Still trying to get more money online. Don't have much now, so I've stuck my toes in low stakes MTT SnGs to get warm until I do. I'm also trying to hold down variance; I need to make a steady climb until I finally push past that tipping point where I'm easily clearing expenses and can take a couple of risks to grow my bankroll.

One step at a time. I can get back to the top; it's just gonna take some real work. "Since I left, ain't too much changed."

Put in a brutal session at the Isle earlier this week. My play got sloppy and I also got in a $1400 pot with the best of it and lost.

I'm taking a break from the game to clear up some other things in my life that have been on my mind. I have to do this if I'm to be clear-headed and focused in my work. I'll be back.

Playing live again and starting from the ground up has forced me to reconsider the way I play fundamental poker. It's forced me to re-establish a basis for sound play, playing well, playing a winning style, before I get creative and start incorporating new moves.

I've met a cast of characters here, and they are by and large terrible at poker, or at least very exploitable. However, at these limits players play a number of different ways and make a wide range of mistakes, so I have to pay attention and know my opponents in order to best take advantage of them. I have to understand their basic tendencies, the flow of the game, and how they are playing in the moment.

And that is fundamental poker. All the metagame and the arsenal of moves I might need in a tougher game are unnecessary here. They would be counterproductive.

If I tried to jump back into those online games right now-- into higher games I was beating regularly before-- I would start trying to make those moves and take on tough challengers while my foundation was still shaky. It would be disastrous; I would not be playing winning poker. I need to be firm and secure in my fundamental play, and beat these games consistently and build a sound bankroll, before I start moving up again.

That's what moving up in the ranks one step at a time does for you. You have to develop the fundamentals necessary to beat those games consistently, or you definitely won't survive at the next level. If you try to jump ahead, you'll lose your ass. Simply put, there is no substitute for experience. (And as I'm finding, even the experienced have to give themselves a chance to shake off the rust after a long sabbatical.)

I want to move up, obviously, but I have to be sure I'm ready. My desire to move up is not always commensurate with my readiness to do so. "Hey, I beat that game, I wonder if I can beat the next one!" Again, I'm an impatient person by nature-- acutely aware that my time is fleeting-- so staying calm as the clock ticks away on my grind is difficult. I am easily frustrated by the lack of instantaneous mastery in my life. This is probably the toughest skill of all for me; to keep the discipline and patience to stay calm, not overreact to anything, to just let the river of life flow, letting everything come and go... and all the while, being patient and content, and doing my very best.

I was in Lake Charles over the first few days this week, visiting family and taking the opportunity to hit the live games some more. I put in two sessions over the last three days totaling 16 hours and came out up $560 at 2/5 NL.

I've put in three decent sessions at the Isle of Capri recently, and I noticed toward the end that I was clearing up some of the spazzy mistakes I was making earlier, that I was getting back into my groove, thinking about the game properly.

Booking winners each time has been a pretty big boost of confidence. It's simple: I was worried that I didn't have what it takes to make it anymore, but these sessions have reinforced the idea that, yes, I can play poker well enough to make a good living at it. I haven't lost it at all; I'm just rusty and haven't given myself a chance to shake that off. Online, I tend to flip out when I'm not winning right away (especially at heads-up, because I want to beat every single person I come across), and that leads to panic which leads to bad play which leads to bad results which shakes my confidence and pressures me to win more immediately, which leads to panic, which leads to bad play...

But live, I have to stay patient because, well, you simply can't act like a spoiled child when you're out among other people. It's certainly true that I find it much easier to be patient playing live than online, but even so, I feel like my patience on the whole has greatly improved recently, and I'll be able to carry that over into the rest of my game.

I certainly made some mistakes in these sessions-- I'd even say I made really dumb, obvious ones-- but I also noticed that as my sessions went on, I became more comfortable and started to make better plays, plays based on my assessment of the current situation, and not my desire to win or fear of going broke or whatever is anything but making the best decision you can with the information you have now.

I was pretty clearly able to spot my opponents' mistakes, and just as importantly, I was patient enough to wait for the right situation to take advantage of them, rather than press into spots out of haste or spite.

I'm classically results oriented, sure-- three winning sessions in a row live? I'm the best! A losing streak online? I'll never make it again!-- but the fact is, I needed something to get me out of my panicked online mentality, and playing live forces me to stay patient and reintroduces a level of human interaction that the online game doesn't have. The live sessions bolstered my confidence a great deal, not simply because I made money (which certainly helps), but because I played well enough to feel like I can continue to make money. As soon as I can get the chunk of change I need for a proper bankroll back online, I'm going to start grinding cash. I'm aiming for 30,000 hands the next full month I play-- which doesn't sound like much to most grinders, but to me would be a massive step forward. I'm not lazy, per se, I just really enjoy doing nothing at all.

Headed back tomorrow for a couple more days.

I'm not going to make it to Los Angeles. I just couldn't work out the finances. It's unfortunate, but also understandable; I work in a field where "What have you done for me lately?" is a big motivator, and I've been staying far under the radar lately-- some of it on purpose, some of it due to the simple variance of tournaments, and some of it due to my work ethic.

I'm basically online busto right now so I'm waiting to get some more money in there before I can get back on the grind again. Meantime, I've mixed in a little live poker with good results. I played the $2/$5 when I visited Lake Charles and it was a nice reminder of some important things. First, all the reasons I like poker come out live. I like the people-watching, even when I'm not in the hand. With so much more to observe, and nothing to distract me, I take in much, much more information about the game and the players than I do in an online game. I still make mistakes, but I find it easier to be patient and wait for a real advantage to present itself. It also reassures me that I do still have what it takes to be a winner-- sure, I'm classically results-oriented, and overreact to individual sessions, but at the game I felt like the other players were making mistakes that were obvious and easy to exploit. When that's the case, it's just a matter of staying patient for the right spots, and having the courage to put your money in when you find it. If I'd had a little more of each, I probably would've made a few hundred more than I did, but all in all, a session in the black is a good sign and a strong motivator.

I'll report more after I play another live game. Once I get some money online, I'm going to give shorthanded grinding another shot. I just have to put in my time and stay patient.