The Year of the Rat: Celebrating the Chinese New Year... Commerce style!

Welcome back, sir!

After the events of Super Bowl Sunday, I had no idea when I’d be allowed out into society at large much less back into a licensed casino. By Wednesday, though, I’d sold the UCLA medical staff on releasing me to the custody of my wife, and by 7p Thursday, she was 40 minutes into a yoga class and I was leaving my car with the valet at the Commerce Casino. Obviously, the Commerce doesn’t subscribe to weekly updates of the Las Vegas blacklist or doesn’t consider my behavior as documented in the Mirage security report abnormal—the valet greeted me with a friendly “Welcome back, sir! Leave it up front?” Why yes, thank you.

I was back at the Commerce with the simple goal of tracking down Thayer (reportedly playing the $1500 event) and perhaps redeeming my shocking exit from a single table satellite the prior week. As it turned out, I was sidetracked from my task by the buffet, Asian hotties, a frenzied mob and an unruly pride of paper mache lions. The events as transpired are still hazy but fortunately I had my digital camera and convinced the Commerce staff that my use of same was of journalistic significance. I’ll do the best I can to recap the events and provide photo verification where possible.

A guy’s gotta eat, right?

First, the buffet. This year, the food voucher you receive with an LAPC entry is good for the buffet, either in the Eden Restaurant (at the bottom of the stairs from the tournament area) or the Las Vegas Buffet (between the California games and main poker rooms). This buffet is the real deal—prime rib, fried chicken, a variety of vegetables, breads and salad and an assortment of desserts. I wasn’t playing and didn’t have a voucher, but when John Griffo, the Commerce’s shameless yet talented Casino Development Manager, saw me loitering in the lobby, he waved me over and told me to take a run at it gratis. I accommodated him, of course—I’m not one to refuse hospitality—and figure the typical tournament player can easily pull $20-$25 of value from the set-up.

Uh, dude, you had me at “Asian models…”

As I was finishing my feast, Griffo mentioned that I might want to check out the Chinese New Year celebration around 8p or so. “We’re having some Asian models hand out cash and stuff.” and casually mentioned something about an authentic lion dance. “You might like it.” Well, yes, that I might.

In my opinion, this is the kind of bold thinking that affirms the Commerce’s market leadership. It’s not just about giving back to your customer base. It’s about employing BABES to give CASH back. I can just imagine the marketing meeting with everyone brainstorming about how best to welcome the Year of the Rat.

“Hey, I’m just thinking out loud here, but what about hiring some attractive Asian girls and having them hand out cash and gifts in the pai gow section?”

“Hmmm…that might work. Anybody willing to champion this?”

Cue Griffo stepping forward as the courageous volunteer.

The Year of the Rat? More like the Night of the Weasel…

New Year’s done right

For those that aren’t familiar with the Chinese New Year, it’s the most important of the traditional Chinese holidays. I’m not sure how our Asian friends calibrate the year-end (this year it fell on Feb 7th), but according to myth, a man-eating beast appeared every 12 months to prey on humans. This creature was sensitive to loud noises and the color red, and, consequently, the traditional celebration includes fireworks and other cacophony to scare the beast back into hiding.

This year, the Commerce put their own twist on the celebration. First, they’d send five Asian stunners in tiaras and evening gowns through the California games (pai gow, pan, baccarat et al.) with cash and other gifts in red envelopes. Then with the crowd worked into a frenzy, they’d have the girls lead a traditional lion dance through the entire first floor and spin the rest of the casino into the mix. A straightforward distribution of value for the customer accomplished through liberal application of noise and women. I liked it.

Feeding time!

Griffo collected the girls in the lobby and handed them fistfuls of red envelopes with a variety of prizes and gifts enclosed. He then set them loose with clear instructions “make sure everyone gets something.” The result was predictable and immediate. With the enthusiasm of piranha on exposed flesh, the patrons swarmed the girls as they moved through the pai gow and baccarat sections. Griffo and his team followed, like a camera crew from Animal Planet, only interrupting the ecosystem to reload the girls with envelopes.

It was like watching untamed animals feeding and I kept a safe distance. Who knows how the species would react if they thought their feast was threatened by an intruder? Fortunately, a team of the Commerce’s finest kept order and by 8:30p the girls were back in the lobby breathless but otherwise unharmed.

“I thought they were going to tear them to shreds!” Griffo commented with a chuckle.

“You tied raw meat to fawns and dropped them in the tiger pit! What did you expect?” I howled.

Griffo shrugged me off and quickly herded the girls into the parking lot to prepare for the second part of the celebration, the lion dance.

The Lion Dance

This is the first time I’d seen a lion dance in person and it apparently involves taunting Asian teenagers encased in paper mache with beautiful women, rattling their nerves with cymbal crashes and then sending them into a crowded room of gamblers to run amok. I observed in anonymity, like Caine with a camera.

Eye contact with the 2nd from the left…nice…

The pride warms up...

"Girls, meet the lions...Lions, girls..."

Beauties and the beast...

After a few preliminaries, the parade started in the California games section, moved through the high stakes poker room and onto the main floor. The reaction of the crowds varied from reverent glee in the Asian section to casual shrugs in the poker room. As the lions split up and ran amok throughout the casino. I noticed a number of Asian patrons “feeding” the lions chips, presumably to garner good fortune throughout the new year. Note to self: If you ever need to rebuild your bankroll, dust off the old marching band drum-kit…find some old newspaper and paste…add paint, fur and glitter…

Griffo reminds the crowd that that the lions and girls are fitted with tracking devices...

Five hotties and a huge lion head...standard...

Where’s the 300/600 mixed game?

Side note:

Just another Thursday night in the high stakes poker section…

8 tables of 10/20 NL
2 tables of 20/40 NL
1 table of 50/100 NL

1 table of 8/16 half kill
6 tables of 9/18 limit
5 tables of 20/40 limit
5 tables of 40/80 limit
2 tables of 60/120 limit
4 tables of 100/200 hold’em
Interest for 300/600 and 400/800 hold’em

1 table of 300/600 mixed
1 table of 400/800 mixed
1 table of 1000/2000 mixed
1 table of 200/Kondition Chinese poker

2 tables of 30/60 Omaha hi/lo 1/3 kill split
1 table of 10/20 pot limit Omaha
Interest for 75/150 Omaha

3 tables of 20/40 stud
2 tables of 30/60 stud
3 tables of 100/200 stud

Pay that little yellow lion no mind…

I’m 21…why do you ask?

We started with five of you, right?

After 15-20 minutes of romping about, the lions were lured back to the parking lot. Griffo inventoried the girls and beasts and satisfied that all were accounted for, allowed a few final shots.

Dude, you know this is the high point of your life, right?

Thayer he is!

After so welcoming in the New Year, I went up to the tournament room to hunt down Thayer in the $1500 event. As it turns out, he was pretty easy to find. The tournament was down to 7 tables, and, of the final 60 or so players, there was only one slightly bored Yankee fan remaining. Had to be him, right? I watched for a bit and introduced myself on a break.

After that I went down and played $5/10 $400 max for about an hour and ended up down about $140 when my AQs hit a Q high flop but came apart on the turn in a multi-way pot. I took that as my cue to head out and checked back in on Thayer. Approaching the bubble, 32 players left with 27 paid and he was settled into a comfortable pattern of blind larceny...

I called it a night, and moved on like Caine …satisfied that my work here was done...

Edmond

7 Comments

Comments

Landlord79 says

How did Thayer end up?

Did you get enough pics of the Asian models? Looks like you had a nice time!

02/11/08

EdmondDantes says

Thayer finished 15th or 16th, I think.

02/11/08

lakong says

Great work as usual. John looks like he was having the time of his life? Do all marketing directors have so much fun?

02/11/08

lakeoffire says

Damn, Ed. you sure write good. Seriously, great report. I was up there a couple days ago and wasn't greeted by any models...just other people that wanted my money. I love Commerce.

02/11/08

TheCommerce says

John complained to me that he had to...."work late at the casino tonight".....that's why we love him....his dedication to beautiful Asian models, firecrackers, and his classy execution of honoring restraining orders against him......creep!!!

02/11/08