100. I have around 9.5k, Shannon has 1675.
I hold AQo UTG+1 and have an aggressive image. Shannon is in MP1.
Preflop: UTG folds, I raise to 300, UTG+2 folds, Shannon moves all in for 1675, folds back to me, I call. Shannon flips up As5s.

Flop: 9 7 2
Turn: K
River 5

When the 5 hits I don’t react. I very quietly and jokingly say something like “D’oh, oh well.” Then stack up my chips and ship them to her. “I was getting so short, I had to make a move ya know.” I shrug a little, and politely respond “no worries. I’ve got plenty left. I’ll just stay away from you, I can’t afford to get beat up by women, this isn’t high school anymore.” My side of the table laughs, and life goes on.

At one point during my rampage on the table Shannon makes a 3 bet on a guy and I remark that she’s stealing my move. “I’m just trying to learn from the best” she quips.
“What makes you think I’m any good?”
”Well you certainly look professional in the suit and all.”
”No, no, that’s just an illusion. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m a young stockbroker who’s clueless and lives in his work clothes.”
“Sure you are.”

After the hit of her 3 outer and losing a couple other small pots my stack has slipped to around 6.5k when the following hand came up:

I hold AQo In the SB with a total of 6700. The CO in question is a middle aged guy who I have 3 bet a couple times already, both times with good hands. He has about 7.5k. Blinds 100/200.

Preflop: Folds to CO, CO raises to 600, button folds, I raise to 2000, BB folds. CO thinks things over for a while, and he doesn’t seem very strong. He also seems pretty sick with my pushing him around, and talks himself into a call. Blegh, OOP with a pot sized bet left, this is not a good situation.

Flop: 9c 7c 7s
It seems to me at this point I’m fairly stuck. Since live players take all in bets very serious, and I’m praying he doesn’t have a pair or perhaps talks himself into thinking I’ve got a bigger one, I shove my remaining 4700, a slightly over pot bet. The CO calls almost instantly. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I am so screwed. CO flips up his cards, Kc Jc. Weeeee, all ahead with the worst hand.
Turn: 6s
River: 5h
Jesus [censored] Christ, how did I dodge all that? I now have a pretty large 13kish stack.

I continue my aggressive play and build my stack to about 14k when the following hand comes up between Shannon and I:
Hero: ~14k
Shannon: ~7k
Blinds 100/200, but the SB is dead so only one BB. Hero holds Ah 8h on the HJ.

Preflop: Folds to hero, hero raises to 500, CO folds, Shannon considers her options then calls. I say “wait, your trying to learn from me and your just flat calling?”
”Mmmhmm” she responds, while nodding.
”Then you haven’t learned shiit.” The table laughs again, this hand should be friendly.
The BB also calls.
Flop: Kh 8s 6h
BB checks, I lead out 1300 hoping to get a large pot going as I’m very happy to get it in at this point. Shannon considers her options and calls. The BB folds.
Turn: Jc
Blegh. Shannon looks to have about ~5k left. The pot is 4100. Checking seems like a give up, and I certainly can’t bet fold. Since it’s live I want to maximize my fold equity by betting large, and if I can ever get her to fold a mid pair or a KT/KQ type hand here I gain huge. Even if she calls I’ve normally got 14 outs. I grab my stack of yellows and lead out 4500. Shannon instantly announces all in, to which I respond “I obviously call, but your ahead.” She flips up KJo, and I flip up my Ah8h for a 14 out draw.
River: 9h
Shannon EXPLODES. “GOD DAMN IT! I DON’T BELIEVE THIS [censored] BULL [censored]! EVERY [censored] TIME I RUN SO BAD!!! UNREAL, ABSOLUTELY UNBELEIVEABLE!!! THAT’S JUST [censored] REDICULOUS, ALWAYS SOME AWFUL PLAY THAT GETS ME, I RUN SO [censored] BAD!!!”
I am staring up at her in shocked silence, how can she be so mad? I had a massive draw and its only one random ass daily $1500 tournament at the Bellagio? We were getting along just fine and now she goes off on me like that? WTF mate? The entire table bursts into laughter as she storms off after seeing her tirade. “Well, I guess she owed me one right?” I quip. Seat 7 responds with “Well kid, you certainly just blew your chance at dating her.” Somehow, I think I’ll live knowing that.

The next 60-90 minutes of the tournament are kind of a blur. Why? Because Shannon Elizabeth decided to make this hand into a massive Bellagio poker room drama bomb. About 5 to 10 minutes after the hand Cardplayer reporter Julio Rodriguez comes up to me and asks exactly what happened in the hand. I relay to him the precise details as they happened.
“Oh really?” he says. “She thinks you just hit a 9 outer, that you moved in with just a flush draw.”
”No, I had a pair and a flush draw, any A/8 or heart. Ask the table, I have a whole bunch of witnesses right here.” The table jokes that their going to go along with her story, but both guys on my immediate left and right confirm that it went down exactly as I said.
“Oh, I’ll go tell her that then” and Julio walks off.

During this period Shannon is standing on the steps leading up to the table where the previous days final table is being held, as she has a friend who’s still in. I see her talking to a lot of people, seemingly quite animated. About 20 minutes later Julio comes back over to me.
“Uh yea man, she’s over there and has told like 15 people that you sucked her out big time.”
“Wait, you told her about there being a pair and flush draw?”
”Yea, she says that’s not how it happened. She won’t believe me or anyone else, she says you just had a flush draw.”
”What the [censored] dude?! She’s over there gossiping and lying about my play and telling people I play like [censored]? What is this, middle school? Besides, she sucked out on me way worse first.”
”Yea man, I don’t know, I told her friend that it didn’t go down like Shannon said. The friend says ‘yea I know, just don’t tell her that right now. She’s really mad.’
“Look, I don’t care if people want to call me a bad player for some hand I played, whatever, that’s fine. But I am not [censored] down with somebody out there spreading lies about the way I play just so they can have their bitch fest. Look, if your around next time we’re both in the same room, I’ll grab you so you can report when I go up and ask her what she’s trying to pull.”

So that’s my plan. I’m gonna ask Shannon what the hell she’s thinking spreading lies. I’ll start off polite though seemingly agitated, and if she keeps up her [censored], I am not averse (read: above) to creating a mild scene and childish name calling. If she apologies or admits she was in the wrong, then I’ll tell her no worries and move on.
A: It will make for a hilarious story I’ll have the rest of my life.
B: Since Julio will report it for me, any publicity is good publicity.
C: I know I am right.
Do I really care all that much what Shannon Elizabeth and her douche bag Bellagio friends think of my play? No, not really that much. However, I do believe in the principal of the thing, that you shouldn’t just run about slandering people with zero consequences cause you feel [censored] about something. Besides, I know I’m in the right here, and wasn’t like the 9th commandment something like “Thou shalt not allow C rate movie stars who are only famous for getting naked in a teen comedy to slander thy name?” Probably, I don’t know, I haven’t been to church in a while.

Anyway, so the tournament goes on, and when her friend is knocked out she leaves and things settle down. At this point I now have a massive stack of 21k which is probably enough, or certainly close, to the chip lead. Things go pretty smooth for a while, mostly because I go totally card dead and just fold a lot. The blinds go up to 200/400 with 50 ante, I lose a few k raising pre, c betting, and then having to shut down when I miss.

At 200/400 with 50 ante a hand develops between myself and a loose/bad/stationish player and I:
I hold Ad5d in MP2 9 handed.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 1100, folds to button, button calls, blinds fold.
Flop: 9s 7s 7h
I bet 1600, button considers, then calls.
Turn: Ah
I think briefly, then check. Button pulls out his yellows, counts them out, stacks them up, thinks things over, then bets 4000. I call.
River: Kc
I check, button checks, and A5 is very good. My stack is now in the mid 20 k’s.

A round later a dark haired guy who looks to be about 25-30 is moved to the table. I’ve never seen him before, just looks like a standard live guy to me. One of his first hands at the table he is UTG, and the following hand develops:
UTG: ~15k
Hero: ~23k
CO: ~12k
BB: ~10k
Hero holds Kc 8s in the SB. Blinds 200/400 with 50 ante.

Preflop: UTG limps, folds to CO (fishy/weak/station), I complete with K8o (prolly not online, but with live stations, I think its okay. Perhaps you all think fold?), BB checks.
Flop: Ks 6s 7h
I bet 1000, BB folds, UTG considers and calls, CO folds.
Turn: Jc
I bet 2200, UTG calls.
River: Qh
I check. UTG thinks things over, counts his chips, and bets 3800. Argh, this situation sucks. I have no idea about UTG. Did he limp a hand like 54 or 89 suited and whiff? What about a flush draw? Lots of live players like to limp and station weak suited aces, could he be bluffing here? I make what I think is probably a pretty bad call vs a live player considering they don’t bluff. UTG flips up KQo and pwns me. I got taken to value town hardcore. I’m now down to roughly ~16k.

For about an hour very little of interest happens and my stack floats around in the mid teens area. I find out after that hand that the player who beat me with the KQ is online player ‘Varico’, who I have played quite a lot with online. He plays pretty well live overall, quite aggressive, though sometimes a little loose/sloppy. Nice guy as well.

At 300/600 with 50 ante the following hand develops between me and the SB. The SB is a middle aged guy who is way to loose/passive and clearly a recreational player:
I hold Qd Td on the HJ with a ~15k stack. SB also has like ~15k.

Preflop: Folds to hero, hero raises to 1700, folds to SB. SB attempts to complete to 600. I tell him I’ve raised. He honestly was out of it watching TV and had no idea. The floor is called over and they quickly verify that the 600 must stay in, and he can either call for 1100 or fold. He thinks things over for a while, not really thrilled with his hand. “It must be an omen” he says, and calls. The BB folds.
Flop: 5 5 8 rainbow
The SB donks out 3000. I decide he would absolutely never play a 5 this way, and that he can’t call with an 8 cause he’s a live nit, so I move all in. He takes only a few seconds to think before declaring “I can’t call” and folding while flashing me an 8.

At 27 players left the tables get rearranged and I am seated in seat 1 of the same player, with Varico 3 on my right. The blinds go up to 400/800 with a 75 ante. I also make friends with the new guy on my left, ‘Dan’ and hit it off enough that we decide to hit up the buffet together. With about 25 players left a hand develops between Varico, Dan, and I:
Varico: ~50k
Me: ~23k
Dan: ~22k
I am UTG+2 9 handed with 4h4d, the table is playing tight.

Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 2400, Dan calls behind, folds to Varico in SB, Varico looks like he’s going to fold, but then seems to sort of talk himself into a call. He calls, BB folds.

Flop: 9h 6d 3h
Varico Checks. Well, I’m pretty sure Dan is going to play me honest and not get fancy here, and I think Varico’s range is pretty wide. If I C bet here I should get a lot of respect and I can also pretty easily shut down. I decide to fire 4200. Dan folds. Varico asks how much I have, then moves all in. I’m pretty sure he’s on a draw, but even if he is, it’s a 15 outer at worst. If I’m wrong about him having a draw, I’m totally crushed. I fold, and Varico shows me Th7h for a massive draw that’s way the best hand.

We begin getting closer and closer to the bubble. With about 22 players left the following hand develops:
Me: ~18k
MP1: ~10k
I hold Q Q UTG 9 handed.
Preflop: I raise to 2400, folds to MP1, MP1 shoves, folds back to me, I call. He shows JJ
Flop: J X X
Turn: X
River: X
Crap, I am now down to about 8k. I begin restealing, especially off the highly aggressive Varico, and get my stack back into the teens without a showdown jamming hands like JTo, K5o, A4o.

We hit the dinner break with 20 players left. I go to dinner with a group of 7 people, Dan, his wife, and a bunch of guys I met, all pretty well known online players who were very nice guys and smart players.

When we get back from the break we drop the 20th player and am now at 19. Dan gets moved, so now the guy on my left is a young guy who I’m making friendly conversation with. He’s pretty young looking, roughly my age, and seems to play smart/aggressive. The topic of the WSOP comes up and we talk about how bad we crush the bubble there, and I tell him about some of the crazy folds people gave me in the last $1500 event. The first hand into the bubble we are 6 handed at my table and I peer down at TT UTG. I’ve got a pretty aggressive image after all my restealing, and my stack is about 16k now. The following hand develops:
Me: 16k
UTG+1: 13k, blinds 400/800 with 50 ante.
Preflop: I raise to 2400. UTG+1 considers his options then takes his 10k stack of yellows and slides them into the middle. It folds back to me and I consider everything. Hmm, we just had a conversation about how easy it is to crush bubbles. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything? He seems like a pretty smart aggro guy, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care about bubbling. Plus we’re only 6 handed. I decide to move in and he obviously calls. He flips up AJ and we’re off to the races:
Flop A 3 A
D’ooooooooooh!
Turn: J
There went my outs.
River: X
I am now crippled sitting a little over 3k having to pay a 800 BB and 75 ante. I tell the table “go ahead boys, just try to steal this BB.”

We deal the next hand and I look down at ATo, fully expecting to call anyone’s raise. Surprisingly, it folds around to me. Boo yah! The next hand I post the small and it folds to me again. I peer down at KK and move in. The BB goes into the tank, tells me its 50/50, and folds, flipping up Q7o, the ‘computer hand’. I show my KK and we all have a laugh. The next hand it folds to me on the button with K8o and I jam. SB quickly folds and the BB now tanks. The BB goes “well, if he can’t do it, neither can I” and folds, flipping up his Q7o. The next hand Varico is UTG and min raises to 1600. It folds to me, now having ~8k, and I peek down at KK. I jam, it folds back to Varico and he calls with 99. The KK holds and I am suddenly very much back in the ball game with over 16k.

A couple hands later the bubble bursts and I am ITM for 3 of my last 3. Bottom money is only $2100ish, with first being over $100k, so it’s definitely worth playing very aggressive at this point to get some chips. The tables are consolidated and the blinds go up to 600/1200 with a 100 ante.

At my new table I sit tight for a while and blind/ante off some chips, though raise AQ and take the blinds once. I have a pretty tight image when the following hand comes up:
Hero: 15k
Button: 35k, blinds are 600/1200. Button is roughly 35, somewhat aggressive.

Preflop: Folds to button, button raises to 3500, SB folds, I shove, and button calls. Button flips up 99 and we’re off to the races.
Flop: A K 8
One time dealer one time.
Turn: 9
D’oooooooh! Ten?
River: Q

Oh well, I bust 18th and shake everyone’s hand, wishing all the players luck. Everyone at the table seemed very nice, and I’d been to dinner with four of them. So GL to all those guys and I’ll see everyone again at the Bellagio tomorrow for the $2500.

If there’s one event I really don’t care to play during my stay in Vegas for the summer, it’s a $1500 buy in WSOP event. The fields are absurdly huge which a bitch for numerous reasons. The buy in is the lowest and least interesting of all the tournaments. The early structure more or less sucks (60 BB starting stack) so while your surrounded by absolutely god awful players you don’t really have a lot of room to maneuver with them like you could at say, the Venetian. Either way, I am under strict Timex orders to play all NL/PL holdem events at the WSOP and he’s got a point, the fields are about as much sick +EV as probably any tournament in the world.

Yet again the night previous to the event I have difficulty sleeping. I decided not to take a melatonin as I had only allowed myself about an 8 hour slot of time to sleep and was worried that if I stayed up a bit past that the melatonin may not have fully worn off. BIG mistake. I lied around in bed for a couple hours and read 2p2 until almost 6am, my brain totally incapable of switching to off mode for as far as I can tell, no real reason.

When I jolt awake at 11:40am I’m actually feeling not bad for such little sleep, plus I have the advantage that my table is almost practically right downstairs, as they have set a bunch of extra tables out in the hall in front of Buzios seafood restaurant because of the massive fields for these tournaments. My table appears to be all recreational players and a couple wanna-be pros, with more or less no legitimate threats.

At this point the first couple hours are kind of a blur to me and I don’t think anything interesting happened. I know I moved all in after a guy made a 4X raise and there were two or 3 callers holding AK and everyone folded at 50/100. By the first break I am sitting with 5.5k and get moved tables shortly afterwards.

At my new table I witness one of the most hilarious mind boggling hands of the WSOP so far. The action goes down as follows at 100/200 blinds.

Preflop: UTG limps, UTG+1 (wearing MJ cap, I shall call him MJ from now on) calls for 200, UTG+2 (Euro pro Chris Bigler) calls, I call with KQo, folds to SB who completes, BB checks.

Flop: 7h 5h 4d
SB checks, BB bets 650, UTG folds, MJ calls, Bigler calls, I fold.
Turn: 7c
BB checks, MJ checks, Bigler bets 1500, BB folds, MJ considers things then calls.
River: Td
MJ checks, Bigler moves all in for 1900. Now MJ tanks forever. He looks at his cards. Counts his chips (he has like, 1800 I think?) looks like he’s gonna fold, tanks some more, looks back at his chips. Then he puts his hands on his face and sits there for a while. Finally he seems to mentally talk himself into it and puts his chips in, apparently expecting the worse. Bigler says “your way good, I missed my flush draw” and flips up Jh 8h. MJ TURNS OVER POCKET FOURS FOR A FULL [censored] HOUSE. Biglers jaw hits the floor and politely asks “Um, what were you thinking about?” to which MJ replies “Oh man, I thought you had a bigger boat.” Note to self, bluff MJ.

For a while everything with this strategy goes great. MJ would limp, I’d raise, and he’d either fold or check fold the flop. At one point I get a chance to really stack him in a hand that goes as follows:

Blinds 100/200 25 ante, I have about 9k UTG+2 9 handed with 9d 8d. I raise to 550 as NOBODY is fighting my raises. Folds to MJ’s BB who calls.
Flop: Qd Jd Tc
MJ bets out 1000 with about 4-5k behind. I can’t believe he actually bet into me, he must have a HUGE hand. Conversely, I know he’s terrified of all in’s, so I’ll do the obvious thing. I raise to 3000. MJ quickly calls leaving himself about ~2k behind.
Turn: Kd
Meh, not a great card in terms of getting action, and MJ looks noticeably pissed about it. MJ checks, I put him in for his last 2k, and he deliberates and folds.

At my high point I have 12 or 13k. Then things start going wrong. I call a short stacks 4 or 5 BB shove in the BB with 65hh getting 2 to 1 and he has A4 and holds. I raise pre and the one smart player on the table happens to be on my left and starts shooting back. He begins 3 betting me pre or calling and CR’ing a lot of flops, so I have to slow down a bit. Then I play another interesting hand vs MJ:

MJ limps for 200 utg. He has about ~3k in his stack. It folds to me and I raise to 800 with AsQd. It folds back to MJ who calls, leaving 1900 behind.

Flop: 9c 3c 2c
MJ checks. Blegh, he might even just call off if he has a club in his hand, plus I’m pretty sure if I check behind and he checks turn again, I can push him off with an all in bet (which is about pot anyway.) I check the flop.
Turn: 7s
MJ checks. Okay, I think he’s missed his stupid hand. I’ll easily knock him out with an all in here. I put 2500 in the pot, he’s got 1900. MJ thinks for about 5-10 seconds, and puts his chips in the pot. Shiiiiat, top set? Flush? Limped AA? MJ flips up………..55 no club. WHAT THE [censored] I DON’T UNDERSTAND THESE PEOPLE!!! You debate folding a boat but call off your stack with 55? I’m not even saying his call was per say ‘bad’ but for HIM it sure as [censored] was.
River: Kd
I don’t understand live players. They nit it up and nit it up and nit it up and secretly pray to god each night that he’ll grant them the strength to fold QQ pre flop when somebody moves in pre for 10 BB’s cause they must have AA/KK then SUDDENLY decide to make hero calls. I just don’t get it.

My stack gets back down to around ~5000 after this little fiasco and a few other lost small pots when the following hand comes up:

I hold AA on the HJ. BB is a Euro player who, through the way he talks, blatantly lets people he finds himself quite the card shark, but in reality isn’t very good. Blinds 150/300 with 25 ante.

Preflop: Folds to hero, I raise to 800, folds to BB who makes it like 2600, and I decide since its live and all in is so sick scary and people actually [censored] fold getting 3 to 1 or better I might as well just call and let him put me in on the flop.
Flop: As Ad 2s
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIAT, how the [censored] do I get value out of this? BB leads out 800. LOL, bet1/5thpotaments. This situation is so absolutely retarded, I mean, if I shove, he’ll actually fold basically everything. Even if I call its incredibly obvious what I have. I guess I should call and let him try to bluff me? I elect to call, leaving behind like 1400 or something.
Turn: 6s
Check/check.
River: Kh
BB moves all in, I call and say “I got quads.” BB instantly looks furious, repeating “I knew it, god damn it I knew it! I had KK! Such an awful river card! Such [censored]!” LOL, just, ya know, in general.

A little while after this hand we finally get moved into the main Amazon room. This sucks because I pretty much hate the insanely crowded, full of moron railbirds masturbating to the sight of Humberto Brenes, freezing cold, filthy felt, piece of [censored] in general Amazon room.

I am seated two on the right of an old guy wearing a tweed jacket, he looks about 65 or 70. I probably have like 10k at this point, and through various things going wrong a little at a time, that slips down to about 6k. We’ve got a good dealer (Jeffrey) on this table who’s efficient and polite, but the card dead old man (your always card dead when only QQ+ are playable people) decides to register complaint.

Old man: Dealer, you don’t wash the cards good enough! You have to give them the big wash!
Jeffrey: Sir, I’m just doing as the instruct me. I give them a small wash every hand as well as shuffles. It keeps the game moving better.
Old man: You don’t do it big enough! Make it a big wash!
I [censored] hate annoying nits who whine at dealers because they suck at poker/life. I decide to get involved.
Bond: Jeffrey I love the way you deal and wash the cards man! [I turn directly to old man with a big smile on my face] A quick dealer who gets the cards out fast keeps the game going well, and we get more hands in, pretty great no? [I turn back to dealer] Great work there Jeffrey!

The old man glares at me in annoyance, I nod at Jeffrey, he nods back, concealing a smile. For the next half hour the old man would seem agitated with me in general, especially if I raised.

Around this time, with blinds 200/400 50 ante and my stack at about 5000 from folding a lot, the following hand comes up:
I hold TT in the BB.

Preflop: Folds to MP2, MP2 calls 400. HJ raises to 1600. Folds to hero in BB who shoves. MP2 folds, HJ calls and turns over 66.
Board: No 6, boo yah! I double up to around 12k.

A round or two after this we move up to 300/600 with 75 ante putting me at about 20 BB’s. We get a new dealer, a very old and slow guy named Donald who seems more or less totally out of it. Hmm, agitated old man player + out of it old man dealer = impending disaster. A round later, the following situation develops:

Preflop: UTG limps in for 600, folds to agitated old man with 10k who waves his hands in the air a few times and mumbles all in. His cards are sitting in front of his stack. Donald sees the old man waving his hands and his cards in front of his stack and grabs the cards, placing them in the muck.
Old man: “HEY!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!”
Donald: “What? What’s wrong?”
Bond: “Uh, he declared all in, you put his cards in the muck.”
Old man: “Give me my cards back!!!”

The cards are in the muck, touching other cards, but not completely mixed in. Donald pulls out what are very clearly the old mans two cards and we call over the floor. I am so curious how this one will turn out. The floor attempts to sort out the situation and what’s happened. The dealer is a bit to bewildered, and the old man to emotionally invested, so I try to break it down for him. He say’s to me and the guy on my right very directly “I need to know if you heard all in.”
”Absolutely, he definitely said it.” I respond. The floor man decides to have the old man whisper his exact two cards into his ear, and if they are the one’s that have been removed from the muck. The table agrees this is far. The old man whispers to him the exact cards, and since it is a dealer error his cards are restored to him. It folds around to UTG, who also folds.

TO BE CONTINUED (Going to dinner at Bellagio buffet with Wardekar/Dawgz)

It’s Wednesday or Thursday and I’m heading out to the Bellagio for the 2pm 5k event. I say ‘Wednesday or Thursday’ because in Vegas knowing the day is pretty much useless and irrelevant. On this particular day, whichever it is, I’ll be trying my luck at the Bellagio for the second time. If the Bellagio’s series of tournaments for the summer can be faulted for one thing, it’s that their probably running too many 5k events, which people probably don’t have the money to pony up for THAT consistently, so we’re getting some very short fields.

Today’s field would only get around ~50 players, which I would say breaks down as follows:
~20 good
~10 average (read: bad)
~20 fish
My table gets a roughly average distribution of those players, including a hung over Kush in seat 1. Too much beer and video poker Kush, but at least you flop straight flushes (in video poker naturally.)

For the first few levels I try to see cheap flops or raise pre with good hands but I can’t get anything going. The only semi interesting hand of the entire 2 hours goes as follows:

The player on my left had min reraised somebody once pre flop and had AhKh, which hit an A on the turn after C-betting the flop and stacked the awful villain. He seemed pretty tight, so I’m pretty sure he’s min reraise range pre is very tight and he probably over values AK and doesn’t understand how to play it.
His stack: ~15k
My stack: ~7k, I hold JJ UTG+1, blinds 50/100.

Preflop: UTG calls 100, I raise to 400, UTG+2 reraises to 800, folds back to me, I call.

Flop: 8 3 3 two diamonds (I have none)
I check, he bets 1000, I call intending to fold if he continues with confidence.
Turn: 4
I check, he bets 2500, I fold.

After that things continued to go wrong when the blinds went up to 100/200 and every attempt I made at getting involved went straight to hell. Seated on my immediate right is well known internet MTT player kwob20, who’s a very nice guy and managed to get Rolande De Wolfe quite annoyed with him when the following hand developed:

Wolfe: 5.5k
Kwob: 6k
Blinds 100/200

Preflop: Folds to Wolfe on the button, Wolfe makes it 600, Kwob calls, BB folds.
Flop: Qh Th 4c
Kwob checks, Wolfe bets 1000, Kwob shoves, Wolfe calls. Kwob shows Kh 9h and Wolfe Ks Js.
Turn: 4h

Wolfe angrily gets up to the table and makes some remark about Kwob’s pre flop call, then storms out to the porch.

A few rounds after Kwob picks up some chips, I find a way to get them back from him. I peer down at 9d 2d in the SB at 100/200.
Hero: 4.8k
Kwob: 12k
HJ: 9k
BB: IDK?

Preflop: Folds to HJ, HJ calls, folds to Kwob on Button, Kwob calls, I complete, BB checks.
Flop: 7d 5h 3d
I check, BB checks, HJ checks, kwob bets 575. I decided that vs a standard live player I would be shoving here, but since kwob knows I’m online the way to look strong to him (and hopefully get him to fold a middle pair or something) is to CR half my stack instead. I make it 2000, BB folds, HJ folds, and Kwob moves in. I call and he shows 33, [censored].
Turn: Qc
River: 8d

Whoa, a draw actually got there. I double back to almost 10k. Unfortunately for me, things would never go above that. I mostly fold for about 2 or 3 rounds and the blinds go up to 100/200 25 ante. A few on my right is a very aggressive middle aged player, I think John Gale. He’s aggressive to the point of sloppiness though overall plays fairly well. He’s been opening a lot of pots when I see an opportunity to make a move 9 handed, after having played very tight for a while.
Gale (MP1): 15k
MP2: 13.5k
Hero: ~9k
Hero holds 4d 3d on the HJ.

Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 raises to 600, MP2 calls, hero raises to 2300, folds back to MP1, MP1 considers his options and calls, MP2 deliberates forever and also calls.
Flop: Ks Qs Ts
MP1 leads out 4k, MP2 shoves, I fold, MP1 calls. MP1 shows Ah Ad, MP2 Kc Qc.

The KQ held and my squeeze completely failed. I continue to fold for a while until the next interesting hand comes up:

MP1 is a young solid player who seems to know what he’s doing. Button is a middle aged player who is obviously recreational (read: awful, loose, spewy, bad) and remarked to the table “I’m just killing time here while my wife shops, she’ll do way more damage than this tournament.”
Hero holds Jc 9c in the BB at 100/200 with 25 ante.
Hero: 6.6k
MP1: 14k
Button: 10k
SB: ~12k

Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 makes it 625, folds to button, button calls, SB calls, hero calls.
Flop: 6c 7d 9s
SB checks. Hmm, I am almost positive if MP1 bets he has an over pair, he’s not leading AK into 3 players on this board. If he checks and the button bets, he’s bad enough that I have to shove on him, assuming SB doesn’t raise. I also check, MP1 checks, button bets 1500, SB folds, I shove, MP1 folds. Button sighs and states, in a 100% serious tone “Well, I guess I have to call” then flips up 77.
Turn: 8
River: 4

That’s it for me today, at least I’ll be available to pick up A_Junglen at the airport. After Wardekar and I pick him up we head out to Nath’s place where a group of 10 of us hangs out playing beer pong and enjoying the hilarious dancing antics of Randalflow. God knows how anyone could ever shoot straight in beer pong watching that kid in a groove. After the get together four of us head to the Korean BBQ for a late night food run and we end up getting back fairly late. I won’t be getting nearly as much sleep as I’d prefer, and tomorrows event is $1500 NL, which promises to be an absolute horror house.

When I jerk awake to my standard morning wake up call I’m really not feeling quite up to everything. However, I’ve promised I’d meet Mlagoo to get money I can give to Stevepa. I half awake stumble down to the poker room, where neither Mlagoo or Stevepa are anywhere in sight so after waiting around for 10 minutes I decide to just go back to the room and back to sleep. While walking out I run into Stevepa/Pacman/Sirwatts who are waiting in line and talk me into playing, including Pacman loaning me $1500 since I’ve forgotten mine in the room. Fine, whatever, [censored] it, I’ll play this stupid 60 BB start stack event.

My first table is out in the tent, which will rotate throughout the day from being way to hot to momentarily temperate then way to cold. Glad I brought a jacket (obv.)

By the first break I was up 5k after making a flush and getting paid off. In the second two hours I went very hot by picking up AK about 5 times and either winning a flip or hitting it, as well as flopping a set of jacks and stacking someone. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything CLOSE to an interesting hand that involves a thought process or a real decision to make. Things were just very standard and by the 2nd break I am up ~14k. By the time we go to dinner I am up to around 19k, and the only semi interesting hand was a pre flop decision with AQ which I’ll be posting in HSMTT.

I go to dinner with A_junglen and Iweargoggles who was at various periods of the day, on and off my table. We never end up in a pot however. After the break we begin approaching the bubble and things become painstakingly slow. When we’re about 5 players out hand for hand begins, and I now have a short stack of 15k. After the dinner break I’ve gone COMPLETELY card dead and basically fold for hours. As we approach the bubble I realize in a field this soft I can play aggressive and nobody is going to fight back. For example: The CO raises to 3.5k, I jam 15k with J5o, blinds fold and he insta folds AT. 2 from the money I raise 9To and get jammed on by a middle aged guy who begs me to fold and flips up AA.

On the hand before the actually bubble (270 cash, 271 left) a guy who has announced to the table he will only be raising KK and AA, and already raised once saying “you know what I have! I’ll show!” then flipped up KK to prove his honesty raises it up with about 20k. It folds to me in the BB with 83o and I count up my stack.
”You already know what I have, I’ll show, I promise!” I look over at his stack. I’ve got 18k, him about 20k, so I guess I can’t put him to a decision for his entire stack. I decide to fold 83o face up and he shows me his KK. He then informs me “If you’d pushed, and actually covered me, I definitely fold. I didn’t come all the way from Alaska just to finish 271st.”

When we finally enter the money the room goes completely nuts with people shouting and applauding. I lean back in my chair to look over at Goggles who’s also leaning back. We look at each other and break into laughter, knowingly rolling our eyes.

By the end of the night I still fail to get into any interesting hands as most people are so short from stalling on the bubble everything is push/fold. At one point with 20k in the SB it folds to me at 8/1600 and I look down at AQ and shove into the BB who has about 11k. He tanks then announces “okay, I’ll gamble with ya!” and after playing tight for hours I expect him to perhaps show me a mid pair. Nope, the man flips up K2o and after flopping my A I have 30k.

Unfortunately, after this hand I wouldn’t win another pot for the rest of the short evening and finish the day with 22,200. Day 2 doesn’t begin until 2pm so I’ll finally be able to get some sleep. By the end of the night I am so exhausted I can barely see straight.

Coming back the next day was an equally pointless and boring story. I fold for 10 minutes, with 18 and 1k/2k 300 ante blinds jam J4o on the button and with a stack full of black 100’s that looks much bigger than it is announce jokingly to the BB who starts thinking over his decision “You dare to consider calling a stack of this magnitude!?” He looks longingly at his cards and folds.

A few hands later with about 22k I look down at 33 in MP1 at a 9 or 8 handed table and jam when folded to. It folds to the button who calls this time and the blinds call. The button flips up AQ and flops a Q to end my day. Okay, fair enough, all feels pretty standard and boring to me. At least I never have to say I’ve never cashed a WSOP pre lim event (which, going into this event, was in ~25 attempts.) I’m not even sure how much money I get, I didn’t bother to collect it, but it’s roughly 4k.

That’s the problem with the $1500 events. They’re as close to a simplistic and pointless grind as a MTT player is likely to encounter. They’re also enormous fields of awful players who would be very fun to play against if we were deep enough to really be able to manipulate them. Tomorrow is another $1500 event which I walk down at 1:30am to register for tonight. I run into Badgerpro on my way and tell him to come hang in line for a moment while I wait to register.
“No way man, I just waited through a 50 minute line that’s stretching out the door and there’s only 3 tellers, your on your own, sorry. Tell me what your table number is tonight though, and GL.”

I walk down the hall and see Badger is in fact correct, the line is well out the door and perhaps got even worse. I smirk to myself about what a fish Badger is to have waited through all that.

5 minutes later I am walking back to my room fully registered without the slightest delay. Hey Badger, next time you run into me, come along for the ride and I’ll show you how it’s done. For now its time I get some sleep, see EVERYONE tomorrow.