I put in over 4,000 hands on Monday. I rarely do anything like that, but I was feeling the need to work, and I decided to just stay home all day, buckle down, and multitable. Playing mostly 6-max and mixing in HU matches when a good one was available, I came out a small winner. I ran pretty badly (there's a funny stretch in PokerEV where you can see me break even on "Sklansky bucks" for 200 hands and drop something like 5 BI in showdown winngs), but even so, I played my B-C game for the last 1000 hands or so, and I definitely spewed a couple buyins in bad spots. So, running badly or not, I have much work to do.

But I did feel good about the fact that I stuck to it and put in 4000 hands. Not that I plan to do that frequently (and obviously, it's bad to do that if I'm playing my B-C game), but knowing that I'm capable of it when I need to be was a big boost of confidence. (And if I'd quit when my play slipped, I'd have made about 8 BI in 3000 hands, which is a pretty good day, all in all.) It takes a certain amount of mental fortitude, and in the past, I'd certainly questioned whether or not I had it; I feel this represents a big and tangible step in my attempts to become a cash pro.

So I had an idea for a post about the proper mentality to keep while playing poker, and I had an example I wanted to use that involved LaDanian Tomlinson, but after the Chargers lost Sunday while he was on the bench, the public perception of him isn't exactly the one I want to evoke when I talk about staying mentally strong through tough times.

But I'm going to do it anyway. Allow me to cite this Michael Silver article which mentions a speech Tomlinson made in the locker room back when the team was 5-5:

In the players only meeting, which took place five days after the Nov. 18 defeat to the Jaguars, Tomlinson challenged his teammates to become more accountable. The first part of LT's message, according to several players, centered on the widely held views that Turner (as the offensive play-caller) and defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell were hurting the team from a strategic standpoint, especially when compared to popular predecessors Cam Cameron and Wade Phillips. Tomlinson not only acknowledged the complaints, but he also copped to having shared some of the same feelings. That gave him even more credibility when he told his teammates, "It's not about the coaches. Between 1 and 4:15 on Sundays, we're the ones who decide our fate. Don't buy into this 'Norv's not a leader' stuff. If we do that, we're gonna finish 7-9, and we'll be the ones who suffer. This division is there for the taking, and we have to decide right now whether we're going to take it."
(bold emphasis mine)

It's something I've been trying to keep in mind when I get frustrated at a bad run of cards, or start verbally exhibiting my contempt for my opponents (which is horrible and, for various reasons, is strong when I play online; when I play live, it almost never ever happens). And that is: Guess what? I can use a bad run as an excuse for bad play, or I can tilt and blame it on my frustration, but in the end, I'm the one who suffers for it. I'm the one who will continue to have mediocre results and not grow as a player. The money is there for the taking, and I have to decide whether or not I'm going to take it.

That's what being a professional means.

So far the grinding is going well. I need to put in more hours, but I'm playing well and game-selecting well, and as a result I'm up about 3k in the last week despite not putting in enough hours.

Of course, sometimes it's just being in the right place at the right time. Here is a thinly veiled brag on what happens when you find yourself with a player itching to make moves and give his money away.

I've been doing my best to avoid falling into the "2+2 Standard Line" trap. What I mean is, there is a tendency by people on 2+2, particularly in SSNL and MTT, to take certain "standard" lines to avoid giving away information or avoid being "exploitable". The problem with this is that they rarely adapt to their opponents; they don't size their bets in an efficient manner, they don't realize that a 60/5/0.7 checkraising the flop is not the same as a 32/28/5 doing it. They don't consider how their opponents are playing in the moment, instead relying on statistics and standard lines. This is enough to sustain a marginal or even moderate winrate, but it's a style that's full of holes and leaks. Worst of all, they talk themselves into making unnecessary moves convinced people are trying to be tricky with them. They should be worrying more about fundamentals and playing straightforward, maximizing value, instead of trying to be clever.

In the last extended session I played, I pulled up a couple HU tables and a couple 6-max ones. I decided to focus on the HU tables, and only pay attention to the 6-max enough to play my legitimate hands; I decided not to get tricky and see what happened. Despite this, the regulars at my 6-max table didn't adjust. So when I 3-bet for the first time all session having played something like 18/15, they 4-bet light because they're on the button and I'm in the blinds and my reputation says I must be full of shit, right?

So many of the SSNL regulars I play against are obsessed with being as aggressive and tricky as they can. They're more concerned about "outplaying" other regulars than with just flat-out making money. It's a mindset I've dangerously drifted into before and one I've had to keep up some real effort to avoid.

Well, back to the grind for me. BTW, Houston is working out very well so far. I have a great place and plenty of friends here, and my work environment has been ideal.

Even after everything I've done, I have a long way to go, and a lot to do before I really "make it". Today's reminder of that:

My brother and brother-in-law both have wikipedia pages, and I don't.

Hopefully, by the end of 2008, this won't be the case. (Out of merit, not pity, guys.)

Haven't played poker at all this year. I went to Houston for a few days, then Baton Rouge for the BCS Championship Game (Geaux Tigers!) and now I'm in Lake Charles, visiting family (I have three nieces and a nephew under five, and I get to have all the fun with none of-- well, minimal-- responsibility) and hitting a few medical appointments (my family physician and dentist are both here).

I'll be living in Houston for the rest of the month, and it's gonna be grind grind grind (and occasionally play guitar and go out on dates). Once I get back I'll have more to write, both about my play and some ideas I've been kicking around (I always say that-- and I would do something tonight-- but all my material is on my desktop and my regular laptop, which needs repairs). In a couple of days, poker will be #1 priority again, and you'll hear a lot more from me.

So I got hammered yesterday-- mixing in no tournament cashes with a 12-buyin cash downswing. My "big month" that I had anticipated after the 2nd place HU finish and the big Sunday with the few deep runs evaporated; I had something like 27k in tournament cashes, and if I hadn't, I would have gotten stomped badly this month.

Even so, the year ended okay. Making myself focus on cash for a while improved my game in both areas, and even though I kept running into obstacles moving up, I'm confident that with some discipline and care in game selection, I will succeed.

So what does success mean, exactly?

In 2008, I have a few goals both in terms of what I want to have accomplished as a poker player, and how I want to approach the game.

In terms of how I want to approach the game, I think it can be best summarized in these two words:
Be Professional.

That means it's time for me to approach poker like a job, not a hobby. It means approaching poker as though my goal is to make the most money possible (and subsequently hold onto it), not just to have fun while getting by. That entails a few things:

Discipline. Discipline shows up everywhere in the game. It's in keeping a tight rein on your game selection-- not playing in tough games, not playing for reasons of ego. It's in mental state-- having the discipline to keep yourself from tilting and playing badly. Having the mental courage to admit to yourself when you are playing badly, and to quit. When the games are good are you're running bad, you can't let yourself go on tilt just because it will soothe your ego. You have to maintain control, settle back down, and play your best. Good games don't come around often enough that you can afford to behave like a diva when they do.

It means treating your bankroll like it's the tool of your trade. It is what allows you to making a living and to take shots and good games when they arise. It means not being frivolous with it, either in expenditures or by gambling it away.

I spent a lot of time in the first half of 2007 playing in games I shouldn't have, playing out of my roll and skill level, gambling too much, traveling too much. I had lost the focus and drive that made me a winner to begin with. And instead of working on my game and playing at a high level, I was just donking around, assuming it would all work out because I'm just that good.

Of course, as soon as you start assuming you're just that good, you immediately stop doing the things that made you that good. I stopped doing the little things that gave me edges in games. I wasn't fighting for pots enough, and when I was, I wasn't attentive to the situation at all-- I simply would shove it in, because, well, that's what I do, and I'm so crazy, I gotta maintain my rep, right? I was making plays because I felt like it, not because they were the right play. I had stopped playing like a winner-- and instead I was playing like, well, like a whiny prima donna who thought that since he "made it", he could do whatever he wanted and still win.

And in a certain sense, that's true-- even my mediocre play is good enough to beat some games, and to beat tournaments at a marginal ROI. But that isn't enough for me. I'm too talented for that, and it would be a waste and a travesty to coast on that.

That clicked with me only recently: I finally decided that having the capability to do great things wasn't enough anymore. Forget for a second what I might be able to give back or what other people think: I owe it to myself to push myself and see how great I can become. I won't be fulfilled if I don't test myself to the limit, if I don't try to succeed on the biggest stages possible. I don't ever want to wonder what might have been, in poker or in life.

So as you may have guessed, 2007 was not my best year. Despite my tournament successes, I blew money in games and in ways I shouldn't have. It was only well into the year, after a disastrous trip to Turning Stone in August, that I realized my current lifestyle and method of playing and exhibiting game selection (i.e. "traveling all the time", "when i felt like it", and "not at all") were not sustainable. So I tightened ship, settled down, and decided to actually focus on playing well and playing in optimal conditions and getting better. I'm still not where I want to be, but I feel like my game is moving in the right direction, the last two days notwithstanding.

So what's in store for 2008?

I intend to keep grinding online cash. I feel like I'm not meeting my potential, though, and I'm not sure what exactly I'm missing. My head is probably clouded with bad ideas. I have trouble maintaining the discipline needed to play well; I play well for short bursts and stretches but eventually get sloppy and lazy and let bad habits set in. I need to correct this.

I may also play some live tournaments. The feasibility of this is very much in the air, but I have some personal and financial goals for this year that a good run in a tournament could help take care of. I feel like I'm too good to pass up on them, even though I'm trying to stay focused on cash.

It's hard to be more specific about goals than that. I have ideas about where I want to be come the WSOP, and ideas about how I want to get there. But I have to be good enough and run well enough to make them happen, so there's no point in outlying a plan that doesn't have much flexibility.

Anyway, the word for 2008 is Professional. If I prepare myself properly and take care of myself and stay disciplined in bankroll management, game selection, and mental state, the rest will take care of itself.