Over the course of the evolution of tournament poker certain plays have come in and out of style and popularity based on how well known they’ve become and their effectiveness. In an earlier article I discussed the difference between manipulative and deceptive play and most of these plays fall down on the manipulative side of things as you’re often making said play with a pretty narrow range, and it’s important for your opponent to not be aware of what your doing in order for the play to work up to it’s potential. We’ll take a look at what the plays are, how they’re used, and what their utility is in the current tournament poker environment.

1. The Stop-n-go:
How it’s used: By calling a raise or reraise pre flop out of position with the intention of open shoving the flop.

Current utility: Almost none. The stop-n-go is a highly outdated play though you still see it attempted in low to mid stakes tournaments from time to time, as well as in some live play. The stop-n-go was originally a useful play because people would actually make terrible pre flop calls for 1/3rd of their stack then open shove the flop when they flopped a pair in order to protect their hand. Anyone with half a brain can figure out why nobody should be flat calling 1/3rd of their stack pre simply hoping to flop a pair, and then shove that pair instead of checking to induce a bet to gain value before cramming. I’ve seen a few rare instances in live poker where I think this move can still be appropriate, but anyone playing mid to high stakes tournaments online should retire it, and likely has way before this article was written.

2. The Squeeze:
How it’s used: By making a reraise (be it nominally or all in) after one player raises and another player flat calls behind and the action comes to you.

Current utility: Occasional but increasingly rare. At this point almost everyone (including many recreational live players) is aware of the squeeze and the fact that people can show up very light when doing it. The play used to be more effective when players were more loose and weak and made bad flat calls with no real plan for action behind. However, there are still numerous situations, both live and online (though I think it’s a bit better live where people are still making too many bad flat calls pre) where making a light squeeze is the best play because of the players and stacks involved. Additionally, when playing on a table with thinking players you need to have the light squeeze in your arsenal otherwise they can feel confident folding considerable hands to you if you’re only reraising in that situation with big hands.

3. The Go and go:
How it’s used: A player in late position raises and you reraise out of one of the blinds to an amount that leaves you with roughly a pot sized bet on the flop, which you will shove close to every time (with the exception of flops you absolutely crush.) It is normally done with a good hand that can connect well with the flop in a situation where you don’t expect the original raiser to call a shove, though it can be done with some weaker holdings.

Current utility: Moderate online, massive live. There are still many players online, even in HSMTT’s who will flat call a reraise for ~30% of effective stacks with too wide a range and no real plan for the flop. In the arena of live play this play still has huge effectiveness as even many professionals still call pre flop reraises far too wide and will wind up having to fold on the flop a ton when it whiffs their hand. However, it’s worth noting that this play is essentially useless against most online HSMTT regulars who are fully aware that once you put in roughly 30% of your stack pre flop you are basically never intending on folding.

4. The 4 Bet light:
How it’s used: You open raise with a medium or weak strength hand. Someone behind you reraises, and you shove all in while praying to your personal God that you aren’t called.

Current utility: Massive live and online, but with the caveat that it needs to be done with considerable selectiveness. If you just start 4 betting light all day every day you are going to wind up being a massive spew. However, at HSMTT’s online this is a play that needs to be in your arsenal for the sake of having a balanced range. Otherwise every time you 4 bet all in pre flop your opponents will know you have a range of only quality holdings and can start adjusting their calling range accordingly. This play’s effectiveness online and live is often for different reasons. Online most of this plays effectiveness comes from the fact that many players are capable of 3 betting light these days, and in order to prevent yourself from getting run over out of position pre flop you occasionally need to put a foot in someone’s ass with the light 4 bet. In live poker, this plays effectiveness is more a result of players making pre flop 3 bets without a real plan for when they are 4 bet, and then talking themselves into folding an overly tight range to your shove. An example I have comes from a 4 bet that actually didn’t work during the Aviation clubs 10k Euro buy in event last summer.

A player on my left who was a 35ish French guy was three betting me quite frequently, especially since I was pounding the two overly tight players on his left. During one hand I open raised 98o on the button to about 5000 and he 3 bet me to about 18,000 out of the small blind. I had about 64,000 in my stack and moved all in on him (it’s not perfect math wise, as for 4 betting light I prefer to have at least 4 times a persons raise size in my stack, but in live you can shave it a little) and the player in the SB went into the tank for several minutes, seemed to consider folding, then reluctantly called with AQo. Although this 4 bet didn’t work the point is still relevant, many players still make 3 bets just hoping you’ll either fold or you’ll flat call and the hand will play out in some easy and straight forward manner post flop, not really expecting the 4 bet. When you do 4 bet, they won’t be sure if you’re capable of making light 4 bets, and they’ll often talk themselves into folds with hands that should be a snap call (for anyone whose unsure, if you are in the French players seat you should SNAP CALL the AQ, smash it over on the table, then yell “Your dead pal!”)

5. The post flop min raise for value with a huge hand:
How it’s used: You’ve got a massive hand that you really want value from. Your opponent makes a bet and you raise the minimum to keep him paying off.

Current utility: Highly opponent dependant, but its use is often mediocre compared to other options. The problem with min raising in a lot of situations is that it alerts your opponent that something is wrong, and since the move is so rarely used as a bluff (especially on the turn and river) people will often quickly give you credit for the big hand that you have. There are some situations against loose opponents who might get away if you make a larger raise where the move becomes more appropriate, but for the most part I’d recommend going with a standard sized raise in most instances. One situation I do often like to use the min raise is when you get the river in a live hand where you likely have the best hand and want to get more value, but know your opponent is very weak and won’t pay off a big raise and also won’t reshove unless he has a huge hand. An example would look like:

Your stack: 10,000, Big blinds stack: 10,000. Blinds 100/200. You hold 5c4c on the HJ. Big blind is a weak and loose player not capable of advanced bluffs.
Preflop: Folds to you on the HJ, you raise to 600, folds to the BB, BB calls.
Flop: K T 5 rainbow (Pot 1300)
BB checks, you bet 800, BB calls.
Turn: 9 (Pot 2900)
BB checks, you check behind.
River: 4 (Pot 2900)
BB bets 1200.
Here’s a spot where min raising to 2400 with the intention of folding to a reraise might be best. Because of the stack sizes and the likely hands that your opponent calls your raise with, making a very small raise here may be optimal against many opponents as they will likely still call you with KQ/KJ/AK but on the times he comes over the top you can feel very confident he has the best hand. If you raise his bet to a normal amount of like 3500-4000 you commit a much larger portion of your stack, put yourself in a gross spot when he shoves, and KJ/KQ/AK will talk themselves into a fold much more often.

6. Stealing UTG:
How it’s used: You open with a mediocre hand UTG in a spot where you expect to get considerable respect and often have it folded around.

Current effectiveness: Moderate and highly table dependant. The play has lost a lot of it’s utility since it’s heyday around 2006 when very few players would suspect you ever had anything but a very big hand when raising UTG. Now everyone at HSMTT’s is aware that thinking players are capable of this, and in many cases online guys shove so wide pre that opening up too loose in early position can wind up being a spew. However, it’s still a play worth having in your arsenal on tables with thinking players in order to help balance your range, but high use is not recommended. At live tournaments full of straight forward players you can use this play with decent frequency and expect it to work often, so long as you don’t have a very aggressive image or have a table full of stations that don’t care about what position you’re raising from.

That’s all for now at the moment, if you want to leave a comment on this article discussing other plays you want to see discussed please do. Thanks again to everyone who gave feedback on how to continue the series, I now have enough ideas for several more articles.

I wake up at 7:00am to Jarred knocking no my door. I had set my alarm for 7:10, even though the Titan $2500 starts at 7:00, but had asked Jarred to get me up earlier if he woke up. I grab a protein bar, go to the bathroom to throw some water on my face, and then saunter into the living room laptop in hand feeling surprisingly good for the six or so hours of sleep I got. I fire up the laptop and one table the tournament.

The tournament is a mostly card dead affair and a few hours in I open shove about 11 BB’s with 99 in EP, get reshoved by BustoSoon with 77, which quickly leads to a 7 on the flop which holds. It’s now a bit past 10am and I don’t feel particularly tired. Jarred is fast asleep on the couch after getting one outed early and going back to bed. Stevo walks into the living room and I speak to him quietly so as not to wake up Jarred
“Hey man, no Titanament for you huh?”
“Nah, slept right through it.”
“You know I feel pretty good. I think I’m going to go play the main event today. Feel up to it?”
“Yea I do. Jarred and I haven’t registered for this day though.”

Jarred slowly comes to life and we decide to go over to the casino for lunch and to get me bought in. I find Danny McDonnough at the registration booth and he lets me buy into the event using Stars money. I get some Thai food downstairs then hang out in the poker room socializing with people before the event. When I finally take my seat I wound up being sat directly across from my roommate Chris. We start with 20,000 in chips at 50/100 blinds and the table is mostly unknowns or vaguely familiar. My first major pot is against Chris and an overly loose local known as ‘Toothpick Tony’.
Effective stacks: 20,000. Blinds 50/100. I hold AsJs on the HJ.
Preflop: UTG limps, folds to me on the HJ, I raise to 400, folds to Chris in the SB, Chris calls, folds back to UTG, UTG calls.
Flop: A 6 6 rainbow
Chris checks, UTG checks, and I check behind. The thought process here is that the limper never has an A and is straight forward enough to snap fold the flop. There is a very small range of aces in Chris’s range and I think if I bet here I am getting two snap folds almost every time I’m ahead, and of course, never getting a better hand to fold.
Turn: J
Chris bets 700, UTG folds, I call. I decide to go with a river raise here because it will look so absurd he might call light and gives him one extra chance to fire an FPS bluff of some kind.
River: T
Chris bets 1200, I raise to 3500. Chris tanks for a long time and starts talking to me about how ridiculous my line is.
“If you have KQ I’m gonna kill you” he says as he mucks his hand. I think this is a very oddly played hand, but a considerable reason I took the line is because Chris and I know each other so well.

I try to see cheap flops while we’re 200 BB’s deep but for the most part my hands are too garbage. I’m not involved again until 100/200.
Effective stacks: ~20,000. Blinds 100/200. I hold KdJd in the BB. Button is a young and aggressive looking guy but hasn’t been too out of line yet or anything.
Preflop: Folds to the button, button raises to 600, SB folds, I call.
Flop: 2s Kc 7c
I check, button bets 800, I call.
Turn: 6h
I check, button checks.
River: 5c
Because the flush got there I don’t think I can value bet very well. I think I have a better chance of inducing bluffs for value and decide to check. The button bets 2000 and I quickly call. He turns over what appears to be nine high and I feel smart. Then I see that he has 98o for a straight and feel stupid.

For a very long time almost nothing happens. I am totally and utterly card dead and feeling calm and patient enough today that I don’t feel like forcing some kind of action. Eventually I decide to use my image in a decent spot pre flop to attack a fairly aggressive player on my right.
My stack: ~20,000. HJ: ~25,000. Blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold 7c5c on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to the HJ, HJ raises to 825, I reraise to 2500, folds back to HJ, HJ tanks for quite a while, then calls.
Flop: 8s 5s 4h
HJ checks, I check behind intending to call a bet on numerous turns.
Turn: 9c
HJ checks, I bet 3500 for combination of value and protection. The HJ thinks for a while and calls. I’m starting to think I’m going to need a red six on the river.
River: 6d
It takes all my willpower to not blurt “BINK!” The HJ checks and I think over my bet for a little while then fire 5500. The HJ quickly calls and I announce “Straight” with a twinge of embarrassment. The HJ looks disgusted with himself and Chris starts laughing at me.
“Bet that’s not what you expected to hear Chris.”

Two orbits later and with a considerably more aggressive image I’m involved with the same player:
My stack: ~30,000. SB: ~13,000. Blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold TsTh in the BB.
Preflop: Folds around to the SB, SB raises to 850, I reraise to 2700, the SB announces all in. I was planning on snap calling but when he slides his chips into the middle I realize he might have more yellow ‘5000’ chips than I thought (I’m sitting in seat 1 and him in seat 9.)
“That’s like 12 or 13 thousand right?”
“Yea about that.”
“Yep I call.”
“Good call. I thought you were making a move again.”
The SB tables his 55 and I’ve got him crushed for a major pot early.
Flop: T 7 4
Turn: 4
River: 6
I shake hands with the SB and he wanders off polite in his disappointment.

I play a few small pots but mostly am card dead and uninvolved. There is a young American from Vegas across the table and we’ve been chatting back and forth and getting to a lot of flops heads up but one of us always winds up giving up quickly. It’s not long until we’re involved again.
My stack: ~43,000. Button: ~33,000. BB: ~50,000. Blinds 200/400 with 25 ante. I hold TdTc in MP2.
Preflop: Folds to me in MP2, I raise to 1100, folds to the button, button calls, SB folds, BB calls.
Flop: Ah Qh Ts
BB checks, I bet 2800, button calls, BB folds.
Turn: 3d
I bet 6500 (should be a bit bigger, I often under bet a bit in live.) The button calls fairly quickly.
River: 5h
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I check intending to fold on that incredibly awful card because I don’t think he’s value betting worse much at all. He thinks it over and bets 3000. God damn it. There’s like 24,000 out there, he can value bet two pair for that right? I grit my teeth and make the call. He tables Th7h and I think back to an article I wrote where I wrote that bets like that are always value bets begging to get called.

Only a few orbits later we’re involved yet again:
My stack: ~31,000. Button: ~50,000. Blinds 200/400 with a 25 ante. I hold 7c6c in MP2.
Preflop: Folds to me in MP2, I raise to 1100, folds to the button, button calls, SB folds, BB calls.
Flop: Ac Ah Qc
BB checks, I bet 2300, button calls, BB folds.
Turn: Jc
The card looks better than it is. I think there’s a considerable chance he has a full house or a flush better than mine and pot control seems pretty important here. I check and he fires 3800. I call.
River: Kc
Wow, I mean while it’s not the worst card ever, it’s certainly close. I check and he thinks for a while then checks behind with AQo. I turn over my cards are we both start laughing.

Not too long after I get moved to a new table with a few familiar faces but nobody I’m overly familiar with when it comes to playing style. There is a huge rail gathered around the rail, as there has been with almost every event here in Sydney. The interest they have on a spectator level has been pretty impressive in Sydney. A number of my early open raises on the table get three bet, including by the player I’m involved in my next major hand with.
My stack: ~21,600, SB: ~70,000, blinds 300/600 with 75 ante. I hold AcKc UTG.
Preflop: I raise to 1600, UTG+1 calls, folds around to the HJ, HJ reraises to 6500, it folds back to me, I calmly announce all in and push my chips into the middle, UTG+1 folds and HJ goes into the tank. He’s both talking to himself and talking to me and like always I stare straight at the felt and make almost zero movement. After much consideration he folds his hand and says he had tens.

As the day begins drawing to a close I turn up the aggression pre flop and gain a few chips taking pots pre including making a three bet with 87o vs a hijack raise. By the end of the day I’m sitting on 30,300 feeling pretty good about it considering the cards I was dealt.

I spend the next day playing golf with Andy McLeod, StevoL, Chris, Punty, Jarred and Strongplay (Joel Dodds.) I make $100 off McLeod giving him massive odds on medium length chips and puts. Together I think we lose in the area of 40 balls. I blame the clubs.

The next day is the official sloshed shootout. Nine of us get together and drink beer, smoke joints, then head over to laser tag in the mall by the harbor. A youth wasted on Halo 3 and Call of Duty 4 has well prepared me for this day, though I am less plastered when playing those games. Between each game we head out to the bar and down beers and Jagerbombs. After the laser tag we go bowling and I end up making around $200 and get screwed out of $50 after Chris intentionally throws the ball when it’s my turn and massively gutters it, which comes back to bite me when I tie Jarred for our $50 bet with the spread. Chris can go fuck himself.

Afterwards we go over to some fancy ass club called ‘Ivey’. We meet a few other guys there but they won’t let one in because the previous night he told the owner to “Go fuck yourself” so we leave him behind and go into the bar. Mark Vos can’t resist throwing pillows at a couple that’s making out on one of the couches, even after the guy warns him that if he does it a third time it won’t end well. Eventually we all end up on the dance floor and the only girl in the group is an American chick. We end up grinding hardcore all over the dance floor, something basically unheard of in Australian clubs which causes the only other American chick in the joint to bee line it straight for us and start grinding all over the girl we’re with. Everyone is drunk and making an ass of themselves on the dance floor, and it’s fucking awesome.

After that we somehow end up at a shady ass strip club in ‘Kings Cross’ and I realize it’s time to get my ass home before things get further out of hand. Besides, I always want my eight hours of sleep.

I wake up the next morning feeling refreshed having gotten what is much more sleep than I’ve been getting most of the trip. I walk over to the casino for day two of the tournament and find ‘Monster_Dong’ and ‘Delaney_Kid’ outside at a café. They tell me they got evicted from the hotel at 6am for jumping balconies. I tell him I bet it was Mark’s idea. He tells me it was.

When I get into the poker room I find out I’ve been seated at the feature table. They aren’t filming the event with hole cams, but they have set up a little stage area and the action on that table is being broad cast throughout the room. On my direct right I find Chris Moneymaker, the man who ignited the poker world. I’ve always wanted a chance to talk to Chris. We start chatting about brief stuff and I introduce myself
“Hey man, I’m Tony.”
“I’m Chris.”
“Good to meet you, and thanks for the poker boom.”
“Heh, thanks dude, you know I really had all you other guys at heart when I did that too.”
“Oh for sure. Totally selfless act.”
“Yep, I was doing it for the people and the game.”

Chris is quite talkative at the table and a very approachable guy. Just about everyone on the table wants to talk to him and he responds to them all warmly. At one point while we’re playing he leans over to me, points at a large poster of himself along the wall and says sarcastically
“You know they put that guy up there because he’s so damn handsome, not cause of his poker looks.”
“Oh for sure, complete stunner, I’m getting distracted” I quip.

A few rounds into the table I get involved in my first hand that wasn’t my just taking the blinds preflop.
My stack: 28,000. Button: ~32,000. Blinds 400/800 with 100 ante. I hold AcKc UTG.
Preflop: I raise to 2100, UTG+1 calls, folds to the button, button reraises to 8900, folds back to me, I calmly announce all in and slide my stack into the middle. UTG+1 thinks for a while and folds, then button goes into the tank.
“Aaaaagh. Do you have a couple rockets down there Tony?”
…
“God. Oh man. I really feel like you have aces.”
He continues to think for a bit.
“I just can’t fold this though. I call.”
I expect to see QQ but instead get shown a rather surprising KK. The guy is really nice about it and clearly no slowroll was meant at all, he is simply very nervous.
Flop: T 5 6
Turn: 5
River: J

I shake his hand and wish him luck, then shake the hand of many other players on the table. I walk off and run into Steve Williams who deals over at Crown. He quickly buys me a beer. Things could be worse.

I wake up at 9:45am to get ready for the seminar which starts at 10:30. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 4am like normal, so the wake up process is pretty painful. I throw on my casual suit and walk over to the casino after stopping off for a ‘Redbull’ at the corner convenience store.

Because two of our regular seminar contributors were unable to attend (Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib) famous successful Australian live pro and worlds nicest guy Eric Assadourian was scouted by Lee to sub in and replace one of them. A lot of the additional content has fallen down to Lee and me over the course of the roughly 12 hour seminar.

We have about 25 attendees and I chug down my ‘Redbull’ plus a constant stream of water to keep myself alert. I got involved with the seminars after becoming friends with Lee Nelson and his having seen my online articles. We’ve created a nearly 200 page work book for it and it lasts the full day with a winner take all tournament at the end. Most of the players we get in there are beginner to intermediate (and a couple more advanced), and then there’s a number who are really sort of paying for interaction with Lee and Joe and don’t mind learning some poker along the way. I think a guy who attended the seminar said it best as I was taking a piss in a toilet stall
”Yea I went to this great poker seminar today, there was Lee Nelson and Joe Hachem and Eric Assadourian and…yea it was good mate.”

I function as the tournament director for the satellite where we give the winner an entry into the APPT main event and by the last couple of hours I’m really struggling with exhaustion. The seminar has brought in dealers from the NPL and all of them are male except for a young blonde girl who bears a resemblance to Eva Green in ‘Casino Royale’ including an insanely over the top dressed up look with low cut top. She basically brings the room to a stand still when she walks in and guys keep walking up to me and excitedly saying “What’s the deal with the blonde?!” I can not for the fucking life of me figure out what she was doing dealing cards like that and want to ask her “Do you always dress to deal like you fell out of a Bond movie?” Unfortunately at some point she walks off during break and never shows up again.

After the seminar Lee and Pen take me over to the Chinese restaurant to indulge in more of the Peking duck we had the previous night. After that I go down to the registration event and buy into tomorrows $2200 6 max tournament, which looks to be one of the best of the series. By the bar I run into (and obviously have to have a couple beers with) Dom, Gavin Griffen and his enchantingly intoxicated girlfriend Kristen. She tells me that Natalie Portman is a whore. I tell her that she is an angel and that I have a photo with her where my hand is actually making physical contact with the Natalie Portman and I will not tolerate such blasphemy. Kristen is a total fucking riot and Gavin Griffen is as good of combination of player/person as they come. When I get home I try to get to sleep at a normal hour but of course can’t dose off until nearly 4:30am. It’s okay though, as my alarm is set for noon so I should be alright.

I’m ripped awake by searing heat around 9am. It seems the air conditioning is not on in my room and it’s absolutely sauna hot. I walk out into the hall drenched in my own sweat and find Chris awake.
“Jesus man, my room is ridiculous fucking hot. How do I turn the AC on?”
”Sorry mate it seems there’s no vents that flow through the rooms. You’ll just have to leave the door open.”

I open the door and try to return to sleep. It’s too hot. I end up asking Stevo if I can sleep in his slightly better ventilated room while he grinds online. I go lie down and attempt to sleep for a half hour or so but of course fail. I can feel the exhaustion but my body simply won’t go into off mode. I crawl out and decide I’ll go try to get an 11am restaurant at the Thai restaurant and meet up with McLeod.

Naturally the Thai restaurant is closed on Monday’s so I wander over to the hotel lobby and wake McLeod’s ass up on the phone. He tells me he got a solid two hours sleep, his difficulties being worse than mine. I find Lee Nelson in the hotel lobby and hang out with him and Pokerstars blogger Ted for half an hour before McLeod finds his way down. At this point we’re running out of time so simply grab a sandwich before the event. My first live event in months and I’m going to do this shit on nine hours sleep over 48 hours.

I find my way to my table and sit down behind a stack of 8000 chips with the blinds at 25/50. I’ve got online player ‘Harris’ Pavlou on my direct right, but other than that I’m not overly familiar with anyone on the table. I’m involved in my very first hand:
Stacks: 8k, blinds 25/50. I hold JTo on the button.
Preflop: Two folds, I raise to 150, SB folds, BB calls.
Flop: T 2 5 rainbow
BB leads out for 200. He’s an older guy and I’m unfamiliar with his play. I call.
Turn: 8
BB leads 300, I call.
River: 2
The BB checks. I briefly consider value betting but figure there’s simply not that many hands he double leads and calls a river bet with that are worse. I check back and he tables an oddly played AJo.

Unfortunately, the whole of the 25/50 level for me is very card dead. We’re playing with 40 minute levels and it’s not until the blinds have gone up to 50/100 that I get involved again:
Stacks: ~8k, blinds 50/100. I hold AsQc in the SB.
Preflop: Fold, HJ raises to 200, CO calls, button folds, I call, BB folds.
Flop: 6c Qd 2d
I check, HJ bets 450, CO calls, I call.
Turn: Kh
I check, HJ checks, CO bets 1200. I fold.

Harris is playing fairly aggressive on my right and we haven’t played any serious pots in an hour when the next hand comes up:
Stacks: ~8k, blinds 50/100, I hold AhJc in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to Harris on the button, Harris raises to 300, I call, BB calls.
Flop: Kh 6d 2d
I check, BB checks, Harris thinks for a moment before firing 600. I think Harris is going to fire this flop a huge % because the BB is a very weak and straight forward player who calls too much pre but folds often post. I checkraise him to 1600, the BB folds, and Harris folds.

Again I go very card dead for the rest of the level and very little happens for me. On the plus side, I don’t really lose any chips either. It’s not until the blinds increase that I’m involved again, this time against the player who donked AJ into me on the flop and turn:
My stack: ~10k, MP2: ~6k, blinds 100/200, I hold 2d2c in the BB.
Preflop: MP2 raises to 600, folds to me in the BB, I call (not good online but fine live against weaker opponents in my opinion.)
Flop: Qh 9s 6h
I check, MP2 checks.
Turn: 7d
I check, MP2 checks.
River: 6c
I fire 400, MP2 thinks briefly and calls. I table my two pair and he mucks.

My table image stays very tight and a moderately straight forward player has raised my last five BB’s without resistance when the following hand comes up:
My stack: ~9600, button: ~15k, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante. I hold 3h2h in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to the button, button raises to 600, SB folds, I reraise to 1800 (again, super nity image here), button tanks for quite some time and calls.
Flop: Jc 9d 8d
I check with the intention of aborting quicker than a pregnant teenager on this disaster flop. He checks behind me.
Turn: 3d
Hello beautiful, let him have AQ. I check and he checks behind.
River: Th
Fuck AQ. I check again and he checks back.
“Any pair?” I ask.
“No, you?”
”The bottom one.”
I proudly table my 3h2h and he says “Aaah! I knew you were making a move on me! I should have shoved pre.”
Apparently my extremely robotic in hand behavior was no match for this guy, because I got my soul read.

An orbit or so later I raise A8cc on the HJ and the button shoves for 11 BB’s. It folds back to me and I call and get shown his QdJd. The board runs out 9 2 5 Q 3 rainbow and I ship him over 2225 of my chips.

At some point a young New Zealand player was moved to my direct left. He seems to be online and once he gets a hold of some chips he really begins opening it up and three bets me a couple of times. Unfortunately, because I’m so card dead I keep having to fold and overall I have a very nity image leading into the next hand.
My stack: ~11k, MP2: ~20k, I hold JcJd in the BB, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante.
Preflop: MP2 raises to 550, folds to me in the BB. I consider 3 betting but I haven’t made a single 3 bet on the table and I’ve been extremely nity overall. I’m really not sure I can get 55 BB’s in given that he’s technically UTG and my image. I decide to call (which feels very debatable.)
Flop: Q 5 7 rainbow
I check, MP2 bets 600, I call.
Turn: 7
I check, MP2 thinks for a while and bets 1400. I consider that since I’ve given up to him every time pre flop and very often on the flop after I tried continuation betting he may try another barrel on me light since I’ve shown little willingness to call down. I decide to call one more time (again, quite debatable.)
River: Q
I check and he bets 3000. I go into the tank for some time and try to rethink the whole hand. The end conclusion I come to is that every time this guy has turned over his hand after showing consistent or considerable strength he’s had the goods and he can’t expect my being tight resulting in my peeling the flop and turn without something that connects pretty well. After about as long as I think about any live hand I slide my hand towards the muck and feel kind of gross about the hand in general.

For the whole of the 150/300 level I’m card dead and the New Zealand guy starts 3 betting me quite a lot with great effectiveness. It’s not until 200/400 that I get involved again:
My stack: ~6000, HJ: ~7500, I hold AdKh on the CO, blinds 200/400 with 50 ante.
Preflop: MP2 folds, HJ open shoves 7500 (he’s like 55 years old and has been doing this quite a lot, just how many people have read the DJK glorious shove thread is getting disturbing) I reshove, the rest fold. He shows JTo.
Flop: Q 5 A
Turn: J
River: 6

I stay quiet for most of the round but when the blinds go up to 300/600 Australian regular Andrew Scott gets moved on my direct right. It folds to him on the button and he shoves for 6k and I reshove A7o out of the SB. The BB folds and he tables A4o which loses to me when the board runs out A 7 2 9 T.

The very next hand we are four handed and the CO folds. I peek down at 8To and raise to 1500 as I’m stacking up my chips. The New Zealander in the SB 3 bets me for like the sixth time or something to 4500. The BB folds and I announce all in fairly quickly and casually, for 21.5k. He thinks briefly and folds.

Again I go card dead for a very long time and can’t make anything happen. I’m not really getting out of line because the New Zealand guy keeps 3 betting me and a couple of other guys on the table are huge stations. It’s not until the next level that I’m involved again:
My stack: ~21k, button: ~30k, blinds 400/800. I hold Jh8h in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to the button, button raises to 2200, SB folds, I call (he’s raising a ton of buttons, I’ve got tight image that I’ll use to check shove a number of flops on.)
Flop: Td Kh Tc
I check, button checks back.
Turn: 9h
I bet 2700, button calls.
River: 5h
I think briefly then fire 5500, button thinks it over for quite some time and reluctantly calls. I table my flush and take the pot for a stack that’s easily my high point for the day.

I try to open things up a little bit but the New Zealand player on my left continues to pummel me over and over. When the blinds are 500/1000 and with my giving him a walk in the last two blind verse blind confrontations we play a hand together:
My stack: ~31k, BB: ~45k, blinds 500/1000 with 100. I hold Q5o in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 3000 (this looks weird, but basically he seemed stack size aware and knew he couldn’t 3 bet me here light without being close to committed and also the history of two walks) and for the first time in a long time he flat calls.
Flop: A T 2 rainbow
I fire out 4000 and he thinks briefly and raises to 9000. For some reason I just think with our history there is absolutely no way he raises this flop like this to get me in, especially this texture. It’s the perfect flop for an aggressive guy like him to mess with me on and I think if he had a decent ace he’d 3 bet pre to get it in and if he had a weak one he’d flat call the flop. I move all in and he only thinks for a few seconds before folding. At that moment the tournament director comes over to tell us we’re moving.
“Well, as long we’re moving” I say, then table my hand.
“Yea, you were in front.”
”Yea, I thought that might be in the case. Good luck on the other table dude, thanks for making my life hell all day, you played really well.”
“Thanks.”

I find my way over to a new table and the tournament is down to 24 players with 12 paying. My new table has the chip leader sitting on nearly 100,000. I’m second in chips at the new table and the rest of players are unknown to me.

I play one small pot where I accidentally value town myself on the river against the chip leader in a very passively played pot. A few orbits later we get involved again:
My stack: ~31k, SB: ~100k, blinds 500/1000 with 100 ante. I hold AcQc in MP2.
Preflop: I raise to 2500, folds to SB, SB raises to 7000, BB folds, I move all in, SB quickly calls with AA. Shit.
Flop: Q 6 2 rainbow
Turn: 3
River: 4
I shake half the tables hand and wish them luck.

Despite being incredibly sleep deprived I feel pretty happy with the way I played in the tournament and even though I was card dead pretty much all day I never just made boredom raises. After I bust out some friends and I walk over to the ‘Subway’ in the casino and I’m so mentally exhausted I attempt to grab through the plastic case to buy a cookie thinking I can somehow unlatch it. The thing has no latch and is only accessible from the cashier’s side. Chris looks at me like I’m a fucking maniac and asks what I’m doing. I’m really not sure.

I leave Cade’s house in Hawaii at around 6am, heading towards the airport. When I arrive there’s already a line at the Qantas desk and I’m worried the flight will be completely packed with my getting some terrible middle seat. I haven’t slept all night hoping I’ll be able to crash for the majority of my 10 ½ hour flight. When I get to the desk I make small talk with the guy and he asks me if a window seat will be okay
”Uh sure, unless you guys got like an aisle of three open or something like that. I haven’t done the whole sleeping thing yet tonight.”
”Actually it’s rows of a two with a row of four in the middle. Let me check something for you…yep I got a whole row of four I can block off for you so you can lay down.”
”Oh sweet man! Thanks so much you’re a total life saver.”
”Yea, the flights not too booked so this shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll be over at the gate and make sure this gets sorted out in case there’s any issues.”
”Cool, well if anyone tries to take the seat you and I will just throw them off the plane.”
”Exactly.”
Since when did airline employees become so cool?

On the flight I have the entire row to myself and lay out on the wide leather seats. I wind up sleeping for over nine hours of the flight (it still wasn’t very good quality) and spend the rest of it reading Bill Bryson’s ‘A short history of nearly everything.’ Did you know our universe is constantly expanding outwards from us? You didn’t? Well Einstein did you ****ing retard.

When I arrive in Sydney I check into my hotel, grab a shower, then head down to the poker room to try and watch Lee Nelson’s final table in the first event. I get there just a few minutes after he’s busted out and go up to his hotel room to meet him and his wife Pen for dinner. We discuss whether we should play the tournament the next day and what affect it will have if we end up final tabling and have to miss a portion of the seminar (as it is a two day tournament.) We decide we’ll figure it out later in the night.

We go to what is apparently Sydney’s best Japanese restaurant, Yoshi’s. It’s a fairly small place but the food is outstanding. My course dinner comes with a glass of wine with each round of food, and by the fourth glass of wine I know the evening is not going to end subtly. The whole of the dinner winds up being worth around seven drinks and I’m already flying high when we leave the restaurant.

We grab a cab back to the casino and find Eric Assadourian on the casino floor. He’s signed on to do the seminar with us to replace Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib who couldn’t come out for this event. He tells us he wants to meet to do further preparation tomorrow so Lee tells me I probably shouldn’t play. Around the same time I run into Jonno AKA ‘Monster_Dong’ and he tells me everyone is going out and I should come. With no need to get up for the event and already half way to wasted, I quickly agree.

Our party group includes Jonno, Andy McLeod, Julian Powell, DelaneyKid, Jarred Dale, Matt Kirk (he reminds me of Stiffler) and myself. The group is the perfect concoction of youth, alcohol, enthusiasm and dispensable income. We walk over to a huge club in Darling Harbour and pay the ridiculous $70 entry fee. The place is gigantic and has several floors of partying going on. We walk over to the bar, order a round of drinks, and we’re off and running. We’re on the second floor of the club overlooking the dance floor which leads up to a large stage with girls dancing. Someone makes a comment about the hot girls on the stage
“Man I’m about to run up there and dance with them myself” I say
“Heh yea sure you will” says Julian
”No seriously, I’d do it wanna bet?”
”I’d throw down $100 that” says Jarred.
”Yea I’ll take $200 too” say both Andy McLeod and Matt.
“Alright dudes, watch this.”
I turn straight around and start walking downstairs like a man on a mission. I walk stiffly through the crowd and squeeze my way up to the front. There’s a bouncer guarding the entrance to the stage. I lean in to his ear
”Hey man. I’ll give you $100 if I can go up on stage and dance around and **** for like 20 seconds. I’m not drunk or on drugs, I just got a bet going.”
The bouncer at first seems hesitant, then asks me to reiterate that I’d pay him $100 (in retrospect, I vastly overshot on the bribe but **** it.)
He leans into me
“Alright mate, $100 for me and $100 for my friend here and you got yourself a deal. I’ll come drag you off stage after a little bit.”
”You got a deal.”
I hand both bouncers $100 and wait for him to give me the signal. He nods his head and I go around the back then sprint up onto the stage which is now empty. There’s a crowd of 100’s staring at me and I just start yelling
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEEEEEEEA MOTHER ****ERS!!!” and dancing around like a moron then hip thrusting into the air. I lift up my drink and pour it all over my head, yelling the whole time, then start high-fiving everyone in the front row of the crowd. At some point the bouncer comes up from behind, throws his arm around me, and drags me off stage while I yell “NOOOOOOOO!” then say to him calmly as he gets me back stage “Hey man thanks a lot for this.”

I walk back upstairs and everyone is in stitches. They pay me off the bet but I agree to a small deduction because I was supposed to dance with the girls, who were no longer on the stage. There is a group of ‘Jagermeister’ promotional girls standing around in uniforms near us and at some point our group starts chatting to them and McLeod and I are hitting on some blond one (I no longer have any idea how this or many of my conversations that night started.) At some point one of her friends whips out a Polaroid camera and takes numerous pictures of us standing around then making ridiculous faces (they will be posted and soon as I get to a scanner.) They also put temporary tattoos all over our forearms (my partially washed off one is staring at me as I write this.) The blonde girl suggests we drink jagerbombs (****in jagerbombs!) and she, Andy and I walk over to the bar with her and she asks
“So boys are we ordering two drinks or three?”
”Bull****! I’m on to your scam. You can buy me a drink.”
“But I don’t have any money on me.”
“Sucks for us then.”
I don’t order her any drink and continue attempting to hit on her. At some point I need to get back to my friends and should give her a call some time.
“I actually have a boyfriend.”
”Well I don’t want to call your boyfriend, I want to call you.”
”You should call him, that’d be funny” she says sarcastically.
“Yea that’d be fun” I say then walk off without another word.

The group of us heads up to the outdoor third floor area where people are smoking. There is some cute brown haired girl smoking a cigarette and she looks kind of drunk. I walk up to her and say
”You know you shouldn’t smoke, but not for the reasons you think though.”
”Huh?” she asks me somewhat intrigued.
”First of all you have great skin and you’ll ruin it. Second some very strange ass **** can happen when you smoke. Give me your cigarette for a second and I’ll show you something cool.”
She suspiciously hands over her cigarette and I start puffing on it without inhaling.
”Now hold out your hands with your palms down.”
She accommodates
“No no, clinch them into balls so I can’t get in there.”
She does.
“You’re sure it’s tight. Sure I can’t get in there? Alright, watch this.”
I ash the cigarette onto the top of my left hand, lean over towards it and blow at her right hand.
“Now open that hand I blew at.”
She does and there’s a large black smear of ash in her hand.
“OH MY GOD! How did you do that!?”
”Maybe I’ll tell you if you’re nice to me.”
I start chatting to her and she tells me she’s Maltese. I tell her I have a friend in Malta who tells me it’s nice. She tells me I’m lying and trying to impress her. I proceed to tell her all about Assassinato (hi Alex!) She seems pretty interested and we’re flirting back and forth when I turn around for a moment to talk to one of my friends and some random guy friend of hers swoops in and cockblocks me (I really don’t remember how the transition of this happened.)

McLeod and I team up and start going around the floor chatting to various women. We talk to a couple of blonde girls from Sweeden and things go well enough that the one McLeod was talking to tells him to add her on Facebook.

I go up to a girl outside and attempt the cigarette trick on her. When I take the cigarette she looks at me like a ****ing maniac and tells me “Keep it.”
“Your loss” I tell her then walk away back to my friends cigarette in hand
“Why the **** did I take this? I don’t even smoke!” I tell my group. Someone calls me an idiot while Matt tries to pick up some girl. Throughout the night people keep handing me drinks and I’m never without a beverage in my hand (I never even got to buy a round and now feel like a cheap ass, next time boys.) I go over to another girl who is cool with my doing the cigarette trick but I somehow manage to screw up the ending and her hand has nothing on it.
”****!” I yell upon seeing her hand then walk off without another word.

McLeod and I go talk to some girl in red out on the porch. She’s from Wales and tells me she doesn’t like American accents.
“Well I can pull off a convincing Canadian then. I’m from….Toronto perhaps?”
She laughs and the conversation starts getting weird. She tells me she likes being aggressive with men and I say
“You’re going to try and rape me aren’t you?” (I don’t really remember her reaction to this, but she kept chatting to us and seemed to be having fun.)
Things are going fairly well with her and at some point she says she’s going over to the dance floor.
“Can I come with you” I ask. She walks off without another word to me and I stand there momentarily wondering what went wrong.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” asks McLeod.
“What? What do you mean?”
”She said you can come if you want. What are you doing?”
”What!? ****! I didn’t even hear here. It’s too God damn loud in here!”
”Well let’s go to the dance floor and see if we see her.”
We check over in another room but the club is much too big and we fail to locate her. At some point McLeod and I realize we’re getting quite drunk and we should be calling it a night as he intends to play the next day. We tell the other guys we’re going to head back and maneuver our way through the crowd out the door. We make the 10 minute walk over to the casino and upon arriving realize it’s only 1:30am and that we should see what’s happening at the casino bar.

Andy and I start talking to some woman in green at the bar and she responds to my humor pretty well. I have to keep discreetly asking McLeod for his cell phone mid conversation with women so I can try to get their number because mine is out of batteries and I didn’t bring my charger. I ask her for her number and she tells me if I see her again that night she’ll give it to me. She walks away and McLeod laughs at me. We do not see her again.

We go sit down at a table with our drinks, which are at this point water in an attempt to keep the night from spiraling even more out of control than it’s already got and having a horrible hangover. We start talking to some woman at the table next to us. Her response was mediocre (but good enough that I would later write McLeod’s number on a napkin, walk over to her table with her friends, smash it down, and walk away.)

McLeod and I hit the casino floor and talk to a pair of hot Asian chicks. They tell us they’re here to support their boyfriends. We back off. We approach a couple of hot Mediterranean looking women. They tell us we’re very sweet but they’re here with their husbands. When did everybody get married God damn it!?

McLeod and I decide to call it a night and try and chug water up in the hotel room. We turn on the TV and find that the WPT is on. We watch as Jim ‘KrazyKanuck’ worth open raises AK 4 handed with about 30 BB’s effective, gets 3 bet out by a somewhat young Asian guy in the SB then goes into the tank.
“What’s he tanking for?” asks McLeod.
”I don’t know dude. Pretty sure the other guy has to call when he crams. He’s practically slowrolling here.”
”He’s not thinking of folding is he?”
Worth continues to tank, then lifts up his cards and mucks them. McLeod and I both go completely berserk. We start talking about some time McLeod tiny 4 bet me early in the 109 6 max on Full Tilt and I wound up folding queens (either pre or on the flop.) He tells me he probably had air. I tell him he’s a bastard and we eventually pass out.

Authors post note: I woke up the following morning thinking I’d totally struck out and McLeod was the only one who got any real contact information out of a girl. DelanyKid told me he later made out with two chicks that night. Matt told me he thinks we should start going to places that don’t have a $70 entry because it’s mostly chicks boyfriends who pay it and not enough girls there were single. If Julian’s girlfriend is reading this, he totally behaved himself. Everyone showed up in time for the event today and Jarred wound up final tabling it, with Chris Evans as well. Much later in the day McLeod messages Jarred and tells him that he has the number for a girl named Kay in his phone which I apparently got. I remember talking to a Kay but no longer have any idea what she looks like. I guess that just adds more gamble to it.

Yes, it's true. I too, am a massive online MTT multiaccounter. I bet you're wondering why I'm bothering to confess to this, perhaps my conscience has finally gotten to me you think? No, not at all, my conscience is as silent as ever, why later this evening I'm even going to go kick puppies for fun, but that's not the point. The point is that I've made enough money from my nefarious enterprises and am soon leaving Australia to retire to Hawaii, living out my days basking in the sun and spending my evenings drunker than Hemmingway. But before I go, I was hoping to impart some knowledge to my fellow multi accounters, who lately have proven themselves to be extraordinary retards who are clearly in need of my help and expertise.



First and foremost, you need to practice misdirection. In order to prevent any suspicion make sure to come out very hard and aggressive against other cheats and multi accounters. No matter how apologetic they are, blast them with insults and threats of violence. You should even exaggerate or make up things if you have to. For example, did you know JJprodigy is a homosexual? Did you know Mr. Casino eats babies in his spare time? Did you know Brian Townsend started the great Chicago fire of 1871? Being impassioned with your hatred towards the exposed multi accounters makes you look like the kind of person who would never stoop to such money grubbing antics. Yes, I know Shakespeare wrote "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" but nobody in poker reads Shakespeare, so don't worry about those cultureless morons.



Second, you need to find a front man. By this I mean you need to find someone who is willing to claim to be winning the tournaments that are won on the other screen names you're playing on, creating another barrier between you and the truth. My mutli accounting peers are complete novices at this, JJprodigy tried to claim it was his grandmother and Mr. Casino said it was the dad of a friend, attempts as pathetic as they are idiotic. The correct way to do this is to hire someone who is believable as a guy who spends his entire life sitting inside on his ass. In my case, I bought the identities of Shaun Deeb and Steve Leonard. I met Deeb at a buffet and offered him a life time's supply of orange soda for the use of his name, and Leonard at a gas station where I offered him as many cigarettes as he cared to smoke for the rest of his days. It's a shame that both will be dead before 30 from a heart attack and cancer respectively, but then their use has expired for me, so I don't really care. After all, I'm a multi accounter, and that means I only look out for number one.



Third, you need to shut off the logical part of your brain. You know, that part that tells you that you could probably make just as much money playing straight given how many dozens of profitable tournaments there are across so many sites. That worthless portion of the brain has been trying to hold we multi accounters back for years, trying to explain that the risk of being caught and our names being forever tarnished and our money confiscated simply isn't worth a marginal increase in edge when we already stand to make more money than doctors and lawyers. Don't listen to its crap, the only true way to attain greatness in poker is to take down Sunday majors, and everyone knows that nobody has ever won a Sunday major without multi accounting.



Lastly, it's best not to out yourself for multi accounting until you're absolutely ready. Doing so preemptively has a way of making you look like a complete fool. When you do out yourself, make sure not to apologize, because nobody will believe you're clearly disingenuous attempt and it will result in even more hatred. It's much better to go out on top, laughing all the way to the bank, just like me. So long fuckers!

Authors note: If you actually thought this was serious then, wow, I suck at sarcasm.