So I’ve been in Hawaii for a few days now living with my friend Cade and his very awesome mom Jada. Let’s take a look at what I’ve done with myself since arriving:

1. Running a shit load. Both Cade and Jada like to go on a 2.25 mile run every other day and I’ve been joining them. I’ve always been pretty terrible at running, but the amount of time I’ve spent on the treadmill at the gym and with my pink jump rope at home has apparently put me in much better cardiovascular shape than I’ve ever been in before. I’m also running about a mile every morning before I eat breakfast.

2. Getting freaked out about the UIGEA regulations. God knows if they’ll have any effect at all but they certainly have people in a panic and many American players considering jumping ship on the whole country if they have their worst possible implications. I find it doubtful they’ll actually make a difference, but if they do I’ll have to scrap any possibility of moving back to the US.

3. Asking the Melbourne volunteer firefighting department if I can join. Being a firefighter was one of the few jobs I ever seriously considered and I remain curious about it to this day. I’d never give up poker for a new career, but I like the idea of doing something positive with my life and being helpful and firefighting is something I’d gladly do for zero pay. It also gives me a convenient excuse to be a complete nazi about my fitness. If I do end up moving to Hawaii I’ll look up their respective volunteer unit and ask them. I also realize it makes sense to do this just in case one day poker is no longer a feasible career (unlikely) since I wouldn’t have experience in any other form of legitimate work.

4. Sending hilarious text messages. Cade told me a story about how he once convinced a girl he was dating that he was a werewolf, and when this girl Desiree we’ve been hanging out with told us she had an instructor who kept asking her out and sending her text messages I insisted she let me to respond to his most recent one. I typed out something to the affect of “I’m sorry Ash, but we can’t get together. I’m not sure how to tell you this but…I’m a werewolf. You have to understand that it’s simply not safe for us to hang out, what with the mauling and all” then clicked ‘send’ and we all laughed our asses off.

5. Going to terrible stand up shows. After going to a great show in Melbourne I was hoping for more of the same here. I knew there was a problem when I showed up and there was like 12 people there. A couple of the comics were just painfully bad but two of the others were okay though nothing great. Jesus those other two made Larry the Cable Guy look like a comedic genius though.

6. Not working. I’ve only played one day since I got here, today, and as a result of trying to nine table on my tiny, broken laptop screen I made several awful plays as a result of failing to realize certain details of the hand. I restole on a guy who was never going to fold. I raised 67s to only 3X over a limp. I played a pretty terrible hand against 2+2’er Fatalerror (this wasn’t the laptops fault so much as my being a dumbass) with deep stacks in the FTOPS 300r.

7. Quoting Anchorman at every available opportunity. Cade and I have the exact same taste in humor (and in many other regards) and we must refer to ‘sculpting our guns’ a couple dozen times a day. Next time we go out I’ve promised him I’ll approach random women and say in the Ron Burgandy voice “Hello” *pause* “Do you not know who I am?” *pause for obvious no* “I don’t know how to put this but…I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I’m very important…I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany... I’m sorry, let me start over again. I wanna say something, I wanna put it out there, if you like it you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back... I wanna be on you.” It’s not a perfect quotation, but it’ll certainly do for the purpose of making a complete ass of myself for both of ours amusement.

8. Enjoying food items you can’t find in Australia. Like Sobe, and pop tarts. When I die I want my tombstone to be carved like a pop tart.

9. Listening to Hawaiian music. Fuck it’s cool. To give a description; its kind of like reggae meets hip hop meets Jack Johnson. It’s chilled out with a good beat and some easy listening lyrics. We’re going to a concert on Saturday which I’m pretty stoked about and I’m going to get my skank on (of the dancing variety, I couldn’t pass for the other variety of skank as they have vastly more dignity by comparison.)

10. Listening to Cade talk about his women complications. He’s got one girl who he is super into but lives far away from. Then he’s got another who he lives close to but is less interested in, despite her being very interested in him and an overall very awesome girl. I talked to the other girl today for the first time and told her “You know Rachel all I ever do is listen to Cade talk about you, I think I know everything about you at this point. For example I know your favorite color, its blue.”
“No, it’s purple” she replied annoyed.
I glanced up at Cade and said into the phone “Wow Cade, you’re a terrible fucking boyfriend” then handed the phone back to him and laughed hysterically while he tried to explain to her that I was only joking. She seemed to have difficulty getting it and Cade stood there for a few minutes repeating to her “No I know it’s not blue!”

What’s happening people? I’ve had a very pleasant few days since I last wrote in this blog. I spent a few days playing poker online at more relaxed pace since being let out of the bet before Chris, Stevo and I planned to go down to the beach house for the weekend. A couple days ago I even had a large score in the Stars nightly for $18,509 when I took second, making me feel considerably better about planning to take the rest of the month off.

As it turns out, we had to cancel the trip to the beach house for a number of reasons. As a result, I’ve moved up my departure to Hawaii and am leaving on Sunday afternoon, about 36 hours from now. I’ll be staying in Hawaii for about two and a half weeks before coming over to the Sydney APPT, staying at my friend Cade’s place while on the island. Cade is the son of famous American/New Zealand poker player and personal friend Lee Nelson. We met in Auckland and hit it off instantly and I told him I’d swing by to visit Hawaii as soon as possible. As it turned out, it ended up being very soon.

To touch briefly on the last entry, Celina and I are in fact broken up. However, we’ve done so very amicably and peacefully, and we continue to remain close and are speaking casually daily. We’ll hang out regularly around the APPT stops and have no current resentment or hard feelings, we simply both feel we have different priorities in life right now. I wish her the best of luck going forward in poker and in life. I want to stress to people that I’m not in any sort of freak out or melt down stage as a result of the break up. Yes, I’ll be taking a vacation as any break up can leave a lot of things on your mind, but I’m feeling very level headed and positive about the future. I would also like to say a major thank you to everyone who reached out and offered an ear to listen, I’m sure you’re all thrilled I didn’t opt to complain directly into it.

I’ve even got some creative writing done during this break in the form of an article that will show up on the front page of pocketfives in the very near future. Even though I’ll be playing minimal poker in Hawaii I’ll likely still be updating my blog regularly, though I have a feeling it will be much more drunken shenanigans oriented during my period there.

Currently my plan going forward is to visit Hawaii until late November, then attend Sydney APPT. After that I’ll spend the rest of December in Melbourne and hang out until after the Aussie Millions finishes in late January. At that point I’ll likely move to Hawaii for a period of time, though I’m not sure how long term. For the first time in quite a while I’m kind of free to end up wherever I choose, but after I ran through all the logical options and pros and cons of each I decided Hawaii makes the most sense. So unless my visit there results in my completing hating it somehow, it looks like where I’m headed at the moment. After that, who knows? The world is my oyster as they say. Perhaps I’ll convince myself that going around the world in 90 days as a single man would make interesting reading…or maybe I’ll just stay home and grind to my hearts content. I’ll just play it as it comes.

So to make a very long story short, it would appear Celina and I are broken up. I won’t get into a long ranting post about the reasons why, not only because it’s personal but that just isn’t the kind of content I put in my blog really. We’ve talked about trying to hang out in Sydney and see how we go, but until then we are officially not a couple and we won’t be seeing each other until then.

I woke up today and tried to grind, but realized very quickly my head was not in the right place. One thing I’ve prided myself on in poker is that I always keep my cool and never get worked up over any table talk or berating. That ended today. I had a situation come up today after this hand: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/87/high-stakes-mtt/top-pair-drawy-board-100r-335866/
One of the other players on the table berated me for my call when it turned out the BB had 6d4d and got there on the river. I had previously sucked out on that player open shoving QJhh for like 13 BB’s on the CO or HJ or something against his AK. A few hands later that player limped the small and I shoved like 14 BB’s in the BB with A5cc. He snapped 66 and held then called me a donkey.

Historically I’ve either left the table or said something self deprecating to ease my way out of the situation. Today I wound up looking up that players Stars/Tilt account on OPR, finding out he was a –ROI player, then shooting back on the rail with comments like “You’re one to talk captain –ROI” or something like that then getting into it with him. It wasn’t particularly classy by me but if preschool logic applies; he started it.

Anyway, so I realized I’m going to need a break from poker. Stevo very kindly let me out of our November bets with the plan that we’ll do them in some month down the line. We only got one taker for the team bet, our friends ‘Improved’ and ‘Rdcrsn’ and I talked to Improved who had no problem dropping the bet and doing it later on. I really appreciate all those guys showing me some leniency here.

Instead, our Skype chat group is going to go down to Chris’s parent’s beach house down in the bay, about an hour South of Melbourne. We’ll hang out for a week and after that I’m going to go visit my friend Cade (Lee Nelsons son) in Hawaii, which is where I’d likely end up living if Celina and I stay apart. I’ve already booked all my flights and look forward to a month in the sun before APPT Sydney at the end of November. I may or may not blog during that period, but knowing me I’ll feel the need to do creative writing and put something up.

Until then, so long.

Just to prove it’s all about how you spin things let’s take a look at the reasons why live poker is vastly superior to online:

1. Social interaction:

a. Live poker: Has real flesh and blood people. You can look at them, hear them, smell them, and touch them; though purposely and blatantly attempting the last two may lead to many awkward situations. You’ll meet people from all walks of life at the table and can make friendships that’ll last a life time, but most of all you’ll witness some truly hilarious interactions.

b. Online poker: Where all your friends and peers are the same little flashing box on whatever instant messaging system you prefer and the closest thing you have to interaction at work is a 30 second conversation with the delivery man from the Indian place.

2. Non poker players acceptance:

a. Live poker: Tell normal people you play live poker for a living, often traveling to interesting and foreign locations, and their eyes will light up and say something like “Wow! I’ve seen that stuff on ESPN! That’s so incredible! So…have you ever been on TV? What’s the coolest place you’ve played poker? Can I get you a beer or something?”

b. Online poker: Tell those same normal people you play online poker for a living, at home in front of your computer, and you’ll get awesome responses like “Huh…all you do is sit home all day and play games on your computer? Isn’t that unemployment?” or “Yea but that’s all play money right?” or everyone’s favorite “So you won a bunch of money online playing cards? But wait…how much did you lose?”

3. Proof of accomplishment:

a. Live poker: Win a major live tournament and you’ll get a physical memento that will last forever proving that once upon a time, you took down a big one. Perhaps you’ll win a WSOP bracelet, the second most desired piece of jewelry in poker behind an engagement ring from Patrick Antonius:

<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=patrick-antonius-cash-game2.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/patrick-antonius-cash-game2.jpg" border="0" alt="Antonius"></a>
[I]“Will you spend the rest of your life with me, looking and feeling considerably less perfect by comparison?” [/I]

Or perhaps you’ll win an EPT trophy, a giant cup that will rest on your mantel at home and remind everyone of your skills:
<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=gavwin.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/gavwin.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
[I]“Somebody get a **** ton of vodka and redbull, we’re all gettin’ wasted outta this ****er!”[/I]

Or maybe you’ll win a crystal APPT trophy, proof that either you’re number one, or that the APPT has just as much phallus as any other poker tour, if not more:

<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=grant-735424.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/grant-735424.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
[I]“I’m Grant Levy, and I like to think it’s the former.” [/I]

Or if you can come up with $10,000 despite the economy you have a shot at the ever alluring WPT plaque:


[I]“Actually Amanda I’m going to hang it up in my office like people do with their diplomas, except mine will represent that I made more money in a week than they will in their entire post graduate career . Thoughts like that get me through the day, you know?”[/I]

b. Online poker: If you win a major tournament like the FTOPS you’ll win an avatar that immediately informs everyone on your table that you’re a winning tournament player. If you win a WCOOP event you’ll get a small golden bracelet that you can show off to people but then have them ask “So you got that playing online poker? But wait, how much did you lose trying to get it?”

4. Prize money:

a. Live poker: There are more tournaments with a seven figure first prize a year than I care to count. Even regional tournaments and preliminary tournaments for other major events get considerable six figure firsts. Win one of these and you can buy a house.

b. Online poker: You have a shot at seven figures about once a year and just a couple shots at six figures per week. Given the way the Stars payout structures are heading, I imagine it’ll be one in no time. Most major nightly tournaments have a maximum first prize of about $25,000, though some go over. Win one of these and it’s enough to eliminate 25% of your make up with Bax and Sheets.

5. The food:

a. Live poker: Many casinos where major tournaments are held are host to some of the finest restaurants in the world. Every major casino in Las Vegas is packed with restaurant options and even in card rooms that don’t have their own restaurants are likely located in a central area with many near by quality restaurants.

b. Online poker: Has delivery food or whatever you can prepare during your 60 second time bank. Enjoy your Ramen.

6. The sponsorships:

a. Live poker: Win a major live tournament and you have a shot at a sponsorship contract, meaning you’ll get paid to do what you were going to do free anyway and possibly become a big name in poker.

b. Online poker: Win a major online tournament and nobody will have a ****ing clue what you did because you’re screen name is an assembly of random words and numbers.

7. The stories:

a. Live poker: Remember the time you and all your buddies went to Treasure Island and Psyduck got way too wasted and puked all over the table? Oh man that was so epic!

b. Online poker: Remember that time…..you sat home alone all day and nothing happened?

8. The breaks:

a. Live poker: Has 10-20 minute breaks every two hours so people can get their pisses, cigarettes, and joints in at a leisurely pace.

b. Online poker: Doesn’t have synchronized breaks, making them entirely useless and has you attempting to multi task all your responsibilities. That means you’ve got a cigarette in one hand, a joint in the other, and no hands left to control the aim of your urine. If I had a nickel for every time…

9. The cheating:

a. Live poker: Has a few guys trying to mark cards and Men the Master having his horses collude with him so he has more chips to play terrible with. Very scary.

b. Online poker: Has people who see your ****ing hole cards and take you for millions, big name tournament sharks buying stacks deep in tournaments, God knows how many multi accounters, and site sponsored pros creating new aliases so they can play with an anonymous edge at the highest cash games. At least I feel safe at micro stakes SNG’s on Stars.

10. The locations:

a. Live poker: Has Vegas, Monte Carlo, London, Paris, Melbourne, Sydney, Seoul, Rio, San Jose, and the Bahamas, the kind of locations people dream for years about visiting.

b. Online poker: Has your house, every single day, over and over. But hey at least you have your Xbox at home, which is more than can be said for those other holes.