Hola, amigos. Been a long time since I rapped at ya. (Great, I'm ripping off Jim Anchower
.) Anyway, for those of you who were wondering what I've been up to and what I'll be up to, I'll run it down as quickly as I can:
I've been on the online grind the last couple months, but I've hit a downswing. I've been pressuring myself too win too much, and as a result I've been stressed and tilt-prone and not playing well.
I haven't been playing with enough of a cushion to live behind me, and my monthly nut was unnecessarily high, especially in a city as cheap as Houston. As a result.
I've decided the only solution is to take a more proactive effort in curbing expenses. I haven't put nearly the serious effort I should have into this endeavor, because I'd convinced myself that grinding out volume would just cover for it. But I realized that I wasn't giving myself enough of a safety net, hence the earlier pressure. I plan to shed some unnecessary possessions and move somewhere that cuts my rent and bills severely. (I have plenty of options in both regards.) I'm aiming to stock up 6 months' work of living expenses-- whatever that means; it'll be a product of how much I sell and how much I cut my monthly nut-- and ideally more. With living expenses covered, I am free to gamble with my bankroll, relax and take chances, and more importantly, I'm not forced to play outside it.
I don't have to win now. I don't have to chase scores. I don't have to play out of my bankroll. I can take a much more tried and true approach. And if the score comes, it comes. Meanwhile, I'm setting myself up to succeed no matter what the circumstances.
As poker players, our role in the game is to minimize luck. We want to master the game to maximize our success under any circumstances-- to win even when the breaks don't all go our way, and to win the most when they do. By not accounting for my expenses up front, I was unnecessarily, opening myself up to luck, simply because I didn't want to do the work necessary to maximize success-- I thought I was doing "just good enough".
I owe it to myself-- we all
owe it to ourselves-- to be more than "just good enough". We deserve to be great. We push ourselves to be great. We must stretch our comfort zone. We must be willing to accept success. We must be willing to not be Just Another Guy. (Honestly, I loathe fame-- I much prefer anonymity, though I do enjoy the spotlight from time to time under the right circumstances and for the right reasons-- but I have to accept that if I succeed, I might become famous. I shouldn't, consciously or subconsciously, sabotage my success because it potentially brings an uncomfortable level of fame.)
Anyway, just some quick thoughts. I've been recovering from a tonsillar abscess
that I had drained on Tuesday, so I won't play until Sunday. I won't play if I'm not ready to then, but I feel like I'm recovering on schedule. I have a lot to do before the end of the month, though. We'll see.
Good luck out there.