As many of you know, I stated that I would be having a November challenge with my friend Stevo. We elaborated on that idea and decided to challenge EVERYONE for the month. Here's the post that has appeared on 2p2/P5's/PNW:

Konichiwa bitches,
So I was engaging in my standard MSN constant trash talking of StevoL the other day, and with plans to put in a high volume month of November boasted that I was naturally kick the shit out of him results wise. He told me to put my money where my mouth is and after considerable discussion we came up with a number of bets. Not only that, but we came up with the idea that us two will challenge a team of ANY two players in a November monthly PLB contest.

We’ll be betting each other in
A. Total monthly PLB score.
B. Most final tables. Dinner of winners choice.
C. Most wins. % equity freeroll in tournament to be determined (likely APPT Sydney or Aussie Millions.)
D. Most final table bubbles. Weed paraphernalia of winners choice.
E. First to triple crown.

As I said before, we’re also willing to challenge any two person team out there. This will be scored simply by the combination of both players monthly PLB score on P5’s as this is the easiest way to score something like this. We’re not looking for any gigantic 5 figure bets or anything like that, but we are willing to bet anyone. Either post in this thread or contact Stevo or I about your team and what you’d like to wager.

I would like to make on disclaimer though; if you bet us, you will lose. This is no matter of opinion, just a simple fact. Perhaps you’re thinking “Bullshit, I’m a better player than Stevo or Bond18, I’ll crush them.” Hahahaha, you are misguided. Stevo and I are inhuman MTT grinding machines with no lives and no responsibilities to anything but showing you what a fool you are for having the audacity to wager us. Not only will you have to face the crushing embarrassment of defeat, but you will also have to endure my constant trash talk. It is highly probable I will send you an insulting and mocking PM on the anniversary of your defeat in this bet every year for the rest of your life, such is my and Stevo’s commitment to destroying and demoralizing anyone who has the balls to accept this challenge. Were you to ever meet me in person after I beat you I would belittle and berate you until you were reduced to tears, and were you with a significant other ask her if she’d prefer to “hang out with a superior man, you know, lose the zero get with the hero?” to which she will immediately and enthusiastically say yes and accompany me to my hotel room where she will experience sensations you can only dream of giving her.

If you wager us it will be an epic beat down, similar to the one Sonny Corleone gives Carlo mid way through ‘The Godfather’. In case you are unfamiliar here is the appropriate youtube link:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=2cd0r9HUH4E
Sure Carlo gets Sonny shot later but let’s just forget about that detail for now. Suffice to say, it will be a similar if not more thorough beat down. Here’s an artists rendition for further clarification:

I’ve referenced ‘the invisible hand’ numerous times before in my blog when discussing poker player’s motivations and their ethics. The term comes from the ‘father of modern economics’ Adam Smith and in his book “An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations” he elaborates on the concept:

“...every individual necessarily labours to render the annual revenue of the society as great as he can. He generally, indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry, he intends only his own security; and by directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of the greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention. Nor is it always the worse for the society that it was no part of it. By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it. I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the public good.”

So what the hell is this dead guy talking about and what does it have to do with poker? What Smith is saying is that as long as you do what’s good for you economically, you’ll indirectly do what’s good for the economy as a result, whether you intended to or not.

The reason I constantly reference this in regards to poker is because this game of ours is the ultimate embodiment of Adam Smiths capitalism, at least when it comes to personal mind set. A poker player’s single goal is to increase his own wealth and in his own community he has no responsibilities and concerns outside of that. Every poker player knows this, even if he isn’t fully aware of it. Essentially, our ‘community’ is a bunch of people whose entire goal is to break each other for their own personal gain. Mix that in with the high amount of players who are already unethical and willing to truly do whatever it takes to get the money, and it becomes rather difficult to compose a true poker community that’s interested in what’s best for the game as a whole.

As a result I’ve been questioning my own motivation for what I’m doing. I used to play only because I loved the grind and that’s how I wanted to spend my time, and although that’s true to this day I’m increasingly thinking about dollars and cents. Maybe that’s because of the economy and maybe it’s because I’m getting older and realizing I need to plan for the future or perhaps just a result of having played for so long. Am I doing the writing because I enjoy it, or because I enjoy the attention it creates? I know that when I do my writing out of necessity and not because I feel like it the quality drops off considerably as I witnessed during the later stages of my Around the World in 90 Days blog. I wonder if I write things that I consider ‘good for the game’ because I’m actually interested in doing good or simply like the idea that I can show off knowledge. As pretentious as it sounds, I think self reflection and assessment is important in order to ‘keep it real’.

Every now and then a thread will pop up on the forums with a title like “Is XXXXX good for the game?” with ‘X’ being a player, a program, or any number of other things that have recently attained a lot of attention. What their truly asking is “Will X generate more fish and therefore increase my bottom line?” As far as I can tell in my experience there are very few people in the industry (both players and businessmen) who actually give a fuck about the game. What I mean is, most people I’ve run across in this game, were they given the opportunity to do something unethical and damaging to the game but extremely profitable for themselves and with a low chance that they get caught, would leap on that opportunity. That’s just the way our game is and what happens when it’s based on the invisible hand mentality running at max capacity. There are plenty of exceptions on both sides, but much like my fellow blogger Dr. Pauly I’ve become increasingly disgusted with the industry around me over time.

Not that I’ll do anything about it though, because according to Mr. Smith, I’ve got myself to look out for.

Celina left this morning for Macau. She’ll be there for a week, and then spend about 10 days visiting friends in Kuala Lumpur. After that she’ll be going to APPT Manila for roughly another week, meaning she’ll be gone about three and a half weeks in total. It seems unlikely I’ll attend APPT Manila, as it’s a nearly 13 hour plane trip and a low buy in tournament that would take several days of my time, making it a financially –EV trip. I’ve also been told by just about everyone that Manila is a hole and I’m just plain sick of traveling, so I’m sitting this one out and returning to the internet.

As a result, my friend Stevo and I have decided to make a massive volume PLB (points leader board) bet for the month of November. The bet itself isn’t anything giant, loser buys dinner at winners choice restaurant, but we’ll be making a number of wagers on other volume related accomplishments including most final tables, most wins, and most final table bubbles. With no girlfriend, no legitimate social life, and no other responsibilities I think we’re going to see a pretty epic month of volume.

I’ll be up at 7am every day and probably playing until around 6pm. I’ll get to sleep around 10pm. I’m going to purchase a new monitor to make this all more comfortable and I imagine I’ll be playing about 15 tables at a time for as long as possible every day across eight or nine different sites.

The rest of my time will be spent dieting and exercising. I’ve been off my ultra strict diet for about two weeks now, something that ends tonight. I had one last enjoyable meal (I ordered Indian obviously) and starting tomorrow I won’t be enjoying anything in the way of food for a solid two months. I’ll be in the gym five days a week instead of my current three and the other two days I’ll be using a jump rope on my balcony to continue burning calories. The roughly two months I devoted to this kind of thing previous to going off my diet got me in respectable shape, which hasn’t been reversed much at all since my lapse so I hope to springboard straight back into progress.

Essentially my life will be operating like a robot for a month. I imagine I’ll be doing quite a bit of writing and of course, video game playing. If people in Melbourne I know want to swing by and visit these days that’d be great, I’ll be hanging and grilling on my porch pretty often and human interaction will be healthy after so much workaholism. I imagine this sort of living seems pretty disgusting to most, but I’m honestly very excited for it. I love having a strict routine to keep my diet and exercise in line, and I haven’t been able to put in a truly great month of online volume in a very long time.

My goal for the month, outside beating the living shit of Stevo, is to make $100,000 USD. If the AUD holds at its current level that’ll be a month worth slight more than $150,000. With the economy the way it is I’ve become increasingly paranoid about a potential down turn in online pokers popularity (though in all honesty it seems extremely unlikely to be anything major) so I’m eager to generate as much money as fast as possible. I’m also considering turning the ‘Things it took me a while to learn’ series into a book on tournament strategy and adding a ton of content. I’m not really sure; I’ve got some time to think about it all. Were I to ever actually bother writing a proper book I’d prefer something more humorous or autobiographical (such as the Around the World blog) but the articles have laid such a solid blue print for a book that it seems like the easiest route. I don’t particularly care about the financial success of the book, so long as people found it useful and I felt like I’d put something of quality together with my time. We’ll see.

As more and more online players gain live success and fame they’ll likely encounter the business side of poker. Unfortunately, the sponsorship game can be an awkward and complicated social shoot out with many potential pit falls. Having spent the last several months on the live circuit and interacting with many people on the business side of poker I’d like to use that experience to drop some knowledge on those for whom this will soon be an issue. I imagine a lot of people are expecting an entirely sarcastic and subversive post, and there will be plenty of that, but I’d also like to seriously talk about what I’ve ‘seen in this scene’ and how to use it. If you have half a brain you should be able to tell the two apart.

Do: Win a televised major donkament. Obviously right? Clearly this is easier said than done, but it is the fastest and most direct route to sponsorship. It should be noted however, that these days outside of winning the WSOP ME there is no tournament which garners enough attention in order for your deal to be automatic. In fact, the past two WSOP ME champions have had their sponsorships fall through. Jamie Gold lost his deal with Bodog by being Jamie Gold and Jerry Yang was not signed on to Full Tilt (whose brand he wore at the final table) as a result of he and his family feeling he should no longer gamble his own money on buy ins and Full Tilt not being willing to accommodate such a large investment at the time of his win (according to his agent anyway.)

Don’t: Be white and North American. The poker market is completely saturated with white North Americans and the North American market has the least potential for growth, especially with the current economy. I’ve also been told that ratings for poker TV in North America have been declining (take a look at how many WSOP events ESPN opted to film this year) so the need for further sponsored players to represent this market is at an all time low. That’s not to say attaining a deal being a white North American is impossible, it’s just that it requires much larger results than a European, Latin American, or Asian counterpart. Being North American and nonwhite can be advantageous, especially if your ethnicity is that of a country where poker has been recently introduced and there are no locals that have developed skills in the game worth sponsoring. This applies much more so to Latin America and Asia than Europe currently but as an Asian you face the difficulty that you are not easily promoted in countries outside your own ethnicity due to the ‘blood culture’ mentality that exists in many countries in the region.

Do: Be an attractive girl. Or even semi attractive. Or even barely sorta kinda maybe in dim lighting and were I 12 drinks into the night attractive. Even after five years of popularity the game is still fairly devoid of females who both play well and are attractive, resulting in the sponsoring of many female players who have essentially no clue about the game but whose attractiveness still makes them a much better option than the vast majority of male players. The only problem for females is that this is a male dominated industry that is quite comfortable with casual chauvinism and those girls who truly can play the game well (hi Celina and Annette!) will be assumed to have gained their popularity unfairly or through less than reputable means from some of their peers.

Do: Start a blog. The poker sites want to see you promote yourself and create your own fan club. The poker sites are mostly happy with any form of self promotion as long as it’s not disruptive, and starting a blog is the kind of self promotion you can engage in without feeling like you’re selling your soul. As I’ve found personally it can also be very cathartic at the end of a stressful day of poker and allow you an appropriate forum for which to spread hate on those you feel have earned your scorn. Warning, if you have the audacity to put your true thoughts and feelings in your blog you run the risk of being publicly crucified a la David Benefield. In general, keeping it too real in a blog runs the risk of being hated on by people who have no idea of what their talking about.

Do: Go play a ton of live poker. For the most part sites don’t really care about online accomplishments unless you have incredibly sick Menloesque results or consistently play nose bleed games and win. This is because most online players appeal is to other online players, and the sites don’t need to recruit the business of those they already have. Also, few people in the live arena are impressed by online results, irrelevant to their consistency or scale. Most will assume you are in procession of a ‘lucky account’ or these days, a superuser. They will tell you that your online results don’t prove anything because all anyone does online is call and give you bad beats, and were you to play live the live players would see all your tells and own your soul in ways that would make the devil reconsider is soul owning policies.

Don’t: Shoot your mouth off about the quality of the product of the online company you are employed by a la Roy Winston or Bond18. It won’t make you friends and your self righteousness is not welcome.

Do: Feel free to have loose morals. Sorel Mizzi had a highly public cheating scandal and has a considerable Betfair sponsorship. Brian Townsend and Matthew Vengrin have both encountered cheating scandals (one validated, one quelled) and both maintain Full Tilt sponsorship. Pokerstars sponsored player Ivan Tan once remarked to me over dinner, in front of Pokerstars staff, “Yea you could play on Celina’s account all the time and nobody would have any idea it’s you!” in 100% seriousness. Having quality ethics makes you a liability and is a great way to be left out of the cold despite doing everything else right, a la Shane Schleger.

Don’t: Suck up to those who are in control of sponsorships or other sponsored players in hopes of currying favor. These people get dozens of emails a week with hilariously absurd content describing why the sender is worthy of sponsorship. When they enter poker rooms they are consistently approached by clueless hustlers who feel they have something to offer and must politely decline while retardation is being spewed directly at their brains. For these people, every interaction with someone they don’t know well must be greeted with the suspicion of a potential conversational angle shoot, and kissing ass makes you look like you may be doing just that. Just be yourself and talk to them like you would anyone else. If you have actual business dealings your real personality is going to shine through eventually, so you might as well be real from the start.

Don’t: Make any drug use highly public or notorious. Yes I know Matusow has a reputation/arrest record as a wacky crack head but it’s okay because he got famous in 2004. Overall the sites are extremely averse to being associated with any form of drug use, and that includes every online players favorite, marijuana. The sites already have to fight off anti gambling legislation, and they certainly don’t want to couple that with being seen as encouraging drug use or being comfortable associating with drug users. When expanding to other markets the sites attempt to present themselves as more or less wholesome entertainment so having a team full of addicts isn’t on their sponsorship agenda. It’s still okay to take drugs (not that you would have ever stopped) you just need to shut up about it if you want to do business.

Don’t: Waste your time on the major sites if you’re under 21. They don’t want to be seen as promoting ‘under age gambling’ in the U.S. so they’re not going to sponsor you (yes I know Stinger88 got sponsored at age 20 and I’m still amazed by it.) European sites may be more open to the idea, though I’m not sure as I have far less experience and information pertaining to them. I’ve talked to many younger players about this issue and what often happens when they make a televised final table is a site asks them to wear a patch and often offer a buy in or package to a future tournament as compensation, which is fine if that’s what you feel it’s worth. However, they may also ask you to wear the patch during interviews and media events by making claims that when you turn 21 you will be in line for a sponsorship. DON’T FALL FOR THIS HANDSHAKE/VERBAL SHIT. Nothing is real in the business world until it’s in paper, and there are numerous players who have had this not come to fruition as a result of failing at this aspect. Which brings us to the next point…

Don’t: Ever wear a fucking patch/brand unless you’re being compensated and have it in writing. This applies to poker sites and anyone else who asks you to wear something for them. Either get the money in your hand before you put that shit on or have the arrangement in paper in terms you understand. Don’t wear things for free trying to create good favor. Get paid for what you have to offer. If you have difficulty being a dick about this sort of thing get yourself an agent and get a competent one who you trust, which again brings us to the next point…

Maybe: Get an agent. Whether having an agent is right for you or not depends on a number of things. If you’re not good at being stern about what you want, having an agent may very well be right for you. If you’re not sure what you have to offer is worth and have minimal experience in these kinds of situations an agent may be right for you. When it comes to doing a one time deal for something like wearing a patch at the final table of a result having an agent is clearly less relevant so long as you know what things are worth. However, many agents may tell you that the only way to get a patch deal for a certain televised table is to go through them. I’m not quite sure about the validity of this, but my instinct is that their being lying pieces of shit, but who knows? If anyone has stories or methods about going around agents for one time deals with sites for televised stuff please post that information in this thread. There are some very good and reputable agents out there, and the best to find out whose best for you is to talk to friends who’ve been through this experience and talk to numerous agents and feel them out.

Don’t: Feel entitled. You’re not, nobody is anymore. If WSOP ME champions aren’t getting deals, then what the hell have you done that you think is so important and sponsorship worthy? Sites don’t want to work with ego maniacs and divas that make absurd demands and act like they’re more than a guy/girl who plays a fucking card game for a living. Online players as a whole have trouble transitioning to the live arena socially because we tend to carry an “I know better than you” attitude about the game (author is guilty as charged.) Whether you do know better about this game or not is irrelevant, and your knowledge won’t impress people in the business world. They want to see a positive and outgoing attitude and a willingness to treat random players with respect and enthusiasm, not elitism and condescension.

Don’t: Berate, whine, complain, or lose your temper. It looks immature and ridiculous and doesn’t exactly make you marketable. Sure there are exceptions like Hellmuth whose entire shtick is to blow up at people (authenticity debatable) but overall this kind of behavior is a great way to sabotage your sponsorship potential. If the game stresses you out a ton and you feel yourself about to blow up walk away from the table, go somewhere more private like outside or the bathroom and freak out on a wall Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire style if you really have to. That or grow up.

Don’t: House edge gamble heavily or be a broke ass. The sites want to avoid the image that poker is ‘gambling’ in the scary degenerate sense of the word. Poker is a skill game which happens to have some recreational wagering involved! If it’s well known that you’re constantly in the pit or often broke it tends to reflect poorly on the industry as a whole. Note; there are exceptions to the pit rule for a few certain ‘super ballas’, such as Phil Ivey, whose gambling of absurd sums only grows his legend.

Do: Join a training site. As I said before, the sites like anything you do that serves as self promotion in a healthy/reasonable way. Joining a training site is a great way to grow your profile while giving back to the community (and collect a paycheck!) If talking about and teaching poker is the kind of thing you’re into then hooking up with a training site is the savvy thing to do, especially since some of them have a solid working relationship with the poker sites themselves.

Do: Drop all the shit and play the game. It totally amazes me that a post like this can actually be relevant and useful. When people talk to me about what how their trying to grab a sponsorship deal I just want to shout at them “WHY DON’T YOU JUST PLAY THE FUCKING GAME AS WELL AS YOU KNOW HOW AND CUT THE SHIT?!” Anybody play cause they enjoy it anymore?

I’ve written many times before that I think online poker is superior to live. After spending the last six months experiencing a high volume of both, I feel like I’ve finally accumulated enough information in order to present a thorough list on why online poker is greater than live poker. Let’s break it down issue by issue.

1. Earning power:
a. Online poker: Sure it takes a considerable amount of work to reach the point where you’re a comfortably profitable online player, but once you do so the money is considerable. How considerable? If you’re good enough to reach 50% ROI at mid-high stakes MTT’s online and can put in $2500 worth of buy ins a day six days a week you stand to expect to make $7,500 a week (obviously expectation is not actually earn.) That’s enough money to call up your lawyer and ask “What’s happening you broke mother fucker?!”

b. Live poker: Because you can’t put enough volume in at live poker to find a true expectation over your life time, I can only assume that the old adage “The house always wins” applies and we’re all losing money at live poker to the casino all the time. Except Timex of course.

2. Retardation:
a. Online poker: Because you play online poker in the safety and comfort of your own home there is a very low probability that you will encounter someone spewing retardation directly into your brain on a daily basis. Make sure to avoid leaving the TV on Fox News to add further protection.

b. Live poker: Retardation lurks everywhere in live poker, mostly as a result of the retards that surround you at the table. They will tell you how you misplayed your hand and discuss ways in which to better your play. Your only defense is to smash your fingers into your ears and scream “BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA I DON’T LISTEN TO RETARDATION I CAN’T HEAR YOU BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAAH!!!!!” as loud as possible. In the event that you fail to do so your brain will experience symptoms similar to gangrene. If you are unfamiliar with those symptoms here is the appropriate Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangrene. Yea, you don’t want that shit in your brain.

3. Health:
a. Online poker: Health risks in online poker are vastly different to those associated with live poker. While habitual fat assery is common in both, online poker has a number of unique concerns. The most common injury is a bladder burst, caused by hours upon hours sitting in tournaments with no synchronized breaks and no appropriate near by waste receptacle. To prevent this common risk consider investing in a quality thermos, such as the ones offered at www.thermos.com. There’s even a ‘Barbie’ thermos, known by online poker players as the ‘R. Kelly model’. Carpel tunnel is also common amongst poker players, but recently doctors studying the condition stated that people who spend the majority of the work day at the computer should warm up their muscles through thorough masturbation prior to use.

b. Live poker: Though live poker has the similar high risk of fat assery, there is the added risk of scum baggery. You may get jumped in your hotel hall way a la Greg Raymer, or perhaps smashed in the head at knife point a la James Potter, or perhaps robbed at gun point twice outside the Rio a la the wife of Michael Mizrachi, or have your heart shatter like a dumped 12 year old girl when busting the WSOP main event 2008 a la Jean Robert Bellande. There’s also the brain gangrene stuff.

4. The smell:
a. Online poker: My apartment smells like a mix of BBQ, bananas, the yellow lemon stuff I spray where the dog pees, and a dash of smug satisfaction.

b. Live poker: Smells like BO, weird Venetian perfume stuff, cigarette drenched jackets, and fear.

5. The commute:
a. Online poker: The roughly three second walk from my bed to my computer. $100 says it can be done in two.

b. Live poker: At best, a decent drive into the casino. At worst, 30 hours straight in airports and planes that will constantly cause money transportation problems. Enjoy customs detention you terrorist funding drug dealers.

6. The chicks:
a. Online poker: Has the girls of the internet. More porn than you can shake a stick at.

b. Live poker: Has real women, who expect to be paid for things.

7. Strategy:
a. Online poker: Requires in depth knowledge of range percentages, patterns of thinking and non thinking players, comprehending poker tracker statistics, a complete understanding of ranges, a balance of aggression, the ability to manipulate bubbles, the ability to three and 4 bet light, stack sizes, position, and a highly developed multi tasking ability.

b. Live poker: Requires the ability to tell when a player on the table is actually, somehow, above level one thinking.

8. Top pro:
a. Online poker: Has Patrick Antonius, you know, God.

b. Live poker: Has Barry Greenstein, who come to think of it, has probably bagged more chicks than Antonius. Well played Greenstein.

9. The hang outs:
a. Online poker: Has the forums, where you can learn the game, make friends the world over, and go from universally beloved to feverishly ostracized pariah in the event of the slightest infraction. Other popular hang outs include Pokerstars, Full Tilt, and several far less credible poker sites.

b. Live poker: Has the player parties, with the guy to girl ratio at a figure so high three NASA mathematicians died trying to figure it out. It also has several live poker rooms across the world, home of rakes so big they require gigantic boxes under the table for the drop.

10. The chairs:
a. Online poker: I’m sitting in a chilled out plush leather recliner that has wheels, which affords me the option of spending my entirely driving around the apartment, were I so inclined. If I was balla I would go and buy one of those massage things you drape over it, but I’m not. Actually no wait, I really should do that.

b. Live poker: For just $2 a minute (that’s a $120 hourly) the masseuses at the WSOP will massage out the aches and pains the live poker chairs will inevitably incur.


Know something that should be added to this list dudes? Put it here.