(Authors note: I wrote this for BBV4L on 2+2 and to generally try to put some positive light on an aspect of my life that gets highly stigmatized. Yes, it's really, really long but for those of you interested in this subject, I believe it will be worth the time invested.)
I've been thinking about writing this post for a while. As I mentioned
in the other thread, this is something I've been involved with for
about a year now. I know that pick up gets a ton of negative stigma and
attention, and looking at the community from an inside perspective I
totally understand where that comes from. Also, I want to say at the
beginning that many of my ideas and the concepts I'm talking about here
are the result of my studying 'Magic Bullets' by Nick Savoy at great
length, and it's a book I recommend enormously.
What I'd like to make known though, is that there are a number of
schools of thought on pick up and they are vastly different. Many of
the things that pick up is famous for like opinion openers, negs, and
routines are **** that I detest and think are totally manipulative and
retarded. The school of thought I prescribe to is what's known as
"natural game". The basic idea is this; you learn about what's
attractive to women, their psychology, dating logistics, and pick up
concepts then try to adapt it to who you naturally are so you meet
women in honest ways congruent to yourself. Congruent is a word I use
all the time now, and I think it's a good one because it's so
applicable. Learning to be congruent is kind of like learning to be
confident, essentially you feel comfortable in your own skin all the
time and that calm, genuine confidence comes out and will naturally
attract women to you. Additionally, it means putting a lot less effort
into picking up women because you start attracting the ones who are
into the real you and not some facade you create with pick up tricks.
Most of what I'm going to talk about here is for guys who meet girls at
night or through their social circle (friends, work, family, etc.) Day
game is actually my personal favorite, but it's a totally different
animal and so few guys are ever going to get involved with that it's a
little pointless. I already wrote a long post on day game for my PU
forum, so if people are interested we can always just add it to this
Whenever I talk to people about pick up I begin in mentality.
Basically, anyone who gets involved with this should do so hoping to
improve their abilities with women, their relationships with women, and
themselves. Getting involved just to **** as many women as possible
will only be satisfying temporarily, and will eventually lead to a
feeling of hollowness and exhaustion. There's nothing wrong with having
the desire to sleep with lots and lots of different women, and I think
it's a major **** up on societies part that there is this idea that
wanting to have sex with a woman is some kind of aggressive,
manipulative act. What the **** is that? Sex, at it's core, is an
enormously healthy act. It slows the aging process, reduces stress, is
a pretty good work out, clears your mind, feels amazing, and helps you
connect with someone. The idea that having sex with a woman is taking
something from her or achieving some victory over her is condescending.
Unfortunately, both men and women perpetrate this hurtful mind set.
The problem lies in peoples mentality towards sex. Men are often
willing to say/do whatever in order to get it and women are aware of
this, and the whole thing becomes a deceptive game. Additionally, the
Western society double standard on sex is as appalling as it is
retarded. Men are lauded for the ability to lay lots of girls and women
are branded sluts, and this results in everyone getting laid less and a
lot more stress associated with sex than there needs to be. Stop
judging women, and the whole process becomes a lot more fun for
everyone. If you let her sexual history or desires bother you then
you're just not being realistic and letting something that's probably
irrelevant train wreck a potentially awesome relationship.
Anyway, I'm going to start from the top here and just let it flow out.
Plenty of what I write will look like common sense, and if it does to
you then that's a good thing, as you probably have more developed
natural game. When I talk about this with women they think a ton of it
is common sense, but it turns out that a lot of us guys simply aren't
aware of it all. If it all seems obvious to you it's because you're
experiencing what's known as the "curse of knowledge", where you forget
what it's like not to know something. Guys who were good for a long
time often look at pick up and think "WTF, how is this possibly
necessary?" but for so many of us, learning about game at a later stage
of life really is, because nobody taught us when we were younger and
then the lack of confidence with women became a self-fulfilling
There's also a mentality among many men that being an ******* gets you
laid, or that women want to be treated badly. *******s don't get laid
because they're *******s, it's because they're comfortable expressing
their sexual desires and intents with women because they don't give a
****. A nice guy with game winds up getting laid way more than an
******* with game, plus a nice guy with game will keep those girls
around longer and have more healthy relationships with them. I'd
encourage you to be very pleasant, respectful, and patient with the
girls you're interested in and date; just make sure they also know you
want to **** the hell out of them, because there's nothing wrong with
that. Women like being around men who take stress out of their lives
instead of adding to it, and I've pulled a number of girls who were
already dating some ******* but they knew hanging out with me would be
a more fun and stress free experience.
Approaching, the different kind of openers (night game):
1. Natural openers: These are the best at night in my opinion. Girls
are used to so much random, drunken idiocy that just coming up and
being normal, fun, and sociable gets you some serious credibility.
Natural openers I like at night are:
"Hi, how's your night going?"
"Hey, what's up!"
"Hi I'm Tony, who are you?"
However it is you like to say hello to people at night in a bar/club,
I'd recommend simply doing the same with women you don't know.
2. Situational openers: Can be really good in a lot of spots.
Situational openers are a question or a comment pertaining to the
situation you're both present in. Guys have been using these forever to
start talking to girls. Perhaps you're standing next to a girl at a
bar, you both wait quite some time, and you ask her "Wow what's with
the service around here?" or "How long have you been waiting for a
drink?" Perhaps her and her friends are dressed up in some motif, and
you go ask what the dress up is about. I can't really script you a lot
of situational openers because you need to be observant, but the nice
part is they tend to flow easily into conversation.
3. Direct openers: Can be good at night, but are less effective than
during the day. Being direct means walking over to a girl and telling
her you think she's attractive however it is you'd phrase that. They're
a little less effective at night because plenty of guys can get a bunch
of booze in them then work up the courage to go tell a girl she's hot.
I'd say use direct openers if you notice a girl checking you out or
she's doing something that clearly indicates that she wants you to
approach her, otherwise go natural. Some simple direct openers are
"Hey me and my friends saw you girls from across the bar and thought you were really cute, so we came over to say hi!"
"I know this is very forward of me, but I saw you from across the bar
and I had to come say that I think you are absolutely stunning."
"I love that X you're wearing, it looks great on you."
Reverse: "Hey my friend caught you checking me out, and I came over
here to say that I DO NOT appreciate being made to feel like a piece of
One I used recently that worked and was 100% true, literally the most
direct thing I could think to say: "Hey I'd have come over here to talk
sooner but there's another girl around here who might get jealous...not
If you read some of these and think they're retarded that's fine. Just word it however feels right coming from you.
4. Indirect openers: Are really subtle, innocuous things like questions
about where things are or what time it is to start up a conversation
with a girl. Personally, I don't use them, because I think they're not
honest. If I see a girl I want to talk to I 'm not going to ask her for
the time then try to segway into a conversation, I'm going to say
something more direct to her. However, If I'm somewhere and I genuinely
need to find out where something is, I'll ask the hottest girl I see
5. Opinion openers: God these are so retarded in my opinion. An opinion
opener is going up to a girl and saying something like "Excuse me can
we borrow you for a woman's perspective on something for a moment? My
friend and I were having an argument and we were wondering, who do you
think lies more, guys or girls?" There's all kinds of these things, and
they're just so dumb. No, you weren't actually having an argument with
your friend and needed a girls perspective, you were looking for an
excuse to talk to her, so ****ing man up and talk to her.
When go out at night, your priority should be having fun with your
friends first, and meeting women second. Just being a great time at the
bar/club/party is going to get you a lot of positive attention from
women, and then you don't have this whole results oriented mindset
about how good your night was based on how you did with girls. Just
One thing I like to do with approaching at night is what I call
"planting seeds." Basically I walk around a bar/club/party saying "Hi
guys how's your night going!" to a number of groups of girls. Then I'm
fun and light for perhaps 5-10 minutes and unless some girl massively
latches on to me I'll eventually say it was cool chatting with them and
that I'll talk to them later, then continue doing this to more and more
groups. At some point I'll go back and chat to the groups who were the
most receptive and fun, but this time I'll remember their names and
I'll be coming back as "Tony, the fun and humorous guy from before who
was normal" and not "Random guy who just came up to us to start hitting
on one of us."
Transitioning, and how to do it: When you go up and start talking to
girls you'll find that most of the time, they don't just launch into
conversation with you, you need to drive it. In fact, when you start
talking to girls a good 80-90% of the early conversation is likely
going to have to come from your end until you get her really interested
in the interaction. Transitioning is whatever you say to get from your
opener to conversation.
A transition is normally a question, statement, or observation. It's
best if you can tailor it specifically to the girl or the situation the
two of you are in, but plenty of generic ones are fine. When I go to a
tournament players party where they hire models I see the same pattern
over and over; for the first half of the party most guys stand around
drinking and not talking to the models, waiting to build liquid
courage. So what I do is go over and open naturally, then transition
with something like "So why aren't any other boys talking with you
girls tonight, what'd you drive them all away?"
During the day I often transition with "So what are you up to in (City
X) today?" If I'm in Vegas or a place full of tons of people from out
of town, I'll ask "So what brings you to Vegas?"
Normally I don't really have any transition planned at night, I just go
in, open, and see what happens. The more you do it, the more it starts
to flow naturally.
Attracting women to you: It turns out that with women, you need to
attract them to you before you let off serious attraction in them. I
know that sounds in-congruent to walking over to a girl and telling her
she's cute, but all you've really done is let her know she's a good
looking person and that you want to find out more, not that you're so
super into her and massively invested in this interaction with her.
When guys come on too strong too early, they tend to get friend zoned
unless they have a number of other factors working for them. Your goal
is to carry an air of what's known as "active disinterest", meaning
that you engage her yet are seemingly a bit aloof. A simple way to
accomplish this is by being very non-reactionary, generally just
chilled and never too spun out by anything she says.
Women are enormously unique and varied in what they find attractive in
men, but the boys in 'Magic Bullets' did some work and managed to boil
it down to eight universally attractive qualities. The idea is to
understand them, then display them in a socially calibrated way. In no
particular order (I think I'm remembering this right) they are:
Confidence: Every woman will admit she wants a confident man. But what
is confidence really? Physically, it's the way you carry yourself, it's
maintaining eye contact, it's speaking slowly so you seem relaxed, it's
Mentally, it's the way you treat people and interact with them. It
means not being possessive, jealous, or controlling with women. It
means not taking out your insecurities on them, or judging them for who
they really are. We're all human and we all have insecurities, but find
healthy ways to express them instead of letting them alter your
behavior and resulting in your lashing out. Here's a really fun way to
express jealousy to a woman that they love:
Say you bring a date to a bar/party. The two of you wind up off
socializing seperately with various people, and eventually some other
guy is clearly flirting with her, and if she's a normal sociable girl,
she might even flirt back a little bit. Instead of confronting the guy
or bringing your **** to the girl, here's what you do. Walk over to
both of them, put your arm around her and say very politely to both
"Excuse me, do you mind if I borrow the lovely X for a moment?" Of
course the guy will say yes, and then you pull her aside out of ear
shot and say flirtatiously "You know I got so tired of watching all the
other guys in the party chat you up, so I thought I'd have a go at it
myself for a while." Then, just blatantly flirt with your date. Women
like knowing that you're human enough to feel a little jealous over
them, but they don't want to be guilt tripped for normal socializing.
Even more fun is that when the girls your date, you can flirt however
the **** you want. If you've already slept with her then you can full
blown sexually harass her and it's seen as positive attention! Man, I
say some filthy **** in the ears of my dates when I do this.
Social intuition: Girls like guys who are good in social situations and
socially calibrated. They hate when they take you somewhere with a
bunch of new people and instead of going off and charming everyone, you
stand around like a chode and bitch "I don't really know anyone here,
this is uncomfortable for me." They like to see a guy who can work a
room, who can get people to like him quickly, to have other people
buzzing in their ear about how fun their date seems. They hate when
guys commit social taboos or faux pas.
Additionally, you need to be senstive to your dating situation with her
when out socially. When out with a girl you're seeing casually she
probably doesn't want you all over her since odds are the two of you
****ing isn't a super out in the open thing, so adjust your behavior.
If you show up at separate times from a woman you're ****ing casually,
then make sure to hang around the party talking to other people for a
while before you even recognize her presence at said event.
Health: Health is your appearance. Men are fortunate in that if they
aren't extremely short or extremely ugly, they can probably work on
their looks hard enough that most women would be willing to date them
or not disqualify them based on looks. Yes, this is all much easier for
really good looking guys and they're going to be allowed to make more
mistakes, but we guys are lucky that women aren't as shallow about us
as we are about them.
Women like to feel a physical presence from a man, so I recommend
working out enormously. You don't need to become Brad Pitt in fight
club, but women like the idea of dating a guy with an attractive body,
or at least a man powerful enough that they can feel his physical
dominance in relation to theirs. I especially recommend this for short
guys, you're already at one physical disadvantage so try to account for
it by standing out in another way.
When it comes to fashion, you don't need to do anything amazing to
stand out (though personally I'd always encourage you to throw a suit
on, but it doesn't matter that much.) Basically, women want to see that
you put some thought and effort into your style, and as long as it's
all congruent they're happy. Lots of girls aren't even that picky about
what a guys style is, they just want to see that he has one. A girl
might go from dating a clean cut habitual suit wearer like me and then
her next guy is a tattooed, pierced, punk rocker. Women definitely pay
attention to shoes though, so get that aspect covered.
Challenging: A big reason nice guys never get the girl is because they
don't challenge women. They constantly supplicate, which basically
means always having behavior that makes it clear that they believe the
woman's value to be vastly higher than their own (commonly referred to
as "putting the pussy on a pedestal.") Women like a challenge, they
like a guy who doesn't bend to their every will, remains mysterious,
and is generally intriguing.
One big way to increase how challenging you are is to become aware of
what are known as "**** tests". **** tests are what women throw at you
to test your frame (frame is a word used to describe the way you're
presenting yourself, the vibe you're giving off and the way you carry
yourself.) Most **** tests are subconscious, but when I tell women
about them they often suddenly realize that they do it all the time,
which they do.
Women **** test in a variety of ways. You have two options with them,
either blow them up, or side step. Most of the time, it's more fun to
blow a **** test up, but occasionally you need to side step. Most ****
tests come in the form of a woman accusing you of being in trouble for
something that you couldn't legitimately be in real trouble for. Here's
a good example from an approach I did with Luckychewy in a Las Vegas
The two of us walked over to two girls and I opened direct. He
transitioned by asking what brought them to Vegas. There was a moment
of small talk, then I offered my hand to one and said "Hi, I'm Tony."
"MMphh, you caught me with chocolate in my mouth" she said (and she was holding some candy.)
"That's okay, I don't have any class either" I replied
Her friend laughed, but the girl wasn't sure how to handle it then turned to her friend and said "Is he saying I have no class?"
That's her **** test, she's seeing if I'll stand up to her. Most guys
back down, and say something like "I'm sorry, I was just playing
around, I didn't mean anything by it" or something along those lines.
My answer: "**** yea, that's how I roll."
Later in the interaction she threw another **** test at us:
"So do you guys just walk around the mall chatting up girls all day?"
What I said at the time was the most honest answer "Actually we're here
to buy Andrew a suit" and then I pointed to the bag containing the suit
we'd bought him. A better answer would be "Yes, this is pretty much all
we do all day. In fact, we have zero legitimate business here
Simple rule with **** tests, if a woman accuses you of being in trouble
for something, just say yes and be a wise ass about it. Women will ****
test in other ways too. Here's an example a friend gave me from a guy
with great game he saw approach a woman who looked very pissed off:
PUA: "So, what do you like?"
PUA: "What do you like?"
Girl: "...cocktails and sex from behind"
There's her **** test. If the guy bites and thinks he's in, she knows
he's a low value guy. The PUA in the example was very good however, and
answered really calmly.
PUA: "Hmm, I like London."
PUA: "Yea, I live there a few months of each year and really like it there, great city."
One of the most famous **** tests is one of the most common from women.
You'll be going home together and they'll say "Okay well you can spend
the night, but you should know I'm not going to have sex with you."
First of all, that's a very good sign because it means the girl has
already thought about having sex with you. The best thing to do here is
simply side step the **** test; just change the subject and talk about
something else. Then when you get to hers, eventually make your move
and obviously if she stops you then stop, but if she doesn't then
proceed as normal.
Pre-selection: Pre-selection means women want what other women want,
particularly when it comes to men. Women are curious about guys who are
seen around lots of other girls, particularly attractive ones. It's
much better to rock up to the club with a group of girl pals than guy
pals, and other women are absolutely going to notice the attention
If you're not after a relationship (and there's nothing wrong with
being interested in getting into one) then I'd encourage you to be very
open about being a flit/man whore. What ends up happening is that if
you develop a reputation for getting lots of women and other women
become curious as to what makes you appealing/interesting, it
essentially works as advertising. Additionally, when you have a well
established image/reputation as a casual sex guy, that inevitably helps
screen out the girls who couldn't handle a casual relationship
themselves. If you're a guy who only wants flings and casual
relationships, then you shouldn't be trying to take girls looking for
something serious and coercing them into brief sex with you, you should
be looking for the girls who want the same thing as you do. Because I'm
so open about what kind of guy I am I even sometimes get girls coming
to me knowing I'm the right person to have a fling with and that I
won't get all emo or attached about it.
Wealth: And I'm not saying that all women are gold diggers or anything
like that (though obviously they exist.) However, the fact is if you
take two roughly equal guys and one has a lot of money and one doesn't,
a woman is going to prefer the guy with money. They aren't so much
interested in dating a guy who's loaded, as knowing that the guy is
comfortable and capable of providing if need be.
You need to be really careful and socially calibrated about how you
display wealth. You need to be mindful of what's known as the
"prostitution paradigm." Basically, you shouldn't spend a ton of money
on a woman prior to having sex with her because she can see and feel
you spending that money and she knows what you're after. The end result
is often girls will friend zone you or hold out for longer than they
would have because they're concerned that you're trying to buy them.
When you spend money on women, make it subtle. Don't make a scene of
it, and if so do it away from their eye sight. When you pick up the
bill for drinks, go up and pay at the bar. Then when the two of you are
leaving and she asks about the bill, reply simply "We're cool, it's
sorted" and expect nothing in response. Most of them will thank you,
but don't be a nit about it if they don't.
Status: What makes famous people super attractive is not only their
looks and money, but that they have enormous status. Power even, is a
huge aphrodisiac, and this goes all the way back to the idea of the
"alpha male" and all that business.
Keep in mind that status is constantly shifting. A university professor
has huge status in class or on campus, but he's just another dude with
a good job at the bar. Play to the areas where your status is the
highest, such as displaying a talent.
If you can't think of anything that makes you particularly high status,
then when you go to meet women make sure you're around supportive, fun
friends who make you look good and speak well of you. Don't hang out
with your competitive, douchy friends who will try to blow you up out
of jealousy (personally I just cut these people out of my life, but
Humor: It's hard to tell someone "Hey, just be funny, you'll be fine"
but women really do want a guy who can make them laugh. Additionally,
you should have an easy going and fun sense of humor yourself, don't
get up tight about **** unnecessarily and claim that this or that is
offensive (unless she really is being an offensive bitch for some
When I approach a woman I know I need to get them laughing in the first
couple minutes or I'm in trouble. I do this with a lot of sarcasm and
teasing, how you should do it is up to you. Create your own brand of
humor. If you don't think you're funny, then watch people who you think
are and try to learn from their tendencies and patterns. For example, I
think Jon Stewart is hilarious, and I love the way he can engage
someone both intellecutally and politely yet be a huge smart ass at the
So there's your big 8. The best way to give those off is to become them
so that they naturally come out in your interactions and women can
simply observe you being who you are. A big part about natural pick up
is improving yourself so you're a desirable guy to women. I can't tell
you how to do it for you, but for me personally it means working really
hard at the job I love, spending lots of time in the gym, hanging
around fun, social people, and spending hours in the gym and dieting.
You don't have to do all that stuff, but I'd encourage you to.
When women become attracted they give off what are known as indicators
of interest. Basically, when in an interaction with a woman observe her
behavior and notice if she's doing any of the following:
Touching you: The body will say so many things the mouth won't. If a
woman touches you that's a good sign, if she initiates the touching
that's an even better sign. Be really attentive to this one, it's the
Maintaining eye contact: Especially if you haven't said anything to her yet, this can be an invitation to go approach her.
Laughing when you know you're not being that funny: You can tell when
you're really on and when you're just being silly, but if she digs
everything you say then that's a clear sign.
Twirling her hair: Lots of guys know this one, not as consistent as lots of girls touch their hair a lot but still relevant.
Compliment you: Most of the time a woman won't give you a direct
compliment, but even if she says something light or harmless realize
that means she's taken the time to access you physically and pay you
Re-initiates an interrupted conversation: Say you're at a party
chatting up some girl, but then some dude interrupts with a story. Then
he goes off and she immediately turns back to you, launching into
conversation again. Definite sign.
Asking lots of questions: She's trying to find out more about you,
probably because she's interested. Pay special attention as to whether
she asks about your relationship status.
Qualification: Qualification is the inverse of the attraction stage.
After you notice a girl giving off a lot of interest your next job is
to let her know what about her you're interested in. Girls find it
flattering but ultimately hollow to have guys only interested in them
for their looks, and if you don't tell them why you're into them
they'll eventually think you're just another guy looking for a quick
lay and brush you off.
Another important factor in qualification is learning to look for the
women you're genuinely attracted to. Most of dating is not hanging out
in loud clubs or having sex, it's spending a more quiet and social time
with a person and getting to know them, being in their presence and
experiencing their personality. You should aim to meet women that you
are attracted to on a number of levels instead of just looks. Don't get
me wrong, I think looks are really important, but they aren't the only
thing I want in a girl. Eventually you come to realize that when you
can meet a lot of women in one night or one week, that looks become
common and other things become more important.
The way you qualify a girl is by thinking hard about the personality
aspects you find attractive in women then asking questions that attempt
to reveal whether she possesses them and gets her talking herself up to
you a bit. The classic hard qualifying line, which I will never use,
was "Well sure you're cute and all, but what do you have going for you
besides your looks?" As you can tell, it's a bit blunt and rude.
Instead, use more soft qualifiers. For me personally I like to ask women things like
"What's the most interesting place you've traveled?"
"Would you consider yourself really open minded and adventurous?"
"Who do you think in movies or TV is really funny?"
"Who do you like in men's fashion?"
"What do you look for in a guy you date?" (great question to ask, women
will literally tell you what they like and dislike and give you a blue
print for the behavior that turns them on and off.)
You don't necessarily have to ask women questions to qualify them. You
can simply be interacting with a girl, notice that she has/does
something you think is really attractive, then let her know that. For
me that often happens with sense of humor and wit. If a girl gets a lot
of eccentric or esoteric jokes and shoots back very well, I'm apt to
compliment her about it.
Comfort: Comfort is a pretty straight forward stage, it's all about
getting to know a person for who they are and finding commonalities.
It's where a lot of guys start an interaction, and the end result is
that they get friend zoned because they didn't build any attraction
first. Simple comfort stuff is talking about her hopes, ambitions,
dreams, family, her childhood, where she went to school, what her job
is like, what she likes to eat, what she does for fun, how she spends
spare time, what her friends are like, etc.
There's no way to script comfort, just be yourself and engage her for
who she is and don't judge. I will say this though, when you're in
comfort with a girl make sure to pepper in attraction and qualification
banter to keep things fresh and interesting and prevent the dreaded
Physical progression: Touching is a huge, huge part about sleeping with
women. You need to start small and build momentum. You don't want to be
the guy who never touches a girl then suddenly tries to kiss her making
her shocked and uncomfortable, and you don't want to be the guy who's
way too touchy feely and makes girls feel creeped out. The answer; the
kino escalation ladder. If you only read one piece of PUA material in
your life make it this one, they nailed:
Sex: I don't fancy myself as some amazing sexual dynamo, and I don't
know how to recommend someone sick techniques that will make every girl
orgasm a billion times. I will say this though; pay attention during
sex. Don't just zone out and enjoy yourself because you finally got her
in bed, make sure it's fun and enjoyable for her too and be open to
what she's into. I like to get girls talking about sex and make it
known to them that I'll do near anything if it's going to help them get
off (with a few disgusting exceptions, but hey, I let a girl stab me.)
You might not be amazing, but if you're alright and she can tell you're
clued in to what's going on with her she'll be eager to come back for
more, and if you're hanging around quality women that you actually like
then that should be something you're interested in.
Dating logistics: All dates were not created equal. There are good
dates and bad dates, and then are good ways and bad ways to do certain
dates. Let's talk about dates from the perspective of a first date
where there is no physical comfort yet established with this woman (you
haven't had sex or so seriously fooled around that the two of you are
instantly all over each other on the date.)
First of all, you need to have a plan. A date isn't her showing up and
it's like "So...what do you want to do?" A date is you telling her
you're taking here, then here, then there, and it's going to be awesome
because of reasons X Y Z. Lead the whole interaction, and if she
protests about something just be easy going enough to accommodate. A
woman will let you know if some aspect of the date is not amicable with
her, otherwise she enjoys that you're taking control of things.
A movie: The worst possible normal date. ****ing awful. The two of you
show up, there is no physical boundaries established, so you sit down
next to her and you're not sure whether you put your arm around her or
hold her hand or what. Because you haven't spent any time building
attraction with her, she probably won't be very receptive to either of
these, and so you'll wind up sitting next to her in silence for two
hours creating a physical barrier that you later have to over come. At
that point, she's already thinking friend zone. Additionally, you can't
actually do anything attractive during a movie. It's time to shut up
and watch, and you sit there basically doing **** all.
Dinner: Also really bad. First of all it's cliche as hell. Secondly, a
big meal does not put a person in the mood for sex, it puts them in the
mood to take a ****, not a sexy feeling. You're going to be sat across
from the girl and have to be really on for a good 60-120 minutes and it
functions much more like a job interview than date. A Manhattan based
PUA named Paul Janka ran a little experiment, he took 30 girls to
dinner and 30 girls to drinks at a bar/lounge. He wound up sleeping
with 3 girls he took to dinner, and 22 he took to the bar. Variance
isn't that big.
However, sometimes dinner dates are inevitable, and I don't always
avoid them. If you are going to engage in the dinner date here's how
you do it. Call up the restaurant ahead of time and request a table for
four or a booth, but tell them there will only be two people. When the
two of you arrive make sure she sits down first then sit right next to
her. This is because you need to be in close enough proximity to start
breaking down the physical barrier, and if you try to touch her from
across the table you look like some couple having a "couples moment"
and it's all just much too overt. If a girl asks me why I'm not sitting
across from her I answer playfully with "What is this, a job interview,
I'm not sitting next to you!" which is especially applicable for me
since I don't have a job. Try to make it at a place you're either sure
she'll like or where you're regular enough that the staff may know you,
which will raise your status. Then just have fun.
Day dates: Day dates should be avoided before you've gotten physical
with a girl. Day time hang outs are for friends, and girls associate
sex with night. Think back on all the girls you've ever slept with.
Now, how many of those was the first time you slept with them during
the day? I bet it's a pretty low number (for me it's one.) Again,
sometimes you can't avoid this and a girl is only free during the day.
I like for us to grab a coffee then take a walk in the park. I go for
the hand hold very quickly when I do this, but if I can tell we're not
quite at this point then I'll walk very close with her and make a lot
of playful physical contact. It's an easy date that gives you a chance
to really get to know each other and is in an attractive environment
that makes her feel good.
Going out with friends: Okay but not really recommended, especially if
it's her friends. Although you should make a serious effort to win over
the friends of the girls you date so you have a support group, hanging
out with them on a first date is tough. You've got an entire panel of
people judging you and a bunch of people who could potentially ****
block you hard. Additionally, nobody in particular might **** block you
but the situation easily could, because a girl might not want to go
home with you with all her friends knowing about it.
Drinks at a sexy bar/lounge: Ah, the best kind of date. You set this up
at night, preferably close to your place. I recommend you become a
regular somewhere, and that it's a place that has couches, as you want
to be able to sit next to her. The room should be fairly dark (it often
is) and the drinks and wine list thorough. You have her one on one with
a minimum amount of variables to **** you up, and at a time when she is
most likely to get sexual with you. You don't want her to get drunk,
but a couple of drinks for the both of you will do a lot to loosen
everyone up and make it more fun and relaxed. Here's another
interesting question for you; think back on the first time you had sex
with every girl you've had sex with. How many of those times was there
absolutely zero alcohol drank by either party? Again, most of you will
find it's a shockingly low number (again, mine is one.)
State breaks: State breaks are the things that can **** up the
emotional progression you have going with a girl. It's something that
takes her out of the moment. What you need to do is think ahead of time
and plan for any potential state breaks, then minimize their
possibility of screwing you up.
Three major state breaks that come to mind:
1. Getting a girls number: It's not "Can I have your number?" It's "Put
your number in my phone for reason X" Normally I'll have sorted the
idea of a date with a girl and I'm getting the number as a result of
that, not getting the number in order to try and set up a date. If you
don't have a date sorted you should still supply a reason for her to
give you the number in order to disqualify the importance of that
2. Getting her back to your place: A tricky one. Again, you need to
disqualify the importance of this moment. When you're going throughout
the date with her look for a reason, a common interest perhaps, to get
her back to yours. When I had a dog I'd ask girls "Do you like
animals?" (of course she does) and then they answered yes I'd insist
that they come meet my adorable dog. Guys have been using the "Let's
watch a movie" line forever, and hey if you both agreed upon some movie
that you own and you're both dying to watch then it's all good.
Basically, you need to give a woman a reason to rationalize her going
to your apartment which isn't a clear invitation to sex.
3. Getting the condom: Keep condoms within arms reach of every surface
you might have sex on. I have condoms on the night stands on both sides
of my bed, and place them there the second I enter a new hotel room. I
recommend keeping four condoms on you at all times; one for night sex,
one for if something goes wrong with the night sex one, one for morning
sex, and one for if something goes wrong with the morning sex one. I
normally only wind up caring two or three, but I'm going to be really
pissed at myself come the day I need the fourth. You want the condom
close because the last thing you need is physical escalation going
brilliant and then suddenly you have to rip your body off hers,
frantically search for the condom, can't find the condom, then suddenly
you're having trouble getting it open, and the whole time she's
mentally just like "What the **** is this guy doing?!"
The anti-slut defense: When I talk to women about pick up, they
especially like hearing about the anti-slut defense. Because Western
society has deemed it okay to quickly and recklessly brand girls sluts,
they are constantly paranoid about their reputation and how people
perceive their sexual activities. Your goal, is to never do anything
that makes her feel like a slut, or makes people around her think she's
So if you're at a bar/club and meet a girl around her friends, before
you start kissing her and pushing towards physical escalation you need
to get her alone. Say you need to tell her a secret then take her hand
and walk her off, then go for it. Or ask her friends if you can borrow
her for a moment. Or tell her you need to show her something cool in
another part of the bar. Anything to get her isolated and away from
prying eyes. Be aware of when and how women are under social pressure,
and do what you can to accommodate them.
That's a pretty good overview of what I've learned. It's not near
everything, but it's a pretty excellent starting point and will
hopefully be useful to guys who never want to actually get involved
with pick up. If you have any questions, you can of course ask.